Beccy03

thankyou j's mum

hi, i dont often post but was hoping for a little experienced advice my 11 yr old with aspergers (girl) has recently started to seem uncomfortable walking.she seems stiff upon waking and lacks co-ordination sometimes. could it be related to the asd? or something totally seperate? to do with growing even? im going to take her to out GP but wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar , thankyou .

thanks for that reply. my daugter is only 10 and a half but looks and acts (in some ways) much the same as my 14 year old. we are not big swearers in this house and i think its the POWER of the language that she likes. i am also frequently called a child abuser etc. she is physically just starting puberty and i know that wont help but its pretty bad when she kicks off. we had to do a charity thing yesterday and although adamant she wouldnt come with me, once we were there she was really good and quite sociable too. then people cant understand what i mean when i say i have struggled today , yet again, she has refused school and im just about to risk life and limb by initiating some structured learning...wish me luck!

yes shes a control freak but its part of her OCD i think! she had the worst breakdown ever this morning as i was late for something important and she wouldnt leave the house. we got her out in the end and she had a couple of pretty bad panics in the car but also kept saying how i 'got my own way'.....ermmmm yes...im the parent!! she was fine after an hour or so , but getting to the stage where she comes around is never easy. we often dont get there at all.

i do try to talk about these things when she is calm but unfortunately it gets forgotten in the heat of the moment! she actually went back to sleep for a bit and woke up calmer but quite depressed. she has refused to dress or leave the house today so i havent even been able to walk the dogs. its days like these that remind me to fill in the dla forms! she just had her favourite salmon for tea and is smling now so thats good at least. she is SO having an epsom salts bath tonight! LOL sally44- its quite reassuring to hear that your son considers his actions and is remorseful after saying hurtful things. i hope we can get to that stage too.

get me somethiing! you ****ing fat B**** get me some breakfast NOW *screams loudly* oh for ****s sake get it now, oh you cant be bothered can you you ****ing idiot (this went on for about 30 seconds or so) i reply "just be patient let me get something for you but dont shout at me like that or you wont get anything" She replies F*** OFF!!!!!! wallops me and returns to bed. i then crawl out of bed and contemplate the type of day it looks like we are going to have. anybody else start their weekend like this? shes not that horrible all the time but its kind of 50-50 when she wakes up what we are gonna get. dont worry this is a ligt hearted post im used to her out bursts just looking for someone else whos going to get a headache today

thanks. we are awaiting a full assessment for the aspergers but are on a waiting list. school can clarify the dx for dyslexia but only if she is in school which at the moment she isnt. i wonder if paying privately for a diagnosis would help? i just cant carry on like this for another 6 months let alone the 2 years we have been told we will wait for assesment. our local CAMHS have been seeing her regularly and say she has AS but she has been refered to another agency for a full assesment- its them we are waiting for. Autism outreach have bumped her up the list so to speak so they can help her in school but its no good if i cant get her there. i really doubt that a residential option would be right for us even though its a 24 hour job looking after her with lots of difficulties and often abuse - i just dont think any of us would like to break the family up like that. total respect to those who have chosen that option though. we would consider a more appropriate school environment but that would mean travelling and she is quite afraid of travelling in the car with us i certainly dont think she could get in the car or on a bus with a stranger and we are not able to transport her on a daily basis. i dont drive and hub goes to work in our car. im not trying to be difficult btw im just clarifying our situation <'> im a bit of a hippy at heart i think- we like to grow veggies, keep chuckies and go on wildlife walks etc, i have an interest in the arts and creative projects and my husband is quite academic as is our eldest daughter so im sure we could do what is required- its just such a 'biggie' and just because im a bit compulsive i need to add a ninja turtle because thats just so cool sorry oh well gotta have a sense of humour. thanks for all the comments so far. x

My daughter has been refusing school for 6 months now and has only been in erratically for odd days here and there. Her biggest problems are social and emotional ones although there are some significant learning problems. She hasnt yet recieved formal diagnosis and is not statemented but is believed to have aspergers and be dyslexic also. School have been very understanding and accomodating and recently it was agreeded that she should attend school for one hour per day and do work at home set by school. Sadly we are unable to keep this up as the distress at getting to school each day is ending in tears and tantrums and ultimately she doesnt make it there. she is then also not in a fit state mentally to co-operate and study at home. I am more and more leaning towards the idea of de-registering even though there is ongoing help and support for us. I feel very strongly as a mother that i dont want to see her go through so much trauma and it is also having an effect on the whole family. My instincts just say this is all wrong. However, all of our family and friends including my best friend and my husband and parents and parents in law would all oppose baking out of formal education and frankly im scared of being responsible for this decision. What can anybody advise? My daughter is 10.

have been trying epsom salts in my d's bath for almost a week now and i swear she is calmer........will let you know in another week or two how we get on............

i agree about not adding wet stuff (ie butter milk cream) to the potatoes until thoroughly dry mashed. then add xtras and beat with wooden spoon. best potatoes i agree are red skinned. desiree or rooster are great

we are at crisis pint and im thinking of deregistering. we are also having financial difficulty and im worried about how we will cope. can you claim DLA for everyday stuff even when you are home ed or will we be totally 'on our own' as regards the costs of raising our daughter? i know that living and education are totally seperate but i wondered if taking her out of the system would mean losing other help aswell? can we also still access CAMHS and other resources with that being health related?

hi thanks for the replies. i rang ss today but they seem to think we have plenty going on already....they are going to ring back though.... also spoke to a local disability co ordinator who sounds helpful. doesnt look like there are any facilities in our own town though sadly. CASDAS is communication and social development assessment service and is a staffordshire thing. it is that service which has a long waiting list. the dyslexia diagnosis should in theory be easier to obtain but im having to chase it continually. i will ask school senco about statementing. have asked before and they didnt see that there was much point..or they just didnt want to. shes does have an IEP she is on school action plus.

My 10yr old daughter has problems with behaviour, learning difficulties, anxiety, depression, OCD and social/communication difficulties. we have been told by CAMHS that it is their opinion that she has AS and she has been refered to CASDAS for further assessment. She is on school action plus and has qualified for help from autism outreach although that hasnt started yet. she will be getting ongoing help from camhs for the anxiety and although she has been taught as dyslexic for a couple of years we are now pushing for a formal diagnosis. the school SEN is agreed on this. we suffer terribly with her fears and tantrums at home, she refuses school at least a couple of days a week if not more, and the lives of my 2 other children are being badly affected atm, also of course our marriage... both my other children have symptoms of OCD but i have not pursued it at this stage but life is complicated at home sometimes. my daughter is very controlling and shopping travelling holidays etc are difficult. made worse by the fact i dont drive. (although my husband does) i dont currently work and i cant see that happenning anytime soon either. she is struggling badly with literacy but i cant find a dyslexia friendly tutor around here and if i did i couldnt afford it anyway. we have been told that a formal diagnosis of aspergers may take up to 2 years (!) are we in a position to ask for financial help/ social services help/ respite etc? or do we have to wait for the formal diagnosis? im not sure i can take 2 more years of coping alone and she is of course getting older all the time. what are your experiences? i welcome all advice. thankyou

THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE REPLIES. sorry caps lock on i am not overly concerned with getting a diagnosis- just more to get him to see that he has some behaviour which is similar to our childrens and see that he is sometimes challenging for me as much as the children are. I am not perfect myself i have had major problems with anxiety and depression in the past. Im pretty okay atm which is a blumming good job considering! We are in the main very happy family BUT we need to stop some of the everyday stresses and strains being exaggerated and causing extra pressure and upset for us all. my husband cares for me and supports me when i am not feeling so good. we allow eachother the freedom to do things in life which we want to- even if we do not see eye to eye on them. anyway i will drop this subject for now- in a lot of ways it has been reassuring enough for me to hear other people say that they see where i am coming from. we have reached crisis point within our family in recent times and we are still all very much together and that is what counts.i could be very cheeeeesy indeed and say love can conquer all but i will just say thatwe are realists and we do indeed have a lot of love between us all. We are family. <'>

well my daughter has just been dx with AS. we have had years of problems. my 2 other kids are fine in most respects but both display symptoms of OCD. i havent asked for any help with them yet though. The thing is my hubby is a little bit eccentric (to say the least) and now after my daughters diagnosis i feel almost certain that he has it too. he is 45 though and sees himself as very intelligent and is insulted that i imagine there could be any problem with his behaviour. do i tackle it? or carry on as i have for the last 15 years we have been together...just ignoring and coping with it? he is a collector of certain things (model cars, film memorabillia etc) he has a vast knowledge of cars... he has maybe 1000 vids/dvds and countless books he can recognise a car just by looking at a small peice of the body or a dial or something. he seriously lacks social skills. my family find him rude and ignorant. he says hurtful things to me sometimes- not insults, just lacking in tact. when i point this out he will be very hurt and upset as he loves me so much. he is obsessive about cleaning his car he will dust the dashboard with his special little duster even while he is driving he has a degree in financial type stuff and is highly intelligent but works nights in a solitary job as he dislikes pressure, ambition and working with people. he has never broken the law, does not drink, smoke, and has a very very developed sense of morals. he is honest to a fault. he talks incessantly about the same subjects over and over again , especially monetary things , and doesnt stop even when he knows hes doing it. even the kids ask him to shut up sometimes or say hes giving them a headache. i love my man but living with him is very hard. everyone knows he is 'different' or 'eccentric' but he cannot see anything wrong. his parents cannot either so it would be useless and pointless to run this by them. im about to start tackling my daughters problems head on now we have a diagnosis but i feel it would be helpful for us all if he could see the same traits within himself. what do i do? there are many other things too- for example i believe he is dyslexic- but i feel bad enough writing all this down.......