baranigirl

Well done Paula, hope he made it home safe

Thanks BD, I could see what you meant in your original post As I typed that I kind of hit those conclusions too (about myself), in fact I have discovered an awful lot about myself in the past year! Today she broke down at her girls brigade enrollment, she said without any prompting it was too many people and the singing she didn't like. Am not overly concerned about her not eating per se, as she eats for England usually and going without lunch isn't going to harm her, but it will harm my fridge budget LOL! The inconsistent timetable is definitely the key and I bought this up with the school in May when they announced it, I have also completed a survey asking what we thought of the new system :whistle: Keep your fingers crossed she starts coping better this week

AM also confuddled lol My oldest is almost 17 and gets EMA around £90 / month and has a parttime job which gives her another £200/month this is her money as she is still in fulltime education (hence receiving EMA) I have told her once she leaves fulltime education she will need to pay me 25% of her income to cover food and board and I hope that will also cover the drop in TC at the same time, but all the time she is educated the money is hers! Personally I feel your DD needs to experience managing her income and unless she is likely to hand it out to passing strangers she will get there. BTW My DD spends hers like water and as she will be learning to drive soon she seems to think we are buying her a car and paying for the lessons, I think turning 17 is gonna be a huge shock to her as we have told her time over time we are NOT buying her a car like her mates parents and we will pay HALF her driving lessons as her birthday and christmas present this year she needs to fund the rest herself...

Thank you for these replies, they are very interesting and some differences too Baddad let me reply to your suggestions and ideas first Other situations with similar noise - We rarely take her anywhere because she cannot keep still and I find it too stressful, she asked to leave toddler group if the numbers got too big and the noise level was too high, sometimes after only a few minutes of arriving. I made sure we got there first so the noise built up around her somewhat and that did mean she got longer to play as I did find walking into the hubbub meant we had to leave almost immediately. She would not let up about leaving, therefore there was no enjoyment for her or myself and it was her younger brother who missed out. Not sure about somewhere like Disneyland etc as again we have never been to many places like that and out of MY choice I only visit these type of places during term time and on grotty days as I cannot stand crowds myself. She has been to Legoland once a couple of years ago and that wasn't horrendous, but we had free tickets from a previous visit with my older children and snow cancelling the rides, so if we dod need to leave it wasn't going to be a problem (I have paid you are staying type thing) She asked to leave her own party this year and sat in the corner under the table with her coat on for a good 30 minutes and only came out when the children started to leave, other parties are difficult to weigh up as she has only been to a couple, one at build-a bear, she found that great, around 6 kids and then an allocated space at MacDonalds after - perfect for her. The rest have been in peoples homes so once again quieter and more manageable. The only parties we have had at home have been her brothers, but there is the garden to use as it is summer. The older 2 go out with their mates to celebrate and have long outgrown parties. Swimming - she is having 1:1 lessons, partly because she has no fear of water (the instructor is worried she is going to do something silly and he has many many years experience) and partly because the noise level would be too high in a usual lesson where I work, meaning I would be paying out for her to muck about and possibly spoil the lesson the the other children. Luckily the instructor is a friend as well made through work and we got a good deal on the price Not sure about the learned behaviour, she does behave an awful lot like her Dad, and yes that is in my mind she maybe re-enacting some of his behaviours, but nobody has a hangup about their body shapes here, we are all accepting of what we are and dieting isn't a word we use in this house! She will go to school everyday, even if slightly under the weather, same as my older 2 have done. The school can call me if they feel she is too poorly to attend and the only time off she will have is through D&V and things like that iyswim I think that covers most things Sally answers to your questions She hasn't seen a SALT yet, just the paed in the summer who has referred her to the SALT. No idea when that will happen or where they will assess her, I am hoping it will be in a usual environment like school School dinners (which she has) are in the small dining hall with yr1 as well as reception. Pack ups go into the main dining hall and the same process, but as less children eat school dinners (16 from reception) it is much quieter in the school dinners hall and she is very used to eating meals away from home as she did this at daycare (breakfast, lunch and dinner) No point speaking to the SENCO at the school, she is next to useless and I know this from experience my 11 year old had her as a teacher in year4 and it was a pointless year, she learned nothing as did the rest of the class and those who did have SEN were stoood on tables and made fools of if they did their work wrong (as were those without SEN too). She herself has a daughter with severe dyspraxia and unless you are worse than her daughter you are fine and this is what she openly tells you are a parent! Yet she is still allowed to teach and be the SENCO at the school... Justine - The school drew out the process over 4 weeks giving the parents no choice over how it was mananged and I believe this has been the starting of her problems as each week there was a change. Had she started fulltime straight away, yes she maybe having the lunchtime issues as well, but the whole integration for her would have been simplified and more on a par to daycare she was already attending. My work committments were put on hold for these 4 weeks and we are now suffering financiially as a result, but I had to be around for her to ensure she was coming and going from school fine. All round it would have been better to start fulltime and be done with it, the system they used is too cotton wool like and fluffy for me! Overall I am going to 'see' how we go for a few more days, try a bit of bribery with a reward chart of some description (not that she has liked this on previous attempts) continue with my supernanny no nonsense approach (why change a habit of a lifetime) and fingers crossed it will be the blip I am hoping it is, oh we have stopped asking her about it anyways, same thing about her pooping in her nappy at night time, have stopped asking her not to do it and just clean her up each morning. I can't see her being 15 and still doing it

DD (4.5yrs) not dx with anything yet, possibly may not be, but is waiting to see a SALT and the paed again. Started school 4 weeks ago and it was a long dragged out process (a nightmare for working parents as much as anything else) week 1 - 9-11 with half the class, the other half did 1-3 and DD was down for the 1-3 session, but I had that changed to keep structure for her the same Week 2 - 9-12 with the entire class Week 3 - 9-1.15 including stopping for lunch (DD chose school lunches) Week 4 - 9-3 full time day Weeks 1 to 3 went well, I made her a visual timetable and although she didn't like the fact she couldn't stay for lunch weeks 1 and 2 she understood the timetable very well! Week 4 started well, Thursday the teacher asked to speak to me, DD hasn't eaten anything at lunch for 2 days, no-one could get out of her why (she loves her food) and it explained to me why she had been coming home starved Took her home and without putting words into her mouth she has told us there are too many people at school, too much noise in the classroom (I think 25 kids) and playground (50 kids) and the dinner hall is unbearable (120 kids). Friday she refused to go to school and I gave her the choice of going in her Pj's or school clothes and after a good half hour she decided I was being serious and chose her school clothes (yes I would have taken her in her PJ's) I can't be having this battle every morning! She has told me she will do her homework and stay home as she doesn't need to show her teacher her good work as she isn't going to school anymore She has really looked forward to starting school and I am hoping this is just a little blip on her part, however I wonder if her reaction (crying and unable to stop herself crying and tantrumming) is some kind of sensory overload? Her teacher and the dinner ladies are lost as to what to do and I have given them the strategies we use at home when she goes into this kind of emotional behavior (super nanny stuff tbh), she is super quiet in the classroom (something she is not anywhere else) Is there anything else we can suggest as I don't want her to be 'picked out' as different and I really don't know if she has a problem, or traits of AS etc. which will show up in situations like the above? The only thing I can think of is they let her go to dinner 5 mins before the others (during their lining up time) so she can get settled and have eaten something before the hubbub gets too bad, but I realise this is going to be awkward for the school to manage Any advice would be greatly appreciated, but as said previously I really hope it is just a blip and next week she will be fine

Big hugs Ann Matt's instinct is to run from problems as well and I have also told him if he runs, he can stay away as I am not picking up the pieces time after time. For now he is doing ok and hasn't run for a long time or even talked about it. I know what a strain that has on a relationship and the trust stuff involved. You know where I am if you wanna chat xx

Great news all round hun x

cool, love it although I did think I was on a different forum that I use for a moment!

well done thats fantastic

thanks guys, am hoping time will improve her and no dx necessary, but I am pleased we have the ball rolling here, just in case there is something to it all, hopefully the SALT will see her at home and at school and see the 2 sides to her xx

Not sure what the outcome is tbh as DD3 showed passive behaviour the entire visit, she was asked to do some games and draw a picture, but the paed missed some of the picture parts when asking her to describe what she had drawn (added boobies and male parts) we did discuss her obsessions with Tom and Jerry, routine and food, but both were dismissed by the paed, I feel I didn't explain them properly as everything was being jumped about during the discussions. The paed said several times she is only 4 and then asked her to complete a matching pictures to words type of puzzle and was getting frustrated with her when she wasn't reading the words, but we had already discussed her only recognising 3 letters of the alphabet! All she did instead (DD) was to try and match the shapes of the gap by methodically going through every card to find the right one and keep them stacked up on top of each other. Paed says she feels it is likely to be developmental which is fine and she will be seen again in 6 months and also by a SALT at some point before a firm dx or no dx is made. I am thoroughly exhausted by the whole thing today.

Happy birthday Justine, another 1969 baby and a LEO too Hope you have had a good day and Dan is feeling much better x

oh no! I hope Dan is better soon and its a shame about your holipops xx

woohoo!

Thanks Puffin, I can see where you are coming from there, sadly ** didn't come in today, so although the day was easier to managee I am sad ** didn't show up as it is good social mixing for ** The 1:1 is not trained as none was requested originally by the family, so basically just a playworker been brought down to assist as a support worker with little knowledge or experience with AS etc. The 1:1 was asked to sit with ** and see what activities ** wanted to do during the day to give the day structure, but ** wasn't interested in doing any activities at all or talking about the activities ** would like to do, which can be organised for the following day most of the time. It is extremely difficult to 'build in' chill out activites as the whole room is free flow for the children and although there is a quiet mat (with books) and the children have been explained they sit there when thy want to be left alone (** eyes lit up when this was explained) and board games as well as sewing, knitting, colouring etc, the other children are quite an exciteable lot and they are all at school together and a very close knit community - thus meaning the other children are led away from ** but often ** will follow them or be wound up by them. Yesterday the 1:1 saw the overload coming when the group was outside playing a team game (yes ** also played for 45 mins which was fantastic!) so ** was taken inside with me and the 1:1 and played checkers for 20 mins or so before the rest came in, sadly the group has to be all in or all out of the hall at anyone time due to staffing numbers, we can manage a group split for around 20 minutes as I need to be working with all the children rather just a few in or out and none of the others have experiences with AS etc.