Sharn

I meant to say that when school says they can't meet needs, thats your ticket to find appropriately provision, dont just accept what they offer. They will offer cheapest option. You know your child, find best provision and evidence why others arent appropriate. Nothing s perfect but some are a thousand times better than others. It sounds massive but is worth it when ur child is more stable.

Hi I have had similar situations and I wonder how old your son is? It took me until my daughter was 15 to get appropriate provision for her and do not accept accusations from ss as they and LEA are trying to protect their budgets. Find out as much as u can about the law and get a solicitor if u can afford. I managed to do it on my own, but u have to evidence why each educational establishment cannot meet needs. It is worth it. Look anywhere in the country as u have to, but there is more choice for boys. U have to fight all the way and the 'so called professionals' will think its your fault even though, like mine, ur child may have had it from birth. Don't trust authorities or social services, get legal advice and fight for u son's needs to be met. Soley focus on that and u will get there. Let me know what happens Kind regards Sharn

I really feel for you Pollyana, I know what you are going through , as I am a single parent but ive had it the other way round my daughter has asd,adhd,odd etc etc I think pda, but has been very violent to me and her older brother and totally competitive all the time. Talks overeveryone including son. My daughter 13 son 14. Now he is reclusive,stays in room and has nothing to do with her,says he hates her. When I go up to see him she follows me . I ve tryed putting lock on his door, so he can lock her out, but she would bang door down and also run in his room lock herself in and not let him in. That didnt work!! I have tryed to get help and councilling for him, no one wants to no.My son seems to have developed eating disorder now . Not at all surprised life is far too stressful in this hs. I would try and get residential sch if you could. I have tryed but not untill school broken down would lea consider. Basically I have tryed every stratergy,but due to odd or pda nothing works and individuals are targetted. It breaks my heart what my son been through. I have done everything but as a single parent things are double as hard as you dont have another person to take one off, or police the sanction, so as it is you police the sanction and constant opposition etc and the other child has to keep out the way to be safe, its no way to live . I feel torn . Can I ask is he on meds as A is on sertraline for anxiety, but has had meds with bad side effects, one was strattera which defo made her more violent and suicidal, but also when she was off meds due to bad heads , she was incredibly violent. So meds defo worth looking into. Hope things improve x

What a nightmere isnt it. You seem to be vertually at same stage as me. That sounds ridiculous despite their best efforts unable to meet academic needs!! I am looking over the whole country and v difficult to find something for girls who are acedemically able and have PDA . I dont think any option but to residential, but some are weekly and they come home weekend. I cant meet my daughters needs at home anymore anyway as much as I love her, she is 13 and I cant get her to do anything now.Whats your d primary diagnosis ? Or is she like mine many, so aspergers school saying she too oppositional.But am going to look at another one come sep and BSED sch with asd cus we are so limited for choice and she cant go where none of the children are at a similar level. BSED sch worry me but my d needs a gentler approach to her and non confrontational, so im just gunna take each as individual sch and ask right questions etc.I think I only have about 4 schools over whole country,but none seem at all perfect but , and have realised this . Just wanna find the best i can . With all your concerns and very valid ones I dont think you should go with LEA sch . Dont we just get so oo fed up with fighting !! Its so wrong I think when weve got some energy for something other than our kids we should very proffessionally lobby parliment or what ever you do, because big groups have more of an impact than individuals. Anyway good luck re sep, sch visits I be doing the same. Where du live and how old your d , ours could end up in same school ! xx

Hi my daughter on sertraline 150 per day. Defo helps with her anxiety also her tics are bit better i think. Keeps her calmer as she has ADHD two . We have tryed 7 meds sertraline seems quite good but everyone different.

Really sorry to hear you having such a rough time. I agree you must see GP or psych if you got one ,get reffered if not. I understand you feel you cannot do it yourself, you need your mum or an advocate to take you. Im not sure your seeing things straight and bi polar is a possibility or depsession but you need meds urgently in my opinion. I know how hard it is to get the help you need,but get your mum to make them listen . Hope you get some help totally understand how desperate you feel.

HI mainstream has been a complete nightmere for us. My daughter13 and if i could of got her into a specialist school at beginning I would of. Finally school broken down for second time and this school say they can not educate A . I have not been able to work for 13 yrs constantly supporting sch on phone in meetings and supporting daughter due to massive anxiety.You are lucky in that there are more schools for boys, hardly any for girls. I think if you have the choice go look at AS schools. I am now looking round whole country and unable to find right thing at mo and my daughter out of school again.Get statement of special needs,you can request,appeal if declined,dont think people working in your favour, all about funding and budgets.get independent advice. I would never want anyone to go through what we have been through . Infant school is more able to cope but junior and senior , so many staff someone always says the wrong thing and meltdown again. Need specialist staff who understand and like our children.My daughter got to the point of strangling herself at school she was so stressed as they were all ignoring her trying to see if that worked, clearly it didnt ! My daughter has v high IQ two,but sadly unable to assess education at mo.

Hi I would say very unlikely to be PCOS , I have it and enjoy relationships . The touch thing is common with AS and hypersensitivity ,some people hate solf touch or sudden touch, but ok with firm touch .Could you speak to your specialist? Hope you get some answers.

Thanx Guys for helpful advice. We didnt get to my daughter visit the school, they came to us and said they couldnt work with a child with such oppositional and controlling behavior ,but on that day she was chatting to them v keen to be back into school, but argumentitive with me but not bad for her!! Then suddenly they rang and said 2 kids same yr group just got funded,no place for A. I asked if they would have taken her anyway, they said she was v odd and didnt think AS her primary diagnosis,and would have had to do a lot more note reading and talking to proffessionals , but my impression was no. They also made a comment about her sleep disorder which may be a problem and said our children go to bed at 9, but they have waking night staff !!! This comment made my daughter anxious as she doesnt want to not switch off and sleep!! She sleeps better than she ever has now.What is SALT? Prob know it but wanna check.Anyone heard of Springfields Academy? LEA meeting yesturday they are naming it , in wiltshire. LEA have said I gotta insist to social services for core assessment as they now acknoledge A needs residential, but funding issue !!! I will visit sch when reopen sep . As regards to meds Trexster she is on her 7 th med sinse 6 yr old. I agree some meds do have bad effects ie one made her suisidal,and very violent.But she on sertraline now for anxiety and defo helps.We have tryed being off meds and we broke down,it is impossible,she destroys herself and me .As far as food and additives etc i took her off all at 18 months old did make massive difference to hyperactivity and mood but dont seem to effect her now she 13 and v big for her age.But I would urge anyone with ADHD kids to remove additives from diet. MP a possibility,will see how I get on with funding. Tarfara I agree about getting in a stable frame of mind to be able to learn. You want everything for your child, well education and stable mental health would be a good start !! But the more I look at specialist schools the more I realise that the perfect senario dont exist !! Our children dont even fit in the box of special schools, how did that happen, who makes these silly rules ?! Just to say I know we are having a rough time but on the possitive side A has some outstanding tallents,ie amazing singer, good actor, amazing story writter, very artistic,and a very clever fast mind, So its not all bad, I just dont fit into her world !!!

Im in similar situation, looking for appropriate school anywhere but strugling big time to find sch for intelligent girl with all her complex needs. I believe A has PDA as well,doesnt seem to fit into As school either.Which schools have you found which you think may be ok?

Im in similar situation, looking for appropriate school anywhere but strugling big time to find sch for intelligent girl with all her complex needs. I believe A has PDA as well,doesnt seem to fit into As school either.Which schools have you found which you think may be ok?

I dread it when my daughter has to have antibiotics, she gets very agitated and manic,think if you ask GP they can give you ones without colour and sweetners, but I think it the antibiotics themselves.Could try a different antibiotic,but we have and think we had same reactions. Hope you feel better soon.

This really helps me reading your posts guys as my daughter does those kind of things,like opera singing extremley loadly! But not just at home!! Spinning on bottom over and over, rolly polly (cant spell) ! Laughing in very exagerated way and screaming or crying for hours at a time.Then straight after singing again like nothing happened . Meanwhile im still recovering from meltdown . It helps me to understand more and nice it not just us going through all this stuff.

Hi Tafara, can you tell me what sch your son goes to. Thanx for possitive comments everyone, and school info, looked those up but my daughter very high IQ and dont fit into mld or sld. Very hard finding right thing for girls. I agree about comment Sazale about holding behaviour together in some places . I used to find that too and felt I was going insane. Have looked through 100 schools on list Grateley sent me and only 1 possible ie for behaviour and asd, mixed in cumbria weekly though feel we need termly or more.Any one no about edan grove priory school ? The LEA haved also named an all girls childrens home 1 hour from us for girls who have been abused, abandoned etc.They are suguesting it as a day placement. I ve written to say why it not an apropriate placement,but now aspergers school backed out they are suguesting it again. I realise now that i dont think she would fit into aspergers school now as their aproach rigid and routine and she fights against that aproach every time.Oh by the way my daughter always been loved and nurtured and never been abused or anything. They are looking at the behaviour not the underlying development disorder. Parent partnership lady told me to arrange informal meeting just me her and top LEA lady as not met this lady only 2 under her, so she dont no our case 2 well. But at what point do i need solicitor. As this woman saying we want to keep our girls in area, which is all very well but there is no where appropriate and she dont have to live with her, we are at breaking point.I keep being asked by Lea if social services involved i keep asking them they say no. But i dont no weather to insist so i might get residential.But PP lady said i should wait incase they offer a pathetic couple of hours a week then lea say were fine out of school hours. Any advice pls??? Thanx

My daughter fits every thing on the list for PDA except passive baby.I have always had to use a gentler non confronting aproach with her as none of the ADHD or ASD ideas have worked.I do think there has got to be something in this as a seperate diagnosis.From what ive read on ODD so called profesionals say it can be caused by parents not giving possitive reinforcement etc well I have been v possitive etc etc but my daughter was like it from birth totally oppositional all the way through on everything even things she likes. Anxiety definately plays a massive role.I think PDA and ODD and ADHD are definate conditions but the problem we have is that there are behaviours that present due to bad or lack of parenting that are similar behaviours. Professionals and society lump them together,like when they used to say autism was caused by depressed or switched off mums, which we know is rubbish. People used to say load of rubbish about additives in food and hyperactivity and when i took my daughter off them at 18 months people thought i was weird, but it definately made a difference, and now research confirms that. I think if you have a diagnosis of ASD you dont need to worry do I have PDA , its only the people who feel ASD dont fit and not primary diagnosis and opposition to the extreme.I agree some of it fits both but no one wants this, but sometimes you need to know what it is for your own sanity.