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Booze Zombie

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    2
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About Booze Zombie

  • Rank
    Norfolk Broads
  • Birthday 02/06/1990

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Wales
  1. Thanking you for that response, it is very encouraging to hear other people's experiences, how they function, what they do to get through life just fine. The thing that struck me the most was your comment about being on the fast track to learning, I have noticed I'm very quick on the uptake but there appears to be a vital flaw in my... me. I am learning quickly, I am noticing a lot of things and I'm most certainly not stupid but... it occured to me very recently that a lot of my problems are related to confusion. I can't seem to remember all of the important things, it's like my mind has become apathetic and doesn't want to bother retaining rules it thinks will become outmoded in a day or a week or a minute, so it just discards them as useless. Oh. I'm expecting failure, yeah... that actually explains a lot. Definately need to give myself a reprogramming, get some more focused thinking going on. As you said, nothing wrong with writing a lot. It's normally very insightful. You're right, we live an observational life and I think the biggest challenge is learning to accept that not being able to turn off, it's like being the main internet connection to a super computer, you're observing the world. But it can be fun if you learn how to process it constructively, I feel. That's actually why I had tried drugs in my life, spiritual enlightenment notions and such! A valid observation, I'd dare say I was drunk and nervous and just trying to impress. I enjoy having a blunt opinion on things, it's refreshing. Thanks. Hit the nail on the head there, ha, ha! Thanks for the input!
  2. Hi there, all, Booze Zombie here making his first post. For reference here, I'm 23, male and have Asperger's Syndrome. Now, what I wanted to talk about here was something of a recurring problem in my life. It *seems* to follow a set pattern. Be happy, meet new people, be happy about meeting those new people, turns out I did something "weird" (like lose my temper, get drunk way before they do, talk about recreational drugs in a casual context, etc) and then those people will think I'm: A loose cannon, weird, creepy or just a plain ol' jackass. The issue I'm having is, it all seems to stem from some silly sense of... I don't understand why they'd think that and unable to ID the issue, I go nuts. I blame myself, it's very melodramatic. "Oh woe is me, I am literally so rubbish people hate me and I cannot escape that. Hu-wah." You know, stuff like that. I feel trapped in myself and during one of these big ol' fits of feeling terrible about being who I am, I sorta hit a thought. My problems all appear to stem from being self-centered. I seem to think from me about others, about me, about the world. When someone's upset, I go "what can I do". When someone doesn't like me, I think "what did I do, what can I do, what will I do, how did I come off". I believe myself to be so self-contained that when someone shakes up what I believe or think I know, it's so alien to me as to panic me. To give a relatively recent grounding to this, I recently went to a friend's Uni accomodation, met her flatmates, got drunk at 3PM and revealed an aspect of my past involving drug use. I later had an emotional issue with this friend with my own controlling behaviour (over a social networking site), due to their changing from regular contact to non-regular contact due to a now active social life in uni, after this point, I found out that I had left a negative impression with those people I met. My occasional nickname was "that creepy guy" amongst them, apparently. My drinking style, my admitance of drug use and my later emotional overreactivity due to rapid change of a comfortable habit with my friend had made a negative impression with those people due to their knowledge of it all. I found myself reacting to this information quite strongly. I smashed my hand into my keyboard and cried myself to sleep that night, I thought about how very terrible it was that I appeared to be so incredibly bad at interacting with people and how people seem to truly not like me very much. That was the order of events. All that taken into account, I am just spilling this out here in an attempt to gain some understanding of myself and perhaps see if anyone else out there has similar or perhaps even identical experiences. Thank you for reading, though apologies about the amount of writing.
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