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Lessa

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About Lessa

  • Rank
    Norfolk Broads

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Chelmsford area
  • Interests
    photography, reading, studying, the piano, classical music, languages and grammar in particular, psychology
  1. It always bothered me that a woman took males as heroes though. She should have put girls in a more central role, in my opinion. That has always been a point of criticism. And to be honest, he is not really appealing as a boy/man in a traditional sense. I thought he was often very aggressive and unbalanced. In the books, anyway. The films have a more positive view on him, I find. If the layers are subconscious, it's a little sad and disappointing. But probably very typical for a lot of people who live a life without realising how manipulated they are by society. By the way, I don't understand above website at all, what's the use and aim of it?
  2. I believe one reason that it is so very popular that after the fourth book or so Rowling addressed an older age group and I thought it wasn't at all for children anymore. The ideas were clearly taken from the holocaust of the WWII and the persecution that took place. It made me cry so many times reading about the people who disappeared, hid in the forests, were found and killed, survived etc. I thought the theme was depressing albeit interesting and fascinating. Rowling seems to me rather a pessimist sort of person with a lot of underlying criticism in her books re society. Let's think of the Order if the Phoenix and the meddling of the ministry into Hogwarts, clearly a hint at OFSTED in schools. Or at least it can be interpreted this way. I couldn't stand the book, I thought Umbridge so nasty and cruel that it took me effort to get through this. I loved, on the other hand, the Goblet of Fire as I found it intriguingly creative and original and depicts the complexity of relationships very well. I think it is escapism, yes, however, there was a so realistic chunk about it that a lot of people could relate to it very much. Films are mostly more popular because it's easier to watch than read for many people, the music is a masterpiece, the effects excellent. Putting it all together - and of course being at the right place at the right time - and you have the result: an enormously rich woman who, hopefully, does many good deeds with her money as well as lead a good and decent life. :)
  3. From my point of view it's just that NTs are not able to understand NDs as hardly any person around is able to understand what is going inside another person generally. One of the criteria for ASD seems to be that we can't put ourselves into other people's shoes, I, however, think that people don't do that very much anyway if I think about it and there we've got something in common all of us humans. That's at least from what I can see living with a lot of NTs on a daily basis at work. No, I'm not one of them but I live with them and need to compromise. I've done that all my life. I do believe that I had a tough time but I need to point out that I don't think every NT wanted to do me harm deliberately. Perhaps this is being naive, as I think I am anyway. I simply can't accept that the world around us is dark and evil. We're very sensitive, I believe and take a lot very seriously what other people would easily dismiss as normal or simply not important enough. In many cases this is probably callous of them but then, human brain has given us this protective mechanism that blanks out much of what humans can't cope with. Vulnerable people often suffer from lack of such a mechanism. Human nature is designed for protecting your own against the stranger, the unknown or even the enemy. Let's try to think about how parents protect their children, how they teach them to protect themselves and how they then act later in life; then I must consider that they try to make the most money they can to have a good lifestyle for themselves and their next of kin. Some people are religious and therefore are good to others as they believe they go to heaven if they do, others are nice because they are kind as a person but would always have limits they draw to protect themselves. And others, like me for example, I've had very wide limits and am very vulnerable because of that. And that's when in the past some people used me or did even uglier things. I just didn't see behind the facade of a smile where NTs would have been able to see instinctively behind that mask. It's true we need to learn to accept our differences and a lot of education on both sides is in order, I guess. The funny ideas NTs have about aspies must change. That we have a lot of positive things about us is an absolute fact as well. I in many ways have always believe in advantages I have compared with 'the others' and I also think that I have contributed considerably to the environment I live in. Whether people realise? I have not got the faintest. I don't think its that important to think about, it's only important how I feel about it. That's my rant for today!
  4. Hi Jasmine, if I want to interfere as an older person not diagnosed so far (but very much sure that I'm neurodiverse), also being a teacher and working with some high-functioning autistic and Asperger children I must give you my opinion. It's true that there is discrimination all over the place and if I think about telling any of my colleagues to be an aspie, I don't think they would be pleased to be around me anymore. Because at the minute I'm eccentric for them, strange yes, obsessed with certain things and incredibly independent which is a mere lack of social contact to the full because of my social phobia that I have developed over time. For them it's rather something exciting and, therefore, very positive. This would then be changed into me having a condition and the "aaaahhh, that's why she's like that" - reaction. I believe your parents and mine are very similar in their point of view. They try to think it away, "it doesn't happen in our family" and a condition like autism has a stigma and is, therefore, not wanted. I once talked to a family who had the ideas of autistic children vomiting all over you when I mentioned I would like to be a special needs teacher for autistic children. It turned my stomach upside down hearing this nonsense. However, I know if I had known of my condition earlier, I wouldn't have done things I have done in my life and I would have suffered far less. I probably would have benefitted from certain support strategies and it would have been easier for me to live with myself. Certain things would have been dismissed, some things would have never occurred to do if I only had known... . It's difficult to make that decision for any person but it becomes more difficult at a later stage, I believe, also because I have heard that the NHS don't want to diagnose adults necessarily and as a youngster schools are very much into protecting their students. At least this is what happens in mine. A lot of children come to us from primary schools and are diagnosed at the age of 11 or 12 and straight away you can tell in the change that they demonstrate in their attitude that they have support in form of counsellors and also the school's pastoral system covers care for them extensively. Their self-confidence is built up very much and they're encouraged to participate in everything with neurotypical students. The inclusive system is therapeutic in many cases, often it can be challenging for all participants, of course. Surely, these are the two sides and although I do believe that when these children leave school, they may be discriminated in a way but they will at least have the confidence to develop a thicker skin, will be aware of their issues and avoid common issues of unemployment, for instance. If was told on this forum only yesterday, that it's important to know who we are in order to feel well in ourselves and I definitely agree with this. I hope what I've written makes sense and helps a bit!
  5. Hi, Thanks a lot for your kind reply. I see the need to get diagnosed as well but I'm not sure I have the nerve to do so at this stage. I think it's the GPs who refer you to other people but being me makes it almost impossible to communicate about myself. Emotions all over the place and unable to express what's going on in my head. Last time I went there I was there for depressions that I have at times (well, many times) but couldn't express myself so that they didn't take it seriously, gave me a pack of antidepressants and wished me good luck. Maybe I just write everything down next time and ask them to read it. Anyway, thanks again for your kind advice and time.
  6. Let me start by saying that I’m feeling incredibly nervous, so nervous that I feel a little sick and I need to take many deep breaths to even start. And I’m not starting by directly posting it onto the website, no, I’m writing in WORD, to get an idea of what I want to write or not write or whether I will in the end really post it. I don’t have friends, not a single friend that I could call closer than an acquaintance and good acquaintance. I have a couple of people I can go to the restaurant with or to a museum/art gallery from time to time. The restaurant I like because I know it (it’s always the same), the trip to London for a day out can be very stressful. It’s not even the fact that I’m away from home or with a lot of people in the city. After all, there I have the anonymity that I need to feel secure. It’s the thought of going there before I leave home that scares me most. It’s the feeling that I won’t be able to do what I usually do, that I won’t be able to think the same way and I have to concentrate on someone else rather than myself and my stuff that I so love doing. I don’t like to walk in the cold and feel that I can’t hide myself if I need to. That people stare at me and may think I’m a weirdo. I’m also worried people don’t take me seriously, find me rude or tactless. That people find out who I really am. Now the question is: Who am I? I don’t really know myself so what do I think people see in me? Likewise, I don’t know. When there are people who eventually show more interest in me than on the usual acquaintance level, I feel suffocated and need to liberate myself and escape. Back to loneliness, back to my home and safety. I love driving though, I love to drive my car – it must be mine or I feel uncomfortable and insecure. I could drive forever on country roads but I hate motorways. I still use them if I have to. It sometimes takes me ages to decide to take a trip to a place further away, sometimes because of the motorways or A-roads, however, often due to all the people who may criticise me for being there. What if I hesitate while driving looking for my way and they beep at me? What if I park in the wrong space and they shout at me (which has happened before). I can’t stand being criticised or being talked to firmly. I feel people as rude and intolerant. I’m scared of people as if they were a different species and I was xenophobic. I’m not xenophobic when it comes to races; I’m xenophobic because I don’t feel myself as normal and the other people as too normal. I usually keep telling myself that people probably don’t even see me, don’t think of me as more than another person in the street. This usually helps a bit. I also take my camera and pretend I’m just an observer, not a participant. The camera protects me because no-one usually talks to me when I’m just quick enough to take a picture and leave. This is even more the case if I’m on a party or sit-in with colleagues from work where I then have to get up and take pictures of all of them. They are surprised, they don’t understand that I do it to escape… I have nothing to say to most of them. I’m embarrassed to be me at times and sometimes I simply think that I belong to another planet. I can’t stand neither shopping, chatting nor gossiping. I can’t do role-defined stuff, don’t understand why women are so incredibly emotional and cry all so much in public. However, I can’t understand men and their attitude towards women, either. I’m neither woman nor man. I’m in between things. I'm very sensitive to noise in the street, although, it's selectively annoying and painful, e.g. I don't mind children playing and yelling, I do mind, on the other hand, cars and the smell due to pollution. I, therefore, hardly ever walk to places in my area as it makes me incredibly tired and feel stressed. I despise the noise in my classroom at work, being a teacher and having two classrooms adjacent and I can hear the other teachers yell. In these moments I can't concentrate and I can even feel aggressive and I have to make sure I keep myself under control for the sake of my students in front of me who, by the way, don't bother me at all. I love every single child and would do everything for them to feel safe in my classroom. That's the professional me, I'm not myself, I'm playing a role, the responsible role of a teacher and I love my job and spend most of the time working. For your information, I'm not diagnosed as anything but have been digging deeply and have come to the conclusion I must be on the spectrum. Every single step that I take in life, all the anxieties that I have and haven't mentioned here and my adolescence that I spent either in isolation or drunk in some night club, all indicates that there's always been something different about myself. I even tried and moved away from home attempting to escape my own self, tried travelling but naturally it didn't work. It made me feel even more insecure and completely out of my comfort zone. However, I never figured out what it was. Only now that I have suspected my son to be on the spectrum (and having found out that my dad has Asperger), I realise that I show all the signs of a person with Asperger as well. Actually, some things are getting worse as I'm getting older whereas others are more under control. I, for example, now know how to calm myself down when in distress which is a very big plus. On the other side, I can not take the risk of even thinking about a friend or partner or making new acquaintances. Well, that has cost me lots of effort to post this and I'm still nervous. As I've come so far in writing it all out, I better send it and don't delete it as I would probably do if I didn't pull myself together as I'm trying to keep the finger off the delete button. Gosh, even little things are so complicated in my life!!!
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