I was in a relationship with my ex girlfriend for 3 and a half years. We are lesbians and I have a child. My ex girlfriend has Aspergers Syndrome. Things started becoming more stressful once we got a mortgage a little over a year ago but we but just plodded on, never really talking about personal issues.
She has always known that I'm a bit of a worrier and I'm a sensitive and very understanding person. She can be difficult to read, but I've mostly always understood her and accept when she needs quiet time and doesn't always want to talk. However it bothered me that she fell asleep quite often in the early evening and I think this is why we got so used to not talking about our problems.
Her relationship with my child has always been a little on the rocky side as my child has learning difficulties and they sometimes could not understand each other. This would affect me and I would often feel caught in the middle and therefore feel like I was being a Parent to both of them. Therefore I started to feel like I wasn't really in a relationship. My friends and family noticed I was becoming withdrawn and not really putting effort in to going out. This obviously upset me but I wouldn't admit it, however under the surface, I knew they were right.
Our sex life was minimal and when it happened, it was very predictable and much the same every time. She would always find it difficult to have an orgasm and I started to feel rejected which always made me feel selfish. I would never tell her this as I know its not her fault. I tried so hard to not feel this way because I knew she loved me deeply just as I did her and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
I ended the relationship a few months ago and I'm often feeling very upset, especially in quiet times like the evenings after a busy day at work and when my child goes to bed.
I can't help wondering if I did enough to try and fix things or give her a chance to. My ex moved out of our home and we see each other still and text or talk on the phone. She tells me she loves me and cannot be without me and doesn't know what to do anymore. Each time she leaves upset, it hurts me. I just don't know what to do either as she said she can't just be friends. Do I need to cut all communication with her? She says I'm the only person who truelly knows her and she can't talk to anyone else. It worries me that she is on anti-depressants too. I hate the thought of causing her so much hurt, and I feel guilty. I'm worrying too much about her as know she has self-harmed recently.
I have a lot of emotions to deal with and I was hoping to get some advice from this forum. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
