jojoba04

Hi Oblomov, thank you so very much for your gentle, kind words. It has given me some reassurance. Being a parent isn't easy, by any means, but getting a little reassurance from someone who has experienced the same things as my daughter in their childhood means a lot, thank you. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences. I do hope that your diagnosis has allowed you to understand yourself a little better and now get you the support you may need.

Hi Leeboy123, I'm sorry to hear your wife is being unsupportive post diagnosis. I am a mother of pre teen who has been through a really tough year of mental illness, it is only within the last few weeks it has been suggested she has traits of Aspergers Syndrome. I do not have Aspergers so can't fully appreciate how you might be feeling, however I can relate to you feeling alone with this. I am a single parent and with my daughters diagnosis, although not official yet, has been 1 a relief, as I have tried for years with teachers to get them to recognise the missing link in my daughters learning, communication, social and auditory skills... And 2 has also caused me some distress, worrying about her future etc. My mum and family members seem to be dismissive of the professional opinion that my daughter may be on the spectrum, they dismiss me when trying to seek comfort or advice. It feels like I'm talking but the words are not being heard, this just makes me shut down and stop talking, which then leads to me being very low and alone, it's the reason I am on this forum. I can understand your frustration with not being heard and struggling to get the person closest to you to listen.I can understand you are upset and need reassurance and it is only right that your wife tries to support you or at least understand how you might be feeling. But as a mum myself I know that those early years are tough (with a 1 year old) so trying to see things from your wife's point of view, she is may be a little bit scared of what this diagnosis may mean for you as a family, it sounds as though she is the type of person who needs time to process and think (hence the silent treatments!) before she can resolve issues. You should may be give her a bit of time to process the diagnosis, may be then she will be ready to listen, understand, gain knowledge about the diagnosis and start supporting you. (some people just aren't good at dealing with things and that's ok) In the mean time, you are doing the right thing by seeking advice and comfort through the forum, I agree with Trekster that you. should seek advice and support for you, I think National Autistic Society would be good place to start.

Hi, I have recently discovered my 12yr old daughter may have Asperger syndrome, although not officially diagnosed...when I think back now to her when she was small, it's the jigsaw piece that fits. I tried for years to get teachers to acknowledge or recognise that there was a little link missing, particularly in her processing. Anyway years on and this is the conclusion. She is desperately angry when she comes home from school and we have most tantrums when doing homework, homework has become a huge stress in our house. It has been quite an emotional rollercoaster this past year, it started of with her having palpitations then panic attacks then intrusive thoughts, wanting to kill herself/harm herself and thoughts of hurting me. It has been just the two of us since she was only 18 months we are so close. She has been sleeping next to me for a year now, it has been a long year!! I have been feeling really low recently and guilty for feeling emotional about her suggested diagnosis, she can walk and talk! However I've been feeling so upset by the possibility that she is impaired socially, which is showing in her friendships in school now, she has been having difficulty with keeping friends,I worry about her future, meeting boys, making good friends. She has difficulty with literacy but loves and does well at maths. The school put an individual learning plan in place in yr 8 that hadn't yet been carried over to yr 9, her English teacher was making idol threats of detention for not bringing 'l's' up to the line,not underlining, putting capital letters in the middle of sentences etc. The final straw came when my daughter came out of school massively upset because the English teacher told the class that if they hadn't got their reading up to a certain score she would be speaking to head teacher to ask if they were worthy of being at the school at all, that the school had paid thousand for the system to evaluate their reading. Mean!! I had to have words with the teacher at this stage. I called a meeting with head of year and head of SEN to discuss ways that could help my daughter improve with friendships and also help with her IEP which pin points the areas my daughter needs help and also allows her to work to a target. I managed to find out that there is a friendship club at break and lunch for children with similar social difficulties. The head of SEN completely belittled the IEP stating it's only a piece of paper and not worth anything if child doesn't put the work in, as she sat putting on her lip salve and telling me how she tells parents that want their children statemented that it doesn't change anything, the child still has difficulty. I had not once mentioned getting my daughter statemented but simply that I wanted to fix the issues that were arising now for her with friends and learning. I came away from that meeting and cried. Even if I had mentioned I wanted her statemented surely the head of SEN would be behind something that helps the child have a fair chance. I was devastated, felt unsupported, I could feel them rolling their eyes at me like I was another annoying parent wanting the best for their child! I have to say throughout this process I have never felt so alone, My family seem to be ignoring it, my mum keeps saying it's just a phase it's still my wee grand daughter, when I try to talk about my experiences with her and how challenging it can be they look at me as if I have just made it up. My daughter has always been sweet, quiet, polite, painfully shy around others even my sister her aunty whom she has known all her life! So I suppose it's hard to believe she's screaming like a banshee most nights or swearing like a trooper to me about something that's happened in school. I'm grateful that she can talk to me and let off steam with me in the safety and comfort of home, but it is exhausting. I would just love for someone to understand, and also someone to tell me that what I am feeling about the situation is the right feeling. Is it ok to be upset that my daughter may have aspergers? is it ok to seek/arrange the right support for her in school? is it ok to expect support of school and family at this stage? How can I help them understand? Sorry it's a huge ramble on...just joined this forum today!