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pinklemon

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About pinklemon

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    Norfolk Broads

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    Female
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    Scotland
  1. pinklemon

    Um, Hi

    Thank you for the welcome! Sorry that I didn't reply sooner, I can be a tad forgetful, and kept starting replies and forgot to post them. I'm horrendous for doing that, as I have a pretty disgraceful working memory. I think the official diagnosis is just going to confirm what I know. By any clinical method of assessing for ASD, I tend to score well above the threshold. Even if they don't really assess 'how do you want to react in this situation' - instead it seems to be (how do you) Which kind of seems illogical since as an adult if I'm being assessed... I've learned to adapt myself to fairly normal behaviour, and the only reason I'm seeking a diagnosis is because for the 2nd time... I've had a spectacular meltdown as a teenager/young adult. I'm not coping. I was in serious jeopardy of a harmful cycle of suicidal - depressive states if I didn't ask for help. I'm fit to work, study and live independently. I just need a diagnosis so I can access a little extra help to get me there. Wow, I ramble on so much, I really can't help myself. I'm either silent or I can't be shut up. I'm officially confirmed, by the local Adult Autism team to be on the waiting list, and will be allocated to an Adult Autism team member. So, yes, I know I have a long wait ahead of me, but I'm on the list and all I can do is wait patiently and get on with my life. It'd be nice to have a diagnosis before I return to study (I'm planning on doing accountancy in college). However, if not, I will return and finish my honours degree (BA Politics & Sociology). Do you think I should disclose that I'm waiting for an assessment? My GP seems to think I should disclose it. Job hunting right now, trying to get my life in order, and hope the appointment comes sooner rather than later. Also hoping that I get word back about the college course.
  2. It depends on the individual. I sat 7 Standard Grades and I'll admit that with minimal effort and study efforts I had 6 top grades and 1 middle grade. I didn't like the way maths was taught in my school and I ditched it as quickly as I could. I regret it because I have started reteaching myself it and I'm enjoying it. I now realise that I could have done so much better if I'd studied it independently. I'm sure being in my early twenties now helps a fair bit, though. 1. What interests them the most is definitely essential! 2. Where they are strongest is equally so. 3. English, Maths and a science are definitely essentials at GCSE level.Maybe a double science? 4. History could be good if the curriculum reflects something that interests them? But it depends on them. 5. I did a technical class at an equivalent qualification - woodwork. I enjoyed it despite having fine motor issues. It was just memorisation mostly and classwork (not sure of the curriculum in England). 6. Psychology is good at a lower level but it depends on personal interests. I don't recommend sociology because from personal experience I've found that sometimes wrapping around the irritatingly inflated writing styles of traditional writings quite frustrating. That said, I minored in it at University. 7. A politics/government subject isn't bad either, I did it in high school and enjoyed it. Majored in it at university. However, I know that this is all subjective and it depends on the individual. 7. Computing is an obvious choice (I got a top grade in it, but never continued it I know there are a lot of variety in the subjects offered in England that aren't available where I am. I know ones that demand a strong vocal component (languages + audio tests?) might be difficult for most. I was great at reading and pretty good at writing in foreign language, but I struggled to comprehend what was being said, and obviously communication is a bit of a struggle. So,uhm, maybe starting out in the usual number and then having the option to drop some if it proves too much is the best compromise. I think there are a core set you must take for a good standard of general education no matter your interests. I think the varied amount of subjects is good that it lets kids explore their options. Find something that appeals to them to carry on at A-level. Which I find pretty good and wish the Scottish system could reflect better. I should probably add that I am still waiting for my assessment as an adult, so this is just retrospect consideration of my own experience while being undiagnosed.
  3. Psychology isn't all that it appears. The first year or two is pretty uninspiring. I started out in a general social sciences BA, in which I did Psychology. I wanted to be a Psychologist (hoping it would 'cure' me of my strangeness). I ended up switching to Politics & Sociology and... why is it those of us who are'masking' seem to be drawn to subjects that are immensely stressful on us. It was never the actual content of the course (I understood it, found it pretty easy). But I've noticed a tendency for especially (females) to end up doing jobs/subjects that are very reliant on social-customer interactions? I don't remember a time when I haven't been acting. I didn't want to be abnormal, not fit in. I think if I didn't get so confused and struggle with interaction I'd be an extrovert, somewhat. I like people! I like spending time with friends. I like going on train trips to new places. But one outing/socialisation has me stressing before, and then utterly spent for about a week after. I find it hard to empathise, sometimes? I think. But not because I don't care. Sometimes, the troubles seem so insignificant or trivial that I don't get what the big issue is? Yet I'll cry over tragic news at the other end of the world. I sabotaged my one and only proper relationship and ghosted him. I regret it so much. I was just such a mess and I wasn't capable of dealing with it properly. The diagnosis for me means that when I return to education, I'll be supported. I have never been comfortable asking for help, which brought me to where I am now. I hope that I might be able to find a training scheme in an accountancy/bookkeeping field that is somewhat friendly to me. I'm a hard worker, I'm never intentionally rude and people generally don't find me unpleasant as rule. Since being on antidepressants, I've found I'm so much calmer and more likeable to my family. Psychology is a heavily social skills orientated field. Powerpoints, interviewing and networking is essential in the field. So please consider it carefully. It is fascinating to read about, though.
  4. I have no clue, Samantha. And yes! I'm on antidepressants for depression. I'm quite sure I've been depressed for the past 5-7 years. I took a meltdown in December and was a danger to myself, and finally admitted that I wasn't okay and that I hadn't been for years. It was the first time I went to a Dr in years (first time as an adult) and she was lovely and supportive. On the 3rd follow up appointment I had the courage to ask her for a referral (I had a pre-written list of why). She read it and told me she'll send the referral once she looks up how to do it. I saw her on the 1st of March (three weeks after I asked) and she'd sent it and is under the impression I should have an appointment already/receive one soon. She's so lovely that she's been doing research on it. I'm currently unemployed. Ach, who am I kidding? I've applied for hundreds of jobs and had a handful of interviews since I was 16 years old. I got by through student loans, and saving for the summer, even forced myself to volunteer in a charity shop. I tried to work in sales at a call centre (cold-calling basically) and I couldn't do it. I'm lucky that my parents are telling me not to push myself and work on feeling better. With my coming clean and admitting how bad off I am, they and my family have been amazing. But I need to be independent. I need to get a job and I'm considering doing a part-time Accountancy college course. To qualify for Bookkeeping (then work and save to gain full accountancy certification). I learned that normal minds aren't constantly running through a million things? I missed so much school in my later years because I always felt ill/or had a meltdown. Right now, all I can do is reread stuff, wonder if my rabid and speedy reading is hyperlexia? Wonder why the heck I slipped through the cracks. I tried so hard to 'grow out' of my shyness/weirdness. I pushed myself into doing things I hated. I'm at a point where I actually feel angry as I realise... they knew something wasn't right about me. I get left to struggle because I was top- middle groups. I'm angry at myself for not being brave enough to speak out when I was a teenager. I obsess over 'what if they hadn't missed it? Sorry! I'm just on edge waiting. Like you. The waiting is killing me, I don't know how long it will really take. My area isn't too big, and I'm selfishly hoping that somehow my past-records might push me up? I doubt it. I've got a BA 2:2 (It would have been 2:1, but I had late penalties on assignments (I panicked too much until after the main deadline when the pressure lessened (aka I was going to get a deduction anyway). I'd planned to up it during my honours year...but I dropped out due to the depression. And it isn't a problem! we're in the same boat and I understand so much. I was about 15 when things started getting unbearable and I nearly left school at 16-17. I refused to attend, was housebound. They pushed to get me back since I was a well behaved and good student. Even though I was old enough to legally leave. I went because I didn't know what else to do. And you have accomplished so much without support! I'm so far behind and push away potential romantic interests because I don't want them to know what a mess I really am. I don't want a diagnosis so I can have excuses. I want a diagnosis so I can get support to get a career and be independent. I've tried doing it myself.
  5. I'm waiting for my assessment, and gosh do I understand your feeling. I don't doubt I have ASD, yet I still wonder about what if it says I don't? I'll be honest and say I don't know if I can wait too long. I'm not coping and so scared of getting answers. I'm 22 like you were and although my GP seems confident I should be getting through the process fairly quickly due to a renewed local interest in adult autism late diagnosis (plus prior psychologist/paediatrician) background) as a child because they couldn't diagnose me. I've joined a few sites. I sit and research/read other stories of people who were in the same boat. I'm trying to get into employment as my savings dwindle. I fully understand that. I've never felt like I belonged anywhere and I'm scared to push forwards without knowing. Because everything will just crash down for me again. I'm so sorry you are stuck waiting for so long, but you've been so patient for so long, and May isn't as long away as it feels. Though, I know from other situations how the wait is crippling.
  6. pinklemon

    Um, Hi

    I'm a 22 year old female from Scotland, and I've recently been referred by my GP to be assessed at my request. I didn't even need to insist, I gave her a page of why I think it is a possibility, and I think it was more than enough to convince her. So, yeah, I don't have an official diagnosis, but as a 4-6 year old I was assessed because they believed I had special needs? Not really sure, except I recall going to the children's centre for neurodisabilities etc. They pushed to send me to a special needs school. However, upon starting mainstream primary school, it seemed that I had no learning difficulties.I was just a rather clumsy and shy child that would grow out of it.Plus, my mother admitted that she didn't push because there was a stigma around it, and I appeared to be doing okay. I was still an odd child - older than my years in some ways, but also dreadfully immature in other ways (that pretty much describes me as an adult as well). But I don't really doubt I am on the spectrum after doing a variety of research and on the experiences of other women (almost all they say could be my childhood). I've believed so for years, though, I felt I didn't need a diagnosis because I could cope without one. There was also the doubt that maybe I was just exaggerating how inept I am? Trying to make excuses for my own failings by blaming something I couldn't help? Uhm, I'm not especially talented in anything at all.I stupidly did a BA Politics degree and recently left mid-way through my honours year. I've always struggled with depression, fairly mild/moderate, with periods where I've been pretty, ah, bad. That's just in retrospect as I never sought help until this year when I completely gave up. I've struggled to gain employment throughout the years, never making it past the interview stage. I've tried to fit myself into a 'normal' mould tell myself I'd be normal if I put enough effort in. I don't know if that makes sense? But, yeah, I'm hoping that having the diagnosis will finally let me accept the fact that it's okay to need help. I've always been painfully stubborn, not wanting to make a fuss. I didn't want to draw attention to myself when needing help. I got to a very low point late 2016 and my family intervened. They've been great and thanks to antidepressants...my mind is quieter? I've always had so much going on in my head that I always felt overwhelmed. I tend to ramble a lot and I really can't help it at all! Nice to meet you all!
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