Hello
After being married to my husband for nearly four years I just discovered last week that he is on the autistic spectrum. I have wondered many times over the years if he was autistic, as a lot of his behaviour is slightly odd, and things that he does/the way he is sometimes just doesnt make sense to me or the people around me. We have been through some difficult patches, the most recent was over christmas and new year, when we were basically on the verge of going our separate ways.
I love him, and I want it to work out, but there are elements of him that I find very hard to deal with. He becomes obsessed with things, in particular different other women. He says the obsession always passes, but he doesnt just admire them from a distance, he texts/emails them. If he is in a bar and meets someone he likes he will swap numbers with them and then keep in touch with them. He says he likes to feel wanted. It just hurts me every time it happens. When I explain to him how it makes me feel it is like talking to a blank wall. He doesnt seem to realise that his behaviour has repurcussions.
When I try to discuss anything vaguely serious/emotional with him he stares straight ahead and hardly responds. He will sometimes be very blunt with me, for example, over christmas he told me that he didnt love me, and that he didnt find me sexually attractive. Yet he is very often initiating sex with me. We have a seven month old baby, and he started a new job in the last few months. I think he has been finding it all quite a lot to deal with.
I asked him last week if he thought he might be autistic, and he was completely unfased by the question. He said he definitely is on the spectrum and that when he was at school he had a special teacher to help him to learn to understand facial expressions and things. He says he used to find it very hard if not impossible to talk to people, whereas now he is the other extreme. If we are out, even in a group, he will always go out of the group to talk to other people, and will talk to anyone regardless of age/gender etc.
We are at the moment trying to make things work, just seeing how we go. I basically feel that if there is one more episode with another woman I won't be able to handle it, and we will have to split up. He is talking about having another baby. It is as though he doesnt realise that the things he does affect me long term. He thinks I should just get over it as though it is nothing and move on immediately. I have serious trust issues with him, and it does come across as though he is being 'naughty' on purpose.
I would love to hear from other partners of people on the autistic spectrum, as I am not sure whether the elements of his behaviour that I have mentioned are aspects of autism or not. I also would like to hear how other people deal with getting on emotionally and so on. I think that I would feel supported if I knew that I was not alone in this.
Thanks for reading.
