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Found 5 results

  1. Hi All, As the title states I am in a new relationship (around the 6 months mark now) and think I am with someone who suffers from Asperger’s. He is 56 and runs his own business in the animal care industry. I started working for him around 8 months ago and we got together 2 months after. There is a strain causing us problems which I will get to… I’m just wanting to know if a) he is an aspie and how do I deal with it to make the relationship work?! He is not diagnosed but shows the following traits: - When something bad happens he withdraws really bad. He blames himself for anything that goes wrong and goes on a sort of ‘guilt’ trip. - If everything is going right or something good happens then he wont leave me alone, constant text messages, asking me to stay etc…However when he’s down or something bad happens he doesn’t want to know that I am there for him - He gets obsessed by things. He’s obsessed with dogs n cats and so much so created a sanctuary for them (nothing wrong with that but he gets worried if one of the dogs or cats coughs once – I’m talking emergency vets the lot. We also had a rat problem and instead of getting rid of them he was feeding them fruit….yes feeding the rats). When he gets obsessed it becomes his life and all he can talk about. - If I hurt myself he will hurt me even more sometimes. I donated blood and was showing him my arm where I gave blood, it started to swell a little and all I said was ‘feel the swelling!’. He responded by harshly pushing down on the swelling and when I yelped he just looked at me with a smerk. I was also bitten by a dog on my arm, although he was attentive in making sure I was ok the day after he grabbed my arm till I shouted at him to stop. No emotion on his face and no apology. - Can’t get him to leave his home/workplace. He lives where he works and I have mentioned time and time again for us to get out and do something as a couple. The job is very demanding and tiring but he always makes an excuse to not leave. Now I’ve seen pictures of him doing something work related outside of his home/workplace but this was around 6 years ago so maybe he’s got worse in not wanting to break his routine as he’s got older? - If his routine is broken or something alters it then he breaks down. For example someone he works for him wanted time off during Christmas, he responded by shouting, getting upset, throwing his phone across the building and slamming the door shut behind him. An hour after he composed himself he acted like nothing happened. - Snaps in the most unusual situations. He was tired and attempting to put something in oven. He dropped a roll of tin foil and as a result he ripped the tin foil into a million one pieces and acted like he did nothing wrong. - Can’t eat anything different – nor can I cook for him. I feel this goes in the OCD category but when I stay we eat the same thing, literally. If I buy us something different to try he moans and we have to go the same takeaway and order the same meal we always have from there. If the order is wrong then he gets very agitated. I’ve offered every week to cook us something but he won’t allow it. - overheats during sex. He doesn’t just get a bit warm he sweats and feels as if he’s about boil alive!!! When I’ve googled I’ve heard It’s an aspie trait. It may only be 6 months but I am absolutely in love with this guy, he’s great to be around and I love to listen to his obsessions and way of thinking. However over the last month we’ve found out his parent is sadly on the decline and looking like his parent will pass away. I’ve never lost a parent so I can’t imagine the pain he’s going through. I’ve noticed he’s started to withdraw from the relationship and when he’s really down I’ll find him asleep on the kitchen table, when I ask him to come to bed he calls me a nag and tells me to leave him alone. When he eventually goes to bed it’s as if I’m not there. We still make love (although on the days something bad has happened I’m just another work colleague and I have to force a kiss out him) and talk but I feel he really couldn’t care less if I am there when work finishes or not as before he would love me to stay and made a point of coming to find me…even just for a kiss! I want to be there for him but not come across as a nag which I am being to him. What is the best way to deal with someone who has Aspergers? I feel at times we are so close but yet far away and when I try and get us close it’s like I’m being too needy. If anyone has a husband/partner like this then how do you deal with it? Any tips or guidance would be muchly appreciated. So sorry for the long post, I don’t want to loose this relationship just because I don’t know how to handle someone with aspergers. Also sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes – I’m very word blind. Thank you.
  2. We've been in a LDR for 2 years now, this is probably our worst argument. I don't even know where it came from to be honest. I stayed with him for 2 months (The longest I've ever stayed with him) and after I left he said he felt like I was "going to ruin his future" He didn't give any reasons or examples. He then changed it to saying he felt sad/angry when I left and that feeling won't go away. I feel like he took this anger out on me in trying to find something to place the blame on... I feel like because I stayed so long with him that I became part of his routine and it suddenly changed when I left. He did say horrible things to me, but he even told me himself that he was just saying them so I would "hate him" because he hates himself. I am willing to forgive him but he can't forgive himself, so what should I do? He refuses to do any voice chatting or anything with me because it "reminds" him of what he said to me. Do I just give him time? I don't want our relationship of 2 years to end this way.
  3. As an adult, I used to make my friends at work. The last decade of economic instability in my area has made this difficult, and I'm now trying to make friends without having "The Office" be my social petri dish. It's not working all that well. A recent article by The Atlantic (links to cover story, "How Friendships Change in Adulthood") observed that friend-making is essential to emotional health, and yet friends are the relationship most likely to be dropped in adult life: the obligations for the "priority relationships" of job, spouse, children, and parents come first, and the threefold criteria for friends: “Somebody to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy." I write. A lot. I need somebody to talk to, because they'll read me, as I will them; someone to depend on, providing some degree of consistency and expecting that back from me; and someone to enjoy--sparring thoughts and agreeable silences in appropriate degrees." I have a friend: I overwhelm him, because I write so much. I have a friend: she does better on the phone, and so we talk. I am a letter-writer, and I have struggled to define what should be written in paper, with my beloved fountain pen, and what calls for the speed of e-mail, and what needs to be spoken. I'm finding that I often need all three to maintain the level of proximity that friendship requires: the thoughtfulness and permanence of paper as a way to set an anchor, the fleeting speed of email as connective tissue and immediacy, and the emotional communication of voice. How are the rest of you making friends in adulthood?
  4. Hiya everyone, im starting a support group in Croydon for couples affected by aspergers and also partners of aspergers diagnosed individuals. I was just wondering if anyone here would be interested. We would meet up every to weeks and go for a drink, bowling, meals etc and also a weekly support meetup solely for talking about our difficulties and supporting one another and helping us understand our partners better. If you are interested please reply to this discussion and we will take it frome there. P. S The group will be based in the South East London area in different locations for the days out and in a set location for the weekly support group. Thanks
  5. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I find it really hard to keep contact with a lot of the relationships that I form. However, this one girl (who I am madly in love with) says she loves me and that she wants to have a future with me but sometimes gets these random feelings of what she calls 'emptiness' and I can't help but want to help her. She takes Dialectical Behavioral Therapy but I love her so much and will do anything for her. Unfortunately, this relationship is long distance and I can't be there for her all the time YET; but am moving to University very near her and will see her every week! Can anyone offer me some advice? Thank you!
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