Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
oxgirl

Another ASD student tormenting Jay.

Recommended Posts

oxgirl   
You are going to have to get tough on this...the unit is letting this other student terrorise Jay. What sanctions are being used to deter this other boys behaviour...any? They must be seen to be supporting Jay as much as the other child. Jay has the right to go to school and be free from this type of behaviour. Your being given excuse after excuse after excuse. They are simply not facing up to the problem, this other child is being allowed to ruin Jay's education. How long until he flatly refuses to attend a unit that is supposed to be a specialist environment for him? What do they intend to do then. Sorry Oxgirl but in your position a letter of complaint would be going in first thing tomorrow! They have no right to blame Jay, they have no right to expect him to cope! They have no right to allow this to carry on!!!

 

 

I feel helpless, phasmid. I have got tough and sent complaints by email and have met with the teacher to explain the affect it is having on Jay, but she just got even tougher ON HIM in return. :tearful:

We have his annual review coming up in a week or so, so we will raise it again then if things don't improve. Their take on it is, that this boy is difficult but he is there and people will have to deal with it. If Jay 'chooses' to go into a room when this lad is in there (even if told to by his TA) then, apparently, it is his fault. I did say all this to the teacher, but she was unimpressed and unmoved. What am I to do, I feel like my hands are tied??!! :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
One of the main things is that this lad keeps running up behind Jay and shouting 'BOO!' very loudly at him. It's making him a nervous wreck and now he feels anxious and that he has to keep looking over his shoulder, anticipating attacks!

 

Well, let me add my bit as the parent of an able AS boy in mainstream, Y7.

In the Autumn term. when this happened to my boy, he belted the child in question.

Then he stormed off shouting, hitting bins, bags or children that got in his way.

He found a corner to calm down, and then a teacher caught up with him.

This happened on three occasions. He was given a 3 day 'leave of absence' the first time, then he was internally excluded and had to work in the Deputy's office for a day. The third time, he spent 2 days working in the Learning Support Unit.

During that time, the school worked extremely hard to develop strategies, give B a place to go if he felt stressed, worked on informing all the teachers about how to handle incidents, set up rules for G, and a pass card so he could head to the LDC if things were going wrong. The Senco has been fantastic. He's now got a named individual member of staff who is on call and mentoring B to help him cope.

 

This school is mainstream, as I said, and has more than 1500 pupils.

 

How much better should Jay be treated in a unit that is supposed to be full of ASD trained teachers and support workers?

Why should he be marginalised and neglected because his behaviour is not a danger to others?

My boy's reaction to things he finds upsetting is aggression, and he has been lucky with his school.

It is unbelievable that you are going to have to be as aggressive and proactive as you can be,in order to get a better education for your child.

No child can learn if they are afraid.

 

Thanks for the response, Bard.

I often feel that I wish we'd sent our lad to the local mainstream comp, I honestly don't think it could be any worse and at least I wouldn't be spending two and a half hours a day driving him to a place that I despise!

Glad you've had a good experience with your school.

My lad is very fearful and anxious anyway and this is not doing his mental health any good at all, or mine for that matter. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
phasmid   

If the teacher won't do anything and the head won't listen then I still say it is time to go over their heads and complain to the CoG. Would they do nothing if this child was doing this to a member of staff? I doubt it. So why should he get away with it just because it is a fellow pupil? He shouldn't. They are supposed to be a specialist unit geared up for this. It needs to be stopped. Get hold of the anti-bullying policy (a public document your entitled to see) and pick them up on their failings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
>:D<<'> Mel >:D<<'>

Still following this, some good advice from peeps on here, just to let you know I'm thinking about you.

 

 

Cheers pearl >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
If the teacher won't do anything and the head won't listen then I still say it is time to go over their heads and complain to the CoG. Would they do nothing if this child was doing this to a member of staff? I doubt it. So why should he get away with it just because it is a fellow pupil? He shouldn't. They are supposed to be a specialist unit geared up for this. It needs to be stopped. Get hold of the anti-bullying policy (a public document your entitled to see) and pick them up on their failings.

 

 

Thanks for the support and advice, phasmid. We're not gonna let this carry on. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Karen A   

Hi I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and understand.It is so frustrating having to fight these battles but don't let the school staff off the hook.If the COG does not listen take the complaint to the LEA.Latest Government advice to parents is very clear.If the LEA do not listen and act where a school is not taking appropriate action to deal with bullying then you have a right to appeal to the Secreatary Of State. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
Hi I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and understand.It is so frustrating having to fight these battles but don't let the school staff off the hook.If the COG does not listen take the complaint to the LEA.Latest Government advice to parents is very clear.If the LEA do not listen and act where a school is not taking appropriate action to deal with bullying then you have a right to appeal to the Secreatary Of State. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: Karen.

 

 

Cheers Karen. >:D<<'>

I'm so tired. :(

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hev   

mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> it is very tiring fighting everyone i know >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

be strong,you can do it,dont let them get away with it,im thinking of you xxxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> it is very tiring fighting everyone i know >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

be strong,you can do it,dont let them get away with it,im thinking of you xxxx

 

 

Thanks a lot hev. >:D<<'> I made some yummy scones today and I feel a bit better after having just scoffed one. :rolleyes:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
how are things today mel?was he ok at school?

 

 

Thanks a lot for asking, hev. The last few days have been a bit better actually. Monday this lad wasn't there all day because he was out visiting a farm so he had a peaceful day, yesterday was okay, Jay was busy in lessons most of the time he was there so didn't spend much time in the Unit. Today, he was just in for the morning and had two sessions in the Unit. This lad was cross because he'd been punished and lashed out at Jay, trying to snatch his glasses off of his face. Jay said he was very scared but the lad was quickly taken away somewhere else, so it wasn't too bad.

 

I suppose it's unreasonable to me to expect the staff to be able to foresee these outbursts and stop them from happening, it's just that when he lashes out at Jay, he becomes very frightened and spends the rest of the session feeling nervous and anxious and looking over his shoulder in case the kid comes back. I suppose the staff are seeing that as 'his problem', not sure what else they can, or I expect them to, do really.

 

But, yeah, the last few days have been a bit better. :rolleyes: Feel like I'm on edge, though, waiting for something to happen. :unsure:

 

Cheers, hev, take care. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bambi   

Good to hear that the last few days have been ok so far and i know what u mean about waiting for something to happen >:D<<'> bless ya hopefully it will get better but no child (disability or not) should have to put up with a terrifying educational setting.

 

Take care and may many more days go aswel as they are now >:D<<'>

 

Bambi x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
Good to hear that the last few days have been ok so far and i know what u mean about waiting for something to happen >:D<<'> bless ya hopefully it will get better but no child (disability or not) should have to put up with a terrifying educational setting.

 

Take care and may many more days go aswel as they are now >:D<<'>

 

Bambi x

 

 

Thanks a lot Bambi. >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cmuir   

Clearly this lad is in effect bullying Jay. He's running up to him and shouting "boo!" to get a reaction - one that he knows Jay doesn't like. Staff must act. They have a duty of care to all the kids in the unit. It may seem trivial to them, but it clearly isn't to Jay. I really hope they do something. At my son's school, I've found actually having a voice doesn't make me popular (I point out that I don't want to make things difficult, it's purely because I love my son and want what's best for him). However, pester power usually gets results! Hang in there. You're not making a mountain of a molehil!!

 

Caroline.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
Clearly this lad is in effect bullying Jay. He's running up to him and shouting "boo!" to get a reaction - one that he knows Jay doesn't like. Staff must act. They have a duty of care to all the kids in the unit. It may seem trivial to them, but it clearly isn't to Jay. I really hope they do something. At my son's school, I've found actually having a voice doesn't make me popular (I point out that I don't want to make things difficult, it's purely because I love my son and want what's best for him). However, pester power usually gets results! Hang in there. You're not making a mountain of a molehil!!

 

Caroline.

 

 

Cheers, Caroline, for the support. >:D<<'>

I am already very unpopular at the Unit, they see me as a complainer and a whiner and feel I'm making a fuss about nothing. The thing is though, if we're not happy about how they're treating our children, what are we supposed to do, sit back and just let them continue doing it!! :wallbash: I get very frustrated with the staff and I'm sure they're sick of the sight of me. We have his annual review next week and I'm dreading it, I just despise those meetings. Can't even bring myself to fill in the Parent Comment Form. :tearful:

 

Take care and thanks again. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's a possibilty AJ could be sent to an ASD unit and as that's the closest one to us :o. I am not one to sit back and let things happen either, they'll love me too! As the mother of a child very like the one you describe, I can fully understand Jay's upset. AJ drives my NT children(and us)insane with this kind of behaviour. For AJ it is a form of (inappropriate) social interraction, it's one of the limited ways he knows how to get someone to interract with him and of course he doesn't care if the other child doesn't like it! The staff at the unit should be aware of the other boy's behaviour and should be keeping a close eye on him(I would expect them to do this in AJ's case), and when he starts on other kids he needs to be removed as it's not fair on the kids he's annoying or scaring. It's not Jays fault this child keeps approaching him, and the unit cannot expect him to not enter a room just because he's in there. They should be dealing with the other child plain and simple. This unit sounds just like AJ's 1st primary school, they were always turning a situation round and making it AJ's fault. I would take the issue higher as no one seems to be listening to you in that unit :wallbash:.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Canopus   
I am already very unpopular at the Unit, they see me as a complainer and a whiner and feel I'm making a fuss about nothing. The thing is though, if we're not happy about how they're treating our children, what are we supposed to do, sit back and just let them continue doing it!! wallbash.gif I get very frustrated with the staff and I'm sure they're sick of the sight of me.

 

Is this a subtle hint that the staff really don't want Jay at the unit? Remember that the staff are under a gag order by the government that they CANNOT recommend that you take Jay out of the unit, or tell you that it is not a suitable place for him. If they do give that advice then they will get sacked.

 

We have his annual review next week and I'm dreading it, I just despise those meetings. Can't even bring myself to fill in the Parent Comment Form.

 

I don't know why you are dreading it. You are in control at an annual review and not the staff. Firmly tell the staff how you and Jay are dissatisfied with the service that the unit provides, and bring up the issue of whether they think that the unit is a suitable place for him. Tell them that you are getting the impression that the staff no longer want Jay to continue attending. If the staff start to get tricky when put on the hot spot then tell them about the gag order I have mentioned.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I was you I would be really looking forward to this annual review, as an opportunity of getting a chance to RECORD all the bad things that has been happening and it is your evidence to precipitate any changes.

I would write everything in it as the lea and anyone else then have a proper record . If you dont you will be viewed as just a complainer who isnt really that interested(sorry if that sounds harsh- I am on your side).

I would be asking the lea about other schools for your son, as a 2and a half hour round trip for the kind of rubbish you are having to put up with awful for you.

You guys deserve better! >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
There's a possibilty AJ could be sent to an ASD unit and as that's the closest one to us :o. I am not one to sit back and let things happen either, they'll love me too! As the mother of a child very like the one you describe, I can fully understand Jay's upset. AJ drives my NT children(and us)insane with this kind of behaviour. For AJ it is a form of (inappropriate) social interraction, it's one of the limited ways he knows how to get someone to interract with him and of course he doesn't care if the other child doesn't like it! The staff at the unit should be aware of the other boy's behaviour and should be keeping a close eye on him(I would expect them to do this in AJ's case), and when he starts on other kids he needs to be removed as it's not fair on the kids he's annoying or scaring. It's not Jays fault this child keeps approaching him, and the unit cannot expect him to not enter a room just because he's in there. They should be dealing with the other child plain and simple. This unit sounds just like AJ's 1st primary school, they were always turning a situation round and making it AJ's fault. I would take the issue higher as no one seems to be listening to you in that unit :wallbash:.

 

 

Thanks a lot, Faithnomore. >:D<<'>

You're right, I don't feel like the Unit are listening to us and, more than that, I don't feel like anyone really cares about Jay or his feelings. :tearful: I hope I'm wrong, I hope they are doing everything in their power to help and understand Jay, but it doesn't feel like it. I don't blame the other lad at all, I understand that this is his way of making a connection with kids and approaching them and he can't understand why they're not enjoying it as much as he is. It's the staff that should be helping him to learn more appropriate ways of being friends and it's also up to them to take seriously the effect it has on other sensitive kids. I always end up feeling that, because Jay is the most able there, he is expected to be more patient with the others and make allowances for them, but people forget that HE has special needs too and that HE is disabled too. If he complains, it feels like he is just seen as rude and unfriendly and it's not fair on him. :tearful:

 

Good luck with the ASD unit if your lad does go there. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
Is this a subtle hint that the staff really don't want Jay at the unit? Remember that the staff are under a gag order by the government that they CANNOT recommend that you take Jay out of the unit, or tell you that it is not a suitable place for him. If they do give that advice then they will get sacked.

 

Canopus, it's funny that you say that, because the last time I met with the teacher she looked at me and firmly warned me that next year it will be even worse, three children are leaving and SEVEN are starting and the unit will be even more crammed and hectic than it is now!! I wasn't sure what she was trying to say to me, I mean, how am I supposed to react to that?? Is she telling me I should get used to it because it's only going to get worse or is she saying that if we can't stand it now we'll never survive next year and should leave?? I just don't know what her motivation for saying that to me was and I did wonder if she was trying to frighten us off?? :unsure:

 

I don't know why you are dreading it. You are in control at an annual review and not the staff.

 

I suppose I never feel in control at these meetings, it always feels like they are in charge and they can do exactly what they want and stuff how we feel. :tearful:

 

Cheers, Canopus. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
If I was you I would be really looking forward to this annual review, as an opportunity of getting a chance to RECORD all the bad things that has been happening and it is your evidence to precipitate any changes.

I would write everything in it as the lea and anyone else then have a proper record . If you dont you will be viewed as just a complainer who isnt really that interested(sorry if that sounds harsh- I am on your side).

I would be asking the lea about other schools for your son, as a 2and a half hour round trip for the kind of rubbish you are having to put up with awful for you.

You guys deserve better! >:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks, pumpkinpie. I really hope we come away from this meeting feeling reassured, but usually we just end up even more depressed and frustrated afterwards.

There really is no other choice for us here other than this place. It's either this or mainstream or HE and that's it, there is NOTHING else even halfway suitable for him in this area. :tearful: I would love to move away and just get away from this awful place, but we have DH's job to consider, so for the moment we are stuck with this and praying things improve, but they just keep on getting worse. :tearful:

 

Cheers, pumpkinpie. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Karen A   
Is this a subtle hint that the staff really don't want Jay at the unit? Remember that the staff are under a gag order by the government that they CANNOT recommend that you take Jay out of the unit, or tell you that it is not a suitable place for him. If they do give that advice then they will get sacked.

I don't know why you are dreading it. You are in control at an annual review and not the staff. Firmly tell the staff how you and Jay are dissatisfied with the service that the unit provides, and bring up the issue of whether they think that the unit is a suitable place for him. Tell them that you are getting the impression that the staff no longer want Jay to continue attending. If the staff start to get tricky when put on the hot spot then tell them about the gag order I have mentioned.

 

 

Hi Sorry to nip in to the thread with a question.

Canopus please can you tell me where the gag order is documented.I am very interested.Thanks Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Karen A   

Hi Mel.We had an emergency review last week.It went better than expected.

I ensured LEA were represented,obtained support from Parent Partnership,took along a knowledgable friend plus OH for support and made a list of all the things we wished to cover.We have still submittted an official complaint to the LEA today.However I felt we did well at the review.At least in similar circumstances to yours the LEA were able to witness our frustration. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::wallbash::wallbash:

Don't let the school sap your confidence in what you believe in.I am sure if you put up a pole most parents on the forum have been seen as over anxious,fussy or difficult.If we don't do it who will. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: I will stop ranting now.Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mel I do know how you feel. I am stuck with a mainstream school who dont really want p but this year have been lucky enough to have a good support assistant.

The special school local to me is ###### so I am stuck too, trying to get her into an out of area school which will meet her needs?

 

I just know that by recrding what we think at the annual review etc means our voices are heard and there is an offical record of what is going on. Because to be honest all the little bits of other complaints are stiffed under the carpet.

 

I think the advice about ensuring the lea are there and parent partnership or somee is there to support you is good.

 

I cant just move neither even though I know the school I want is out of area, and its very hard tofeel that all the time we are having to settle for secondbest. I just think if I m going down Im not gonna do it quietley!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Karen A   
Mel I do know how you feel. I am stuck with a mainstream school who dont really want p but this year have been lucky enough to have a good support assistant.

The special school local to me is ###### so I am stuck too, trying to get her into an out of area school which will meet her needs?

 

I just know that by recrding what we think at the annual review etc means our voices are heard and there is an offical record of what is going on. Because to be honest all the little bits of other complaints are stiffed under the carpet.

 

I think the advice about ensuring the lea are there and parent partnership or somee is there to support you is good.

 

I cant just move neither even though I know the school I want is out of area, and its very hard tofeel that all the time we are having to settle for secondbest. I just think if I m going down Im not gonna do it quietley!

 

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> We should form a sub group.Stroppy parents who refuse to shut up and go quietly.

Edited by Karen A

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Canopus   
Canopus, it's funny that you say that, because the last time I met with the teacher she looked at me and firmly warned me that next year it will be even worse, three children are leaving and SEVEN are starting and the unit will be even more crammed and hectic than it is now!! I wasn't sure what she was trying to say to me, I mean, how am I supposed to react to that?? Is she telling me I should get used to it because it's only going to get worse or is she saying that if we can't stand it now we'll never survive next year and should leave?? I just don't know what her motivation for saying that to me was and I did wonder if she was trying to frighten us off??

 

She is saying in a subtle and sarcastic way that Jay would be better off leaving because if he has problems this year, they will be worse next year.

 

I suppose I never feel in control at these meetings, it always feels like they are in charge and they can do exactly what they want and stuff how we feel.

 

Annual reviews are designed to be intimidating to parents, but remember you are in control. Don't try to hide your emotions. Kick up a stink and make a spectacle of yourself complete with swearing and personal attacks. My father shouted you f*****g liar at the head of my residential school at the top of his voice so that people outside the room could hear it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
Hi Mel.We had an emergency review last week.It went better than expected.

I ensured LEA were represented,obtained support from Parent Partnership,took along a knowledgable friend plus OH for support and made a list of all the things we wished to cover.We have still submittted an official complaint to the LEA today.However I felt we did well at the review.At least in similar circumstances to yours the LEA were able to witness our frustration. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::wallbash::wallbash:

Don't let the school sap your confidence in what you believe in.I am sure if you put up a pole most parents on the forum have been seen as over anxious,fussy or difficult.If we don't do it who will. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: I will stop ranting now.Karen.

 

 

Cheers Karen. >:D<<'>

Glad your meeting went well. :thumbs: No-one from the LEA bothers to show up to our review meetings anymore, last year it was just the Head of Unit and Unit Teacher and it'll be the same this year, the buck stops with them it seems, they can do just what they want.

We'll see how it goes next week. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~ >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
Mel I do know how you feel. I am stuck with a mainstream school who dont really want p but this year have been lucky enough to have a good support assistant.

The special school local to me is ###### so I am stuck too, trying to get her into an out of area school which will meet her needs?

 

I just know that by recrding what we think at the annual review etc means our voices are heard and there is an offical record of what is going on. Because to be honest all the little bits of other complaints are stiffed under the carpet.

 

I think the advice about ensuring the lea are there and parent partnership or somee is there to support you is good.

 

I cant just move neither even though I know the school I want is out of area, and its very hard tofeel that all the time we are having to settle for secondbest. I just think if I m going down Im not gonna do it quietley!

 

 

At his primary school the SENCO used to take minutes at the meeting and send them out. At our last annual review at this Unit no-one even took notes and there's no follow-up, it's very informal, too informal. I don't trust them to do what we ask, it just gets forgotten and when we bring up what they were going to do, it's 'oh, we decided not to in the end' and they don't even bother to let us know. Very shoddy. :unsure:

 

Sorry you're in the same position, it's so frustrating, isn't it. :wallbash:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   
She is saying in a subtle and sarcastic way that Jay would be better off leaving because if he has problems this year, they will be worse next year.

 

Yep, that's what it felt like. :tearful:

 

Annual reviews are designed to be intimidating to parents, but remember you are in control. Don't try to hide your emotions. Kick up a stink and make a spectacle of yourself complete with swearing and personal attacks. My father shouted you f*****g liar at the head of my residential school at the top of his voice so that people outside the room could hear it.

 

Oh blimey!! :lol: As much as I'm very tempted sometimes, don't fancy getting meself arrested!! What was the outcome of the meeting, did things improve for you?? :clap:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Canopus   
As much as I'm very tempted sometimes, don't fancy getting meself arrested!! What was the outcome of the meeting, did things improve for you??

 

You won't get arrested unless you get violent. Things did improve for me after the meeting. The head teacher realised that my parents weren't going to stand for all the corruption the school was dishing out, and that he couldn't get away with anything he pleased.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hev   

i also detest meetings at the school,i feel so angry after that ive sat there so pathetic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   

Thanks Bambi and hev, >:D<<'>

Meeting was today. It was okay actually, after I'd been up all night worrying about it.

 

Yesterday, just as we were walking into the Unit, this lad came racing up behind Jay and screamed in his ear, frightened the life out of him, he was shaking and teary and in a horrid state. There were four members of staff standing around and none of them did a thing or said a thing to the lad, he just totally got away with it. Jay started getting angry and shouting, 'stupid, stupid'. One of the women there said, 'well, if we try and ignore it maybe he'll stop doing it'. Another one was starting to give him a lecture, etc. so I took him in and I was fuming all day, totally ruined my whole day it did. Apparently at lunchtime the lad did it to him again and one of the helpers told him HE needed to be more understanding!! Yeah, right, as if people are being understanding to HIS feelings!

 

Well, I told the teacher I felt no-one even cared. They tried to reassure us that they were trying to make things better and this lad is unpredictable, etc. I didn't really feel totally reassured but they did seem to care and were friendly and not defensive. I dunno, I'll have to see how it goes I suppose. I don't really know what I expect them to do, I just want it to stop. I think they feel as powerless as I do though really.

Suddenly feel a bit depressed again now. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cmuir   

Hi

 

It's a really difficult one, but at the end of the day the staff have a duty of care to all the kids in the unit ? including Jay! The lad is in essence bullying him as he's getting some sort of kick out of running up behind him and scaring the living daylights out of him. Staff need to act on this and impose some kind of punishment on this kid who isn't behaving in an acceptable manner. This kid may be unpredictable, but he's managed the predictable bit when it comes to harassing Jay! There's still no excuse for standing by and doing nothing.

 

Try and keep your chin up.

 

Caroline.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Karen A   
Thanks Bambi and hev, >:D<<'>

Meeting was today. It was okay actually, after I'd been up all night worrying about it.

 

Yesterday, just as we were walking into the Unit, this lad came racing up behind Jay and screamed in his ear, frightened the life out of him, he was shaking and teary and in a horrid state. There were four members of staff standing around and none of them did a thing or said a thing to the lad, he just totally got away with it. Jay started getting angry and shouting, 'stupid, stupid'. One of the women there said, 'well, if we try and ignore it maybe he'll stop doing it'. Another one was starting to give him a lecture, etc. so I took him in and I was fuming all day, totally ruined my whole day it did. Apparently at lunchtime the lad did it to him again and one of the helpers told him HE needed to be more understanding!! Yeah, right, as if people are being understanding to HIS feelings!

 

Well, I told the teacher I felt no-one even cared. They tried to reassure us that they were trying to make things better and this lad is unpredictable, etc. I didn't really feel totally reassured but they did seem to care and were friendly and not defensive. I dunno, I'll have to see how it goes I suppose. I don't really know what I expect them to do, I just want it to stop. I think they feel as powerless as I do though really.

Suddenly feel a bit depressed again now. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

 

 

 

 

 

 

>:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'> Mel please don't let them fobb you off by ''talking the talk''.Sorry if I sound sceptical.Even if you don't wish to do anything else at the momment-keep a record of all incidents that you pick up on.At least you will have a documented record if you want to take action at a later date.

Surely the fact that you have a record of several occasions when your child has been frightened by this child demonstrates that there is a pattern of behaviour even if staff cannot say exactly when it will occurr.

>:D<<'> It is perfectly reasonable of you to want it to stop.Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
One of the women there said, 'well, if we try and ignore it maybe he'll stop doing it'.

 

Who are they trying to kid, he will continue to do this unless he's taught other wise. As to how they teach him I don't know :unsure: this is the kind of thing we are currently trying to get help for with AJ. They certainly need to do something they can't ignore the behaviour 'because he can't help it' and then reprimand Jay for a reacting in a way he can't help, it makes no sense.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   

Thanks for the continued support, guys. >:D<<'>

 

They keep telling me that he is not being singled out and that he does do it to other kids as well as if that is supposed to make it better. I told the teacher that that didn't make me feel any better, but she didn't really have an answer to that.

 

I am going to keep a note of all the times it happens and what the staff's reaction to it is, as I'm not convinced they're doing much at all to stop it.

 

They certainly need to do something they can't ignore the behaviour 'because he can't help it' and then reprimand Jay for a reacting in a way he can't help, it makes no sense.

 

Faithnomore, this is what makes me the most cross, the fact that if Jay gets cross or upset because of what the boy has done, it is then HIM that gets told off and told HE should be understanding, the more I think about it the more I fume. :wallbash:

 

We're certainly not going to let the matter drop, we're going to keep at them each and every time until they make the situation improve.

 

Thanks again everyone, coming on here is such a relief for me. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hev   

mel i know ive said it before but steve was at a special school and he was bullying another student,he was warned and warned and cos he didnt stop they excluded him which i totally agree with,yes steve has as but he had no right to bully the other child,jay is being bullied and the boy needs to be dealt with,its disgusting the way they are treating you both,the boy needs to be dealt with,keep on fighting,keep on posting.i think about your boy every day,its just not fair >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bambi   

Awww hun keep up the fight and u are his advocate, the last thing u will do is fail him like the professionals are >:D<<'> >:D< >:D<<'> >:D<

 

We WILL make a change and we Will be heard, i dislike the system (im sure u can tell) and things have to change for the better for our children and the next generation. T bit a kid in school who was tormenting him (mainstream tho) the HT said 'oh i cant see that L is always crying! well that sort of comment showed me they were not interested in my son's problems and was going to defend the other child (L) no matter what! :angry:

 

Try to stay strong (i know its hard, i feel ###### at the mo) and never forget that u are a great mum and u do ur best >:D<<'>

 

Bambi x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×