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annie

Back at school - good or bad?

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Sorry I haven't been around for a while, apart from Christmas we've had lots of meetings trying to sort out Alex's education.

Just before Christmas we had a meeting with the LEA, Connexions, school etc. The outcome was that because Alex wanted to go back to his old school he should go back there. (As Alex is in year 10 time isn't on our side and our options are limited). It was agreed by all that 2 members of staff would not have any contact with Alex as we are making official complaints about them, we also have this in writing from the LEA. My earlier posts explain why.

Wednesday this week, we had a meeting with the lady who runs the ASD unit at Alex's school which was really productive. Alex and I came out of the meeting feeling really positive about the schools support...........then came yesterday! We had Alex's re-admission meeting. It started with one of the deputy head's saying that she had spoken to Mr **** (one of the staff members who we'll be making a complaint about) he had told her that I had got hold of the "wrong end of the stick" about his comments. She told me what HE'D said to me, which wasn't anything like what he actually said!!! I told her that he'd said that he was "disappointed that the head would not expel Alex" and and other similar statements and that I don't think there was anything to get the "wrong end of the stick" about. I said that his comments were inappropriate and unprofessional and that comments were also made to my husband as well. I told her that I was not going to argue about it with her and that our official complaint would be going ahead, that ended that conversation.

Also at the meeting was Alex's head of year, who just so happens to be the mother of the other person we will be complaining about. She spent so much of the meeting slipping in comments of defence for her son that it was a joke. When the subject of Alex refusing to leave a classroom came up, she read a statement written by her son about the incident which Alex told her was really exagerated. What she didn't mention was that her son had said to Alex was "does this look like the face of someone who cares" (her son is an LSA) and that he had also called Alex a pr**k !!! But I don't suppose that he would write that down or tell her that would he? He can explain those things later.

The deputy head says that she cannot accept that the 2 staff members cannot deal with Alex, even when we have that in writing from the LEA. Could anyone help me with that one please as I tend to disagree

It seems that most things that were agreed at the meeting with the LEA have now been changed grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Parent Partnership have just called for an update and are not happy about it either.

 

Sorry for going on, but I feel like we've taken 1 step forward and 3 backwards again.

 

Annie

XX

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Annie - this is a really difficult and stressful situation for you and you have my sympathy.

 

Two things that struck me - if you are making an official complaint about members of staff, it is extremely unprofessional of other staff members to keep bringing up the matter, I think you are right in refusing to discuss it. Also, Alex's head of year should stay out of the whole situation and should not be present at any meetings as she is hardly in a neutral position, seeing that her own son is involved.

 

It sounds like the staff are very defensive and rational discussion is unlikely. I hope this complaint is dealt with soon for your sake and your son's. I'm glad your son is getting good support from the ASD unit, at least.

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I keep going through this - a good meeting - then in practice, all that was discussed does not happen. R's school staff also seem very defensive now, but I wasn't even criticising them - just saying R needed more help.

 

You could try talking to the school's SEN Governor - she should be able to support you on getting the school to stick to what the LEA has suggested. Discussion of the incident's re: the complaints is surely going to prejudice any investigation, and I would raise this with the Governors too. Have you got a copy of the school's Complaints Policy (ask the office for one) - it should cover such situations.

 

Karen

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Thank you Kathryn and Karen for your advice, as usual I know I can rely on this forum for support and I really appreciate it :thumbs::clap: .

I get so frustrated that at one meeting things seem to be getting put in place, then at the next meeting it's taken away. I shall be try to get hold of the SEN governor and see how far I can get with them.

Just another little classic that I remembered that the head of year came out with yesterday. We were discussing the fact that no matter what, Alex refuses to do homework at home and that he has been doing homework up until now either in break times or after school (at school). This has been working out really well. Anyway, I said to the head of year that this is quite a common problem with children with Asperger's. She then told me that all of the Asperger's children she'd ever known have never had a problem with it. And she thought that Alex was just trying to get out of doing it! Yet another supportive remark me thinks!!! I really wish that some people who think they know better than us would live with us for a while and see if they can make a difference then perhaps they wouldn't be so critical. :wallbash::wallbash:

 

Annie

XX

Edited by annie

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She then told me that all of the Asperger's children she'd ever known have never had a problem with it.

 

Has she actually known any? I nearly spat my coffee out when I read this one!

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Hi Fel,

 

I was gob-smacked too. I think I should give her Tony Attwood's contact details and all the other REAL experts 'cos she obviously THINKS she knows things about Asperger's that they don't :D

 

Annie

XX

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>>She then told me that all of the Asperger's children she'd ever known have never had a problem with it

 

Well, I have two that do not like homework.

 

T has only ever done three pieces of homework in 10 years - he says "schoolwork is for school, not for home".

 

Karen

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Homework problems? :wallbash: Just a few...hearing the instructions, writing them down accurately, remembering to bring books home, getting motivated, organising time, following the instructions, meeting the deadline, remembering to hand it in.

 

I have virtually had to do it myself on occasion. From year 10, GCSE coursework time, the same problems are magnified 1000 times. :wacko:

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Hi Annie

 

Have a look at this previous topic, there is posting giving evidence about homework from Rita Jordan. It might be worth taking it into school.

 

Nothing that professionals say surprises me any more. As someone said quite recently 'the worst ones to deal with are those who know nothing at all about the subject but still feel qualified to express an opinion'.

 

Homework!!!

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...&st=0entry875

 

Nellie xx

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Hi Annie,

 

I would have thought that non-contact with the persons who are the subject of a complaint should not be disputed.

 

Any discussion should also be out of the question as the matter is the subject of an official complaint.

 

I would re-state - in writing- to all concerned staff at the school - the agreement that was previously reached regarding these staff members and make it quite clear that deviations from agreed recommendation will not be tolerated. I would copy this in to the Director of Education and the Chairman of the Governors of the school and make it clear to the Director of Education that you wish them to monitor and take responsibility for any breach of the recommendation.

 

You need to get the might of the LEA behind you. The school are riding roughshod over a decision and getting away with it. It is the complete lack of accountability that is driving me nuts. If your LEA are ineffective in controlling the situation, then get the Dfes involved.

 

At the end of the day, the schools and the staff are there to serve our children and very few of them are serving them well. Your child needs to be educated on his terms - not the bl---dy schools terms.

 

I am normally fairly mild mannered and easy going but your post has wound me up a treat.

 

Love

 

Helen

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They definitely shouldn't be discussing this with you while there is an official complaint in progress. The Head of Year is being totally unprofessional by mentioning it at all. Shame on the lot of them! :angry:

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hi, i can't really add any thing else to what helenl53 has posted. its times like this when i despair of shools and those associated with my profession. nothing surprises me any more either and what i find so very sad is that i fear yours is not an isolated case not just for asd children but for many others as well. i hope things change for you, for the better. and remember that we're not all bad!!

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At one stage I seemed to be signing at least one detention permission slip every week. In our experience it made absolutely no difference - in fact my daughter didn't mind detention at all: if it happened at break or lunch she was able to avoid the most socially stressful times of the school day, and if it happened after school she could avoid the crush of everyone leaving.

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Hi All,

 

I would challenge the school, that in handing out detentions at such a rate, they are not managing the needs of your child.

 

Turn it round on them and ask them what strategies they will be putting in place to manage the problem. Perpetual punishment is not management - your child is not at fault -the schools are- they are too ###### lazy to even try with our kids and it is time that they became accountable.

 

My daughter in law is a newly qualified secondary school teacher of english and asked me if I knew of any strategies for dealing with a lovely lad who had ADHD.

I did give her some help but asked why she had not solicited the help of the other teachers or the SENCO. She had - and do you know what the universal advice from all of them was............................................Oh just exclude him from the lesson if he is a problem.!!!!!!!!! Absolutely scandalous - they do not deserve to be working with our kids. She applied some strategies with this boy and became the only teacher in the school who did not have to exclude him from her lessons. - She even had him acting in the Xmas play and actively participating in the lessons. She is really worried about the system as she has had no training and now it appears that there is b...g..er all support for these newbies. She want to make a difference but she accepts that she is only sympathetic because of her knowledge of my youngest son.

 

Best wishes

 

Helen

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Hi :)

 

As far as homework goes, my son (15) always believed school work was for school, home for relaxing!

 

At his specialist residential school for Aspergers they do not have homework. There is a 20 minute slot at the end of the day to 'finish off' any work, but that is it.

 

The evenings are full of activities to develop social skills, confidence and self-esteem. :)

 

So that SENCO is just displaying her ignorance!

 

I just wish every youngster with AS had the option of going to a specialist placement, perhaps a Base attached to a mainstream school.

 

Bid :wacko:

Edited by bid

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QUOTE=bid,Jan 10 2005, 03:47 PM]I just wish every youngster with AS had the option of going to a specialist placement, perhaps a Base attached to a mainstream school.

 

I'll second that!

:D

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Thank you so much to everyone to replying >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

It shows just how much people understand our children......thinking that a detention will all of a sudden make them do all their homework and finish their work in class. And that Tony Attwood and all the other experts are wrong, no doubt the experts will be updating their books now (excuse the sarcasm) lol.

 

Alex sees it that school is for school and home is exactly that, home-time.

 

Bid and Baddad - I totally agree with you both. We have a mainstream school with an ASD unit attached. The problem we have is that mainstream staff with little or no knowledge have over-ridden the staff in the unit that have the knowledge. Where's the logic in that???? :wacko:

 

We know our children better than anyone, so why is it when we try to advise schools it's thought that we are interfering. If we say nothing.....they think that we don't care. If we do say something.......we're either interfering or neurotic. We can't win, can we?

 

Annie

XX

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