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sylvm

What do you think?

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I'm feeling quite upset this morning :( - when I picked M (aged just 8)up yesterday her teacher said in passing "she'll tell you what happened). It turned out that M had basically been told to go away when she went to join a group of classmates by one of her "best" friends. The other child pushed her very gently (M's words). M then did what she is very good at and totally over reacted and lost it and ended up grabbing her friend's cheeks and pinching. Obviously totally unacceptable behaviour and has to be dealt with by, (I would think) removing her from the situation and keeping her away from the child and/or group for a while. Definitely, an apology too.

 

M tells me she is not allowed to play with her friends for the rest of the week. I took this up with teacher this morning who tells me her LSA dealt with it and I wold need to speak to her but she understands it is only the particular child she cannot play with for the rest of the week.

 

I feel this is totally inappropriate and unproductive - what exactly does it achieve in a child who cannot control herself and who's temper comes out of nowhere. I feel she was provoked and responded inappropriately but it shold be over and done with by the end of school yesterday.

 

As background, we are waiting to see the Social Communication Disorders Clinic and basically school do not seem to know how to deal with her. I can certainly see ASD traits in her but because she is bright and appears to understand (though I am not sure she understands as much as they think she does), they don't seem to know where to turn. She was excluded for 2 half days last term because of violence to a pupil and the LSA.

 

I am going to speak to the LSA and may then go to the Head when I have her version of events but I would appreciate your pearls of wisdom.

Signed "stressed Mum" :crying: (who was hoping this term might be different)

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Really sorry to hear what

happened. Been there done that wore the t-shirt.

 

I agree that every day should start afresh. I once found out when my son was 11

 

in a passing comment from his teacher, that she would mention first thing in the

 

morning incidents that happened the day before and ask that today there would

 

be no repeats and he was to behave and not start any nonsence, then she would proceed to a list of things he may do just to warn him not to :wallbash:

 

I don't have any advice except maybe tell them how you usually deal with these

 

type of incidents and what you find works for you.

 

Although you will probably be told. Well at school things are different.....etc.

 

I did try this with that particular teacher when my son could not finish written tasks.

 

They were then all sent home for me to deal with along with homework as I could handle him better! Hopefully M's teacher is not as sarcastic.

 

Best of luck with this.

 

You have my sympathy and I totally support your view of this incident. It was handled wrongly when will they learn :angry:

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Just a little update - had a chat with the LSA. Apparently the other child did not touch M and it is her who wants to stay away from M for the rest of the week. The LSA discussed suspension with the Head but they agreed it was not appropriate because M was provoked (she has since explained to the other children how unkind it was to tell M to go away). I am cross that I was not told that the school were considering suspension (she was surprised that teacher hadn't told me too).

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I really feel for you, I've been there too. Schools are very quick at withdrawing children for days or weeks at a time, it seems to me that it's far easier for them to do that than to support the child. One day they might finally realize that social skills are a BIG problem with ASD children and stopping them from trying to socialize is not going to help them develope the skills. Apart from that, after one day of the 'punishment' the child probably wont remember what they'd done wrong in the first place.

 

Also, M has an LSA. Does she already have a statement? If not, you could write to the LEA yourself and request that they do an assessment of special needs. If M does have a statement, you could ask for an early review. If M is going to be excluded every time something happens, then the school need advice from outside as to how they can support your daughter because whatever they are doing at the moment isn't working.

 

Annie

XX

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I understand they do do some work on social skills. M doesn't have a statement but she does have earmarked pupil funding which was what enabled the LSA - she works with her for 30 minutes in a small group in or outside class, doing gross motor and minor manipulative skills which she has problems with, although things like turn taking, choosing etc. The other half hour is used over the lunch playtime which is the biggest flashpoint time being unstructured. We were told by the Ed Psych a year ago that he didn't see a problem and there was no way M would be given a statement. He sits on the panel I am told. We do want to apply for a statement as the older she gets the more is expected of her, so the gap widens as it were. At the moment, we are biding our time waiting for the input of the Social Communication Disorders Clinic. If we get a diagnosis, I think we will have more weight behind us. At the moment, part of the problem seems to be, no one really knows how to deal with her even if they are trying their best.

 

Thanks for your comments - it's nice to know we are not alone :) .. oh well, time to go and talk to teacher ...

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Why on earth couldn't the teacher have told you what happened? Surely she shouldn't be expecting an 8yr-old (especially one with SN) to pass on important information, especially if suspension was being considered! :angry:

 

Do you have a home/school communication book? This can be a good way to make sure that not only do you find out what's going on but you also get the teacher's version in writing.

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Last year when we had a really clued up proactive teacher we did have a home school book. We mutually agreed to changing this to notes on the back of the "traffic light" system chart we were using because M used to read everything we wrote in and was repeatedly demanding I read it. At the beginning of this year, I had to ask for the traffic lights chart to be used which eventually it was. However, this particular teacher although very nice, is not clued up and is, we feel, out of her depth with M. M was regularly being "kept behind" while I waited outside like a lemon and everyone else had gone, so teacher could do the whole day's chart in one go. At the beginning of this term, I said I didn't feel it was working. Uptil now teacher has been telling me of every little incident (which I don't feel I need to know) but, of course, she omitted to tell me of a big one she should have done.

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