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beanie

Hi "waves shyly"

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Hi everyone

 

My name is Zoe and I have 3 children my youngest is in the process of being diagnosed with aspergers. I am so frustrated as it seems ro have come to a static point. We are meant to be going back in april and still no "specialist" have been into school to observe him.

 

I am totally fed up with being told he has eaten his work or ripped up his books. It was open evening the other night and he had scribbled in every writitng book except maths which was beautiful.

 

The school is good and supportive but at the minute I am thinking that maybe they should be thinking of alternative work when they know writing is going to trigger frustration. He is a lovely little boy, but so anxious and frustrated as he just says he hates writing/school. if he could do maths all day he would be happy. I think he has no creativity, so writing will be a problem, I also think the combination oif trying to work out what to do combined with the class noise is just making him flip.

 

Anyway thats my moan and groan over obviously he does have other ASD traits but I just needed to vent as I feel I can't go on. Its like banging your head against a brick wall and no-one wants to help or can help untill aspergers has been confirmed, yet everyone we and school are 100% sure it willl be confirmed once they all pull their fingers out and get on with it.

 

Sorry to moan on first post, I don't normally, I am sure though you have all felt alone at some point and I guess I just need to know I am not.

 

Thank you and looking forward to some fun post and getting to know you all.

 

Zoe

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Hi Zoe and welcome :)

 

I'm not a parent so can't advise about most of these things, though I do recognise the frustrations. There have been loads of threads on problems with writing, so you may want to do a search for them in 'education', or even start you own specific thread so it's more relevant to your son. How old is your son? I'm assuming primary school?

 

What I think you're right with is that it will be a combination of factors and a combination that won't be the same every day or even during the same day - so it's not a case of 'fixing' one thing and writing will suddenly be easy for him, but of thinking holistically and actually asking him what the problem might be.

 

As to books and subjects - my maths books were absolutely immaculate throughout school (that is until the silly teachers started writing in them and using ticks that were different sizes and different colours!). If he's enjoying maths so much, perhaps the school can work from this - it gives an indication of what he can do and so in thinking about the differences between subjects may tell something of where his difficulties lie. And things can get better - I absolutely love writing now (well typing, actually!) but would produce hardly anything at school and what I did was barely legible.

 

Hopefully someone less waffly and with more experience will be along to help later! :lol:

 

Oh, and as for hitting your head on a brick wall - we have an emoticon just for that: :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: It seems to be used fairly regularly!

 

Mumble :)

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Hello Zoe, welcome to the site. It can be very frustrating waiting for a diagnoses and all the professionals to get their act together. Has your son an IEP/targets in school, is he on school action or school action plus? Do you have a parent partnership advisor involved? These things should help with the school. Ask the school to get the ASD c&YPS (children & young people services) specialist team involved to give strategies that will help your son cope better.

 

Sorry I have asked so many questions :unsure: Just keep posting and we can support you. X

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Thank you for you replies.

 

At the minute there is nothing in place although school are being very good. So when he is angry and swears (oh yes he does this alot) he is not punished as the other children be. he is also allowed to leave class. (which he does all the time). He works in the heads office alot. I think school are just as frustrated.d But it is very inclusive. He has kicked hit swore at the staff. And he cannot tell us why. OPPS He is 7 by the way. He can't tell us why he won't write hee just hates it he says. Or its boring. When I ask why he rips up books or eats work he says he just does he feels nothing.....He just cannot express his feelings or actions.

 

He (and his 1 friend) tied a boy to a bench with a skipping rope and left him which is not kind, But he just laughs and thought it was a joke. It was funny. And I have to say I did giggle, but am shocked that he is not aware that this little boy would be scared or upset. He just laughs. I think the boy wants to play with Cam and his friend but Cam does not cope with more than 1 person to play with he is very dominant and self absorbed.

 

Mumble, Cameron loves writing on a laptop and at the minute I am trying to pursuede school to let him have one. But again its back to waiting for the specialist to pull there finger out. :wallbash:

 

He isn't bad and he can be funny and lovely extremely clever. I actually thought he was gifted, and just bored. I accept he has aspergers and I just want to help him suceed. He is so unhappy and angry all the time. Unless he is getting his own way. Or on the laptop.

 

Anyway, thank you. Any help in how to rush the Doctors would really be appreciated. :crying:

 

I have to go think we are going to line up some cars.

 

Is this just what happens to us all? I feel so alone :(

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Hi Beanie - welcome to the forum :thumbs:

 

It's interesting that Cameron enjoys writing on a laptop but not physically writing, because it suggests that it's the mechanics of writing that frustrate him rather than the process itself. If he has fine motor problems, it could be that he is unhappy with the results (comparing his handwriting to his peers or the speed of his writing), or that gripping a pencil is difficult/painful.

 

I posted this a while ago about my son's difficulties, which might be helpful (I have linked to the entire thread underneath, but didn't want to do so at the outset as it's quite a biggun! Lots of other useful stuff in there, though if you have the time :))

 

My son had (still has, but improving dramatically) very poor handwriting as a direct result of his poor coordination/fine motor skills, grip etc etc. He wanted to improve it (which has got to be the major consideration whatever interventions you try), and once we'd done everything we could to overcome any physical barriers (i.e. by using pencil grips, slanted writing board, making sure seat/table height was as suitable as poss) the only way that could happen was by him actually practising.

 

On a structured basis (he would do it every 'school' night and be given extra privileges/ rewards for doing so) he would write a five word sentence of his own choice five times as neatly as he could manage.

The sentence would usually be something like 'I love sonic the hedgehog', or 'Ben is the coolest - true', and I would write it out for him once with the pencil at full pressure as a 'looking guide' then repeat it 3 times lightly as a 'tracing over' exercise... Only the last two goes were entirely his own freehand.

(BTW - My own 'lazy scrawl' was upgraded to cursive script in line with school guidelines for the process, which probably helped me too! :lol: )

Advances were very rapid, and the change in his confidence about writing was amazing. The biggest problem was getting the school to work to OUR strategy - because he was always under pressure to produce quality AND quantity there, but taking in examples of what he could do (compared to the spider-scribble in his school books) and pushing for scribe support on longer pieces helped to reinforce all of that.

 

Two more 'tips'

1 - Proper angled boards cost a fortune. I made one from the top of a fold-up table I bought for about a fiver from a 'round a pound' shop. Once i'd taken the folding legs off it already had a 'runner' front and back, and I just raised one of them slightly with a couple of rubber pads. The other 'runner' hooks on the front of the kitchen table to stop the board moving while he works! :) Brilliant! :thumbs:

2 - Be very careful about timings... I realised in the middle of doing this stuff with my son that I was actually 'undermining' his bigger co-ordination problems by doing this stuff in the weeks leading up to an appointment with his physio. Improvements in this one specific area didn't solve all of his other problems, but would improve his performance on the very generalised tests. Could have found him debarred from very much needed support because of it - a case of foot, gun, bullet!

 

and the link:

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...;hl=handwriting

 

On the subject of a lap-top - there's no reason at all why the school shouldn't allow it, but i think it is a good idea to wait until it's official purely because it gives the school an explanation for the differentiation. Without that, every other kid in the school will be pushing for the same 'concession'... Additionally, once it is official the school might find one he can use, saving you the expense :) That said, hopefully if you can discover the reasons why he dislikes hand writing you can work on that, because ultimately it's a skill he'll need to develop even if it's always secondary to working with a keyboard.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD :D

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Totally agree about hand writing being a necessary skill.

 

It's interesting that Cameron enjoys writing on a laptop but not physically writing, because it suggests that it's the mechanics of writing that frustrate him rather than the process itself.

With me, it's also that nothing on the screen is final - I can move things around, change things, spell check and my mistakes aren't revealed to anyone - I'm a perfectionist and I find it really upsetting seeing mistakes I've made on a page. :wacko:

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Hi Beanie Welcome to the Forum.

Ben had lots of difficulties with handwriting [noticed in yeear2] and became very frustrated.He has physical difficulties including hypermobility in his fingers and found pencil grip difficult.He was given an Alphasmart [Mini word processor] to use in class following assessment.Alphasmart is useful because it is smaller than a lap top and does not atract the attention of peers that a laptop might.Ben has gained a lot in confidence and once he was able to produce work he has actually advanced in literacy for his age..I now understand why he was so frustrated.Interestingly now that Ben has access to the Alphasmart for longer pieces of work and he is not stressed his handwriting has improved too.Karen.

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Hi Beanie and welcome to the forum.

My son uses a lap top mainly becuase he does not like the feel of paper, if he has to use paper to write on he ends up putting his pen/pencil down after every word to lick his hand !

 

Clare x x x

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Thank you everyone.

 

I have tried to get him to do his homework tonight. wrote down all his numbers then when it got to words the paper was torn up and thrown and we had a tantrum.

 

I don't think its the feel of the pen or paper just a fear of writing and he says he can't do it. He can!!!!! I think he is scared of making a mistake. As was pointed outmistakes on the laptop are corrected easy.

 

He can read extremely well but would'nt read to me either.

 

zoe

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Hi Beanie.We had very similar difficulties with Ben with homework...he used to get very frustrated.I have to say after a while I was no longer Mrs chilled at the prospect of homework either. :rolleyes::rolleyes:

We started a new system.We aimed to do a very small section of homework...about 5 minutes.If it was completed without battles then we called it a day and praised Ben for his efforts.If he got cross then we stoppped the timer until he was calm enough to try again.As Ben became more confident we gradually increased the time by a few minutes per week.If homework was not completed then I wrote a note to explain that Ben had done ....mins and we were happy he had made an effort.

Personaly I think that if you make an effort but cannot get your DS to complete much homework without major frustration it is worth being clear with the school re the situation.After all homework is supposed to be an oppurtunity for a child to demonstrate what they have learned and can do independently....not to show what the parent can do. :D

I started a thread on homework a while ago and gots lots of interesting opinions and ideas.It is a topic that has cropped up fairly often.If you do a search on the Forum you might get some more ideas too.Karen.

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