Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
momofthree

New - some questions to be answered Pleeeeeeeeease

Recommended Posts

Hi, Just joined and looking forward to being able to share thoughts and difficulties with others.

 

My son is 13 and for the past two years we have been trying to get some help support and understanding.

He had no developmental problems at all he walked at 12 months and talked soon after (hasn't stopped since LOL).

 

L attended main stream junior school without achieving anything spectacular and achieved average marks all through including his SATS. I used to feel sorry for him as he has a very clever and sporty older brother who seemed to be the best at everything and although L played football he wasn't very good at it. I used to get called into school from time to time when I was picking him up because he was being silly, disrupting the rest of the class, not getting on with his work. One teacher used to keep an egg timer on his desk to keep him on task, and in Year 6 the teacher used to sit at his table to keep him working. I should mention that the school was very small with only 15 in his class. When he came home from school L would be happy to sit and watch TV or play with a friend if he invited one home and wasn't any trouble at all.

 

L started High School and how all our lives changed. It started with him getting detentions all the time (especially in Maths lessons), for being silly and disruptive, he always had a tendency to lose things now it was ten times worse, he also used to say phrases from the Simpsons or other cartoon programmes or song lyrics when he was excited (before Christmas or birthdays) now that was increasing and he said sometimes in lessons he wanted to shout things out or mimic the teacher.

 

I took him to the GP who simply told him off for being silly and I should start punishing him at home by not allowing him to play on the PC. The behaviour in school got no better and he was saying that he had no friends in his new school and he hated it. I took him back to the GP and we were referred to a CAMHS team were the Pediatrician said he had AS but the Consultant Psych said no but he had an ASD.

 

Two years down the line I have a 13 year old son on anti depressants, we have had a second opinion they say he is Aspergery with possible High IQ ADD (no hyperactivity). My son refuses to go to the CAMHS team as they don't make any difference to the way he feels. They refuse to believe that he has ADD and every time I find information about ADD that is so like my son, they pooh pooh it as if I have no idea of what I' m talking about. He now acts in a silly immature way, I'd compare him to Rick Mayall or John Cleese, he chews his clothes, he has difficulty getting to sleep then sleeps like he's dead and is impossible to wake.

 

When he does go into school he says its pointless because he only gets 6 minutes education out of 6.5 hours (only said this after Ed Psych told him how clever he is and an IQ 7 points short of being a genius). Neither him or I could believe it, after all this boy never got a single piece of work on the wall in junior school and nothing in any school reports to suggest that he was this bright. L never reads or writes anything he seems to have a real problem getting his thoughts from his head down onto paper or PC. L loves his PC and playing strategy type reality games, I suppose you could say that was his obsession, although if a friend called to go out, he would be out like a shot, and he doesn't feel the need to talk about the game all the time. I would say we have more of a problem in him not being interested in anything and the feeling he says is tiredness but I think its because he isn't stimulated by anything other than the PC or humour. Sometimes I rack my brains thinking of something to talk about to divert him from acting so silly and it usually works for a few minutes anyway.

 

I am so sorry to go on and on. But I feel helpless, my family think I'M OBSESSED with all this, but what can you do when a 13 year old boy refuses to go to school and offers of home tuition or moving to a new school. He was supposed to start attending 2 half days which he did for a week but that went off the rails as well. Today he has gone into school for half a day, went to pick him up at lunch time and he asked could he stay all day as he hardly gets to see his friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He sounds very like my boy who loves to be daft .........when he is,nt being a Mr.Bean, he,s either asleep, in a real bad temper or tearful.We are having continual singing at the moment and shouting out catch phrases ffrom adverts , he also likes to make tunes and musical noises, like drums or a guitar :whistle: ............anyhow .............just wanted to say hi..... >:D<<'> ........hang on in there I fear the next few years could get grim as the old hormones really kick in :tearful: ................teenagers :whistle: .........bye for now hugs suzex

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello and welcome mumofthree, I can understand how you are feeling and this is the right place to 'go no' so don't worry about it. Firstly your diagnoses is a bit wooly have you had it in writing what your sons difficulties are. Second:what support is your son getting at school, is he on school action plus, is he statemented etc.

 

Your son does sound similar in some ways to mine who has ASD (14yrs), he can be very silly at times and still has the terrible 2's which turn into meltdowns from hell. My son also refused to go to school and suffers with high levels of anxiety which is now stated on his statement so he gets support at school and things are gradually turning around. My sons behaviour also was noticed once he moved schools due to the size/changes etc. My son also chews which may be stimming or anxiety. My son also has learning disabilities and thats why he was diagnosed with ASD rather than AS so your son is probably higher functioning/AS IMO.

 

I know what you mean about being obessed but it's because as parents we know our children when they need support so we will fight for it, just go with your gut instinct. Keep posting so we can support you. X

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi MOT and welcome to the forum :)

Not really got any first hand advice as mine's yet to hit the magic "pooberty" years, but none of what you've described sounds that unusual for someone who's body chemistry is all over the place right now :(. The biggest problem is the school refusal, I guess, and I don't really know what to suggest about that other than what's already been said...

ADD - It's quite common for people with ADD/ADHD to 'lose' some of the more extreme effects of their behaviour when they hit adolescence... my own pet theory is that if you have a child with ADHD AND autism, then the 'return to type' will include an increase in the autistic behaviours (i.e. social withdrawl and self isolation etc)...

 

Anyways, i'll leave it to those who have been there/done it now :)

 

BD :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi a warm welcome and its nice to meet you.

I would say that there is a lot of similair behaviours there with my lad though he is younger, he still acts very young, we are looking into relationships and freindships, we are trying to strengthen his comminication and his confidence and support him but it is very hard, we are hoping J will attend a spersifc specialist school and then that way he can recieve specialist support in making friends, and behaving in ways that may otherwise get him repremanded or punished, many schools especially mainstream just dont understand higher functioning autism, they havent the same skills and often the kids who are the ones with loads of Detentions are the ones with the special needs but others have asumed there naughty, the wrong treatment will just make their behaviour worse and so it gets worse and arode their confidence and self esteem, it will isolate them and others will reject them which makes our children just try harder to make others laugh or get themselves attention in other ways.

 

I would start to may be look at a spersific education, that way it will help his education and he will be with other children who know whats it like to live with AS and ADD he has high intelligence but he is suffering because his impairments are not been met, he needs more specialist help and when that happens it will help all that love and care about him too and he wont behave the clown to gain that anymore.

 

JsMum

Edited by JsMum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Thank you for your posts. L doesn't get any support in school other than a time out card and he is excused homework. I was told by the SENCO because he is very bright he can't be statemented and will not be entitled to one to one. I have suggested to L that he changes to a school were people have ADD/ASD but he flatly refused.

 

Today he suprised me and managed a full day in school, the first in ages. He didn't come in until 6 because he had been to a friends. L said he had a kind of flashback when he was walking home, to when he was very depressed and walking home from school when a car horn sounded and it made him jump and he wanted to cry. He says he doesn't feel like that now. He says school makes him so tired because there is so much to remember.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would you like your son to attend a school that is spersific to his needs?

Do you feel that his present school are meeting his SENs?

The senco is wrong about your son not been able to get a statement because he is bright.

The senco should read the School code of practice.

You the parent can ask the LEA to assess your son for his educational needs.

If the LEA refuse you can appeal.

If the appeal say to the LEA they have to assess, then the LEA have to assess, if after the assessments the LEA suggest he doesnt need a statement then you can appeal, if the appeal say your son needs a statement then he recieves a statement.

 

If you look at some spersific schools that cater for ASD/AS and you want him to attend you could even ask the appeals for him to attend this school rather than attend a mainstream with support,

 

children with ASD/ADHD/DYLEXIA ECT.... Can and do recieve statements of SEN with 1-1 support my son's IQ is average but his attainment scale is below 1percent, he is actually a very bright little spark in science and maths, he has spersific learning difficulties and he has a statement.

 

Look throw the SEN TOOLKIT/SEN INFORMATION for further details, your senco really knows her SEN stuff I give her a 0/10

 

JsMum

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi just a thought..............my boy(nearly 13 yr 8) has an IQ of around 120.............but he under-performs and is working towards a stage 4 in the majority of subjects at school.He struggles because of auditory problems and dyslexia.Your boy should :unsure: I would have thought be in the top stream for most subjects and be on the gifted and talented register if he has an IQ bordering genius.My son was statemented in yr 4 at school and one of the factors that helped was the fact that he was under achieving by such a huge amount , he was 2yrs behind his peer group in english and maths.Just thought this could help perhaps if you thought about a statement.best wishes suzex

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

mumofthree

 

I can relate to the accusation of obsession as this is levelled at me by the family! I think others are better suited to responding to this one but for me the school should be providing his education and they should be lobbied regarding this.

 

Have you tried looking into high IQ children and the problems they suffer, see if there is an instituition that covers it and see if they can advise. Maybe the issue is boredom at school mixed in with your other concerns?

 

Worth a try perhaps?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi Thank you for your posts. L doesn't get any support in school other than a time out card and he is excused homework. I was told by the SENCO because he is very bright he can't be statemented and will not be entitled to one to one. I have suggested to L that he changes to a school were people have ADD/ASD but he flatly refused.

 

Today he suprised me and managed a full day in school, the first in ages. He didn't come in until 6 because he had been to a friends. L said he had a kind of flashback when he was walking home, to when he was very depressed and walking home from school when a car horn sounded and it made him jump and he wanted to cry. He says he doesn't feel like that now. He says school makes him so tired because there is so much to remember.

 

Hi MOF.Welcome to the Forum.

I thought it worth mentioning that the SENCO is not giving you accurate information.

It may be helpful for you to read round the Eduaction Section of the Forum and then ask some more questions here.

However to summarise SEN provision should be provided on the basis of assessed need and not on the basis of intelligence.

If a child is not able to access the provision normally provided for children of the same age then they would be classed as having possible SEN.This includes children who have recognised Emotional and Behavioural difficulties or Specific Learning difficulties.[AS,DCD]

I have two sons.Ben is 9.He has DCD [Dyspraxia] and Social Communication Difficulties [AS features].Ben is very bright indeed and is in top groups in numeracy and literacy.He has a Statement of SEN and full time support.He is in mainstream.

My other Son is 12.He has experienced periods of anxiety and panic attacks.He is one of the brigtest lads in his year at a mainstream Secondary School.He is on the SEN register at School Action Plus for Emotional Needs despite doing very well accademicaly.

So please do not let the SENCO try to excuse the lack of provision on the basis that your DS is bright.

If you decide at some point that you wish to look at Specialist Provision then a Statement of SEN would almost certainly be needed.

If you apply for a Statement then the LEA are very likely to turn the request down unless the school can show that they have used all of the options available to provide support at School Action and School Action Plus.So it is worth pushing the school to put appropriate provision in place.

The school may hope that you will move your child to another school.However if you do not have documentation to show that your child has SEN then it may be very difficult to find a school that will be able to provided appropriate support.

 

I know others here may strongly disagree with me but am basing my opinion purely on my personal experience.

In my area the ASD provision in Specialist Schools is very good.However it would not be appropriate for a Ben.He is bright and we hope that he would be able to do GCSEs in the future.The Specialist Provision offers a limited curriculum based on the needs of children with significant learning difficulties.Many of the children have difficulties in communicating verbaly...wheras Ben has advanced verbal language ability.Ben would be completely frustrated in such an environment.

There are Specialist Residential or private schools that are more able to provide for the needs of teenagers with AS.Some people on the Forum have been able to secure funding and a placement.However this usually happens after the LEA have exhausted all other options and after a significant and lenghty battle.

There is no specific provision in my area for children with ADD....they are all either in mainstream school or in provision for children with behavioural difficulties....which may not be a good option.

I hope I am not sounding too negative.I just think it may be worth investigating what provision is available and what options there are.Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi I thought it worth adding something else.When we requested a Statutary Assessment of SEN for Ben one of the points we made was that he was failing to achieve his potential due to lack of appropriate provision to support his SEN.We believed that his frustration at his situation was actually leading to challenging behaviour in school.Karen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...