I am a bad mum!

[ogsplosh]

So many parents talk about how they fort for a diagnosis for years and always knew that something was 'wrong'. I didn't. I used to use phrases like she was a 'difficult baby and has never likes cuddles' 'She just likes to be in a routine' but never saw what other people did. I feel like a complete failure why couldn't I see it?

[Gillian Roberts]

<'> No one sees it in their child. I have been told now to stop blaming myself. Its not your fault. I seperated from my son's dad when he was 8 months. it took 6 years to divorce him bcause i wasnt happy about the visitations, the upset and the hitting and biting that happened at the age of 3 when he stopped seeing him. then 1 year later he wanted to see him again. you cant turn a child off and on like a tap.I blamed all of the that for Ryan's behaviour.

 

When its one on one you do miss things and blame things on yourself, I went through 3 years of depression, lost out in alot of quality time with my wee boy.

 

Give yourself a break, you are doing something now and that is what matters.

 

you are a great mum, its just taken us both a wee bit longer to realise it.

 

Take care, smile a while

 

Gillian x

[ASue67]

<'> <'> You are not a bad mum.............. please don't think that. We all view how are children are differently and she was your first child as well (Mike was my 2nd so had some comparisons). Don't beat yourself up about things, you are getting things moving now when it matters and that is what counts <'> <'>

[clair]

Oh you don't want to punish yourself for not realising. All children are different and some children are more classic than others. At the end of the day I should think that everyone would have had a point at which they reached either the conclusion that their child was different or that they couldn't cope and the decisions were made for them.

My son was complicated and although I knew that he was late with his milestones he was only borderline and it was only when we couldn't cope that we started to realise something was wrong.

[hev]

steven was dx when he was in last year of primary because i put his behaviours down to his dad leaving when he was 2 and half!!never had even thought he had aspergers,never heard of it.

you are not a bad mum,get that thought out of your head right now <'> <'>

[Gillian Roberts]

My son at 11 years still wants to dress up in batman, spiderman, superman outfits. not really normal for his age at high school.

[Enid]

MY son was also only diagnosed in last year of primary, he seemed fine at pre-school and the first 3 yrs in infants, it was only as he got older that he differences were so obvious, what was quaint in a little boy started to look odd, and his behaviour at school really deteriorated rapidly. The school was hopeless, just made me feel that somehow it was my fault, I used to dread picking him up each day as there was always some teacher with a moan about him, I asked my gp to refer him to CAHMS when he was in year 5, and the rest as they say is history! Enid

[jb1964]

So many parents talk about how they fort for a diagnosis for years and always knew that something was 'wrong'. I didn't. I used to use phrases like she was a 'difficult baby and has never likes cuddles' 'She just likes to be in a routine' but never saw what other people did. I feel like a complete failure why couldn't I see it?

 

Hi - please don't feel this way - you're not a bad mum at all.

 

My daughter wasn't diagnosed til she was 12yrs - she had always been a difficult baby and although I always thought she seemed different - we never fought for a diagnosis - I wouldn't have even know what diagnosis to fight for - I'd heard of autism but my knowledge of it was Rainman - which I never linked with my daughter.

 

Unfortunately we had too many people telling us that we should do this and do that - referring that it was down to bad parenting - and no matter how much we tried to get her to conform to how our 'friends and families' ideal child was - it never happened it just estranged us even further - until you get to not mention it at all. Exactly the same with the Paed - she was under from birth - every time we saw him there was more and more things that I thought didn't seem right - yet he would look at me as though I had munchausens (spelling?) - by the time she was four I would just sit and listen to his c**p - about being a stubborn child etc that I it got to a point where I said very little because he had stopped listening.

 

When she was being assessed by CAHMS they kept stressing how she'd managed to get on so well because we'd made so many natural changes to our way of living to help her without realising the extent of her problems - no doubt you've been the same - like you mention she liked being in routine - you had naturally seen that helped and did things instintively that made things easier without realising it.

 

Take care,

Jb

[spats]

My ds was diagnosed with moderate autism this year. He is nearly 5.

 

I feel like the world's worst mum because now his 'issues' have been pointed out to me they are blindingly obvious!

 

I too get very disheartened when I read 'I've always known there was something wrong with my child'. How do people know...I hadn't got a clue!

[Suze]

I was the same, my son was quirky, difficult as a toddler, quiet, , never ever realised that he was dyslexic, dyspraxic, ASD , came as a complete shock and I felt I should have known and seen the signs.After he was diagnosed I really had a hard time and blamed myself, I actually felt he had to be "NORMAL" ....as he was so like me! Alot of his anxities about food, friends ,situations etc I,d had as a child and I,m" normal" , so he was too!!!................Then I went through a stage of blaming myself for giving him ASD via my parenting skills and genetically , well I,m over that now .....just........and today just very(well I try) accepting of who he is ...difficult at times now he,s entering adolescense, .....I think perhaps your feelings are totally normal and part of a process of accepting a diagnosis .........hope that makes sense , anyway best wishes suzex

[Shnoing]

So many parents talk about how they fort for a diagnosis for years and always knew that something was 'wrong'. ... I feel like a complete failure why couldn't I see it?

 

Oh my. My parents don't know anything about me being an Aspie (or my father, just to mention it). Our eldest daughter just went along unnoticed until her youngest brother got his dx. By then she was 22.

 

<'>

[Clare63]

Ogsplosh,

Don't feel bad, to be honest for me personally it was not until I had learnt a bit about ASD's did I think it was a possibly, my fighting was to help me help my child with the difficulties he was experiencing not to get a dx IYKWIM.

 

Clare x x x

[biff]

I was the same, I just thought he was a difficult child and he was over sensitive. It wasn't until he went to preschool that the problems became apparent and it was the school who forced us into getting him assessed, we thought this was so they could get funding for themselves and we felt really pressured into signing the papers.

 

You aren't alone!