Asperger and ASD UK Online Forum

[nellie]

Asperger and ASD UK Online Forum

 

 

I posted the other day, a rare occurrence since I stepped down as a mod and left the forum 2 years ago. A member asked if I was back for good, I said "No, I value my emotional health" Sadly that's how I feel about this forum, it makes me angry, sad and frustrated with the occasional chuckle.

 

I loved being part of this forum but gradually realised it was upsetting me more and more, I felt it was changing from a place that was supportive, tolerant, understanding and caring. I realised I no longer felt comfortable here.

 

Although I no longer post, I have been reading the posts. I value the information and the experiences of people with autism, their family, carers and professionals. This helps me in my work as a voluntary supporter. Sadly I'm having great difficulty reading posts without getting annoyed and upset by what I believe to be injustices.

 

It's only natural that people on this forum get angry and frustrated about the way the system fails them, but it seems that they are no longer able to vent their anger here.

 

Some people have difficulty expressing themselves, this can be for many reasons, including being upset and angry. I don't see this difficulty being catered for.

 

It was always a forum that tried to tolerate everyone's differences, no matter what they were!

 

This is not a personal attack on anyone or a criticism of the way the forum is managed, I simply want to know if others feel the same. It would be nice if the thread could survive without the need for moderation. So please treat each other as you would wish to be treated yourself. No personal attacks please.

 

I would like to add that I have HUGE respect for Kathryn, Mossgrove and Tally, they do a great job, believe me, it ain't easy!

 

Does anyone else feel the same about the forum? Or is it just me?

 

Nellie xx

 

[sesley]

I find this forum a loverly placed to come and chat and share expriences with others regarding the challenges of being a parent to a person with ASD. being a parent/carer can be a lonely place and to talk to others is a good thing,because you can feel the support and read other experiences and accept valuable advise to problems encountered. There always needs to be a moderator to protect the serious and vunerable people that message on here from possible abusive and offensive messagers that only want to cause mischief and upset. I am sorry if you feel unable to vent your frustration about things, and our unhappy about the way this forum has evolved, maybe you could suggest away to make it more acceptable to you.

[lbj]

I've not been here that long to really comment on the situation in depth but I find that in general over-modded is better than under-modded iykwim.

 

janine

[KarenT]

Me too, and I'm glad you've posted to voice my feelings as well.

 

In fact, it's the main reason I hardly ever post here these days - I worry that I'll inadvertently upset someone with my opinion or experience and I don't have time to spent on painstakingly deciding on every word just in case someone takes offence. Very often I've seen someone posting, asking for help or advice, and I've known I could contribute but I've shied away, just in case. That's not a very comfortable feeling as it's not so long ago that I'd have felt free to do so, but not any more.

 

This isn't the place I used to love, and it makes me sad that such a valuable and friendly resource has changed so much in such a short time

 

Karen

x

[Flora]

I don't think so. I think there are a lot of strong characters on the forum and people with strong opinions and thankfully we have the mods so that when those people do disagree we can all know it won't be descending into mayhem, or if it does it will soon be cut short. I'm more than happy with how this forum is moderated, and I do feel that it's healthy for one strong opinion to be balanced by another.

 

As for the forum, thank god for it I say. Without this forum I would never have accessed the support, advice and information that I did to help me through a huge and difficult appeal tribunal.

 

Flora

[smiley]

I feel the same .... hence why I rarely post now.

 

I did wonder for some time if it was just a natural evolution of sorts.. members coming and going, and the dynamic of the forum changing.. but, within a relatively short space of time last year - many people went - and haven't returned. The reasons are not for me to guess - but a lot of people obviously felt the need to go.

 

I miss the fun, friends and unwavering support.. I used to feel I could post any old drivel (and frequently did! ), but I now begin a post - edit the post, reread the post, change the post - then give up and don't post, for fear of upsetting someone, or being misunderstood..

 

 

Nells <'>

 

 

 

 

[warrenpenalver]

I get the impression theres a lot of frustrated people but not with each other but with a failing system that doesnt take them seriously or just doesnt care as its reached its budget limit for the financial year!! Obviously such frustration will translate into the forum too.

 

Maybe the fact its seems to have got worse for you is more a reflection of the desperate situation getting worse for many rather than the individuals themselves??

 

Im sure in any forum there will be strong characters and clashes.

[BusyLizzie100]

Me too, and I'm glad you've posted to voice my feelings as well.

 

In fact, it's the main reason I hardly ever post here these days - I worry that I'll inadvertently upset someone with my opinion or experience and I don't have time to spent on painstakingly deciding on every word just in case someone takes offence. Very often I've seen someone posting, asking for help or advice, and I've known I could contribute but I've shied away, just in case. That's not a very comfortable feeling as it's not so long ago that I'd have felt free to do so, but not any more.

 

This isn't the place I used to love, and it makes me sad that such a valuable and friendly resource has changed so much in such a short time

 

Karen

x

 

Yes I agree too.

 

See, don't even want to add much to that in case I upset someone!

 

Lizzie x

[Nic m]

Hi Nellie

 

It has been a while since i have been on, and when i have not posted i have popped in to read and have felt like commenting but have struggled too.

 

Lately things have been difficult with my daughter and it has helped me to read various posts on here to remind myself that i am not alone in my struggles but i have not wished to post because i do feel the difference to when i first discovered this place.

I had thought a year ago that it was maybe my thinking that had changed but a few times just when i was ready to post that i seemed to come on at times of great friction.

I hold this forum with great affection because it helped me a great deal when i was in the midst of diagnosis and struggling with my daughters health needs while battling with the school system.

I have come on to read a lot more of late and perhaps it will be a turning point with others too, if they realise they are not alone in this thinking.

 

Thank you

 

Nicola

[baddad]

Hi nellie

 

I would agree, the forum has changed hugely over the past two or three years.

I think views on autism have become more and more polarised, and this is reflected in people's posting styles.

Personally, I dislike seeing posts where autism is 'blamed' as the cause of peoples various problems (because, of course, neurotypical people don't have any problems), or where behaviours are excused on the basis of autism, or where people have a particular 'drum' to bang.

I am particularly disturbed by the growing 'us/them' attitude that gets fairly freely applied to all professionals - and the equally flawed assumption that 'parents know best'. I also really dislike seeing posts which patronise autistic adults rather than treating them as equals... The last is very confusing, because often it looks as though autistic people are being treated as equals until their views are challenged as though they were equals, at which point they are reassigned the role of 'victim' which implies the role of 'bully' on the person challenging those views. This even happens when both people involved in the exchange are autistic, with the 'victim/bully' roles projected depending on how the individuals present themselves (i.e. who's preconceptions they most 'fit').

I think some of these changes are inevitable as a forum grows bigger, but I think also it reflects changes in attitude that have occurred socially over the past few years.

 

I do disagree with you on this part though:

 

It's only natural that people on this forum get angry and frustrated about the way the system fails them, but it seems that they are no longer able to vent their anger here.

 

Some people have difficulty expressing themselves, this can be for many reasons, including being upset and angry. I don't see this difficulty being catered for.

 

I think generally people are supported in venting their anger and that those who have difficulty expressing themselves are always catered for.

What has happened more, though, and perhaps this is where the confusion lies, is that highly articulate people who have personal axes to grind with the 'system' have used the forum as a soapbox to promote their own agenda's, and have often 'hijacked' exactly the kinds of posts you describe to do so... i know of an incident on another forum where this was taken to such extremes that one particular 'lobby' group was visiting other forums specifically to draft in sympathetic mercenaries.

 

So yes, the forum has changed. I think the moderating team have responded brilliantly to those changes, while simultaneously coming under increased scrutiny, suspicion and attack when they do respond. I wish that wouldn't happen, but only today we have seen a situation where mods closed a thread only to have that decision 'challenged' in another thread started specifically for that purpose by the same poster. As you said 'It ain't easy'.

 

L&P

 

BD

[bid]

Hi again dear Nellie

 

I'm glad you've started this thread, as I've felt we've needed an open discussion for a long time, and I hope it's kept open as I think it could be a very valuable exercise.

 

I think that with any group of people there will inevitably be times when people can get snappy or upset, especially as we are all struggling to various degrees with difficult situations. I know I have certainly been guilty of this, but what the majority of people here do is apologise either in the thread or via PM.

 

Then we seem to have on the forum a few people who post in either an overtly aggressive or overtly arrogant way. I think this is when people start to be too fearful to contribute and I do think that is a huge pity.

 

Lastly and sadly there have been a very few instances where a few people have made nasty, spiteful little comments directly to other members on the open forum. I think this is inexcusable

 

As with so much in life, it's not really what is said on the forum, it's the way it's said.

 

I think our active mods of Kathryn, Tally and Mossgrove are exceptional, and mod with fairness, humour and kindness

 

I've started this new year with re-newed hope for the future of our forum...see my siggy! I really hope people can overcome any feelings of reticence in posting, and that the aggressive, arrogant and spiteful posting will become a thing of the past.

 

Bidxx <'>

 

 

[coolblue]

So yes, the forum has changed. I think the moderating team have responded brilliantly to those changes, while simultaneously coming under increased scrutiny, suspicion and attack when they do respond. I wish that wouldn't happen, but only today we have seen a situation where mods closed a thread only to have that decision 'challenged' in another thread started specifically for that purpose by the same poster. As you said 'It ain't easy'.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

I thought the discussion of that thread was supposed to be closed.

[BusyLizzie100]

Asperger and ASD UK Online Forum

 

It's only natural that people on this forum get angry and frustrated about the way the system fails them, but it seems that they are no longer able to vent their anger here.

 

Some people have difficulty expressing themselves, this can be for many reasons, including being upset and angry. I don't see this difficulty being catered for.

 

 

I agree with Nellie on this one. And I also feel like I'm going out on a limb posting this message, because I'n not certain what kind of response I'll get anymore.

 

Lizzie x

[cmuir]

I think there are a lot of strong characters on the forum and people with strong opinions...

 

As for the forum, thank god for it I say. Without this forum I would never have accessed the support, advice and information that I did to help me through a huge and difficult appeal tribunal.

 

Flora

 

 

Hi

 

I think the forum has changed quite a lot over the past 2/3 years. I agree that there are a lot of strong characters and people with strong opinions. I must say that I haven't ever posted with the expectation that others will necessarily agree with me - to me this forum is a place whereby I can expect to receive the benefit of someone else's experience (whether I agree with them or not) and a get a different perspective/viewpoint on things. Debate is healthy, but I do think being respectful and not attempting to enforce one's opinion on another/others is important - I think this has been/can be a big problem. I have went through spells where I haven't logged onto the forum (and have considered quietly leaving) because I have felt that on occasions there has been a lack of respect shown for each other. I think that's a great shame as 'outside' the forum I'm sure we all have enough hassles by people who don't understand how difficult/different it can be living with an ASD or a loved one who has it. I think the key is to remain open-minded and be respectful or considerate towards others. So, rather than leave, I've made a new year's resolution to keep my gob shut if I think a thread is getting out of hand - I don't know where I'd be without this forum at times!

 

Caroline.

[Flora]

The only thing wrong with this forum are the people who whinge about it. The people who can't take anyone having a different opinion to their own. The people who think that those who DO have a different opinion to them are being horrible. That's what's wrong with this forum. If everybody stopped whinging about it and just started enjoying it for what it IS, (ie an informative, and Supportive (yes it is supportive.... everyone who has complained on this thread has received support at one time or another) resource) then there'd be no uneccessary worries.

 

Tbh, I don't know why anyone bothers if it's that bad. If you feel so bad about it why come on here and post about it? Why not just go and find another source of support and information?

 

Flora

[bid]

The only thing wrong with this forum are the people who whinge about it. The people who can't take anyone having a different opinion to their own. The people who think that those who DO have a different opinion to them are being horrible. That's what's wrong with this forum. If everybody stopped whinging about it and just started enjoying it for what it IS, (ie an informative, and Supportive (yes it is supportive.... everyone who has complained on this thread has received support at one time or another) resource) then there'd be no uneccessary worries.

 

Tbh, I don't know why anyone bothers if it's that bad. If you feel so bad about it why come on here and post about it? Why not just go and find another source of support and information?

 

Flora

 

I don't think an open, constructive discussion which we had been having here is 'whinging'.

 

People are clearly unhappy and deserve the oppportunity to discuss this.

 

Caroline, I completely agree with you over the issue of respect for others.

 

Bid

Edited January 12, 2009 by bid

[BusyLizzie100]

The only thing wrong with this forum are the people who whinge about it. The people who can't take anyone having a different opinion to their own. The people who think that those who DO have a different opinion to them are being horrible. That's what's wrong with this forum. If everybody stopped whinging about it and just started enjoying it for what it IS, (ie an informative, and Supportive (yes it is supportive.... everyone who has complained on this thread has received support at one time or another) resource) then there'd be no uneccessary worries.

 

Tbh, I don't know why anyone bothers if it's that bad. If you feel so bad about it why come on here and post about it? Why not just go and find another source of support and information?

 

Flora

 

Thanks Flora, that's exactly the kind of attitude that puts me off posting

 

Lizzie x

[bid]

Lizzie, please post, it's so important that everyone is heard here, especially in this thread <'>

 

Bid

[Flora]

It's not an attitude. I'm using my common sense as an adult. I'm not spiteful nor aggressive. I have a very decisive way of wording things and will come back with one if someone has a go at me. However, surely as adults (and not delicate little flowers) we can put up with that?

 

This thread is a case in point. The forum is being criticised, someone else defends it, (ie me) but now I've got an attitude. I rest my case!

 

Flora

[bid]

As with so much in life, it's not really what is said on the forum, it's the way it's said.

 

Bid

Edited January 12, 2009 by bid

[BusyLizzie100]

It's not an attitude. I'm using my common sense as an adult. I'm not spiteful nor aggressive. I have a very decisive way of wording things and will come back with one if someone has a go at me. However, surely as adults (and not delicate little flowers) we can put up with that?

 

This thread is a case in point. The forum is being criticised, someone else defends it, (ie me) but now I've got an attitude. I rest my case!

 

Flora

 

Not exactly supportive, though, is it. Yes, unfortunately, you are coming across as being aggressive and asking why don't just go and find another source of support and information is offensive.

 

There, see - I knew I shouldn't have posted.

 

Have fun everyone, I've had enough and I've got a train to catch.

Edited January 12, 2009 by BusyLizzie100

[bid]

I really can't see that members expressing their concerns is an attack on or criticism of the forum...and everyone expressing their concerns here has done so with care and respect for others.

 

I feel that this thread was actually an expression of great care and concern about a forum that has come to mean so much to many of us.

 

Now I can feel that people will be too wary to post in this thread, which I think will be a huge pity and sadly a graphic example of how many people are already feeling.

 

There is no need for aggressive posting in this thread.

 

Bid

Edited January 12, 2009 by bid

[Suze]

Hi Nellie, you helped me alot when I first joined thanks.I don,t post as prolifically as I used too, it seems some members sometimes have a hidden agenda specifically against other individual members.The moderators have a difficult job to do and moderate really well.Overall the forum is still somewhere where you can recieve friendship, advice and support

[Flora]

Not exactly supportive, though, is it.

 

Not supportive? I'm always willing, happy, and ready to offer my support to anyone in areas where I have some knowledge and experience. I'm sure there are others here who would agree. Please don't insinuate that I'm an unsupportive member because belive me I have a very clear concience on that score.

 

Mods, you all deserve a medal. I did it for a few months and it's got to be the most thankless task that anyone could voluntarily do!

 

Flora

 

[Mumble]

I worry that I'll inadvertently upset someone with my opinion or experience and I don't have time to spent on painstakingly deciding on every word just in case someone takes offence.

That's easily dealt with - develop a lack of emotional empathy and you won't give a damn about anyone else ... :whistle:

 

Erm, I'm not sure about the twists and turns in this thread - I greatly value the support virtual people give me on this forum (particularly as I'm sorely lacking in real people support) but I also recognise that I choose to be here, that I ask for opinions not agreements and that if I'm not happy here, I can use the little red cross in the top right hand corner. It's far harder to ignore real people.

 

[Emum]

The only thing wrong with this forum are the people who whinge about it. The people who can't take anyone having a different opinion to their own. The people who think that those who DO have a different opinion to them are being horrible. That's what's wrong with this forum. If everybody stopped whinging about it and just started enjoying it for what it IS, (ie an informative, and Supportive (yes it is supportive.... everyone who has complained on this thread has received support at one time or another) resource) then there'd be no uneccessary worries.

 

Tbh, I don't know why anyone bothers if it's that bad. If you feel so bad about it why come on here and post about it? Why not just go and find another source of support and information?

 

Flora

 

No, what is wrong about the forum at the moment is that people who would benefit and appreciate the support it once offered are being deterred from using it. I started a similar thread a few months back, and there were a fair few posters who expressed similar concerns to Nellie's. My thread harked back to the days when Nellie was a mod and an active member when the forum really was a very different world.

 

For what its worth, I rarely post these days, so my level of discomfort is not based on people disagreeing with me! I just don't like the pack mentality which comes out from time to time, and the abuse which gets heaped on the mods for trying to keep some degree of civilisation here. And to turn your question round, if those who are here just to spout their own agendas and behave badly to other posters, don't like others complaining about it, why don't they go somewhere where that kind of behaviour is appreciated, and leave the forum to those who visit it for support and information?

[Flora]

And to turn your question round, if those who are here just to spout their own agendas and behave badly to other posters, don't like others complaining about it, why don't they go somewhere where that kind of behaviour is appreciated, and leave the forum to those who visit it for support and information?

 

I don't think you are turning my question around there emum. That's exactly the same point I was making and I agree with it 100%

 

Flora

[dooday24]

i really love this forum and dont know wat id av done without everyone here and have found a really really close freind on ere

 

at the end of the day nobody is the same and we all have our own veiws or it wud b one boring world

 

so we shud b supporting each other not complaining thats wat i thought the forum was for

 

love donna xxxxxx take care everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Clare63]

Not supportive? I'm always willing, happy, and ready to offer my support to anyone in areas where I have some knowledge and experience. I'm sure there are others here who would agree. Please don't insinuate that I'm an unsupportive member because belive me I have a very clear concience on that score.

 

Mods, you all deserve a medal. I did it for a few months and it's got to be the most thankless task that anyone could voluntarily do!

 

Flora

 

Life is full of up's and down's and we have to ride the storm of differences of opinion. I have been a member for almost 2 years and found huge support and comfort here. Yes I have noticed fallings out over differences of opinions, but do not see anyone being intentional cruel but being passionate about their own views, we do after all have the freedom of speech or is that a bit old fashioned now.

 

Flora has bent over backwards to help me, sharing her wealth of knowledge and expereince. She did not have too, she does not know me from Adam I am just another forum member coming here for guidance and support, but she was very willing to help me and show me great respect and kindness. I feel indebted to this forum and many of its members for the results I have achieved, the support and help I have recieved and for the cyber friendships I have made, both past forum members and present ones.

 

I really do not know what the answer is, but I shall continue to visit and post as appropriate as I get value from doing so.

 

Clare x x x

 

[Cat]

 

Because we none of us know each other here, well very few of us know that many people here personally, then I take everyone who posts as being honest and upfront until I find out otherwise.

 

Some people who find their way here are desperate. If you have done ten round with the system and have spent years trying to prove that you are a fit mother and not the reason behind your child's issues it can make you just a tad paranoid. We can all sit here and pretend that the system is not flawed and that mistakes are rare if we wish but the system does fail families and quite a few of them. The system failing was something that I (me personally that is) was asked directly about just a few weeks ago by someone sitting on the Lamb Enquiry and have been asked by the NAS on a couple of occasions. There are people at a higher level than us that accept there are issues that need addressing.

 

If we are now shutting the door on the desperation that many of the members here have themselves experienced then I am greatly sadend by this. Time and time again we are seeing threads closed and there is now a pattern to their closure. It appears that it is OK to have an opinion and my goodness my do I hold some of them, but if you state too many of them it can become really personal and I found that out myself a short time ago.

 

I agree that the mods have got a blooming hard job here I would not want to be one of them but forgive me for saying this I do sometimes wonder if I am the only one who can see a pattern here with what is happening? I also often wonder if I am posting on an autism forum because sometimes it appears that we have to consider every other possible thing that might just be causing a problem before we can bring the fact that the child or adult has autism into play. I do not come here to be told that 'all children do that' I walked away from some of my friends because of that attitude. OK all kids do most things but not like kids who have autism.

 

Cat

[JsMum]

 

 

 

Nellie,

 

Am I getting your post correctly,

 

you dont come on here as much because people are NOT getting mad, or angry, anymore,

 

or that they are too angry and upsetting others,

 

I feel that sometimes I do want to say far, far, far more than I type, but dont as much, now, you see sometimes what makes me angry is the system,

 

The bluddy social services is one Im angry with at the moment.

 

Well especially them right now, not heard a dicky bird from them all christmas and new year, have struggled with J which are contributed to fact he does have ASD Features, ADHD behaviorus and has special needs, and its dam well hard, to cope alone 24 7 without a sole to help,

 

Social serives are my support, but no support worker, no social worker at all throw out the whole period and struggled both christmas eve, and new years eve with extream challenging behaviours, and I do get mad that the system because by letting Me down inturn adds more stress and pressure and then I start to let J down by not been strong and able to fight to get him the support he needs.

 

I have been angry before on here about the way J is treated in the earlier days in school only to get told I cant because not all teachers are like that, many of times I have been honest and shared my life but over time Ive done it less incase Im not doing justice to the systems that are ment to be there for society but are not there for me and J at times.

 

I got a message finally from the socail worker asking how christmas and new year was, it two weeks into January when He has returned to residential school.

 

So Yes I do get angry at Social workers and Teachers, and systems and Js special needs but I dont think I can express that any more.

 

I did leave in November too and felt to embarrassed to explain that the reason I am back tempary was because basically Ive struggled with a few things and so came back, but Ive felt the need to be very careful and not to say honetly how I feel.

 

Flora just to reasure you, You did help me, and loads. <'>

 

JsMum

 

 

 

[pookie170]

I dunno.....its not like wot it use to be, that's for sure, but then, when a forum becomes as big as this one, its inevitable that change will happen. I've said this before, but I honestly think that that because the discussions take place on line, it's easier to misinterpret what someone has posted as inflammatory or somesuch. There are no organic signals as to whether or not this is actually so- tone and inflection alone can stop vocal conversations from getting out of hand, as well as the fact that you're far less likely to be aggressive to someone's face.....social mores and all that.

 

Would it be useful if we reviewed forum rules, d'you think? (Actually, I'm not even sure where they're listed, TBH!! ) Could suggestions be made, perhaps a vote taken on what should/should not be allowed in posts, in order to try and clear things up a little?

 

Personally speaking, I've never found anyone's post to be offensive, even if I disagree with the opinion being expressed. But I do think it's really bad form to negatively pinpoint other member's by name in a post (IYKWIM!). There's no two ways about it, that IS inflammatory, and shouldn't be done.

 

We need to bear in mind that this wunnerful ol' forum hasn't changed- it can't, it's without form and is not a thing..... it's down to us all, as members to keep it happy and welcoming. Discussions are fabulous things, but biting your tongue, figuratively speaking, is sometimes the best option, I feel.......though thats only my personal opinion!

 

 

Anyhoo.......Hi there, Nellie petal! Lovely to 'see' you again!!

 

Esther x

[bid]

I really think this thread is very, very important...so trying to be positive, if people have concerns, what constructive suggestions do people have I wonder?

 

Mine would be to remember that not everyone is as confident in expressing their opinions and thoughts. I know that at times I can get carried away with my own 'cleverness' in discussions

 

There is no such thing as a strong opinion...there are opinions that are strongly held and opinions that are strongly expressed. People who express their opinions strongly can scare off people who are not as confident in expressing their opinions, but it's important to remember that an opinion that is strongly expressed doesn't make it the right opinion.

 

Bid

 

ETA: Sorry, I think sentiment triumphed over grammatical style in my last sentence, but I hope you all know what I mean!

Edited January 12, 2009 by bid

[CEJesson]

Some good posts here and valid points.

 

I have been a member since April 2007 so I don't know if it has changed a lot since then? I do like the forum.

 

How many regular members were present in 2006/07 as opposed to 2009?

 

With anything that gets larger there is greater potential for change. It can be something as simple as an influx of members with the same political opinion or parental opinion.

 

I admit I stay out of a lot of parental issues because being 19 Im not really at that stage and have enough experience to make a helpful comment.

Edited January 12, 2009 by CEJesson

[Mumble]

(Actually, I'm not even sure where they're listed, TBH!! )

:shame: That would be under 'Guidelines and Rules', top of the page under the priddy banner

 

[lynne]

The mod team do a good job.

 

Being able to share information and get another persons perspective is very important for people using this forum.

 

Sharing ideas, concerns and worries is why we are all.

 

I am afraid alot of our children are let down repeated by Schools, Social services, medical and government services.

 

Yes it is frustrating and some people can not express them selves as well as others.

 

Lets start 2008 being supportive, sharing views, sharing laughter.

 

We can not change the past but we can change the future

 

 

 

[teachermum1]

For me, this forum has been very helpful. I think I would agree with baddad that the polarisation tends to be over issues where people perceive autism being used as an excuse vs. people who are very bruised by society's failure to make adjustments for autism - and both sides see the others' views as an attack on them. Also I agree that the generalisations about social workers/ teachers/ school etc. aren't helpful, especially when some of us are in those professions as well as being parents. People take their own experience and assume it is how things are. I think that's human - but not always helpful.

 

I suppose it's like something I was teaching my pupils today about different viewpoints on situations: 'it's up to me', 'me against the world' and 'the world's against me'. I guess I go through phases with them all - most of the time, I feel that J needs to be parented in a way that respects him enough to realise that he has choices, that his autism isn't all he is. He can usually choose whether or not to walk out of the room or to stay and hit someone now - didn't used to be able to, but mostly can now. So I expect him to make that choice if possible. But equally when the school talk about him 'choosing' to do x, y or x when I know that there probably wasn't a lot of conscious choice in it, I will expect there to be understanding and not criticism from the school. I may accept or even give a punishment for J, but only if I feel it is justified - as he gets older, I know that most of it is justified because it has helped his behaviour improve (it is working) and he is able to make better choices, so rewarding him for good choices and giving consequences for bad ones works. I sometimes find it hard to see which is a choice and which isn't, but rarely. I usually know. I hope that I am being a good parent by trying to push him to live beyond the definition of a static autistic kid who is just the way he is. I expect the world to do a lot of adjusting for J, but equally try to help J make some adjustments for the world he lives in, ideal or not.

 

But I know some people disagree with me and would see my position as a challenge to their own. They may even feel defensive. Perhaps we're all so used to fighting something, even if it's only an internal fight, that it carries across into here.

 

I think the mods do a great job and I hope people's perceptions improve. Me, I like a debate and to hear others' opinions. If I wanted just mine, I'd talk to myself, but I can see that people bruised from their real life battles might sometimes find it a bit stressful and will try to bear it in mind.

[CEJesson]

Of course we all have to remember its very easy to accidentally go off on a tirade and post the wrong thing. Words can be very abrupt.

 

I am a member of a very popular MG Rover car forum with nearly 60,000 members that is well moderated but went through a phase of under moderation in 2006; when the rules changed in 2007 many complained of over moderation so a balance had to be sought. I now believe this has been achieved. This forum is smaller but these issues are just as relevant to Asperger/ASD UK Forum.

Edited January 12, 2009 by CEJesson

[pookie170]

:shame: That would be under 'Guidelines and Rules', top of the page under the priddy banner

 

 

Oops.....so it is!!!!!! Thank you Mumble!!

[barefoot wend]

I admit to often feeling unconfident about posting. I quite often start a reply then feel that I have to edit it, to the extent that it becomes so bland that it contributes very little and is not worth posting.

 

Most often I want to post when I think someone is a bit of a lone voice and visualise their diminishing confidence when they face an onslaught from others who are more vociferous or eloquent.

 

It always saddens me enormously when someone feels they have to leave. I think there are many here who only post occasionally but view the site on a regular basis as I do. I feel I know peole here pretty well now even though I barely speak up.

 

Thera are times when I'd love a mod to step in and others when I feel they should leave well alone - that's why I don't envy them there position and admire them for sticking there head above the parapet - something I would be far too 'chiken' to do.

 

The problem I think is like my moderating of my posts - the danger is the site becomes too bland.

 

Barefoot

 

P.S. Tempted to delete, but.......must.....p...o...s...t....!