Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Hectorshouse

T really bad what do I do?

Recommended Posts

Today has gone seriously pear shaped, following another dire attempt to go to school. T is now beside himself, have tried talking to him in his more lucid moments, but essentially the gist of it goes along these lines ...

 

he doesn't feel he has any friends or ever has had, he has tried being himself and that didn't work, he has tried being someone else and that hasn't worked either, he wants to go to school but can't understand what he has to do, he doesn't understand why no-one likes him or why he is so abussive to the teachers and TA's alike .. infact it has been a half of hour of tears, sweats, extreme anxiety and its still going on.

 

I have reassured him as much as can, I've told him I love him and always will, I don't always like how he behaves sometimes but that doesn't mean I don't love him, I've called the GP and waiting for him to call back, was that the right thing to do? I honestly believe that he is seriously confused and depressed. I just want to pick him up and take him away from everything that is hurting him so much, mum instinct kicking in big time ...

 

HHxx :tearful:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nothing to suggest, HH, but just wanted to send my support and sympathy. Sounds as though you've said all the right things but the problem is in his head and he can't be reassured. So sad for you both. Perhaps the GP can suggest something to help. Is he normally this stressed about school, or do you think something may have triggered him off on this occasion? Hope he's settled a bit now, and you're both feeling calmer.

 

Karen

x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry that your son is so distressed. He's trying his best to let everyone know just how unhappy he is, and sometimes as parents we have to have the confidence to make difficult decisions. >:D<<'>

 

Have you ever thought about the idea of a specialist school for AS. Most LEA special schools are for MLD and SLD, but there are some wonderful independent special schools specifically for AS and associated co-morbids.

 

It's not an easy fight to get this provision for your child, but I bitterly regret the years my son struggled on in mainstream, medicated but still self-harming and unwell from anxiety all the time :(

 

I wish I'd had the confidence and the knowledge then that I have now...how would my son have been now if he had gone to the AS special school he attends when he was 11 instead of at 15??

 

It's only my personal experience and opinion, but I believe that there comes a time when as parents we have to take a step back, stop trying to 'work with' school, and follow our instincts. My son came out of mainstream on mental health grounds, and that was the beginning for us of being able to get him the right support at last. If you do decide that your son needs to come out of school on health grounds, you must ensure that you have letters from your GP and your son's specialist detailing the reasons.

 

I hope I haven't sounded too 'preachy', but I know too well the agony of seeing my child slowly being destroyed in front of me :( Sometimes the difficult, frightening decisions prove to be the best ones you ever make.

 

Good luck, and hang in there...you are doing a great job HH, never doubt that for a minute >:D<<'>

 

Bid >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

GP has just called, told him what was happening today and he had agreed that this is a very worrying situation and that his depression might become entrenched, and is referring him back to the child psychiatrist as a matter of urgency. He has told me to keep a diary of T's ups and downs, and that I have his full support. I told him about the SENCO and her 'abuse' comment, and that I'm afraid to take him to school and afraid to keep him home now, he was gobsmacked by her and agrees that the situation is untenable ...

 

Thanks for all you kind words everyone, and Bid there is one ASD school and T is on the waiting list, his year group is already oversubscribed, but there are only 2 children on the list and T is on of them, so I'm hoping I can put the pressure on this situation. I wish he had never gone to the school he is in, wishing I knew more then but I'm so glad that I have found this site, as it gives me the drive to go on. You weren't to 'preachy' what you said made me :crying: because it hits the nail on the head, and also I'm very emotional today, just blumming worn out. Gonna turn puter off in a minute and curl up with T this p.m ...

 

Thanks again HHxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

agree so much with everything bid said,just wanted to say i am thinking of you and hope he a bit calmer now,its all so upsetting isent it,take care

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been reading tips and advice on this site for some time now but having just read your post I feel I need to add a reply for the first time.

What you wrote was exactly where I was with Aaron a few months ago, I could no longer sit back and watch him going down a very slippery slope into depression, low self-worth and extreme anxiety over attending school. I was so tierd of fighting against a system that didnt seem to care what happened to him, so there comes a time when you have to shout stop! And thats what I did, I temporarily took him out of school(mainstream) on health ground and I phoned eveyone Aarons GP, social worker, child and adolesent unit, education welfare, additional needs service, everyone and made them fully aware of Aarons worsening situation and beleive it or not they all listened (probably because I no longer gave them a choice,) they are all now working together school included to help.

You have to be strong, every child has a right to be happy, I havent quite got there yet with Aaron but I intend to everything in my power to give him a happier life. And at the moment he doesnt attend school two afternoons a week just to give him time out.

You know your child better than anyone and are in control so dont be 'bullied' by anyone.

Hope things inprove for you soon. A mums instincts are always right

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:( OH HH I hope your feeling better, it gets so hard sometimes seeing your kids suffer.School is such a pain in the a!re I wish it was banned! My son would definitely agree :rolleyes: .Having a big cuddle with him on the setee tonight will definitely help and some chocolate :wub: .Hope tomorrow is brighter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi HH

 

we're in the same boat

 

and there is no AS provision whatsoever here, mainstream or special

 

the nearest independent is too far and we don't want Com to board (without anxiety he is lovely at home)

 

we're thinking of setting up a sort of cooperative home ed. unit thingy whatsit through the autism support group

 

I really hope they give T his place soon

 

I suppose if he has to be out of school you can spend the time getting him back to his healthy happy self before he has to tackle a new school - could give him a much better chance of success.

 

I wish I had guts enough to take Com out sometimes but I need him there to force the lea to amend his statement the way I want first - the autism advisor has just started working with him and I want her to give me a run down on what he actually needs; she is excellent and on our side. :notworthy:

 

stay strong

 

Z >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry i am late with my reply, but i can simpatise with you so much. My son hates school as well and sometimes he's really depressed about the whole situation. Like T, he goes on aboout not having any friend, not being able to do things that everybody else does, etc etc.

Sometimes I feel too like if there was nothing to do about it.

Take care >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just to let everyone know, T has had a brilliant day today, much calmer and loads happier, he is such a different child when he is at home and doesn't have to do the school thing! By the end of yesterday, he was fine just really really tired which is par for course after a major do, really glad the GP has agreed to the urgent referral back to the child psychiatrist.

 

We have had such a fab day, we had quite a few things to do, so to make it easier for T he got his new notebook out (he likes notebooks, we have quite a few) and we wrote a list for things that T has to do today and a list that mummy has to do today, he wrote his all to do's himself and was just fab, ok thats enough fabs for now, but he has been fab.

 

Going to see the OT on Monday, and then if he's ok he'll be back to school unfortunately I have to keep him in the system at the moment, statement is due 1.7.05, but I am seriously considering home eding after the summer hols if I can't get him into the ASD school.

 

Thanks again everyone, it has been a tremendous help being able to share my load, HHxx

(feeling slightly more revived today and off to have my hair cut and coloured for the first time in about 8 months)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi HH... glad you had such a good day at home.My son has been quite "challenging " at school this week( the schools words).......this morning he has smiled :) .....spoken without shouting.......and been brighter in every way :thumbs: ...Love the weekends. ........Just a quick point thank goodness you,ve had your roots done :curlers: ....a new hair do can work wonders :lol: .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wow how that rings a bell at the moment, my own son has been in secondary school for a year, and still hates every day he has to go. Thwere is one particular 'child', i use the term loosely, who makes it his business to bully my son each and every day.

 

the other day he called him, now excuse my language i dont swear but have to put it effing ######.........for scoring a goal in a gme of football.

 

He has kicked a full bottle of pop at him, causing him to have a get lump behind the ear, and there have been many other incidents, too numerous to mention.

 

I am seriously considering taking him out, they say he has to get used to the 'rough and tumble' of the playground, yeah right!!

 

i hope u get a solution to this problem cos honestly i am really scared i hope my son has the strength to stand this but somehow i dont think he will.

 

how many others are there out there suffering!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...