pim Report post Posted June 17, 2005 I don't know what to do with ds (4 in July). Up until recently this wasn't a problem. He only goes 2 hours. But now he's started to drink the milk there, so needs to go a couple of times. But he won't go to the toilet. I arrive to collect him and his clothes are wet. If i tell him to go he won't. He becomes stressed. I can't make him go. He does use the toilet there so he's not scared of that. I'm thinking of putting him back in pull-ups. The staff do tell him to go but he won't so there's not much they can do and often he won't let them change him if he's wet. It just seems to be a backward step to put him in nappies again. When at home he just goes when he needs to. I do remind him. He would never soil himself so this is not a problem. How can i teach him to go on his own? pim Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted June 17, 2005 Hi pim Just some thoughts, so don't know if they will be of any help! My 4 year old (middle of assessments so no dx...maybe never!) seems to have quite set 'rituals' about the loo. He has to take his shoes, pants and trousers right off. He then places himself in a very specific position, sitting down on the loo. This all seems to be very important to him, and he gets quite upset if I try and change things, e.g. suggesting he just pulls down his clothes. Now today, just as we got to Nursery, he suddenly needed to 'go'! I said we could nip into Nursery, but I had him in floods of tears because he wanted to go back home to go to the loo there. I eventually got him into the Nursery and he did go. But it had started a niggle at the back of my mind. I checked with the Nursery Staff, and they said that he never asks to go, but does go to the loo when all the children have to go. I'm now going to check if he actually goes 'go' when all the children are sent! Sorry, long-winded...what I'm trying to say is...does your son have a 'ritual' approach when he does go to the loo at home? Maybe the problem with Nursery is that he can't 'go' in the specific way he likes to do so? I never saw things in this way until today, when it hit me like a ton of bricks that this is what's going on! If it does seem as though your son has a 'way' he needs to do things perhaps you could ask the Staff to help him...and explain to him that he can still do things 'his way'? Don't know if this is relevant to you at all, but it has explained why my son does funny things over the loo! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted June 17, 2005 lots of children have these rituls about using toilets or washing hands etc at this sort of age but it does tend to be more of a problem for our AS kids my NT daughter would not go if you told her to but would go of her own accord. If you saw her 'dancing' and said 'do you need the toilet?' she would say 'no' and refuse point blank. She would then wet herself deliberately she was in Y1 before she grew out of that! I think AS kids need a lot of support with toilets out of the home - they can smell really bad and are not very private. They are also wet messy places where kids like to mess about (which is against the rules!) Com didn't like the fact that his nursery cubicles were open with no doors but when he moved nursery and they had doors he started to use the toilets there. He still will always wait for a cubicle rather than use a urinal. Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pim Report post Posted June 17, 2005 Thankyou for your advice. Yes Bid, ds does have a ritual. I have mentioned this to the staff and they said they hadn't noticed it. Before he goes he likes to look for a shower. Maybe because at home the bathroom has a toilet and shower in it. Can I ask the staff to follow his ritual? I don't know if they would have the time. he has no 1:1 help. When I arrive he is far too stressed to follow it as he is desperate to go. Then he is aggressive with me. It just a downhill struggle. I feel hopeless as a mother as it looks like I can't manage him. pim Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elainem Report post Posted June 17, 2005 Hi Pim I don't have any specific advice as not experienced this particular problem, ours was more general and also associated with pooing. I just wanted to say you are NOT a hopeless mother and also to say we have had so many disappointments where I have felt really negative and down and could never see things changing. DS has disproved this MANY times (and I never learn!!) and proved us wrong. Sometimes it just takes longer and then it clicks. That sounds blase, but I have seen it so many times with my ds, where I just felt there was nothing I could to change the siutation and then he changes it himself. Sticker chart and rewards really did work for us too if that might help. Elaine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pim Report post Posted June 20, 2005 I do so hope it is something he will grow out of. I now also think it is a sensory issue. At the moment he seems to be running around alot back and forth across the room and seems slightly more out of it. I'm trying to pinpoint it to see if it some food item I've changed of his. The only thing is his fish oils, which I've changed to eye-q. He does not seem as aware he needs to use the toilet. Any-one have any thoughts about this. pim Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
