Taxi Problems

[NickyB]

Hello all

 

DS is having some problems in the taxi to school. It's a minibus-style taxi with 5 children - 2 are in wheelchairs. There is an escort who sits in the back with them.

 

He is being very aggressive towards the driver and escort, physically and verbally. I have spoken to him again and again about how I expect him to behave, but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I've sent him to the 'naughty step' today and told him he can't watch TV or have any treats. I've explained in plain language that he needs to sit quietly on the bus and do as the driver and escort say with no hitting or rude words. He's told me he understands and he will do as he's told tomorrow. However, he's said that before and it's not been any better

 

I thought it may be partly to do with sensory issues, as he said it was too noisy, so I got him some ear defenders, which seemed to work quite well at first,but only for a while.

 

Today, the driver got him of the bus and was obvoiusly not happy. I asked her what the problem was and she said she didn't want to talk about it - she said that she didn't want to keep telling me as it's making no difference. I did explain that I do punish him and talk to him about his behaviour. I really don't want her to think that I'm not trying.

 

Eventually she did tell me that he barged her while she was attending to one of the children in a wheelchair, and when she spoke to him about it, he pinched her. While she was telling me about this, he shoved his hand into her face to try to stop her

 

The escort comes to the door in the mornings to pick him up, but when they come home, she doesn't get out of the taxi and the driver brings him to the door. The driver said that DS and the escort do not get on and, in her words, 'they are both very similar and they try to get the better of each other'. That does sound like rather childish behaviour for an adult. I do find that she can be quite 'short' with the children (her voice is quite piercing) and she doesn't appear to have much patience with them. There does seem to be an odd relationship between the driver and escort - I could be looking for things that aren't there, but I get the feeling they don't get on either.

 

I am in no way excusing DSs behavoiur but I feel that the atmosphere on the bus isn't helping at all.

 

I will continue to put sanctions in place for DSs behaviour as it's not acceptable to be abusive, no matter what the situation. I just don't know wat else I can do - any suggestions?

 

I'm not sure what would happen about getting him to school if they refuse to have him on the bus any more

 

Thanks for reading my ramblings

 

Nicky x

[bid]

Oh, I do feel for you Nicky

 

To be honest, I don't think there's much you can do about possible dynamics on the bus.

 

I think the only thing you can do is draw up some very clear sanctions that specifically apply only to his behaviour on the bus, so that he is completely clear what the consequences are for this type of behaviour. I'm afraid I think you are going to have to target something that he really loves in order to get the message across that his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

 

With my son, that would have been computer time. So, I would select whatever he loves doing the most, then make a visual behaviour chart showing that behaving on the bus is rewarded by computer time, or whatever he loves doing. But unacceptable behaviour equals losing that thing for that evening. I would also keep this sanction only for the bus behaviour until you have cracked it, so that it the link between this behaviour and the sanction is completely clear in his mind

 

I'm sure this will be unpopular with him, and I'm sure you will have to perservere. I would use very simple, unemotional language, and try to use the same simple phrase each time he behaves like this, e.g. 'no hitting on the bus'. You could also have a widget symbol crossed out in prominent places around your home, e.g. his room, the kitchen next to his behaviour chart, etc.

 

HTH and good luck <'>

 

Bid

Edited April 4, 2011 by bid

[NickyB]

Thanks Bid <'>

 

His current favourite thing is to watch Toy Story, so I've gone with that this evening - he is not happy that he can't watch it!!

 

A visual reminder would certainly help to re-inforce the message, and keeping a specific sanction for a particular behaviour is a good idea too.

 

Thanks again <'>

[baddad]

Hi Nicky -

Not sure what to suggest, but posting anyway just to reassure you that there doesn't seem to be much else you could be doing, iykwim, and that I don't think they can 'refuse' to take him over the incidents you mentioned(?). It doesn't sound like 'sensory issues' to me, because there don't seem to be any sensory triggers to the behaviour you describe when he got home today or the pinching/pushing etc. Is he able to give any explanation for the behaviours if you ask him? What does he say, other than the 'won't do it again' stuff? Can he offer any explanation at all? He may not be able to fully verbalise what's getting to him, but you might be able to pick some clues out of it if you can get him talking.

 

I know what you mean that the adult should be the 'grown up' but sadly these things can spiral into situations where adults and kids do clash and the resentment just builds up to the point that just putting them in the same room (or on the same bus)is going to be a trigger in itself. Even if the adult can get a grip and take a step back, this can reach a point where the situation's deteriorated so badly that it can't be easily fixed.

 

It certainly sounds worthwhile to have a proper talk with the driver - rather than just a snatched conversation at handover time - and if she is genuinely interested in resolving the situation she won't begrudge that. Slip her your home number tomorrow morning and ask her to give you a ring in the day/evening when you can talk more freely. Trying to discuss it in front of your son and the other kids can't be helpful to the situation at all - if there is a 'clash' and he's feeling demoralised and negative then hearing himself spoken of in a negative way in front of the other kids isn't going to help him feel better. That's not to say, of course, that he shouldn't hear the negatives (I know you know me better than that! ) but the time and place are important - possibly key - too.

 

Other things I'd try to look at/consider would be the journey itself - does he have to sit next to the person he clashes with? How does he get on with the other kids and could the seating affect that? Is there anything else you could give him (colouring books, MP3, etc)that could make the journey more pleasant for him? How long is the journey time, and is he first, last or in the middle of the run? [the last is difficult, because obviously the run has to be done in a way that is fair for all the kids and in a way that's practical for the driver, but if you can identify any issues here it might be something that the taxi firm - especially if they have more than one or two on that circuit each day, can reorganise.]

 

I don't like to make assumptions about staff in these situations, but it does sound as though the escort is maybe just going through the motions. I can see why she would feel 'challenged' by his behaviours and to a certain extent I can sympathise with that, but when responding to challenging behaviour the important thing is to control and contain the situation, not to make it worse by letting your own frustration add fuel to the fire. It's a fine line, and we all get it wrong sometimes, but if she's getting it wrong every day, and doesn't have any other skills or ideas to bring to the table then there's at the very least a shared responsibility here?

 

Spend some time tonight if you can quietly winkling info from your son (without giving him the idea that you're 'going in to bat for him') and see if you can find anything there as a basis for talking with the driver and/or escort if possible. Ask them how they handle situations on the bus, and see if you can identify any strategies they could be adopting instead. Also question them about timing - does it happen when he's getting on or off, mid journey, or at transition times when other kids are getting on and off? Are there any patterns emerging, and if so what can be constructively put in place/done to break those patterns.

 

Pure guesswork, but I'm wondering if the 'naughty step/no treats' combo may be a bit confusing for him, as they're a bit open ended. I think you would do better with a very specific 'target' and a very specific sanction, and if you can link that to a reward for the times he achieves 'good behaviour' on the bus even better. Pare it back to one essential target - forget the wiggling/sitting still (unless he's actually undoing his seatbelt and moving around) and just give him an absolute concrete definition of 'no hitting' for a while. Once you've achieved that you can work backwards on the other stuff. The escort/driver may want to try to address everything at once, but the reality is that's not always (or even often) possible with SEN kids, and as taxi-drivers for kids with special needs they should know that and work with you to identify and eradicate the most challenging behaviour and to accept that they might have to take a rain check on some of the other stuff in the short term.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

(Oh PS - if he's still at that phase, and given the good weather at the mo, access to his bike might be a good sanction strategy! )

 

Oh and PPS: Agree with Bid about the 'dynamics' on the bus and that you can't simply change that, but I do think you all need to be singing from the same hymn-sheet too.

 

Edited April 4, 2011 by baddad

[NickyB]

Thank you BD - food for thought as always

 

I have had a chat with him and I haven't got much out of him yet! He just says 'I don't know' when I ask why he's hitting etc.

 

I have asked him what his favourite thing to do is and he said playing with his toy robots. So, I've made a behaviour chart, and if he stays in his seat on the bus and doesn't hit, then he can have his robots. He REALLY doesn't like the idea of not playing with them, so let's hope it has an effect.

 

It would be a good idea to have a proper talk with the driver - I think I'll give her my number tomorrow.

 

He seems to get on fine with the other kids. The journey is quite long - about an hour by the time they've picked up all the kids. There's not much they can do about the timing of the pick ups because of where they are geographically.

 

Here's hoping for better things tomorrow

[baddad]

Thank you BD - food for thought as always

 

I have asked him what his favourite thing to do is and he said playing with his toy robots. So, I've made a behaviour chart, and if he stays in his seat on the bus and doesn't hit, then he can have his robots. He REALLY doesn't like the idea of not playing with them, so let's hope it has an effect.

 

Here's hoping for better things tomorrow

 

Toy robots! Are these small, fairly inexpensive robots or big remote control things? If small, I'd think about a reward scheme where he can save up marbles or tokens towards a new one. A very visual incentive for good behaviour... You have to be a bit creative about it - I'd try a reward chart with 2 'easy' (1 a 'given')targets + 1 'hard' target, the hard one being the actual behaviour you want to modify. That way, he gets at least one positive even on a bad day, two most days, and the all important one on the days he doesn't enact the behaviour you want to address. It sounds complicated, but they get the hang of it really quickly, and even if they suss that 1 and 2 are easy they still enjoy the positive feedback. You could have different coloured tokens/marbles for each objective, making the 'robot' token, say, red. That way if he hits out he sees a graphical sanction (no red marble/token) as well as feeling the loss of robot playtime privileges. It is really good, too, that he has identified his own meaningful sanction and accepted the reason why he will get it. He will now be working with rather than against you - taking ownership - even if he does kick off when you actually have to deliver on it!

 

Hope tomorrow goes well

 

L&P

 

BD

[Kathryn]

Hi Nicky,

 

Might be worth having a word with the boss of the transport company too - when L was getting college transport I always found the transport head very accommodating and willing to take all concerns seriously and work out practical solutions. As BD says they may even be able to tell you if there is another better alternative for that route - a different bus or a way of rearranging the pick ups.

 

Hope you find a solution to this,

 

K x

[call me jaded]

It's worth mentioning to the bus depot/transport coordinator that you're having a bit of difficulty, what do they advise.

 

The other thing is that schools very often offer a bit of additional training to the bus staff.

[JsMum]

I'm not sure what would happen about getting him to school if they refuse to have him on the bus any more

 

I think this is why it is a good idea to contact the manager who puts in place the transport in the first place and express that you are putting in consequences when your boy behaves aggressively towards the driver and escort.

 

Maybe have a word with the school to see if there is any access to looking at feelings and emotions and if he can be given support to help express himself better, maybe a couple of cards that say how he is feeling when he is on the bus.

 

 

Eventually she did tell me that he barged her while she was attending to one of the children in a wheelchair, and when she spoke to him about it, he pinched her. While she was telling me about this, he shoved his hand into her face to try to stop her

 

Did he definately delibrately barge into the escort, I can imagine these multi seat mini buses with wheelchairs are not very spacious and some children with special needs have spacial awareness difficulties so may not of realised she was nearer that he thought, with a wheelchair and a person adujusting and positioning I can imagine it can get rather narrow so maybe your lad didnt mean to barge into her in the first place.

 

Maybe the escort accused your son of delibrately barging into her when he didnt but rather than say this, he lashed out and pinched her maybe again because he found it difficult to explain he didnt do it on purpose, and when he placed his hand in her face it was because he maybe felt he was getting blamed again and he knew that it meant he had to go in the naugty step, no film and no other treats.

 

I ask do you have anywhere in your home apart from his bedroom that can be assigned to him where it can be his chill out area, a small corner of a room with beanbags, books, music, sensory lights, exct so he can have some chill out time without been reprimanded, I can only imagine obvously but I bet a Mini bus of five children, two adults and the busyness of getting the wheelchairs in and out and stopping and starting from dropping the children off can be kind of teadious and boring so when he gets home he can have a bit of a destress in his chill out corner that isnt looked at as a punishment but as a de esculation techneque and a techneque that will hopefully help for the next travel day as he does this tens times a week which could be causing stress and anxiety which for some children can cause additional behavioural problems.

 

JsMumx

[NickyB]

Well, wouldn't you know, he was 'perfect' on the bus today, to quote the driver, so he's got his robots

 

Something tells me that won't be the case every day but I am enjoying the moment

 

Nicky x

[baddad]

Well, wouldn't you know, he was 'perfect' on the bus today, to quote the driver, so he's got his robots

 

Something tells me that won't be the case every day but I am enjoying the moment

 

Nicky x

 

YAY!! If it does turn out to be every day then you probably need to worry - 'cos it means he's been pulling the wool over your eyes all along!

But very VERY well done to him for today, and lets hope it's the start of a positive cycle that gets him to 'every day' (or near as dammit) sometime soon.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Kathryn]

Ooh well done, and fingers crossed for tomorrow!

 

K x

[bid]

Great stuff!

 

Bid