• Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Bluesbreaker

dating sites....

58 posts in this topic

what a ruddy mess thats about.

 

luckily i read all the terms and conditions so know my rights very well indeed, so no harm to me, but just signed up to plenty more fish... worth a shot....

 

get your profile sorted all that lark...

 

then to send a message you need to pay for the privilege..... GAHHHHHH!

 

whoever came up with this bull.... capitalism is a real nonce.

 

I was making a sensible move, i don't get much chance to meet people and stuff and all i want to do is go on a few dates... anyway yeah rant over....

 

so any other alternatives, and don't say wait and you will find someone, cause i'm about ready to fire a missile in the direction of the internet if i hear or read that one more time, lol!

 

it's just such a nightmare.... really is

 

i'm either stupid or forgot my medication today... lol

 

edit: the filter doesn't like my ''offensive'' language, however i used a swear word and it didn't block it...

Edited by Bluesbreaker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Bluesbreaker...

wait and you'll find someone (heeheehee)... sorry.

More helpful, possibly / hopefully. there used to be an autie / aspie dating section on 'aspies for freedom' forum I'm sure... just did a quick google and doesn't immediately jump out, but there are forums there for online chat, and one i noticed if you happen to be a musician / in a band wher you might find like minded people etc...

 

I can't actually recommend 'AFF' site as I've never used it. From word of mouth I think some people find it a bit, erm, 'direct' sometimes, but worth having a look and seeing what you think...

 

http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/forums.php

 

 

Other than that - and I know these are cliches but they're cliches for good reasons - try to do things related to what you like doing and meeting people (not just girls, but people generally) through those interests. Music is an obvious starting point, but instead of just practicing with the band in the garage/whatever see if you can get on a local adult ed course learning production or musical theory, even an 'appreciation' society for the particular brands of music you're into. If you read/write/cook or have any other sorts of hobby Adult Ed and local courses can offer good opportunities to meet other people of mixed ages, and they tend to be there because they're interested rather than because they're filling a gap between school and real life, which is sometimes the case at college. Local Am Dram could be another starting point - Maybe could use musicians for the band/orchestra pit(?). Even scenery shifting gets you mixing with other people.

 

Simple fact is, the more you do social the more likely you are to meet people you like/who like you, and the more chance there is of meeting potential girlfriends. Try to make that (and I do know at your age it's easier said than done) the secondary objective, though, because it could take a while and trying too hard can be a bit self-defeating.

 

HTH

 

L&P

 

BD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

cheers BD,

 

yeah I will try it, the more the band progresses the more this naturally happens anyway, which in itself is amazing!!

 

L&P to you to my friend,

 

BBKR

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was on plentyoffish about 2 years ago ( just before i met my current partner on Match.com)......it was free then, and i thought it is still free???...... are you talking about the same website?

 

I think online is a really good place to meet someone because you can think about what you want to write in your messages rather than talking face to face which is SO hard!!!

 

Nicki

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PlentyOfFish is free, PlentyMoreFish isn't. Simples.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No progress for me so far, it gets me annoyed! But then again, other times the independent idyll is just fine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

According to Shimrit Elisar, author of Everyone's Guide to Online Dating, "few people can keep up with more than one site at a time".

 

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/money/consumer_affairs/article3167889.ece

 

I'm on PoF, OKCupid!, BluesMatch and Loveandfriends.

:blink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i'm on enough of the damn things and still don't have anything! LOL

 

although as it stands I might be in a relationship in 2012 with my best friend who is a single mum (she's 19 and has two kids, great girl and I love the babies)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A few days ago my mum drew to my attention an article in the Times Weekend supplement about a woman who joined DatingDirect aged 37 and got engaged within a year to the first and only man she met from that site. No pressure. :huh:

 

That same article recommend mysinglefriend.com, parship.co.uk, eharmony.com, zoosk.com, loveandfriends.com, encountersdating.co.uk, Gaydar.co.uk, Soulmates.guardian.co.uk, Okcupid.com, Friendsreuniteddating.co.uk and Badoo.com.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A few years ago a friend tried match.com and some other site that I don't remember the name of, and his profile was terrible, I couldn't believe some of the things people said about themselves on those sites....

 

Isn't there any websites out there that show people what they could do to get better results/what they are doing wrong? Like when people get help with cv's and there's companies that help make it look really good without lying :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was on a dating site about six years ago, it was straightforward: you filled in your profile, uploaded a picture and off you went. These days, many sites require you to fill in pages and pages of questionnaires, likes/dislikes, etc. I don't like this for two reasons: first, it's incredibly tedious; second, and more importantly, it means potentially good matches never happen just because your 'compatibility score' isn't very high. Whatever happened to "vive la difference?" My experience is that you can learn enough to know whether a date would be worthwhile from what the person writes about themselves, plus an exchange of messages and then a phone conversation.

 

I was on datingdirect, before it changed to long questionnaires, then mysinglefriend which, as far as I know, still takes a more straightforward approach.

 

Edit: both these sites charge subscriptions. I think you stand a better chance on subscription sites because everyone there has at least made a financial commitment to show they are serious.

Edited by AdamJ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sure that there are people out there who have done well on dating sites, I have never used them as I have been in a happy relationship with my partner for over 25 years now. What I find confusing is that if we both decided to put our profiles up on the same site I don't think we would have a cat in hell's chance of ever being matched. Our relationship works I believe because we are both very different and bring complemetary skills and personalities to the table and as a result I believe we are much stronger as a unit than we are as individuals.

 

It seems to me that dating sites by their nature can only be good at matching two people together based on what they have in common, and is this necessarily a good thing for the people concerned or rather the only way these companies can make money. Personally I think the answer is to put yourself in contact with as many people as possible in relaxed social situations and play a percentage game, I can kind of see why speed dating might work and is popular in this respect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It seems to me that dating sites by their nature can only be good at matching two people together based on what they have in common, and is this necessarily a good thing for the people concerned or rather the only way these companies can make money.

But surely sometimes the things people have in common aren't that important - unless everyone is out there searching for a carbon copy of themselves?

 

When I meet people - as friends or acquaintances - it is often people who are different to me that I find most interesting... And if I decided to join the dating scene I would feel the same, because someone too similar to me would drive me nuts!!!

 

Edit - therefore the companies do it to make money while "maintaining a good appearance of giving people what they want" IMO :devil:

Edited by darkshine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Darkshine do you think you are capable of writting a profile which is the opposite of you?

 

Bacause I know my partner I think I could write a profile of her now, but i wouldn't have got anywhere near this when I was 19 years of age.

 

Thats why i think some things just have to happen naturally and you can't manufacture them, but I am sure there are many instances which disprove this. The carbon copy point is interesting in that i think for a short period possibly a year or so we might like the fact that someone is like us, but is this just vanity on our part. I would be interested to find out what the average lifespan is for these carbon copy relationships which might be generated from such sites. IMO the bigger the data base the more chance of finding short term fulfillment but does this equate to long term success. I suspect a data base of 2 has a much chance of finding a long term match as a data bas of 100,002.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Darkshine do you think you are capable of writting a profile which is the opposite of you?

I don't think I'm capable of writing a profile that is me - let alone the opposite!

 

To you guys I'm what you see on here, you might see the problems, the stress, the struggles, and hopefully some nice stuff too.

 

But would I advertise all that stuff on a dating site? Probably not. Actually there's no "probably" it would be "NO" I wouldn't.

 

My posts on this forum are the closest to the 'real me' anyone out there in the world ever gets to see - in a way, everyone on this forum is more privileged than my entire family - because on here I can say almost anything, when in "real life" I can't. And what's more, people on here listen and they talk back without judging me too much - now that's priceless to me, for someone who has never felt accepted anywhere, I kinda feel accepted here.

 

I feel incapable of narrowing myself down to a series of answers based on questionnaires - its why I haven't filled out the "interests" section on this forum (the bit that appears under people's profile picture on the left of the screen every time they post).

 

Because interests don't define the people who interest me - its the things they say that appeals, and how they say it, for example in the last year I have spoken with 3 people about topics which generally don't interest me, about things that I would never list as personal interests - yet these people have made the topics interesting - if I only spoke with people like me, who have the same interests as me then I wouldn't learn much would I?

 

Sure its nice having things in common - but common is boring - different, however, can be very interesting.

 

But all this is just my opinion - maybe everyone else feels different :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Has anyone here used Searchmate?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Internet has mad every thing so instant.

 

Back when I was in my 20s/30s, in an attempt to improve my reading and writing skills, and of course to get to know new people I answered a few adds in a pen pal mag. The letters were send to a PO box for forwarding on so you never had their address untill they volunteered it. The people live some distance away, even abroad, so no real chance of ever meeting. After corresponding for a few years, I plucked up the courage to speak on the phone to one, after about 6 month of occasional speaking on the phone, despite living about 250 miles apart, we agreed to meet up for coffee. About 5 years later we got marred. Its a good job motoring was cheaper in them days as I clocked up 1000s of miles visiting my now wife.

Edited by chris54

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a-s warrior likes the above post. the internet is brain washing you all, and these dating sites are another way to manipulate you, computers are getting ever powerfull, and it wont be much longer before computers turn on us and we have terminators taking us down.

 

 

i want your boots, your clothes and your motorcycle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It used to be (perhaps still is) said that the great thing about internet dating was that you could get to know someone through lengthy written correspondence. Unfortunately internet dating has transmogrified into smartphone dating, which means you're lucky to get a message lasting more than one sentence. At least that's been my experience. Correction, was.

Not wanting to gloat here - honest!

http://www.asd-forum...py/#entry325242

Following my, ahem, alternative Jubilee celebration a deux on Sunday, I have deleted my online dating profiles. I'm aware it's a not uncommon phenomenon for people to try internet dating without any immediate success, only to form a relationship with someone in real ife - the implication being that the internet dating helped them build up their confidence. Probably especially true of someone emerging onto the dating scene after the breakup of a long relationship. However I'm not sure if this scenario applies in my case, as frankly I never thought I gained much from internet dating, certainly not in terms of picking up when someone was interested in me. In fact, if it hadn't been for a mutual friend pointing out the bleedin' obvious to me (and him for that matter!) I doubt things would have progressed very far.

 

For the record, I originally met the lucky guy at an autism activism group last year and added him as a friend on Facebook soon after. Although by some bizarre coincidence, it turns out I had unknowingly messaged him on a dating site around the same time that I met him in real life - I guess he had turned up in my daily matches or something like that.

Edited by Aeolienne

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's early days yet - it may be a while before I update my Facebook relationship status.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's early days yet - it may be a while before I update my Facebook relationship status.

 

Probably best not to rush - hope it works out if it's what you want :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Probably best not to rush - hope it works out if it's what you want :)

It doesn't resolve the other issues in my life, like not having a job and wishing I could move to Bristol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No it doesn't, you are right, but this could be good for you, you never know where things can lead - a relationship can make you think in different ways, another person can bring their own sets of ideas to "the table" or they can ignite new motivation or new thinking, another person can change you in ways we don't usually think about in normal boring day to day life.

 

Bristol will always be there (unless it gets nuked in which case it doesn't matter as we'll all be dead anyway) and there will be a job out there somewhere too - a year ago you thought you wouldn't ever find someone to date - who knows what the next year could bring?

 

Life is like that - it twists and turns and goes all over the place - who knows where certain actions will lead... All I know is that sometimes it is best to have a bit of excitement and find out - it is sometimes worth the risks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's early days yet - it may be a while before I update my Facebook relationship status.

In the event we updated our statuses today. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i told you diddnt i? rember that post on my introduction topic? uncle A-S was right wasnt he!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In the event we updated our statuses today. :)

 

I'm happy for you :)

 

I remember you saying stuff about a year ago and thinking nothing like this would happen!!

 

It's amazing what a year can do sometimes...

 

Is it is good as you imagined? ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm happy for you :)

 

I remember you saying stuff about a year ago and thinking nothing like this would happen!!

 

It's amazing what a year can do sometimes...

 

 

 

 

it was less than that, it was little over a month ago.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I meant what Aeolienne said about a year ago about not finding anyone (that is a massive paraphrase) - it was in another post elsewhere (can't remember which - I just remember talking about it and that it was not this year).

 

Let's just leave it at - I'm pleased for her :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It doesn't resolve the other issues in my life...

To which add: being too ######-scared to ride a bicycle or drive a car :crying: :crying:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oasis is a good one. I've been using it now for about 2 years.

 

Messenging is free on it and the search function is quite nifty and local...I've even made some friends with some people on it away from the site and all without paying a penny!

 

And for a dating site that it pretty rare!

Edited by Mike_GX101

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used veggieromance. Back then it was free, but I don't think it is free anymore now.

Anyway, it's only useful if you are vegetarian or vegan. It worked well, though.

I met my partner quickly on there and we've been together for 7 years now.

(while my previous longest relationship was just under a year)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

whats wrong with the old fashioned way of meeting pepole by chance? just be patient and wait for your destiny partner, trust me, you wont regret it.

 

the internet hasnt got the awnser for everything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I consider internet dating to be a far better and more efficient way of meeting a life partner than 'chance' meeting. More fun too; instead of having to wade your way through tons of dull people at horrible noisy busy smoky locations, you get to sit behind your own computer in the comfort of your own home, and exchange pleasant emails with a nice guy. Much easier to ignore the annoying ones, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

whats wrong with the old fashioned way of meeting pepole by chance? just be patient and wait for your destiny partner

 

You'll be waiting for an eternity then! I did and got nowhere. I suppose if one lived in a busy metropolis like New York or Tokyo then it would be easy to go out and mingle and meet the right person but for the rest of us the internet is the next best thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Besides what if your destiny lover awaits you online. Who says destiny doesn't play a hand with modern technology? It's a clever trick destiny is believe me - there is no place destiny cannot reach - it is everywhere, all around us; it's in the very atoms vibrating with vibrant, positive energy (if you're lucky) and everything shimmers with it.

 

All you have to do is play along...roll the dice, as the say...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

call me old fashioned, but i tend to fall in love with my eyes. i looked across the room and saw her, i knew at that moment she was going to be my wife.

 

or,

 

i was posting on plenty of fish and donna from wales pm,d me and we hit it off, and before you know it we were having internet sex.

 

doesnt make for a good story of how you met your missus does it? i just think dating sites are stupid (imo) and everyone must come off as despererate, when you meet someone in the real world, its more fun and you have the woman in front of you right there. i love women, i dont love computer monitors very much, but each to there own i quess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i was posting on plenty of fish and donna from wales pm,d me and we hit it off, and before you know it we were having internet sex.

 

Ahem...what is internet sex...?????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now