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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team

14 posts in this topic

I have aspergers syndrome (AS), sensory processing disorder (SPD) and OCD.

 

My mind and heart are on a constant battleground, neither has a greater majority over the other, they are in constant conflict. I am never able to settle on something, when something is resolved it reminds me immediately of something else. There are puzzle pieces in my mind; I am never settled until the puzzle has been worked out. I have no other choice but to complete the puzzle. I am held at gunpoint by my mind. I need to find the answer, if it is bad it is overwhelming, if it is good I can rest on that particular subject. If I am lied to and find out later, it feels much worse. My mind is like a computer and my heart is human. My head is telling me to face the answer whether I like it or not. My heart is telling me to avoid it, and don’t find out, but it is so pained by dismissing the truth. This is my battleground. This is what I have been faced with since primary school. It is not easy, but just the same it is uncontrollable. I am just the person sitting in the background, I am not able to intrude into the conflict inside of me, but oh, how I try,

:(.

 

I feel I always need to pursue a problem, no matter how it may harm me. When I obtain puzzle pieces my mind automatically feels pain, I feel if I do not resolve an issue I will be stuck with the pain, but if it's true I could be causing a greater pain. It is always a risk. It is horrible, I am in an ever growing cycle of depression. I am unsure as to what to do, could anyone provide some thoughts or advice?

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My mind is like a computer and my heart is human.

 

 

unbeliveably awsome, smartest thing anyone has said round here for a while, thats what ive been saying all my life. welcome by the way.

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Thank you for your kind words, and welcoming, :) . It is uplifting to hear such comments. It is the first time I have ever really built up enough courage to write on a forum. So many thoughts cycle my head, I just need to find the right medium to set my words. I thought that this was a good website to put them. As I have said I am always feeling this way, not a day goes by that I am not free from this pain. The more puzzle pieces I find the greater the pain, but I cannot forget, my mind does not work that way. It does not compute, :wacko: . It makes me feel less alone knowing that there are others out there with the same difficulties I have.

 

Anyway thank you again for your kind words, it is really uplifting.

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i have a simular thought pattern to you, what helped me when the thoughts got to much was to find a quiet place away from the house, like a forest or a far away meadow, and just go back to basics, have a nice sit down and become one with nature almost. breathe in the fresh air, enjoy the quiet sound of nothing but birds tweeting and feeling a gentle breeze blowing. its amazing how the brain almost wrings dry all worry, and anger, in that quiet envronment. i usually come home a completley different man. its also key to rember in those quiet momnets that we are animals as well, so try to get into a really natural frame of mind, just think nice and simple, use your computer like brain to block out anything remotley complicated or troubling, flag it as spam and go back to a simple thought proccess and relax and listen to the silence. eventully you,ll hear your heart talking (not literally) and thats when you start to get the happy and warm thoughts and feelings. and the times when your ready to make big decisions, in a clear and decisive way, but your main concern is to relax.

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Thank you for your reply, I will take note of what you have written and I will reply tomorrow as I am about to go to bed at the moment. Not that I find sleep easy, but I do need it. It is very difficult to relax with these thoughts.

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Ichigo very good post.

 

I know how you feel on this one and I felt the same way for many years, and my mind seemed for most of the time to have complete control over my heart processes.

 

I think we need to remember that AS is a developmental condition and that in some areas of life we may be behind the pace of our peers. There is also a lot of evidence that because our brains are connected differently and have their own strengths as well as weaknesses we can carry trait one of which is being very analytical.

 

My own response to your post is what's the problem' two for the price of one' and that is how I see myself very much today. In my own case it has taken years for the emotional side of my personality to emerge and take an equal footing with my analytical side, it put this down to a developmental issue. The good thing is that all the analytical ability is still more or less there but age does slows us down a touch and we can become a bit lazy and as such need to keep on my toes.

 

In my teens, twenties and early thities my brain was very dominant, and as a result I was highly productive as an individual. You puzzle analogy is really interesting in that I saw everything as a massive jigsaw and that all the pieces had to be put together. At your point in life this was highly frustrating as i was not in the power positions to affect anything, I could often see solutions but did not have access to information and resources let alone the power to affect change. I think in respect to information and resources things are easier today, power is no different. I had a choice either go it along in my own bussiness or to work up existing systems, I chose the later.

 

I was fortunate to reach a point where I was in leadership positions by the age of 30 where I could take sole responsibility for ideas and so spent a lot of time working out bigger pictures and implementing them, this was great fun. People would say I don't know how you can do that, I know know it was down to personality type and autism.

 

Ichigo and A-S Warrior trying very hard not to sound patronising it is easy from my life position to look back and see things now for what they were with a lot of understanding. Many people would describe AS as being disadvantaging, A-S Warrior I know you are very possitive and see it a having a lot of advantages. In contrast I see it as simply AS and try to understand it and manipulate it to my best advantage, its about what can I get from it. On the whole AS has worked for me pretty well. I think there comes a point though where you simply need to be able to chill with it.

 

Ichigo I am currently working for my own benefit on the design of concepts around sustainable living on tidal flood plains, a very massive and I think important jigsaw indeed. There was a time in my life where I would feel the pressure of the importance of such projects. Have an understanding there are few people on the planet who can grapple with such big issues and hold many pices of the solution and I might be one of those. The result was a lot of self pressure and a real drive which could be destructive at the extremes. My response was to take on thing in cycles and deal with issues which could be solved in initially a couple of weeks, then up to a month or so or even half year projects. I would go at them full bore get to the end and then collapse burnt out but satisfied with my efforts.

 

Now that i have some real maturity and my heart has come to the fore I do not feel the need to work in that way. Sure I need to find the answers to everything but there is no rush rather I want to enjoy the journey and do other things as well. Today i can cycle out to the coast and watch the tide come in and out and how it works with plant communities which live in the zones around fresh water outlets and the sea. I look at rocks and ponder how man made structures could be created to harbour plant species to support human life be it through food or fuel. For me a lot of my design work is about feeling for solutions rather than grinding out answers through the accumilation of information. Earlier in my life I did not have the skills to do this i was not in touch of my emotions in the right way. Personally witnessing the birth of my son was a big key to open a lot of this stuff up. As a result I am far more at peace with myself that I have ever been and as a result I have so much more potential.

 

Do I regret my twenties. No way! I was an angry I want to change the world anarchist who was using all the tools available to him at the time. it was really frustrating and I would go nuts at times lying awake at night trying to work things out. I used that energy in a constructive way and opened up opportunities for myself, though at the time it seemed to take forever. Relax I didn't know what the word mean't let alone practice it. Interestingly I fed my heart throughout that time rock climbing, mountaineering, caving, mountain biking etc... being outdoors has always been central in my life but this was full on adrenaline stuff.

 

In conclusion I think we go through phases in life and each one is unique and special. Within each phase there are issues we need to overcome, frustrations to deal with but we grow through experience. Would I want to be your age guy's yes and no. I think in hindsight I would like to have been a bit more chilled, have a more balanced view of life but what would this have mean't giving up, I am not too sure. The truth is I am happy how it went though there were bad times in there because it has helped make me the person I am and also provides contrast in life which is important. I have thought that if I had to live it again in a similar way I would not want a diagnosis for AS as personally I believe I might have used this as a reason not to drive on and have possibly justifiably said it makes things too hard at times. In that respect is there a level of frustration there which simply was not there for me because I had nothing to direct it at, rather i had to take the line this is simply how I am, I can't change it so make the best of it.

 

Just a few thoughts.

 

P.S. the good thing being your age was I could get out of bed and not knowing I had done a 4 hour trainning session the day before. Logging off, the next 30 minutes will be about getting moving enough so i can climb on a bike and see where it goes from there, the running shoes look too painfull to even put on, as we get old we get jellous, one of the downsides.

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Thank you LancsLad for your lengthy reply, it is almost like the volume of writing I have written to an old school friend online who is neurotypical. I get so worried I write too much too often. She has reassured me that it is ok, but my mind never seems to rest. I have been alone for a long time in my life so it is difficult making friends. The ‘outside world’ feels thousands of times worse than school, and that’s saying something, school was very bad in itself.

 

As regards to A-S warrior, I understand what you are saying that to go out to a forest, meadow and such to help to relax. Mum and I have a kind of a park near to us with a couple of lakes. It can be quite relaxing to watch the lake water flow due to my SPD, I think. In truth when the puzzle pieces are fewer in number and have less of an impact then I tend to like watching animé (Japanese animation) or read manga, listen to Japanese music, play video games, etc. to try to drown out my mind and escape into my own world. As I am a sort of amateur photographer, going out and taking photos can get a little relaxing, yet only a little. The problem is when the puzzle pieces are too big and overwhelming then they become useless, I am unable to find anything to keep my mind from greater depression. You say that when you get home from relaxing in nature and shutting out the chaos of your mind then you become a different man, when the pieces are too large I am unable to shut it out. There is no power button. I just drown my mind when it has less of an impact. When I get off of the entertainment or get back home, I am not a different person, I am immediately reminded of the reasons why I had the pain to begin with, starting the depressive cycle again.

 

When you tell me that relaxing is my main concern, I have tried many things, as I have stated above and when I try to sleep I either read a book, manga or novel and listen to the Japanese music. It doesn’t always work, if something occurred during the day or I have newly discovered something that keeps my mind on edge all day long then I always find it much harder to relax my mind that way.

 

As regards to LancsLad. Thank you again for your long reply. My mum has often said that she thinks I am about a few years behind everyone else. She says, however, that I talk and write much better than my cousin who is neurotypical and about a year younger than me. Another main difficulty I have is that I have an enormous amount of anxiety. I am always struggling with this, every time someone calls out to me, taps me on shoulder, or requests directions, I get this huge tidal wave come over me, there is acid in my heart and then I either freeze or call out to mum. I am hopeless when I need to answer directions in that anxious state, my words are unable to flow, and it is as if the taps to the correct thinking processes has been shut off.

 

I am so analytical it is unbelievable. Everything plays a huge part to me. I trod on a mirror only yesterday, it shattered. Oh, how that has played on my mind, I think that I will receive some really bad luck soon. Whether it is superstition or not is irrelevant. I analyse anything and everything, nothing is excluded, and everything could play a factor one way or another. I am also extremely self-critical, everything I say or do is recorded in my mind, and if it is opposing to the kind, friendly, caring individual I want to be then my mind tortures me over not correcting those mistakes. I am talking to an old school friend from primary school because I was unable to open my bedroom door to her many years ago (being behind my bedroom door is part of the way I had been educated, I think I will post that under a different section. It is quite complex so it will require a deeper explanation due to a breakdown at school just before I was diagnosed).

 

When I have done or said something that I didn’t mean to but caused a divide for whatever reason like I stated with my old school friend. Then over time that pains me more and more deep, like I have spikes around my neck getting tighter. I need to be able to deal with the issue to relieve a notch from my expansive depressive repertoire and knock it from existence; the truth is though it is not long before a new notch replaces it.

 

Every puzzle piece is another truth from somebody or in something that could explain something that may be quite bad, it might not be true and that’s why I need to find out the truth. It may not be good but I suppose I am like a detective who is made to solve the case or face the sack, the problem is that if the case is correct, I may also get the sack only that it would damage my reputation as a detective as well. Finding the truth is something my heart and mind both want to do; the problem is the pain that can come from it. It all depends on how strong a pain it is. If it is minimal, I can drown it, if it isn’t I am tortured, if it is major it effects me for a very long time. Then if it is untrue my mind immediately transfers to a new case, depending on how soon I pick up another clue, or puzzle piece. It is a never ending job that gets harder the more puzzles are completed.

 

When you say that I need to chill with it, do you also mean relax? To me relaxing is always difficult. I am a computer in mind and a computer in nature. I spend the majority of my time on it. It is incredibly difficult to pull myself away from it to sleep. I am glued to the screen, my mind is kind of in a suspended animation, the moment I come off of it is the moment my mind gets flooded with all of the information I wanted to suppress.

 

Positivity to me is an extremely difficult subject. As soon as I entered primary school I could tell I was going to hate it. To be honest, I got along with no one in the first four years, and then I had to change classes over bullying. When I did my old bully punched me in the stomach winding me. I noticed that the head teacher talked about meaningless statements in assembly about “do onto other as you would want to be done to yourself”. I had to believe people would follow that same principle, most didn’t of course, and that old school NT friend was the only one I can say was truly friendly and kind. In assembly it was the meaningless statements, singing hymns to praise being alone and depressed, and then getting up from being crossed legged on the ground, my leg went numb and then I would get enormous pins and needles. Then they introduced something called a ‘buddy bench’. When I first saw this ‘buddy bench’ I laughed. I thought how out of touch with reality are these people. It was a colourful bench that was meant to attract children that were alone to sit in order to introduce each other to make friends. To those with friends it must have looked to be a good idea. I, however, who was bullied, and alone, saw it as something very different. I knew it was a magnet to bullies, as lamp to a moth, I would be saying “here I am, all alone, waiting to be picked upon”. There was no escaping the fact that it would be like attaching a bull’s-eye to my forehead. Another point was that I found interaction difficult, though at the time I didn’t know I had AS, I could tell it wouldn’t help. I need reassurance and encouragement in social interaction, not an outside move by a ‘buddy bench’ to attract bullies like a moth to a lamp. That was just some of the negative feelings I felt at primary school, never mind about now. I have explained the difficulty I have with viewing life positively to my old NT friend from primary, before I explained she was mentioning about thinking positively. I thought I needed to explain why I found that difficult, I think she has held back on saying so, but I worry if her demeanour views life that way then I am like the opposing value. I worry that may cause problems.

 

Hmm, there is a lot to explain here about my education, but technically that should be under the education section. I could explain a bit I suppose. I have been out of education for about two years, I was under a statement that ends at 19, I have been learning from behind my bedroom door with the help of two tutors. There is a problem that is preventing me for getting the education but I think that is quite a lengthy topic to explain. To get to the point, I find learning online extremely difficult (I can imagine you would mention that as an option). It will not work for me, I had completed a web designing course for one of my last courses, and there was a professional web designer that came to the house to help teach me a bit of web designing as the tutor who was working with me on the course didn’t know about web designing. He rarely came to visit as he lived further away. He was teaching me about CSS coding. The home tutor stopped coming as the statement had ended, and even though my statement had ended he had come once a month unpaid by the LEA to check how the website I was creating was coming along. My CSS coding was incomplete. I sent my website to the main course tutor (my home tutor is different to this main course tutor, this main course tutor is set to this web designing course. My home tutor taught me from behind my bedroom door), he received the website but it didn’t work. It took me months to try to explain the problem and find a solution with the professional web designer over the internet, I cannot speak on the telephone, as he could see it but the main course tutor couldn’t. It was very confusing and incredibly draining, so much so that I decided to drop the CSS coding as I was too exhausted. I think I lost some marks with that, I got a merit grade, which is good but I could have got a distinction grade if I had completed the CSS coding and it wasn’t so draining. I did receive a distinction in photography though. Anyway that is the main reason why internet learning would be out of the question for me.

 

I learnt from behind my bedroom door as I found it extremely difficult to focus on my work when I have eyes watching me. I cannot concentrate and get easily distracted. I was not terrible at school but I could sense that I was struggling. I also had a very horrible incident happen to me in secondary school that caused me to learn from behind my bedroom door. It involved the P.E teacher that was also the head of year.

 

I am very ambitious about learning but I can only do so in a way I can deal with. This is the huge obstacle, I cannot budge it, and I would break if I did. I cannot go through a stressful and un-focusing learning environment, with eyes peering at you, distracting your train of thought. I have wanted to learn Japanese, Chinese, and German, computer maintenance (basically as many things to do with computing as possible), more about photography, a musical instrument, etc. I am always on the look out to increasing my skills to help to make myself feel “yes, life was difficult, but look at the skills I have achieved”. I want to be able to learn so much but I am so restricted in how to go about it in a way I can cope with.

 

I have been creating abstract designs with my photographs and make them into greetings cards. I had done this with one of my tutors for two courses. It had been quite successful. The first course was for charity selling them and raising £200 for the NAS, and then the second I had to set up a small business to sell some for myself to see how successful the business might be. The place where I sold them told mum that I had to work in the shop there at least twice a week. For the course they allowed me to sell them but took 35% commission from my profits. After the course was finished and the tutor left they then imposed a strict ruling that I had to work there to sell my artwork. That was out of the question for me, so they were taken out of there. Now I am unable to sell them again and am trying to find a way of getting them out there again.

 

I am not an extremely adrenaline person at all. I hated sports at school. I am only just managing to create an exercise structure at home. Not particularly successful, but I have lost a lot of weight. I am unable to go rock climbing, mountaineering, caving, etc. due to many reasons, not to mention my SPD would drive me crazy. I am more of a drown myself in the computer type of person, I spend more hours on the computer then I sleep sometimes, :unsure: . I do go out as an amateur photographer sometimes but I am mainly drowning my mind through electronics.

 

I want to be able to make the most of life in a way I can cope with. “A way I can cope with” is something very fundamental to me. I cannot be put through a lot of stress and anxiety, but all the same I don’t want to waste my life either. You say I can’t change who I am, I have to make the best of it. Yes, this is how I feel but I have to do so in a way I can cope with. This is what I struggle with.

 

I was able to talk to my old primary school NT friend as I thought I needed to tackle the issue, put it to right, and explain my AS, SPD and OCD. I have contacted her for several weeks now in the process of explaining. I have already met her once during that time, but when I got home my teeth began to chatter and I could hardly speak and I had a huge headache. It was awful. Not to say that it wasn’t a nice time, it is just the before and aftermath that is the challenge. I could hardly sleep the night before and as I walked into the café/pub area with mum to meet her, my anxiety hit the roof.

 

I am unable to chill my mind, I have gone through many struggles up until now, I do not wish to go with the flow and watch as my life could change to wrack and ruin without seeing it coming first. It is so difficult I do not wish to make my mind go through utter chaos but at the same time I need to know what is around the corner. It is always a conflict to me. Balancing my mind is a lot harder than it sounds; I have no control over it. I try my best to say “stop it, keep calm. Don’t think of horrible things” but it has no effect. You say you wouldn’t want to be diagnosed when you were younger. To me, it makes no difference the damage the P.E teacher caused me emotionally caused such a cataclysm that I had no choice but to leave. I even lost a good friend from secondary school in the process (he has dyspraxia so he is also on the spectrum), which has stayed with me for a long time as I was too scared to tell him I couldn’t go back.

 

Now I am nearly 21 I want to go back and tackle the problem I have with the split up of my two old school friends. I think I have resolved the issue with the NT friend from primary school. My friend from secondary school may be a lot harder. I haven’t talked to him yet, but I think he is on Facebook. He is in university, I have no education, and his mother is a teacher. If he talks about education, I am scared it could make me feel a heavy weight has been placed on my heart. I am unsure as to how to approach him, technically I refused to see him (it was because he wanted me to go back, but I was so worried what would happen if I told him I couldn’t). That has hung heavily on my heart. I feel I need to tackle it but I am afraid he would reject my friendship.

 

Thank you again for your replies, I hope what I have said makes sense is not breaching any topic specific sections. I just thought a lot needed to be explained, there is still a lot more but, I better not make this message any longer.

Edited by Ichigo Kurosaki

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A-S warrior, I was worried whether or not you saw the section of my message when I replied to your message explaining the problems I have. I have pasted below in case you had missed it:

 

I understand what you are saying that to go out to a forest, meadow and such to help to relax. Mum and I have a kind of a park near to us with a couple of lakes. It can be quite relaxing to watch the lake water flow due to my SPD, I think. In truth when the puzzle pieces are fewer in number and have less of an impact then I tend to like watching animé (Japanese animation) or read manga, listen to Japanese music, play video games, etc. to try to drown out my mind and escape into my own world. As I am a sort of amateur photographer, going out and taking photos can get a little relaxing, yet only a little. The problem is when the puzzle pieces are too big and overwhelming then they become useless, I am unable to find anything to keep my mind from greater depression. You say that when you get home from relaxing in nature and shutting out the chaos of your mind then you become a different man, when the pieces are too large I am unable to shut it out. There is no power button. I just drown my mind when it has less of an impact. When I get off of the entertainment or get back home, I am not a different person, I am immediately reminded of the reasons why I had the pain to begin with, starting the depressive cycle again.

 

When you tell me that relaxing is my main concern, I have tried many things, as I have stated above and when I try to sleep I either read a book, manga or novel and listen to the Japanese music. It doesn’t always work, if something occurred during the day or I have newly discovered something that keeps my mind on edge all day long then I always find it much harder to relax my mind that way.

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Ichigo if I could offer any advice on relaxation and many other things we can do to help ourselves develop coping strategies it is this, treat it seriously but treat it like any other skill in life.

 

I have played a number of sports at a resonable level in my life and I know to get good at them the vast majority of us have to practice, and practice a lot, very few of us are naturally gifted. I have spent many hours practicing skills such as batting at cricket. I have spent time in indoor nets with a bowling machine throwing balls down at me at 80 mph and after a few minutes it is realtively easy to tune into the pace and start practicing a few shots in trying to perfect them for half an hour or so. I also know pulling off the same shot needing to score 4 runs with two balls to go in a cup match with someone trying to take your head off with an 80mph delivery is a completely different proposition. What I do know is that time spent practicing grooving a shot for hours means you have a good chance of going into that zone and letting muscle and mental memories take over prompted by a few trigger movements and thoughts and there is a good chance you will pull things off.

 

I have been fortunate to coach a number of individuals who have gone on to international level. A lot of the time people say things like it is alright for them they make things look easy. What people do not realise for most of the time is how very hard these individuals work at perfecting their game. So much of that work is done away from pressured match situations and is simply about practicing skills. They do not have to do this unless they are under a professional contract, tather they choose to do so, often from an early age.

 

So what has this got to do with AS and things such as relaxation. I tend to draw the same conclusions as I would in sport and as such my experiences are the same. Trying to relax in a pressured situation can be really difficult and very hit and miss, most of the time miss. A lot of people often complain about things in their life when they are bad, however they do very little to work on them when things are good and there is no immediate pressure to do so. I find I can go into my own relaxation techniques I have a few depending on the situation very quickly and in some pretty high stress environments. To get to this state I have spent time practicing. Not a few minutes here and there but hours and hours. The time to practice such skills is when you are relaxed so that you can lay down good mental and physical memories into our system which we can use as strong reference points when we need to.

 

I think a lot of this stuff is all about how seriously we take it. I find at times lack of sleep or high anxiety states can be very destructive elemnts in my life, I am prone to high level panic attacks for example which on a number of occasions have led to me being in hospital on an ECG machine. As such I know I have to at times play the game at a pretty high level. To be able to cope with this I need some pretty high level coping strategies and as such I am prepared to work hard at developing them.

 

At the end of the day it is about striking a balance in your life, putting time aside to invest in things, and above all taking the thing seriously. If we choose to do nothing the most likely result is things will stay the same in our lives. From a personal perspective taking a non proactive stance and moaning about things is just about the most negative position you can take in life. I am not trying to get personal but simply trying to put a realistic perspective on things.

 

Just a few thoughts.

 

I am prepared to go into some details about my own coping strategies if that helps.

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LancsLad, I can see that it must have been difficult for you to have achieved all of that in your life and the struggles you have had to go through. I am always looking for new ways to cope with life, and I am always willing to listen with an open mind. Writing on the internet is so much easier for me than talking face-to-face. That is why I thought talking on this forum would help me a lot more than meet-up groups. I go through such high anxiety that I would find it far too hard to walk through the door never mind about settle in. As I have already stated, I freeze, I mumble my words and I go through hell when I get back home thinking back on it.

 

As you talk about practicing to advance skills to help to relax. Due to my SPD, I am able to concentrate a lot better when listening to music. I have taken to trying out practicing Japanese. I have established that I need to first learn hiragana, then katakana and lastly kanji. I have printed practice sheets out of hiragana and began. The problem has been that some subjects are harder to learn when I am listening to music than others. Learning a language is one of those subjects. I need to hear the sound of the symbol while drawing it on paper. It is difficult to keep focused when I am not listening to music. This is a reason why I find practicing some skills difficult.

 

With learning in general I need to be able to find someone to guide me, keep me focused. I find it increasingly difficult learning by myself. I am unable to cope with eyes on me while I am learning, but that is why I use my bedroom door, to defend against those eyes. They are penetrating, shaking my ability to talk more fluently and write without distraction. I need someone directly outside my bedroom door because I need to ask someone questions directly, but not so directly that their voice is right next to my ear, telephone for example. When they are directly behind my bedroom door I am able to show them far quicker than via the internet. If something went wrong online it drains me of energy but showing someone the issue when they are there means that I do not drain as much. One of my tutors was a great help to me and helped me to focus so much so that that is the reason why I am able to write the way I am now. I was certainly not this articulate back at school, I could barely focus and I found homework increasingly harder. I need that support again.

 

Whenever I try to sleep my mind gets in a very conflicting state. I always cycle my thoughts much quicker. It’s like I have an engine running so strongly it’s getting boiling. I cannot easily relax. When I have done something very stressful or containing a lot of anxiety it becomes even harder. If I have written to someone or talked to someone my mind travels to what I have said or written and think “did I say that right?”, “did they understand me?”, “maybe I should have said something nice at a certain point to break the ice, but I was too anxious”.

 

Being alone for most of my life has developed this very negative view on life. I can’t help it. The more I analyse my surroundings, from news, internet, ‘outside world’, other people, etc. the more I am aware of the struggles around me, then the worse I feel. I cannot shut it out, it never leaves me. All I have managed to do is drown it out by escaping into my own world (via entertainment by any form I am interested in). I cannot just say “right, now I will begin to live life with a positive prospective” (I cannot lie to myself, it would only hurt me more inside).

 

Yes, it could be interesting to hear how others have managed to find coping strategies. I can’t say whether or not it will help me, but I am willing to hear with an open mind. I have already taken note of what A-S Warrior has suggested. Any advice might help in some way. Coping with sports activities is a little off subject though but any general advice on how in my situation I can find a way to help to relax then it could help.

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its all about distracting your own mind, i,d even go as far as, 'tricking' your own mind. its not an easy skill to master but try and practice it. if something is troubling me, i tend to go into oppisite day land. i dont tend to reply after lancslad has posted because he usually covers my post and puts it in an easier to interprite way, and chucks in his own analysis, and usually covers the situation well, as im sure he will again after my post. the reason is im in my early 20,s and still have much to learn myself, altough i do tend to be in the right ball park with most things. also i can get quite baffled by large blocks of text, but thats not anybody elses fault but mine lol.

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A-S Warrior, I am sorry about the volume of writing I write. It’s a habit I have. When I listen to music and begin writing and have a lot of emotion about the subject, I simply can’t easily stop, >.<. I am never sure how to condense what I write; I always feel the need to explain things fully. If I don’t I could be mistranslated and that is something I wish to avoid.

 

I think my mind can be too focused to be tricked, it is not dormant, and it is always vigilant. Even the slightest jolt can trigger the pain. My mind can be infuriating at times, but can help me see life more clearly. It is a very contradictory concept, but one I am constantly faced with. Tricking my mind sounds like lying to myself, I don’t understand this concept. I have always been a firm believer in being true to myself. How would I even attempt it, it sounds difficult?

 

I am new to this site, so I don’t know how to reply to certain people like you have. I try to give everyone a response to settle my mind and heart, so that I don’t feel a weight over my heart.

 

I have a lot to learn myself being almost 21, lol, which is why I thought coming on to this site could help me. Thank you for your replies, and advice. I am always trying to find new ways to help.

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As someone who has spent much time worrying over the length of what I write, and some who has a battleground mind that is chaotic to say the least - I can understand some of where you are coming from. My mind has become more settled as time goes on, as my knowledge grew - and more importantly as the things I learnt and listened to started to settle within me a little and as I started to get some of my own opinions and such (that's taken forever!!).

 

An issue with listening to everyone, taking on the points that were meaningful and relevant I have now arrived at an impasse - I have opposing arguments in my head for so many things and never any resolution. This isn't helped by my general indecisiveness :rolleyes:

 

Anyway, just wanted to say hey - and that the things you say are quite familiar to me :)

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Back in school there were moments where I did get my own opinions on some subjects, like for instance this ‘buddy bench’ that people thought would help us at school. To me, being bullied, I knew that bullies would be attracted to such a bench. I wasn’t stupid, I could tell they were trying to help children start friendships, but I knew how futile their actions really were. I laughed at it because I knew they were looking from a perspective that was so different from the true reality when you are bullied at school. In social situations, my mind can torture me over whether I said the right thing or not. It makes me so self-critical. I wonder, “Should I have said that? Was that the right thing to do? Did they understand me?” My mind takes all of that information and it still cannot settle until I have been reassured, and even then it’s difficult. Taking forever, I can relate to that, when it comes to social situations, I think that is the truest, for me anyway.

 

My mind has always cycled thoughts backwards and forwards, trying to find answers, ever since the first time I wandered the playground in primary school. I am also very indecisive, as I have already said, my mind considers each option, and if my mind can’t settle on an answer, then the chaos ensues. Yes, settling on an answer has always been difficult for me.

 

 

It is nice to know that I am not the only one with these chaotic thoughts out there. It is encouraging to hear from others with similar experiences. It makes me feel less alone. Thank you, :) .

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