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Seriously considering/debating meds again!!! :(


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#1 smileyK

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 10:51 PM

thought long and hard been fighting with myself whether meds is answer to my probs making me feel 'better' or not??? i tried paroxetine before this seems most suited anti-depressant meds to me worked on depression social anxiety paranoia everything i find MH difficult to manage cope with day to day as tried others not felt were suited for me like prozac mirtazapine

like i've explained many times on here prob bored up to dead you prob fed up of hearing my moaning about everything going wrong in my eyes when everything looks so rosy good a part time job friends etc but struggling to manage/cope everyday 'not been feeling right' 'myself' for months been going on for ages just been trying to avoid prolong docs and meds as had weight gain side effect with meds before (risperdal/risperdone) increased appetite aswell as depression heightened junk food comfort/emotional eating of a night when parents in bed this panics scares me incase i pile on weight again and can't shift it! really dont want or need it to be honest! ruined all hard work /effort at the gym etc!

i been cutting my hair with scissors as feel stressed bad! feel so restless drained tired with no route to take feel i been left no option as reached mini crisis last night when was o.k good in morning soon spiralled out of control into bad situation like how started in my early teens turned out so bad wrong so want put brakes on before reaches that boiling over point once again as mum says she can't go through that again i made her ill last time and she physically not up dealing with situation due major back surgery in march she said have me arrested this time if threatened her with knife like last time in early teens if became angry aggressive i hated how made me feel inside .... where will it lead ... i've been told 'get a grip' 'pull myself together' end of stop miserable be cheery!

feel like let parents down all hard work built up over not being 'bad person' anymore fell flat on it's face felt so mad angry at myself don't know why i get iin situation it crying wreck/mess state where just want to 'hurt me' all time want punish me in anyway i know how where does this end if i don't seek help from docs? like before .... do i take risk? carry on like i am wiithout meds?

even thinking of being re-referred back to adult mental team/service so must tell you how much i struggling !!! can i avoid facing up much longer? don't know how long i can keep everything up for?! don't want put my family through this again as caused so much heartache pain hurt felt so guilty to blame ...

so do i just accept this road of meds then?! as mum taking anti-depressant herself since my nan 'went' in 2009 as she was her main carer my mum takes ciltropram (40mg) everyday my auntie on anti-dp's also same since nan 'went' auntie takes them as she has OCD bad controls her life everyday though not dxd so alot family members on anti-dps

really confused over what's best??? if at work feel myself 'drifting away somewhere else' if not there can't completely focus give everything??? and feel like everything drifting out of focus etc

XKLX

#2 A-S warrior

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 11:24 PM

ok guys, i think we have to support the choice smiley has made to be considering meds and medical help, i dont think long posts are going to work, quote my post with a smiley if you agree.

#3 Sally44

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 08:01 AM

Yes SmileyK, we know you've been struggling with things for a long time. And, as you can see yourself, it is fears and compulsions that are not in tune with reality, yet you just don't feel right.

I'm having lots of problems with my son and OCD, and I didn't want to resort to meds either, for all the reasons you probably don't want them. But sometimes you have no choice. If you have found something that does help, then use it. Often the hardest part is finding a medication that actually works.

And it maybe that you don't need to be permanently on meds. After some months you maybe able to come off them slowly and be okay.

Edited by Sally44, 18 June 2012 - 08:01 AM.


#4 darkshine

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 12:36 PM

I think it's all too easy for people to say that your life looks rosy - but if it isn't rosy for you then that is the fact that matters.

I dislike meds with a passion - but they can be used for various reasons in positive ways - like to create a space where the anxiety is lesser so you can deal with things - or just to level you out a bit - it doesn't mean you have to take them forever!

To be honest if you feel like you could do with going on meds for a while - then you are probably right - there's no shame in that - it might help you be in a place where it allows you to start to address other things without feeling so anxious/stressed/depressed :)

#5 smileyK

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 10:19 PM

My depressive spells keep going up and down like yo-yo or see saw dont where I am from one minute to next haven't decided completely on medication as yet but keeps coming back my depression at a loss of what to think say or do! Feel like let every one down ! Have " force" myself do any task is " an effort" tiring draining one at that! :(

#6 darkshine

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 10:45 PM

Meds can level you out - but you are right to think it through because it might take a while to get the level right.

My meds have always kept me at a really low level - if you say that there's a middle ground on mood - then the level I'm on is too far below middle - I feel too low.

Then when I changed them it was hard to start with - but I feel like the level isn't so low - the payoff is that I go up and down a bit - but that is something I want, purely because having some "up" time is better than never having it.

If you are feeling like your mood is really going all over the place - up/down/off to somewhere else - then a short spell of meds could help you find some middle ground again.

Do you know if any med you have had before has been helpful/unhelpful - it can help to know what to try or what not to try (I reacted very badly on certain ones).

#7 smileyK

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 09:06 AM

Dark shine- I wrote in first paragraph I said two medications didn't work one was well suited!

#8 robert7111a

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 10:14 AM

Sometimes too many meds at once is counterproductive. Whilst one med might give you what you need, another med taken at the same time produces side effects far worse than what the first med is trying to achieve. And it may be that the side effects of many of these meds are the root problem to your mood swings.

I don't know where you are SmileyK but can't your GP refer you for say, a week in a psychiatric unit where you can have extensive therapy and supervision?

#9 robert7111a

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 10:20 AM

I forgot to add, antidepressents are a well known cause for bipolar depression (i.e. wild mood swings: highs one minute and lows the next)

Rather counterproductive IMHO...

#10 darkshine

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 10:44 AM

Dark shine- I wrote in first paragraph I said two medications didn't work one was well suited!


Sorry smiley, I forgot you said that. Just trying to help you work out your thoughts a bit :)

#11 smileyK

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 06:55 PM

Robert- I wasn't taking loads of medications at same time together think you got confused over what I mean I've only been prescribed one medication at one time!!! Sorry if haven't explained myself well! :( may try book myself doctors appointment for next week!

#12 smileyK

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 07:00 PM

Robert- not on medication since 2009 so isn't down side effect on medication as feel swing up and down all time ... Think bit extreme to go into psychiatric unit for a week! As I think what you think I'm doing is taking one or two medications anti depressants at same time I'm not! Not even on any medication at moment! And going into unit I work in nursery as bank staff this would be good for my status reputation don't you think need work out what making me swing high then low all time need go to bottom deep!

#13 smileyK

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 07:01 PM

Dark shine- yeah did help me work out my thoughts more thanks for that! :)

#14 darkshine

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 11:05 PM

You are welcome :)

#15 smileyK

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 11:29 PM

I'm grateful come to reality with bump everything freaking me out completely scaring me no safe haven even middle ground shaky don't feel comfortable balanced stable anywhere right now home or work so this head trying warn me show me I need help!?

#16 darkshine

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 12:42 AM

I think so. I am in a similar place smiley, I feel similar things, have similar problems, and you know what? I haven't got a clue what to do about them cuz there are just so many.

But somewhere there has to be a start point - maybe right now it is your head warning and showing you that you need help, and maybe meds.

It might not hold all the answers, like me today getting meds to not be sick, but it is a start, and it is better to do something and try, even when there seems no quick fix, and even when it feel impossible...

One step can lead to another smiley, the path may not be straight, you may go wrong ways, but that first step means you can take another, and who knows where that can lead after loads of steps...

I don't know, but sometimes it is "do or die". I am going for doing. How about you? You gonna do or die?

And even though that might sound dramatic - it isn't - cuz in making that decision you commit to the future, and by doing that you have to think about stuff that is hard, and do battles to get what you want and need, and deciding that is step one. I do not know where the rest of our steps will lead, but it is a start.

Take care

Darkshine

#17 smileyK

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 05:51 AM

My " first step" be made on Friday I hope if can manage pluck up courage but going to try give it a real hard go! Thanks for encouragement advice I think you're braver than me dark shine going chase up situation of social worker possibility out come on Friday As she was suppose get back to me this week! Knowing my luck my care package funding doesn't fit in with this meaning not entitled to one meaning get nothing! Left in cold on my own once again no surprise there really! Just hope get proven so wrong!!! :(

#18 darkshine

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 08:17 AM

Well I wish you good luck smiley - every little bit helps sometimes eh? ;)

#19 robert7111a

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 09:25 AM

SmileyK, I'm sorry, I thought from your previous posts that you were on meds.

Take each day as it comes eh?

What is happening on Friday?

#20 smileyK

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 04:16 PM

Robert- really tried hard taking one day at time for months that method / system of thinking isn't working battling / struggling with myself everyday! Tomorrow ( Friday) got weight nurse tomorrow at doctors surgery may mention to her about how much I'm struggling / battling everyday finding hard get through! :(

#21 smileyK

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Posted 24 July 2012 - 04:07 PM

Going doctors tomorrow morning again to review first lot of taking medication to review if there is a continued need to be on it long period or not as don't want to be ! Been on and off them for years! :(




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