Heartbreaking conversation

[Paula]

My son 18 aspergers has just said he is unhappy and lonely and cant understand why he cant meet anyone.I questioned him and he says he wants a girlfreind.He attends a group one day a week and there are girls there all on the autistic spectrum.Ive suggested he approaches them and makes conversation but he says he doesnt know how and it always goes wrong.

 

I just dotn know what to do to make him happy or boost his confidence.I realise his life is limited and i try to do my best to keep him busy............

[oxgirl]

Yes, is exactly the same for my lad and for me. He is also 18 and has no friends, let alone a girlfriend. Next year he will be doing one day a week in a mainstream college course and he's terrified that it will be just like it was at school; all the others chatting and laughing and groups and him sitting alone in silence. I so, so pray that it will be different.

 

~ Mel ~

[Shnoing]

Difficult to present a solution within one minute ... I'd give him Luke Jackson's "Freaks ..." to read, I think he describes the why and how quite good.

[A-S warrior]

women find shy guys very attractive, i diddnt have my first long term realtionship until i was 19, dont worry he will get there.

[robert7111a]

He needs to think of a common topic to break the ice. What is this group he attends? Would he be the kind of guy to compliment a girl he likes on her hair (for example) or something to do with a shared activity?

[trekster]

There are books aimed at ASDers which might help him.

 

The Asperger love guide found the most interesting. Theres also a personal and social guide on the same series. i reviewed the authors books and have met them in person.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Love-Guide-Establishing-Relationships/dp/1412923247

[trekster]

Another take on it is try and find out why he needs a girlfriend to make him happy. If you explore his reasons there might be an alternative, is now a good time to explain what Aspergers/autism is for him to try and find possible solutions?

[Aeolienne]

Difficult to present a solution within one minute ... I'd give him Luke Jackson's "Freaks ..." to read, I think he describes the why and how quite good.

Even though he'd had no more relationship experience than Paula's son at the time of writing?

Edited June 29, 2012 by Aeolienne

[Shnoing]

Even though he'd had no more relationship experience than Paula's son at the time of writing?

As far as I remember, he's got some hints from his NT sisters.

[Sally44]

What exactly do they do at this club?

If there are opportunities to do things together ie. play cards, go on computer, play other types of games etc, then why not suggest that he asks a girl that he likes to join him in doing something. It is always much easier to play a game together, rather than sit and try to talk to eachother.

It isn't all about talking. And I would suggest that you remind him that all the other people have the same type of difficulties as he does. He could start it by just saying 'hi' and smiling [and practice infront of the mirror].

Edited July 25, 2012 by Sally44

[trekster]

I've gotten to know people because they were talking to me about my stitching.

 

My support workers normally start with me by sorting stamps together. They

enjoy this activity because they can ask what country hellas is (for example)

(it happens to be Greece) and also the stamps they seem to take the most interest in

ie ones that go in a pile without questions can be starting points.

 

eg a conversation may start with 'can you help me sort stamps, you can do the gummed ones

i will do the postmarked ones'. 1st we sort them into countries begining with 'A' 'b' 'c' etc. Then

we sort each lettered envelope into their countries and each country into 'keep' and 'swap/sell'

piles. i can find out from the stamps what countries they have been to and to an extent what

their interests are and expand on them.

 

Are you anywhere near Wakefield? There is an ASD group near to you Pm me for details i will

ask a friend of mine.