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JeanneA

'Change as you get older'

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Hi, this is kind of going on from my last thread on here. All you young adults out there with ASD or Aspergers, In your opinion, do you think Glen (18) will 'change' a bit as he gets older and will become more accepting of any situation he is in without becoming aggressive and anxious as he does at present. I would be interested in hearing from you.

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Jeanne, I think one of the elements here is how do we define autistic conditions. I think from one perspective we can try and find examples of individuals who were very similar to ourselves or our family members at a certain point in our or their lives and see what they are like further down the time line. This is difficult at times and then we have to factor in environment and opportunities for development which might arrise.

 

The other perspective is to say we are all different and are part of a broad spectrum. In this respect I can come to this post and say I have changed a lot as I have got older, but I always suspect the potential for development was there and I have pushed pretty hard to reach that potential, a lot of this is down to personality and levels of personal motivation. I would say that environmental factors were important.

 

From my own perspective I was very aggressive aged about 9 to 13, I was suspended from school for violent behaviour and I matured and could see it was not a very productive way to go. Anxiety levels have taken years for me to come to terms with and I am now a pretty chilled out self assured individual.

 

My view is I am on a very different part of the spectrum than Glen and so the potential and timeframe for change might be a lot greater but I strongly believe in the spectrum as a concept and would say yes I think Glen can change. In my experience aggression might take some time but things can improve. Anxiety is a harder thing to change but it is one of those things where you think hey I wouldn't have dealt very well with that 10 years ago and I managed to cope today a lot better.

 

Change does not happen overnight and in Glen's case it might be impossible to see. I have trees I planted as 1ft high seedlings in my garden 12 years ago which are now a three metres high. If I sit and look at them I can't see them growing, but because I have a daily relationship with them I am aware of the progress they have made. I think this is the sort of approach we need to take in life with some things. If we are in the right place and daily have to cope with the elements life throws at us we grow as individuals little bit by bit.

 

Just a thought.

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'Resistance to change' is an unfortunate part of autism. Change causes me to panic no matter how 'small'.

Anticipated change is also a problem for me such as the upcoming benefit reviews.

 

Your sons reaction is out of fear, it can take sometime to transition into a situation which is the main

reason why I have problems with 10min or even 20min doctors appointments.

 

i major change i made after reading the diagnostic criterion was to point out things that interested

other people, before i was oblivious to that fact.

 

How is he prepared for change in his current home situation?

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Thanks very much for both of your comments I appreciate all what you've said. It is not know for sure as yet if Glen is changing care homes next year, if he is then a transition period will be done properly with pictures of his new home and also the manager of the the new home would make regular visits to see/spend time with Glen before he moves.

 

As for now, he is prepared by staff using pictures of where he's going/what he's doing, also what happens afterwards, that kind of thing. Glen still gets anxious though as I think he always will in different situations as you do trekster.

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ok, over to a guy who was born after 1936 :lol: i can tell you for sure that glen will change over time. obviously with his type of autisum he will never be "normal" but he will grow more refined as time goes on. i was once a very wild and aggressive young man that would fly off the handle, but over the years ive grown more methodical, and almost tactical in my game plans in life. i rarely lose my patients and tend to keep a cool head most of the time. im 21 but soon to be 22, but looking back at 18 ive can certainly see dramatic change in my overall peronality and temprement. at 18 back back when i was a motor mechanic student at college, there was a task that was getting on my nerves, so i picked up a sledge hammer and threw it 30 feet across the room nearly taking someones head off on the way through. if it was me now, and i was strugling to get the task done, i would just sit back and calmly examine what needed to be done, and what tool i would need, and would have no wasted effort on getting wound up. im sure glen will change, but he will need to be exposed to alot more and put in certain stressful situations to train him up. it will soon be time to pull the carpet from under him too see if he is able to stand on his own 2 feet, its all about having faith in him. he,ll never be like the rest of us, but he can still be the best glen he can be. who knows? he may even exceed all your expectations, 18 is still very young in anyones book.

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Hi AS thanks so much for what you said about Glen I do appreciate it. It was very interesting to read about yourself at 18 and how you are now at nearly 22. I do agree it would do Glen good to be put in certain situations to see how he reacts. I do feel that the care home he is currently in at times tends to not 'push' Glen too much and give in to him 'keeping the peace' as my Mum used to say, if you see what I mean?

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From the posts you have been making he seems to be improving dramatically so i do think he will change. for me i had to get to know my autism and work out what i have difficulties in and try and reduce it. I suppose I was having a lot of behavioural problems and i did not have a label but now i do that i finding life easier to cope with my autism although it is hard sometimes.

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Thanks very much for your comments special talent. It is good to hear that you are finding life easier as time has gone on, I do hope the same will apply to Glen and he becomes less aggressive. I'm sure that he gets very frustrated due to his communication issues, I do feel for him and wish I could help him more, I want him to have a happy life and to be less anxious. Anxiety has always been such an issue with Glen all his life.

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I also think that Glen has the capacity for change, and agree with the point made about the time frame being potentially different for Glen.

 

But I also think this point that you made here Jeanne is a big thing:

 

I do agree it would do Glen good to be put in certain situations to see how he reacts. I do feel that the care home he is currently in at times tends to not 'push' Glen too much and give in to him 'keeping the peace' as my Mum used to say, if you see what I mean?

 

My experience follows similar trends to AS Warrior's - although the details and differences exist - the points are similar... I have changed as I've gotten older and certain behaviours are less disruptive or largely non-existent now compared to previous years of my life - I can see the progression of certain things as i look back over my life.

 

The thing is - you get someone who needs to be looked after cuz they could harm themselves or other people, or get upset, angry or anxious over so many things - and it becomes all to easy to create this safe, bland environment where nothing ever changes and as long as it remains the same they are alright.

 

It isn't what is always best for the person involved - though it might keep the peace for everyone else... The problem is finding ways to push someone, without pushing them over the edge - that can take a long time, patience, planning and determination and unfortunately the staff at the home might not always be able to find the time to do that - maybe the "right" person or people will come along - cuz I think sometimes certain people can motivate us when we click with them and that can make a big difference too.

 

I think experience and exposure to new things is important for people to grow and progress, to learn coping skills and stuff - everyone has a level - some can cope with more stuff than others, some progress quicker - but just cuz someone might take a while longer, or a lot longer, doesn't mean that they can't change.

 

Sometimes I feel like development and progression takes me forever - but I just cling to the fact that I plan to get there and learn - even if it does take me a lot longer than I believe it should.

 

I'm not big on hero worshipping people - but I've seen some incredible things where people, and kids in absolutely dire circumstances have made leaps of change/improvement - so I reckon it's possible, but it can take a hell of a lot of belief, perseverance and hard work to do so.

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I feel Glen should be 'pushed more' where he is but like I said I get this distinct feeling they are backing off due to Glen's unpredictable behaviour at times. When he's at his worst Glen can be extremely aggressive, hitting himself, hitting others and breaking things like t.v.s (he's broken 2 of his t.v.s. that were in his bedroom) I couldn't believe it happening a 2nd time as I would have though the staff would have learnt after the first incident don't you agree? He also broke his c.d. player that we bought him when he first went into the home. Glen also tried to break the living room t.v., apparently he said the words verbally: "I want to break the t.v." I just couldn't believe it when I was told that by a member of staff.

 

Recently Glen tried to break windows and did put his had through the glass in the front door when he cut 2 of his fingers, this was all after the 'flood' incident at the home and when they came back to the home after their time away, it was completely different; downstairs had a new kitchen and part new living room. This all upset Glen, which is when he broke the glass in the door.

 

Thankfully Glen has now settled down again and is going through a very good period, he is very 'smiley' most of the time and very relaxed, laying in the mornings are all signs of Glen not feeling anxious or agitated. So hopefully this will go on for a while. With Glen though you never he could change again at any time.

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Hi, this is kind of going on from my last thread on here. All you young adults out there with ASD or Aspergers, In your opinion, do you think Glen (18) will 'change' a bit as he gets older and will become more accepting of any situation he is in without becoming aggressive and anxious as he does at present. I would be interested in hearing from you.

Isn't it the old nature vs nurture debate - just because one reaches 18, it doesn't mean nurture/shaping stops. Shaping happens to us all however we live our lives and the same with those on the spectrum. But a good start in life would definitely provide a more positive template to be carried on in the later years...whoever you are.

 

 

I suppose in your case though JeanneA would it not be worth trying to understand the source of Glen's aggression and anxiousness? Yes some of it might be the autism but there's a lot of other sources it could be from such as from peer pressure, the pressure of finding a job, the recession, money worries, girlfriend worries, the fear of loneliness (which was always on my mind at that age), fear of rejection, etc.

 

Understanding goes a long way but uncertainty does not!

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There are times when I feel frustrated and especially if a change happens and im not notified enough notice then i react, and then when i react i get laughed at and then i shout. so sometimes its hard to live with my autism if people dont understand me

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I feel Glen should be 'pushed more' where he is but like I said I get this distinct feeling they are backing off due to Glen's unpredictable behaviour at times. When he's at his worst Glen can be extremely aggressive, hitting himself, hitting others and breaking things like t.v.s (he's broken 2 of his t.v.s. that were in his bedroom) I couldn't believe it happening a 2nd time as I would have though the staff would have learnt after the first incident don't you agree? He also broke his c.d. player that we bought him when he first went into the home. Glen also tried to break the living room t.v., apparently he said the words verbally: "I want to break the t.v." I just couldn't believe it when I was told that by a member of staff.

 

Recently Glen tried to break windows and did put his had through the glass in the front door when he cut 2 of his fingers, this was all after the 'flood' incident at the home and when they came back to the home after their time away, it was completely different; downstairs had a new kitchen and part new living room. This all upset Glen, which is when he broke the glass in the door.

 

Thankfully Glen has now settled down again and is going through a very good period, he is very 'smiley' most of the time and very relaxed, laying in the mornings are all signs of Glen not feeling anxious or agitated. So hopefully this will go on for a while. With Glen though you never he could change again at any time.

 

I was like this from my mid teens to my mid 20's, extremely aggressive, hitting myself, others, breaking things....

 

I think this ties into him experiencing things too to be honest, a big part of keeping everything constant and the same is that Glen could end up freaking out more when things do change, or don't go according to plan.

 

Aggression and anger can be hard emotions for anyone to handle, and potentially more so for Glen seeing as it's been an ongoing issue for him. I think if any plan were to be put in place, it would have to be organised by someone who knows about autism and how to work with Glen and not against him.

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Hi darkshine, yes I totally agree with what you've said. Any plan has to be put into place correctly and they have to work with Glen and not against him as you said, so if Glen does move care homes it has to be done properly. It is bound to be a difficult time for Glen, but I was impressed that the manager of the 'new care home' would be going to see Glen regularly for weeks before he would move, getting to know/spend time with Glen and showing him pictures of the new home etc.

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I just hate this over-generalizationing thing that it's always the person with autism that has the problem and no one else.

 

No one ever bothers to read into the bigger picture. Infuriating!

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I rang this evening to see how Glen's weekend had gone and was told Glen was fine, he was smiling a lot and had been taken out for his rides again, but not getting out the vehicle of course. This is what is concerning me, when Glen first went into the home they did encourage him to do things, pushed him so to speak and although it wasn't easy Glen did do some of these things, he made so much progress for instance using public transport with a member of staff: trains and buses, taking part in various activities in the community, but more recently since these extremely bad aggressive spells, it is noticeable I think that staff have backed fearing they will get hurt by Glen and are tending to 'give in to what he wants' which in the long term isn't going to benefit Glen. Glen needs stimulation, needs encouragement, all this will make his life better.

 

With all this I am beginning to feel Glen could be better elsewhere in a different home even though I didn't really want Glen to be moved as I'm worried as to how much the effort of such a big thing would have on him but I to think about where is he better off?

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It's a shame that Glen progressed so much to begin with and the aggression got in the way of the staff's efforts.

 

But I think you may be right Jeanne, it might be time for a change - I believe it's the sort of thing where time will tell, but it's positive that the manager of the place is going out of his way.

 

Another possibility is the Glen's aggressive reactions could calm as he advances through this highly hormonal phase of his life - his age really can't help with this - I think a lot of us (people) can be temperamental (to say the least) through our late teens as we pass into early 20's.

 

It'd be good if the new place can be a bit more proactive with him - or help him find a way to channel the aggression in other ways :)

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I just hate this over-generalizationing thing that it's always the person with autism that has the problem and no one else.

 

Jeanne wants Glen to be happy and wants the best for him, if he isn't exposed to new situations and new things then it's all too easy for him to regress - but the degree of his anger or his reactions isn't helpful for everyone involved - most of all Glen.

 

I don't think it's a case of pointing the finger of blame, and I don't think Glen is the problem here either - what needs to happen is methods that work for him - and more importantly with him - to enable him to navigate his way in the world without freaking out over things that just have to happen (like getting out of a car after a drive for example, or transitions through the day).

 

I think what happened regarding the staff initially helping him, and then stopping due to his aggressive outbursts is a shame, and maybe that fell apart - it's understandable in some ways when you think of them as people - but at the same time it's a reduction of efforts made for Glen, which isn't right either - but I see no point in slamming them over it now - it's more important to look to the future and get things set up in the new place - and that's gonna be a big change for Glen, but it could be exactly what he needs - I guess that's the thing about the future... we just don't know, but we can put in efforts to try and make it better.

 

The thing about change - is it doesn't always just happen - it can take a lot of work - and maybe Glen won't change, but if nobody tries with him then nobody will ever know. :)

 

PS - Jeanne, I'm glad he's going through a "good" phase - meant to say that before

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Hi darkshine, thank you so much for your very valued comments. If Glen does move the new place does need to be more pro-active with him, I do feel at his current placement staff are keeping their distance so to speak, not challenging him. I know it is due to his very aggressive outbursts but do feel disappointed at their tactics at the moment as in the long run it isn't helping Glen at all. So a new home could be the answer but they need to be more proactive with him and like you said try to channel his aggression in other ways.

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I guess time will tell Jeanne - annoying but true - but I do think this is your chance to talk to the new place and see where they stand on things. How long is it til the move? (I cannot remember if you said or not)

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Hi darkshine I've been in touch with the possible new care home manager this morning, I had a few more questions for him which is answered to my satisfaction.

To be honest I don't know when or if Glen would be moved at the moved it wasn't going to be until next July, but because I've shown such an interest in this local care home, the social worker and her manager have been talking to the care home manager about a possible move this year. If it did go ahead, it would take a while as the transition has to be done properly, with the 'new manager' visiting/getting to know Glen over a period of time before any move takes place.

So at the moment I just don't know what will happen. Part of me wants Glen to move and part of me doesn't. I guess I'm more worried about how Glen will react to the move knowing how anxious he is about everything, also the 'new home' is smaller which is a slight concern, but then again Glen is better in a smaller area with less people around so that could be a positive for him.

 

I will keep you updated with the situation.

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I think you are right to take the time to make sure you are certain, to talk about your concerns with the new manager, and to set this up as well as possible.

 

If you aren't happy yet, don't let them rush you or Glen into this - I'm a big fan of making sure of things, especially in situations like this where there's a lot riding on the decisions, I think caution is a good thing, and I think it makes sense for you to explore all this, including your own thoughts, and setting up a plan for Glen with the people involved with him.

 

There's obviously a hell of a lot to think about and that's another good reason to make sure you feel like any change will be a positive thing in the long run (as much as any of us can know these things) and that there aren't grey areas and stuff - it's best for you, the manager of the care place, and the social workers (and anyone else involved) to be working on the same page on this stuff.

 

Please keep us updated :)

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Hi darkshine, yes caution is for the best, it is a big decision to make to move Glen to another care home, but local council say that where he is is a very expensive out of county placement. I want the best for Glen which as a parent I think is more important than how much each placement is.

It is a very difficult decision to make and I at the moment don't know whether it's a good idea to move him or not. I will keep you updated with how it progresses.

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Thanks Jeanne, I think things will become clearer as you find out more information and get your questions answered - if there's anything you need to talk through, give us all a shout :)

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Hi, this is kind of going on from my last thread on here. All you young adults out there with ASD or Aspergers, In your opinion, do you think Glen (18) will 'change' a bit as he gets older and will become more accepting of any situation he is in without becoming aggressive and anxious as he does at present. I would be interested in hearing from you.

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I have been reading this book of a person who has Aspergers and Tourettes it is from his life from a child to an adult there are some coping stategies some humor some sadness it's called You are not alone by Stephen Gandy it's on Amazon it's only £1.97 for download or kindle.The reason it is so good it's from person with the syndrome

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Ive found this very informative.My son is now 18 and hes changed a heck of a lot since he was younger and can do things we never thought hed be able to do.........he can travel independantley all be it to a familiar place,he goes into shops and buys things on his own he even goes into cafes and orders what he wants and pays and has conversations with the person serving him once hes got to know them he can use a mobile phone and tex msge me and he goes on overnight stays with his youth group.To many this sounds like a "so what big deal" but less than 4 years ago he did none of these things.Also his outbursts and tantrums have all but dissapeared hes learnt to be a little bit more reasonable and its made all the difference.Hes still a creature of routines and likes things samey but if hes exposed to new stuff and new places slowley then it helps to enrich his life a bit more because the world is something then thats not quiete as scarey for him.I push him but very gentley and in a direction hes happy to go in....

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Hi Paula its so good to hear how well your son has progressed in the last few years. Unfortunately although my son is the same age he is not capable of doing what your son can. I haven't given up hope that perhaps as he gets a little older he will be able to be more independent. :-)

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