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amberzak

After diagnoses?

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So I have finally got the first step towards a diagnoses. It's a fantastic woman, by the way, on a website called actionforaspergers.co.uk.

Problem is, well it's not really a problem and I am so happy that I finally have a diagnoses. It's just I feel a bit weird too.

 

I am higher on the spectrum that I first thought. I scored 42 on the test thing she did out of 50, and she said she hadn't seen someone that high for a long time. She also said that the aspergers doesn't get better, I just improve on my coping mechanisms (I might have slightly misquoted her, she said it in a really supportive way).

 

Anyway, I don't know why I am feeling so down. I hoped getting a diagnoses would mean I would accept myself more. I'm sure I will come to that acceptance, and certainly I don't feel frustrated any more, like I used to. But I'm going to be like this forever. No matter how normal I can make myself appear (and I am not very good at that) I will always feel like this.

 

I am training to be a teacher, and I am not doing too badly. Except that I was in University yesterday and apparently I talk too much to people in the staffroom and can't tell when they are busy. Back in January, when I started a course which led to the teacher training, I was told I appear to be unfriendly and my tutor wanted me to try and talk to people. Seems I can't get the balance right. But why can't people just say 'can't talk now, I'm busy'. What is wrong with saying that to me? I am now scared of going back to school because I thought I was doing okay.

 

My mentor, and my university tutor know about the aspergers, and a copy of the letter about my diagnoses has just gone on my file, therefore they cannot use this as grounds for failing me as long as my teaching is okay. According to my university tutor, who I trust explicitly and he is amazing, I am on track, making the mistakes every student teacher makes, and so doing perfectly fine. He has no concerns.

 

Anyway, sorry, I think I just needed to voice some of how I am feeling.

 

Has anyone else gone through something similar post diagnoses?

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... Anyway, I don't know why I am feeling so down. I hoped getting a diagnoses would mean I would accept myself more. ...

Has anyone else gone through something similar post diagnoses?

You're not the first one to ask that, so you're not the only one to feel like that after the dx.

I got my dx almost 5 years ago, and I needed over 1 year to "stomach" it. There was a phase where I looked back to analyze which of my reactions were "autistic", there was a phase where I watched my every step intensely, only later on I was able (again) to be myself instead of a "walking dx".

1 year sounds a long time when you are about to start, but if you'll look back afterwards, it has been only 1 year ...

Edited by Shnoing

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I have my teacher training to do. I don't have time or energy to be neurotic about this.

I sense a rough year coming.

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Seems I can't get the balance right. But why can't people just say 'can't talk now, I'm busy'. What is wrong with saying that to me? I am now scared of going back to school because I thought I was doing okay.

 

Sometimes it's difficult stopping someone mid flow without appearing rude.

 

I think if you gave permission to your colleagues to tell you to shut up, something along the lines of " If I'm disturbing you, please tell me to shut up" :) then you are taking control of the situation and at the same time it will stop your colleagues from feeling awkward in asking you.

 

Having the diagnosis is only really confirming what you already knew, but didn't admit to yourself. AS has it's pluses and minuses, use the plus parts to your advantage, you can do things alot of other people can't. Focus on those, and work on coping strategies for the negative parts, and people will accept you. AS or not, nobody's perfect.

 

As Shnoing says it takes time to come to terms with it, but don't lose your sense of humour on the way :) , AS is just a part of you. You won't feel like this forever, you'll have highs, lows and plateaus, life experiences will alter many things about you and you'll never stop growing!

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Seeing as I am in a fairly equitable mood of late I am going to say I dispute the notion that Aspergers doesn't get any better because countless people with it have done very well, yet others haven't and so I understand it is a frame of mind thing, get the right frame of mind and there is no reason why an aspie should not do well or even excel as many have excelled.

 

Advice from me is don't think about it as you will slide and be careful of places like this where negativity is abound, but as regards your studies, don't think you are different to all others because you are an aspie, think you are the same but perhaps a slower learner, as there is no harm in thinking you are slower, it just means you have to work harder and working hard is not to be scoffed at as getting into a work hard mentality you will work hard in the future and quite likely excel.

 

Myself, I am trying to get away from the diagnosis, as to me it has been damaging and that because of my negative mind set through depression and anxiety, but the reason for that depression has now been discovered and so I am trying to get out of my past. My future, I have decided to not tell anyone I am an aspie as really they don't need to know, and I will go back to what I was like before the diagnosis, but a little better clued than I was, because I had jobs in the past and I was able to complete professional qualifications, but since diagnosis, no job and I failed on my degree course, well, I didn't exactly fail I walked out in a fit of depression one day and never went back in the final year as well, where my projected expectancy was a merit.

 

But I am also well it was called mild Aspergers, but it's not now, I have degraded, but the mildness was enough to go unnoticed by most through my life except for a few who were not listened to, and if I knew back at the time of diagnosis what i know now, I would not have accepted the diagnosis through another condition I have which is similar but not the same, but then it took the AS to find the KS, so perhaps I need to be a bit more equitable with that idea as well, but Aspergers will define me no more, I am moving on.

 

But be warned.

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Chances are you will make a very good teacher. Don't be put off by contradictory advice, as NTs get social stuff wrong lots as well - we Aspies do tend to take it to heart though (as may many others). As a teacher with AS you will be organised and thorough, treating students equitably and with respect. AS is not a bar to becoming a highly successful teacher, so please keep positive. On the subject of an adult dx, be patient: it is a life-changing event that will probably be positive in the long-run (it was for me), but it might take a while to accept.

 

Good luck :)

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I was teaching English as a foreign language and found it tough. Firstly, I had problems with class management and discipline. Kids will always test their boundaries and to maintain discipline you to respond to problems quickly and decisively, which I was never able to do, they knew it and took advantage. Another problem was engaging the students. I tended to lecture and do too much talking, my voice is a bit toneless and they got bored, which led to discipline problems. Trying to keep the students needs good communication skills, enthusiasm and a lot of energy, and after 6 hours of teaching I was totally exhausted. Also keeping myself organised was a real challenge. I was asked to do yearly and semester planning, which I found very difficult. It was easy to plan a single lesson, but a whole semester is a different matter... I felt overwhelmed, stressed and unable to cope. Another thing I couldn't cope with was being observed while teaching.

 

I don't mean to discourage you, a lot depends on the environment and the training you receive. For example, my training was a TESOL course which doesn't prepare you for class management issues, I'm sure your training is much more comphrehensive and prepares you for this. Teaching wasn't for me, but I think that awareness of AS and the right training make a big difference and you can be successful.

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Seeing as I am in a fairly equitable mood of late I am going to say I dispute the notion that Aspergers doesn't get any better because countless people with it have done very well, yet others haven't and so I understand it is a frame of mind thing, ...

But be warned.

The coping mechanisms can improve over time, and the expectations get "lower", i.e. the older you are the less often you get "corrected". You'll still have Aspergers.

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You've been able to get a diagnosis in the first place which is an amazing thing! This should not be a low point. Many people, because of the lack of support and misunderstanding of ASD, find that the diagnosis can be a bad thing where it should be the opposite.

 

You've been given a map of your own mind, and while there are plenty of unknown territories that others may know of in their maps, you can know fill yours in! Get reading, check out some of the great books on the subject and ask about any sticking points you have. It only gets better from here.

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