Aspergers and empathy

[Amelia123]

I am considering going for an official diagnosis of aspergers. I have completed all the online screening tests and they all indicate that I could be on the spectrum except the eyes test. Everything I have read says people on the spectrum struggle with empathy and recognising facial exp<b></b>ressions. This has made me doubt my self diagnosis. Does it mean that I'm not on the spectrum??? I feel that I am very good at reading people because I've spent hours studying body language. I find it easy to look at the minute facial muscles that change with emotions - the wrinkling of eyes, raised/ lowered eyebrows. Is this not something people with AS can learn??? What about empathy? I have empathy in abundance too. My partner says I'm not empathetic but as I explained to him I can empathise if its a situation that I have experienced (I think I'm not very sympathetic!). The example I use is I always found it very difficult to be around people who had lost someone close as I had never experienced it so I didn't know how to act or what to say around people. I lost my father suddenly a few years ago, since I experienced the sadness of losing someone so close to me I feel that I am now able to comfort people who are grieving instead of running away.

 

So what I'm trying to ask for is some advice. I thought I had found my identity but now I'm confused!!!

 

I would really appreciate your opinions.

[Sa Skimrande]

Beware of what others tell you as you have to ask yourself how qualified are they to judge others and is there a set standard that everyone must be to be considered normal, whatever that is. The things you speak of, recognising body language all of it can be learned by ASD and it is some of the experts on it have learned it as not everyone understands everything because if we did upsets could be attributed to mean actions nit failure of communication said or otherwise

 

But IQ is what aspies are known to have high factors in when the reality is intellectual intelligence means nothing when one has to exist in a society for what is more important is your EQ or the emotional quotient, test yourself and assure yourself you are not what others think you are and be confident in what you are as EQ is another thing that can be developed so even a low score is not the end of the world.

 

But you have to ask yourself why you seek diagnosis, what will be achieved by it and I do understand the desire to put reason to failure, but then everyone fails from time to time, no one is immune from that.

[Suze]

Hi there Amelia , welcome to the forum.It s true over time those with ASD can develop coping stratergies.My son as a child was hugely effected by noise ........now it no longer bothers him as much.Seeing your gp for a referral is usually the first step to a diagnosis.There are also lots of adult girlies on here who have sort a diagnosis as an adult themselves and I,m sure they will be along soon to give you some advice aswell xx

[Mike_GX101]

I am considering going for an official diagnosis of aspergers. I have completed all the online screening tests and they all indicate that I could be on the spectrum except the eyes test. Everything I have read says people on the spectrum struggle with empathy and recognising facial expressions. This has made me doubt my self diagnosis. Does it mean that I'm not on the spectrum??? I feel that I am very good at reading people because I've spent hours studying body language. I find it easy to look at the minute facial muscles that change with emotions - the wrinkling of eyes, raised/ lowered eyebrows. Is this not something people with AS can learn??? What about empathy? I have empathy in abundance too. My partner says I'm not empathetic but as I explained to him I can empathise if its a situation that I have experienced (I think I'm not very sympathetic!). The example I use is I always found it very difficult to be around people who had lost someone close as I had never experienced it so I didn't know how to act or what to say around people. I lost my father suddenly a few years ago, since I experienced the sadness of losing someone so close to me I feel that I am now able to comfort people who are grieving instead of running away.

 

So what I'm trying to ask for is some advice. I thought I had found my identity but now I'm confused!!!

 

I would really appreciate your opinions.

 

The trouble with late diagnoses is that there is this perception that we as individuals are static and cannot change. And yet with more information at our fingertips than at any time before coupled with thousands of self-help books on almost every subject this is so definitely not the case and increasingly we're seeing individuals who are coming forward who have managed to learn the skills their nature denied them such as dealing with emotion and body language and these people cannot be readily diagnosed because their self development poses as a complication towards accurate diagnosis.

 

Many of us have developed our skills even where we were told we couldn't. You have to believe you can do it which leads to a popular quote: "Where there's a will there's a way". Many have Asperger's Syndrome plus everything they've ever learned and when "everything they've ever learned" means they can unwittingly mask their Asperger's Syndrome to diagnosticians then obviously this means they cannot be readily diagnosed.

 

Diagnosticians have to wake up and realise things are no longer what they were when Asperger's Syndrome was first discovered before we were all online and before we had access to education beyond the basic constraints of the National Curriculum. Many go onto Higher Education too and then continue developing after that and so there has to be recognition that individuals can and do change.

Edited February 16, 2013 by Mike_GX101

[matzoball]

I'm was diagnosed when I turned 31(on the day of my birthday no less!) - while a diagnosis isn't the be all and end all of being on the spectrum, it does mean being taken more seriously by your local health authority for getting access to psychological services for treatments like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or even just a psychologist to talk to.

 

You have to ask yourself what you want to get out of an official diagnosis, and what it means to you. If you feel you really want one, then by all means go for it. But it can be a lot more difficult to be taken seriously as women are historically harder to diagnose. One of the best ways to get referred is to write down what your ASD means to you and how it affects you. Write a diary over the course of a week, noting all the issues you have, like sensory problems, instances of being stressed out and what caused it - that kind of thing. There are a lot of women on the spectrum here that you can talk to about it!

 

I have no problems with body language, and have been told I am quite empathetic to a degree to the point when people meet me they don't think I have Aspergers, but as they get to know me they see all the wee 'quirks' that couldn't be mistaken for anything else. We don't all fit the classical profile of someone with Aspergers - so bear in that in mind

[JeanneA]

Hi Amelia a big welcome to the forum. I do hope you get the help you need, sounds like you've had good advice on here already :-)

[Amelia123]

Thanks for all the speedy replies. Much appreciated x

[Lyndalou]

You may find www.autismandempathy,com/ of interest

Edited February 16, 2013 by Lyndalou

[l'anima semplicetta]

Autism and empathy is a thorny topic, and remember that most (if not all) research done in this area has been by people not on the spectrum trying to understand.

 

My own -personal - belief is that people with ASD can have empathy in abundance, but that it can only be expressed once you understand the social stuff going on around you. Aspies often empathise with other Aspies far better than with NTs. For me, it just means that it has a different, more complex route to being expressed because of all the incomprehensible social stuff that gets in the way. I have come across some wonderful examples of this in autistic children that would/should amaze many experts.