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Howl

Any Borderline or Intellectual Aspies Out There?

21 posts in this topic

I am 41 years old and was diagnosed quite a few years ago, but have not really revisited this. I might be wasting my time here, but lose nothing for trying, so here goes.

I always was aware that I was somewhat different to most people, but before adulthood most people found me kind of intellectual and eccentric rather than that out and out oddball, but as an adult I found myself more and more isolated and have observed that I tend to lose friends far more quickly than I make new ones. I think pretty much that much of this is down to AS (although I AM aware of the dangers of using a diagnosis as using as a get out of jail card for all kind of personality failings), but on attending a couple of AS meetings I was struck by how different again I was to most of the people there too (many of whom were . I think the problem is that I am between two stools, and I am too different to gel completely with 'normal' people but am but to many Aspies I might appear too much of a regular guy. I have read about how Freddie Mercury and Cliff Richard used their fair skins to keep their Indian heritage quiet and build impressive showbiz careers 'passing' as white, and I have can 'pass' pretty myself as a non Autistic person - even though in my case it was unintentional. However, I have read the book 'Loving Mr Spock' and despite its trite title, a lot of it I recognised in myself eg. tendency to obsessiveness and insularity, fascination with knowing how systems work, limited emotional spectrum which impairing relationships, and seemingly a contradictory leftish political instinct coupled with a disdain for Political Correctness.

Anyway, I don't want to re-write War and Peace here as I might be whistling in the wind, but would be intrigued to hear from anyone that finds any of this recognisable to them.

 

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'a man is defined by his actions, not his memories'

 

Which of course is a quote from the film 'Total Recall'. And it's good advice.

 

I have found that in the long term saying little and doing lots works rather well. Much as they might deny it most people judge you by your actions.

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'a man is defined by his actions, not his memories'

 

Which of course is a quote from the film 'Total Recall'. And it's good advice.

 

I have found that in the long term saying little and doing lots works rather well. Much as they might deny it most people judge you by your actions.

 

I don't understand your point. I was asking if any of my description rings a bell with anything they have experienced as I would like to start a conversation. I fail to see how that relates to what you wrote.

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Hi and welcome to the group

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I get what your saying mate. 90%

 

i like your mind. you clearly are very deep... and i love deep.

 

your mind in an instant rides every mountain and plumbs every ravine and you don't even know your doing it! (probably?)

 

i have certain traits similar that that also.

 

but i too have found it makes people uncomfortable, so I've learnt to keep it in my head, and just do the "yeah what ever"

 

but you've got an amazing mind fella?

 

i can see that.. i bet you can do the rubics cube in 12 seconds?

 

all the best

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I can see myself in much that you say, Howl. We Aspies are supposed to have 'special interests'. Mine is philomathia - an obsession with gathering information (not trivia but serious stuff) - so, in a sense, I have very many special interests. (This tendency has led me to become a polymath in 4-5 very different areas - my specialised interests). Like you, I'm a left-leaning libertarian but I can't abide political correctness (I dislike all ideologies) and hold onto many 'traditional' values. My thinking is deep and logical and I enjoy complex intellectual challenges, yet at the same time I'm equally intuitive. I'm equally attracted to the arts and the sciences, inspired by beauty, love and truth and have very high principles. I'm also prone to flashes of insight. All this baggage has disguised my AS for most of my life, and I've been described by a psychiatrist as 'an enigma'. I now know that it's an atypical presentation of AS.

 

Like you, my Aspie traits aren't at all obvious most of the time, for I've learnt to copy others and hide them. It's for this reason that I never suspected my 'difference' to be due to AS - i.e. the stereotypical 'extreme-male-brain' view of AS. However, I score very highly on the various published lists of female AS traits - I suffer the usual meltdowns, have many sensitivities, OC traits, feel alienated from the NT world, have executive dysfunction, etc. and all this has been with me throughout my life.

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so much of what your saying sounds very familiar to me.

 

you could virtually be writing a synopsis of me!

 

(you sure you aren't my twin brother? lol)

 

without wishing to appear like I'm being too flattering, I admire your very evident intellectual skills,

 

but what actually drew me to your post initially was,

 

it seemed to me you were saying that- despite the remarkable mind that you obviously have...

 

...like me, you find that socially things don't ever go very well?

 

you appeared to say that it mattered not what group you found yourself in?

 

i.e. "normal" (what ever that means) or "aspie" (what ever that means), you feel like you are behind the glass wall?

 

i.e. you are present in social situations, but can never be a part of it?

 

please correct me if I'm wrong. I could easily of misread your comments about that, in which case I apologise.

 

but if I read correctly, then I'd like to say I feel that too.

 

despite constantly trying to improve my social skills, I always end up getting it wrong, and I just know it's enviable I'll say the wrong thing without even knowing I had (in real life)

 

I wish I was in the matrix, and rather than Morpheus download fighting skills into my head, I wish he'd download skills on "how not to say the wrong thing" lol

 

all the best.

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I've often been described as an oddball. I like dressing in 3 piece suits, and have a weird obsession with hats. I like the victorian period, and Dickens and people always comment on my obsession with this.

I have difficulties understanding social convention and sometimes when people are joking, and i take insults or actions towards me very personally.

 

To other people, my sense of quirkiness becomes endearing, but eventually it gets annoying or repetitive and will lose me friends.

I need to be assessed, of course but I'm pretty sure I'm an aspie. Either that or it's dyspraxia.

 

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I get what you are saying about the liking wearing suits thing floobyfloob.

 

when I was younger, I never had a "casual satire" mode.

 

I'd was only comfortable in a suit & tie.

 

so after work, I wouldn't change into casual clothes like my friends.

 

I'd go to social meetings in my work stuff.

 

(and even at weekends on days when I hadn't had to go to work,

 

I'd still go down to my social hang outs, in work stuff because I felt more comfortable.

 

& pretend to everyone I'd just finished an emergency business call out to cover myself.

 

now I've swung the other way. I like jeans and casual stuff,

 

but it's still an issue.

 

I turn up to important business meetings in jeans and t-shirt now (and make excuses why I couldn't of changed.)

 

am I ever going to learn. lol :-)

 

lol

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I am 41 years old and was diagnosed quite a few years ago, but have not really revisited this. I might be wasting my time here, but lose nothing for trying, so here goes.

 

I always was aware that I was somewhat different to most people, but before adulthood most people found me kind of intellectual and eccentric rather than that out and out oddball, but as an adult I found myself more and more isolated and have observed that I tend to lose friends far more quickly than I make new ones. I think pretty much that much of this is down to AS (although I AM aware of the dangers of using a diagnosis as using as a get out of jail card for all kind of personality failings), but on attending a couple of AS meetings I was struck by how different again I was to most of the people there too (many of whom were . I think the problem is that I am between two stools, and I am too different to gel completely with 'normal' people but am but to many Aspies I might appear too much of a regular guy. I have read about how Freddie Mercury and Cliff Richard used their fair skins to keep their Indian heritage quiet and build impressive showbiz careers 'passing' as white, and I have can 'pass' pretty myself as a non Autistic person - even though in my case it was unintentional. However, I have read the book 'Loving Mr Spock' and despite its trite title, a lot of it I recognised in myself eg. tendency to obsessiveness and insularity, fascination with knowing how systems work, limited emotional spectrum which impairing relationships, and seemingly a contradictory leftish political instinct coupled with a disdain for Political Correctness.

 

Anyway, I don't want to re-write War and Peace here as I might be whistling in the wind, but would be intrigued to hear from anyone that finds any of this recognisable to them.

 

 

hi, this is so much like something I would write but didn't. I also learnt (unfortunately) how to 'pass' as neurotypical and am annoyed at myself for ever trying. I feel like I missed out on so much listening to the old man saying 'nobody likes a smarty pants' (or at least profanic words to that effect. cough)

 

now that I am awakening I feel like I shouldn't have to conform. I wanted to be accepted for being me now. and would like to encourage others to also be happy being non-conformist. don't be differernt, be special!

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Hi, i think i relate to your question. I can pass myself off as nomal for short periods of time so i limit my social interactions a great deal. In a close relationship i cannot do this without alcohol so have had some chaotic relationships. I just feel uncomfortable and dont like this to be seen. I was tested for aspergers recently aged 48, abeit high functioning, i have aspergers traits but scored highly on the facial expression test. I was diagnosed by a woman called maxine aston in coventry, about 400 pounds for testing. I too hate pc, and anyone telling me what to do, anti authority, although this could come from my childhood, controlling mother and boarding school.

I have a high iq, in the 130 s and an ability to work things out in a sherlock kind of way but i have never put this to use in a career as i chose a job which suits my isolating pattern.

I find normal peoples conversation dull, i really dont care for football or eastenders. You get the picture. Alcohol freed my mind for years but i took it too far and it beat me in the end. Im sober these days but still looking for some peace of mind.

To recap yes i share yr high functioning attributes but i find life difficult but i know there are much worse off than me.

I wish u all the best on yr journey and feel free to message me in a no strings attached aspergers kind of way.

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Hallejuah! I am not alone! I don't know what words to put first really...

 

I have posted a thing in the general discussion forum about 'women' and taking action with regards to "higher functioning" ASD - but what you say about yourself truly matches up with what I have experienced, and what I experience day to day.

I feel so alone a lot of the time and crave to have friends, but when I'm in the company of "friends", I feel weird, tense, anxious and I have to think about every move I make and everything I say. In an ideal world I would not say anything, or maybe the odd thing on my terms - and if they ask me about anything to do with me, then I crumple into a heap of panic. The words don't come out easily and sometimes I find myself saying things I wish I hadn't said. I think a lot of people find me weird. But I appear normal all the same. I think people generally don't get me - but think I'm just normal, if that makes sense. It's a lonely place - kind of like limbo really.

 

Please look at my post on general discussions and join in if you would like.

 

xxx

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hi, this is so much like something I would write but didn't. I also learnt (unfortunately) how to 'pass' as neurotypical and am annoyed at myself for ever trying. I feel like I missed out on so much listening to the old man saying 'nobody likes a smarty pants' (or at least profanic words to that effect. cough)

 

now that I am awakening I feel like I shouldn't have to conform. I wanted to be accepted for being me now. and would like to encourage others to also be happy being non-conformist. don't be differernt, be special!

 

This is so refreshing to read. You know what, as hard as it is sometimes, I find a strength from somewhere. It's hard to find it, but it's stronger than any NT person would have, generally speaking. I think "f*** everyone else and what they think. I am me. If you don't like it, you're not welcome in my world." Although having said that (and it's easy to say that - but I mean it) you need to have at least one person close to you who does understand - or who at least knows what it is that makes you "you". It's quite a lonely place otherwise.

Being 'different, special and non-conformist' gives me power, strength and a voice on the outside. On the inside it's a lonely world. And I guess that's why we're here on this forum xxx

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welcome to the forum.

Yes there are quite a few of us out there (in here). I am able to get by, especially in set piece circumstances where all people I meet have a recognised function within my world bubble. As soon as I step outside the bubble, such as being introduced to random person with no perceived function inside my bubble I am lost in a world of what ifs and what nows, slowly retreating either physically or mentally.

Yes there is a uniqueness, I do things others don't (3-piece suits are great by the way - Double Breasted 2-pieces are even better) and yet cannot do simple things others do (like hold a conversation with a stranger for more than 2 sentences without wandering off on a soliloquy or standing in awkward silence). But there is also a yearning to be part of the crowd.

 

Hope you find what you are looking for here :)

Edited by reppac

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I am 41 years old and was diagnosed quite a few years ago, but have not really revisited this. I might be wasting my time here, but lose nothing for trying, so here goes.

 

I always was aware that I was somewhat different to most people, but before adulthood most people found me kind of intellectual and eccentric rather than that out and out oddball, but as an adult I found myself more and more isolated and have observed that I tend to lose friends far more quickly than I make new ones. I think pretty much that much of this is down to AS (although I AM aware of the dangers of using a diagnosis as using as a get out of jail card for all kind of personality failings), but on attending a couple of AS meetings I was struck by how different again I was to most of the people there too (many of whom were . I think the problem is that I am between two stools, and I am too different to gel completely with 'normal' people but am but to many Aspies I might appear too much of a regular guy. I have read about how Freddie Mercury and Cliff Richard used their fair skins to keep their Indian heritage quiet and build impressive showbiz careers 'passing' as white, and I have can 'pass' pretty myself as a non Autistic person - even though in my case it was unintentional. However, I have read the book 'Loving Mr Spock' and despite its trite title, a lot of it I recognised in myself eg. tendency to obsessiveness and insularity, fascination with knowing how systems work, limited emotional spectrum which impairing relationships, and seemingly a contradictory leftish political instinct coupled with a disdain for Political Correctness.

 

Anyway, I don't want to re-write War and Peace here as I might be whistling in the wind, but would be intrigued to hear from anyone that finds any of this recognisable to them.

 

read what you have put in a word "snap"

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Hello, I'm new here. Seeing a lot of familiar statements upthread. I don't pass for "normal" beyond the most trivial social events, and generally doesn't take more than a day or so of steady contact before the mask slips. I'm interested in the arts, especially photography, poetry, and literature. Keeps me alive in soul while I hold brain and body together with a job in insurance. When I saw 'Howl' I wondered if that was a reference to Alan Ginsberg, or a generic feeling of sounding off to the moon...both of which I could relate to at times. I read, like chess, and just don't mix well in groups unless I have something specific to do. Hoping to meet people who like to talk books, take pix, and want to get out of their own heads every now and then. Grateful to be here.

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I feel quite like you Gelofogo. I'm what you'd call intellectually gifted (but have never been academically inclined) passionate about poetry and art, but equally so about philosophy and the sciences. I can talk books, or anything serious, until the cows come home. :)

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Hi, Mihaela, I hoped you'd write back. If you're interested, I started a thread in Off-topic about books. I just finished one I liked. I'd just read an article in the Atlantic about the difficuities and rewards of making friends and thought I'd dive in and start a thread on that, too.

 

I've been identified as intellectually gifted, but schoolwork, ha, not so much. Serial underachiever. Although I did well at writing. Loved modern poetry and Shakespeare, and fell into haiku--not so much the 5-7-5 rigid form in English, but in translation. Once upon a time, I was a science major, and that was fun.

Edited by gelofogo

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Shakespeare is rumoured to be autistic

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I am one of these on the edge people as well. A lot of what I have read here is the things I feel too. I am very much a latecomer to thinking that this condition is the root of my problems. I score positively on the margin in the on-line AQ test; I'm 70 years old and can see no point in going for a formal assessment but there are several cases of AS behaviour in my immediate family, some are being assessed but they are just plain obvious really. I have been in recovery from alcoholism and addiction for 30 years and I thought that was the key to my problems. I've had therapy and counselling over the years. On the other hand I have held down some quite responsible jobs - and failed at others too. I thought I had enough "tools" to deal with anything that could come up until recently I was unwell with a chest infection and I plunged into a very low state mentally - depressed. I took anti-depressants for some years and it was better but then I had a mini-stroke, which I think was linked to the anti-depressants, so I don't want to go back there. One by one I have dumped what friends I had because they were annoying me, so I am feeling very vulnerable at the moment.

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Try to redefine 'political correctness' as 'an imperfect way of trying to find a respectful way of dealing with my fellow humans' rather than what the Daily Mail wants us to believe it is: an assault on freedom of speech.

 

I don't think it's upholding the right to freedom of speech to refer to an Asian as a 'Paki', or a woman as a ''.

 

If 'political correctness' means treating people with due respect, then it's fine by me.

Edited by MartianTom

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