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Laddo

A bit of poor poetry

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Just wanted to let off a bit of steam by posting this poem (if it can be called a poem). There's no real rhyming scheme and it's more of a waffle than a poem, but constructive criticism is welcome.

 

I want to be free to be me

I want to be happy to be me

I want to be comfortable being me

 

I don’t want to feel pressured into being someone else

I don’t want to feel judged for being me

I don’t want to feel the crushing judgement

The instant dislike

The mistrust

Don’t grind me into dust

The lack of belief is dragging me down

Down

Down

 

How can I be free?

How can I avoid the judgement?

How can I get people to accept that I, just like they, am an individual?

 

Am I human?

I am human

I am made to feel inhuman

I am different

I am not the same as them

But I am still HUMAN

 

Homo Sapiens Freakus

Is that me?

Am I a different species of human?

That is how I am made to feel

I look the same

Or similar at least

But my behaviour

That’s different

 

Equality

We need equality

For everyone

Not just a select few

But for EVERYONE

 

Repetition

Repetition

Repetition

Repetition

I sometimes like repetition

But that’s not “normal”

So people make comments

So-called “friends” make comments

Who can I trust then?

If not people who claim to be friends?

Who?

Me

I can trust me

I should trust me

I can trust me

I will trust me

 

 

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Do you have any writing you would like to share Mihaela? I was sort of hoping that others would post their poetry here but I've only just realised that I didn't make this very clear in my initial post

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Yes, good idea, I'll look for some and post it.

I've not written much poetry, but recently I was talking to an aspie friend who says she's started a course on creative writing, including poetry, and that's inspired me to do a little more myself. Most of what I write is either very obscure and 'technical' or general essays on just about any aspect of life - including my own life and how I see the world. :)

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I look forward to reading your work! :) To me, writing like that is poetry too. Art is all about expressing oneself - it can still be technical if there is emotion behind it. I am fascinated with how other people see the world and how they express themselves, no matter how they do it

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Very good, I too feel the same.

 

 

As I stare in depths of silvery glass

In my mind I am free to be a boy

I see not my face but reflections past

Outside is a world I seldom enjoy

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That's really good Unusual Patronus! It's very moving - much better than mine! You've got some talent there my friend :)

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Thanks Laddo, but don't downplay your own, honestly it speaks truths

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Thanks. I so wish it didn't speak the truth though - the world we live in is so brutal.

 

Here's another one:

 

Poisoned

 

Behold the traits of many

The socially ambitious

Spewing words of hate

So poisonous and vicious

 

Slash me with your razor tongue

You cut me to the ground

What do you hope to achieve?

What do you think you’ve found?

In all these hostilities

Milking my fragilities

Ignoring my abilities

Snubbing all civilities

 

You spread your hatred

They all become infected

You push my spotlight upon me

Your insecurities deflected

Drag others deep down

To your own personal hell

You want them to suffer

Feel the way you fell

 

But what do you hope to achieve?

What do you think you’ve found?

In leaving me so beaten down

Unable to make a sound

You will not stop until I am silenced

Bloodied, gagged and bound

Edited by Laddo

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That is really good and again unfortunate that it's true, you use strong visions in your words.

 

 

I hear you, I see you, I fear for your sole

You try, but you lie, to realise your goal

It's ok, I feel you, I truly understand

When you fall, which you will, I'll be there to lend my hand

 

Time is a healer, it is an enemy and a friend

Though time has never managed to heal the wound of social trend

There's still time left, it's not too late, there's still a ray of light

We see it, we hold it, we fight for what is right

 

Only if you'd realise what beauty lies in truth

You'd be better, you'd be stronger, you wouldn't shy away from proof

This world, it is beautiful, there's so much you just don't see

But it differences that scare you, that's why your scared of me

 

 

The impact in your poem was there, as it should be. I like it, their insecurities ... there deflecting the light. I got the feeling that they're scared in your poem ... even though they'd deny it. I just couldn't help myself writing that little piece to show that it's them (those who ridicule and torment) that fall, that for all that they shun people like us, it's them that really miss what's right in front of them ... the world ... People like that are to scared to understand, they're the ones who not only bound us, but bound themselves.

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Thanks mate :)

That's a great poem showing the other side to mine. It's kind of like a 'counter-poem', so to speak. I'm quite interested in seeing alternate perspectives on a situation so it was good to read your little piece. You speak a lot of truth in your sentences as well as your prose too - the tormentors often feel tormented themselves, trapped in their own cage of hatred and fear of difference

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Thank you, I was worried that I was a bit rude at flipping your poem before anyone could comment and cringed afterwards realising that it might seem as though I'm countering your poem.

 

I wasn't, I had read your poem a few times searching for meaning, I do that all the time with any poetic, abstract or deep writings and I'm glad you're interested seeing a different perspectives of it.

 

I do have a tendency to try and show my use of words without thinking, a jumped up show off is what I thought of myself after that.

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Thanks dotmarsdotcom, glad to hear it. Anyone feel like the forum has been really quiet the past few days?

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Lord it over me because you're neurotypical

Correct me when I'm right

Be the superior, the pedant, the critical

Throw yourself in the limelight

You're better than me

I am broken

Don't let me be

The NT has spoken

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Brilliant poem, Laddo! All NT's should read it. You should send it to Asperger United.

I've been neglecting this thread due to lack of time, but I've not forgotten it and I'll be coming back to it.

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Thanks Mihaela :) I didn't even know about Asperger United until now! It sounds like an interesting magazine.

 

Please do come back to it and share some of your writing! I'd love to see some :)

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Tread on me

Crush me

Ignore me

Hate me

 

 

For I am nothing

Worse than all

Full of suffering

Further I fall

Down I go

Sink into your hell

I heard your 'no'

As to hell I fell

 

What am I to you?

What wrong do I do?

I am nothing

We both know it's true

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De Profundis

 

Sink, sink, sink into your hell,

Fall. fall, fall into your well,

That deep well of loneliness,

 

Yet there, elusive Truth lies waiting,

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

For Time to release her,

When she will rise unadorned,

Holding aloft her mirror;

Reflecting stark and dazzling reality

Upon a world that lost its way

Long, long ago.

Edited by Mihaela

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You are big

We are small

We are losers

You are cool

You are smart

We are fools

You're the mechanic

We're your tools

This is your thinking

Your beliefs and ideology

Your esteem of self high and mighty

All part of your psychology

This is how you think

You believe you know all

But let me tell you a thing or two

That might make you appalled

The truth is

You're our leaders

But you know **** all!

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Very good peom Mihaela, is it from De Profundis or inspired by it? I just googled it. Written in truly difficult times

 

Laddo, your poems are deep, that's an ending that even though I don't like swearing shouldn't be censored :)

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That's just how I feel too when battling with so many 'professionals', Laddo! Why should be so very difficult dealing with these faceless people? Their behaviour makes a mockery of the Autism Act.

As for my poem, it's written on several levels. De Profundis is the traditional name of a psalm (its first two words in the Vulgate) that was ritually read in pre-Reformation England at wayside crosses during funeral processions. (De profundis clamavi - From the depths I cry). Many authors have used those words to express a feeling of melancholy, helplessness and frustration at all that's wrong with the world. Crying out from the bottom of a well, seemingly with no escape.

The well imagery was inspired by Laddo's previous words:

...Full of suffering
Further I fall
Down I go
Sink into your hell...


Which reminded me of three wells - the well of depression (as in Bunyan's 'Slough of Despond'); Radclyffe Hall's Well of Loneliness - which in 1928 was considered by the medical 'experts' of the day to be a danger to the country, and so it was banned and so truth was suppressed... and the well of truth, which is an allegorical motif used in art and based on Democritus who said that truth lay at the bottom of a well. In other words truth can be difficult to reach.

Here are some examples: http://www.jcbourdais.net/journal/18avr08.php (very good text too, but it's in French).

The mirror never lies, it reflects reality.

What I meant was that we may find ourselves in the depth of depression, but we can rise out of it feeling stronger and wiser having caught inspiring glimpses of the truth, both the truth about ourselves and about the NT world. Lux in tenebris - the light in the dark, the gold amongst the lead, etc. This theme of hidden/suppressed truth is related to the esoteric Tradition, very strong in France, and one of my special interests - where poetry with multiple levels of meaning is known as la langue des oiseaux (language of the birds) or langue verte (green language).

(Old Father) Time will eventually 'unveil' Truth (his daughter) revealing her in her unadorned glory. Tempus veritas revelat. This is another allegorical motif in art and there are many examples. Here's a well-known one (that painting is full of symbolism) - and an interesting article on enlightenment. https://floliblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/05/

Edited by Mihaela

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Mihaela you have a much better grasp of deeper meanings in things than I do, I can't even pretend to know the full meaning of what you've wrote, though I do have a basic understanding.

 

All of my views have been spawned from stories and films and media, luckily I've been able to filter right from wrong. Though I've never actually consciously researched such deep meanings other than to grasp what someone else is meaning.

That picture is powerful, I've seen it before, though I've never thought of it in that sense.

 

 

 

I admire your thinking :)

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Thanks, Unusual one.

My unconventional thinking style, as well as having so many interests, can be very useful socially. Although I've had no formal training in any of the many subjects that I've studied, I find I can talk (often pretty much as an equal) with anyone who happens to share a common interest. I also learn more in the process. Our mutual passions feed each other.

 

Last year some high-flying academic arranged to meet me to discuss my work on one of my specialised interests, with the intention of demolishing once and for all my original theories - which had been niggling him for some time. Having blinded him with detail to the nth degree, he left in a daze and with his academic arrogance totally deflated! I soon found his knowledge of his 'specialised' subject was inaccurate, hazy, partial and full of holes. I had a ready answer to all his criticisms which instantly stopped him in his tracks, and he ended up doubting all he'd been led to assume to be true. My experience of turning the tables on these types has vividly shown me just how little general knowledge they tend to have, how narrowly-conventional their thinking has become, and just how indoctrinated they are with the fashionably bland, cosy 'university discourse'. All so different to the original purpose of university learning.

Not too bad for a 'nonentity social misfit' who has chronic executive dysfunction, umpteen vulnerabilities and the emotions of a child. :D

 

I know not many Aspies are as seemingly-paradoxically complex-naive as I am, but we can all be true experts in our own fields, and need to have pride in this. Don't let the NT's grind us down. We have so much to offer the world. Let's all try our best to improve it in our own small ways. :)

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I've not had the pleasure of challenging an academic yet, but I've come pretty close with typical know-it-all's. You're not entirely alone on the naivety, I am incredibly naive, I don't even feel like I can compete with anything complicated in a social setting at all. And thanks to you, I've learnt that I too suffer executive dysfunction. I totally understand money and its value, but paying bills is a challenge that's almost impossible, I thought it was just stress. Life skills in general, an act until I'm at home.

 

And sorry but I'm going to tag a poem on the end, it's not so positive this time, but was inspired by Laddo's and yours :)

 

I hurt inside. I'm hurting inside. My insides hurt!

 

A blanket of silence, a cloak of darkness

 

I am falling, eternity lasts forever

 

Deeper and deeper, time will not wait

 

Loneliness amongst a tide of many

 

Do you see me?

 

My hand outstretched as further I fall

The silence of many against the cry of one

An echo, a dissonance, an unanswered call

I'm shouting in silence, answered by none.

 

A thought, a feeling, what is my life without meaning

I'm falling through hell and as I fall I am screaming

 

Do you hear me?

 

My heart, it is bleeding

Edited by UnusualPatronus

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Very nice, UnusualPatronus. A very powerful piece once again! Reading through the poems here (excluding my own because I don't want to play my own trumpet ;) ) is sparking an idea in my brain to get a collection of art and poetry by autistic people together. Maybe that will finally put another incorrect assumption about ASD people to waste - the assumption that we lack imagination. We're creators by nature, whether it be art, literature or solving equations. I would give anything to see the results of a brain scan of an autistic person whilst they're creating. I imagine it would be fascinating.

 

I can be naive too and have learnt that I suffer from executive dysfunction as well. It's a bit of a pain in the neck though - where do I go from here, knowing I'm always going to find looking after myself, the things that NTs take for granted, to be so challenging? I'm certainly having a hard time convincing my parents that I'm executively dysfunctional - they're of the impression (as are an infuriating number of people) that I'll be fine as long as I put my mind to it. They don't understand that if I give too much focus to social 'norms' overloads my brain and causes epic meltdowns of Chernobyl calibre. It's depressing to think that I may have to rethink my entire career so soon after finally deciding what I want to do with my life.

Edited by Laddo

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That's a great idea, artwork, poems and stuff all in one place, but it's where to show. I'd suggest here, but a new thread and copy paste these ones over, pictures can be uploaded, only problem is not many Neurotypicals would see what we have to say, or what pictures people might have to show, but word could spread.

 

Well that's what I've been thinking the past two days ... what happens in the future? This is not advice, but it's what I've started doing for a few years, writing anything like paying bills, re-booking appointments or jobs that I'm going to write to in my tablet. It takes the stress of planning once you've eventually written them ... though weirdly adds stress waiting for the alarm to remind me. But if I have executive dysfunction that's got to help, it's just hard writing tasks in the first place, I'm not organised :/

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I was thinking it could start here and potentially grow it to a full website in time. I'm very keen to teach myself web coding so I would be up for trying to get the website up and running if there was enough interest. (And if I can organise and motivate myself!) I just think it would be a good way to communicate with NTs that autistic people do have a purpose, as well as maybe giving the aspies whose artwork is showcased a little self esteem boost.

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Old Jack Frost is settling in

You can feel him in gusting wind

So light up the fire

Crack open a beer

Cos it's that time of year

Winter is here!

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Inspired by that poetic masterpiece Jabberwocky and other serious works, here's some more quality poetry I've just penned with my sharp quill:

 

Ode to a Nematode

'Twas brazen in the winter light,

And the heat was hot to behold.

All fervid were the nematodes,

And my own type turned bold.

 

So too did the mome raths,

- At least, so I'm told.

Yet my memory doth not hold,

So I must be growing old...

 

"Like Father Quilliam", the young Alice said,

"And your nose has become very red,

Like the famed Dong's in the night.

Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

 

:bounce:

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Nice festive poem Laddo.

 

Don't step on the mome raths :P

 

Father Quilliam lol I had to check the book to see if that was his name, brilliant poem

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"Don't step on the mome raths"

 

I heed your wise advice, but I'm no fool.
I wouldn't want to provoke their ire, wrath and general discomfort - especially if they were outgrabing in the Wabe at the time. My stress levels would shoot to the roof at the discordant, chaotick sound of their raucous howls and plaintive wailing. I could drone on and on about this frightful scenario, but alas! will now restrain myself, for I have less important things to do.

 

Welcome back, Unusual One. :)

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No rhyming in this one. I'm such a maverick. :rolleyes:

 

The ache begins to gnaw beneath my ribs

My shoulders are petrified

An icy knife glides across my lungs

Oxygen released

I cannot breathe

For I need you

But I do not know who you are

Who are you?

Where are you?
How will we meet?

Time keeps me begging

Snatches away my treat just when my teeth sink in

I am hurting

I am bleeding inside

This longing

It will kill me

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Powerful words. I only found contentment when I stopped seeking it. It's the effort that causes the anguish.

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I could never stop seeking love though, never. I feel it's my main purpose in life

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