For me crushes have always been more about just wanting to be in close proximity with whoever I have a crush on. ...I did think that my first crush was true love though, but since then I have been in love and it was... powerful. Dangerously powerful in fact, to the point where I pretty much become a slave to whoever I love's will.
For me, it's always been powerful, and being in close proximity has been the overpowering main feeling, although at times I've unwittingly found myself becoming a slave. When that happens I instinctively back away before I get burnt.
It really is soul-destroying that so few people appreciate romance these days.
I suppose I identify most with the platonic chivalric ideal. I find unrequited, lost or unrealistic love fascinating and romantic in a strange kind of way, and I'm attracted to art, poetry, prose and songs on this eternal theme.
Regarding having no physical need but feeling as if you do in your mind, this seems to be very common among aspie women. I wonder why this could be?
You may well be right, but as to the reason why I'm just as mystified as you are. I've always been emotionally/romantically attracted to females or 'feminine' males (generally much younger in years than myself), aesthetically attracted to young females (not relevant to social relations) and sexually attracted to nobody.
I find it impossible to speak with practically anybody.
I did long ago, but very slowly I learnt by copying.
The second is that I want somebody who is more like me than anything.
So did I, long ago. Now I need nobody, but I do find that many people seem to need me. Last night I was at a friend's, a young woman I've known for some years. I always say I can't stay long, so she makes me meals and tries all kinds of tricks to keep me there longer. She's very lonely, and part of me feels I should spend Christmas with her. It hurts to think she'll be there pulling a cracker with herself, wearing the hat and playing with her cats. The difference is that I enjoy my Christmases alone (with my cats!) out of choice. I still go through the rituals, but as part of my rigid Aspie routine thing. Modern society is cruel and selfish when it comes to lonely people. The sense of community in England seems not to apply to the indigenous English people any more. True community spirit here seems increasingly confined to Jews, Muslims, Roma, European immigrants, etc. - and the past. Old people are shoved away from their families into homes - only too often "out of sight; out of mind".
It's not something I want to give up on, but it's something that I can't really work on because I have no idea how to.
Nor, me. It just happens. It think it helps by not trying too hard.
My big regret, is that being what I am, I could not see until it was too late, that it was no longer unrequited, its hard that one.
This would happen to me too, long ago. Bittersweet memories.
At that time I never understood why. Now that I do, I'm no longer harsh upon myself. I did my best. I made the wrong assumptions and so did others.