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I think my friend like me has aspergers

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He is 26 never really had any friends, his younger and older siblings are all married or in long term relationships and all in good jobs

 

I met him 4 years ago at uni as shared a flat with him, he used to have an awful temper as he had a lot of hard work to do and would just snap at me, since he left uni he never gets angry and his bad habits arent as extreme i,e when I moved in he already lived there 2 years and never once took bins out, living room table was coated in coffee stains and tobacco, his bedroom you could not see the floor, I remember spending hours cleaning up and then coming through living room to see it coated in tobacco as he just made roll ups by pouring it on the table and picking it up,

 

The kitchen he made coffee by just picking up the jar and randomly aiming at cup, same for sugar, afterhe left uni he calmed down and despite being a little untidy not as extreme i.e would make dinner and leave plates on side, or visit me and unload his backpack onto the floor, have dirty shoes etc.

 

So far it could just be hes a slob, but his personality shows signs of similar to me i.e he lacks understanding of anyones feelings, when I lived with him I bought reduced food for example like meat reduced from £5 to 20p and he would eat it then say "its only 20p" or if I asked for a replacement he said all I am entitled to is 20p as thats what it cost, he didnt take into account I walked like 45 minutes with loads of shopping bags to just have it eaten by him and again he would just say all I am entitled to is what I paid.

 

If I ever loaned him cash, not directly but lets say he was short bus fare and I paid, then he had no food and I bought some he would get confused and say the amount sounds too high and want me to explain everything I bought, even then he says that he doesnt think he bought certain things but eventually huffs and puffs and pays, I invited him on holiday and after making dinner I said he should wash up but he said it made no sense to wash dishes if they were being used like 3 hours later so to only wash them then as its extra effort, also anytime he comes to vist me he generally waits to confirm to last minute as before that he keeps changing mind, what annoys me about that is if he doenst tell me the night before he then also doesnt text or ring to come down, just randomly comes onto internet and I have to ask him.

 

He has no other friends as says people dont understand him, I did tell him 2 years ago to get an assessment and he spoke to doctor about it who agreed and said he should get more but my friend moved then didnt chase it up as he said its too much effort.

 

He just blanks out anything hard to do or that he doesnt understand.

 

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Hmm, it sounds like he could have Asperger's but it also seems likely he's got some kind of personality disorder, too. It sounds like he totally lacks empathy - I know aspies are often cited as having none but from what I've seen and heard from other aspies, this is a lie made up by NTs to make us sound like bad people. With the slobbiness, maybe he suffers from depression, too. My brother is the same in that when I shared a flat with him, he never cleaned. Like I would start cleaning the flat and he would just sit there on his laptop while I unclogged the shower of his hair etc. Or maybe the guy is just chronically lazy. I think he does need to follow up that assessment.

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He sounds a lot like someone I know (except for the money thing). I agree with what Laddo says, I do wonder if he has mental health issues in addition to possible Aspergers, but then if you grow up finding the world an invalidating place that you don't full understand, I can see how a personality disorder might well develop. If he could seek a professional opinion it could be of benefit to him.....but if he's anything like the guy I know, he might not want to be labelled, might be embarrassed by difficulties he has, or not want to be 'told what to do' by someone else. Good that he has a friend who cares so much, though.

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Depression and Aspergers, anything else in the 'tobacco'? Is 'alcohol' involved as well? I drank an ocean of it, was drinking when a 'sage' said 'alcohol does not work', one has to ready to understand that.

The world can really be depressing, especially if one can see no future, I know I have been there. Expect quite a few here have been there too.

There is a 'universal survival rule' which is the survival of those who can get away with it. And if allowed without some form of check, evolution throws up flightless burrowing birds, tree climbing kangaroos, and finally what is called 'spoilt rotten children'. Now when reality hits, that can be a shock, extinction, or real problems for the grown up child.

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