Looking at AS positively

[Mihaela]

I've been thinking about all my positive points which I suspect are due to my AS, and weighing them up against my difficulties. These are all either much stronger than they would be in the average neurotypical, or highly unusual generally. These are what I see as my good points:

 

1. High cognitive empathy, including for animals (can verge on synaesthesia).

2. Strong sense of justice.

3. Strong ethical sense.

4. Balance of logical and intuitive personality traits.

5. 'Non-linear' and very deep thinking style.

6. Good memory for detail.

7. Strong aesthetic sense.

8. Philomathic - a passion for soaking up knowledge of all kinds.

9. Polymathic - a few highly specialised and unconnected interests

10. Very many special interests.

11. Extremely non-worldly, non-materialistic (prone to mysticism, lucid dreams, etc.). I see much of the NT world and its thinking as deluded and dangerous.

12. Emotionally 'immature', naive, 'innocent'. (Yes, I see this as positive!)

13. Loyal to friends and very reliable.

 

The negatives mainly relate to executive dysfunction, my many sensory issues and weaknesses in social situations - as well as their effects upon me. These have caused all the suffering and confusion in my life.

 

1. Mild but complex dyspraxia.

2. Dyscalculia (less mild).

3. Easily distracted, absent-minded.

4. Sensory overload, panic attacks.

5. Assorted phobias.

6. Prone to depression and anxiety. Meltdowns.

7. Haunted by a sense of loss and pathos. Ever seeking what can't be found.

8. Unusual sense of time and the passing of time (chronoception).

9. Socially 'uncomfortable' with most people. Feel I can't be myself.

10. Not 'good' at social etiquette: outspoken, honest, can't flirt, don't swear, boast, etc.

11. No interest in most of the things that NT society sees as enjoyable or important.
12. Easily upset, stressed. (Vulnerable to bullying and exploitation).

 

 

I've learnt to live happily with most of these, apart from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and vulnerability - which all result from how I react to the NT world.

Given the chance of sacrificing my AS traits in return for a neurotypical life, I'd have turned down the offer at any time of my life. I've not only consistently seen the NT world as being out of step, but also as being plain wrong in so many ways.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We must use and develop our strengths, but we must accept that we may need support over those lifelong weaknesses that we can't change. NT society, must accept our brain-wired weaknesses if we are to live free of the stress and suffering caused by lack of understanding.

Edited December 23, 2014 by Mihaela

[Gold MD]

I adhore neurotypicals. In fact, I want nothing more to do with them for as long as I live. Yes, that is how much I want to disown those that make up my own sad state of a society. For they are selfish, think they are it and do little to help us autistic registrants. I am done with trying to be nice to these "people" because it never reaped any rewards before. They brought me nothing but misery. From my own experience, 'my own kind' should and will always include fellow autistic personalities and anyone with a learning issue. These types are the nicest of the nice to me. If I were you, I would ditch the seedy neurotypicals in your life permanently.

 

For the past whenever, I trusted and loved my support agency. That I did. How did they make me feel about myself this year, however? I will tell you: I have had my self-esteem, confidence, self-worth and happiness destroyed a thousand times over. It will take a God damn miracle to revive my good mood. Oh, yes. I basically got screwed by my support workers, my family and all the way up. I even ended up locked away in jail where my good heart was powerless to do anything. I draw my lines there. That is going too far on a personal level.

 

All Autism Initiatives have served to do is break me in two halves. It is them that have ruined me. They were dropping my support workers like flies behind my back the whole time and fobbing me off. First it was Ruth, then Joanna, then Sara. All I did was comment about their nice approach and/or warm to having them in my life, because I deserve to have normality in my life. Then they royally screwed me over.

 

That senior, called Andrew. He screwed me over and look what it lead to you. Do you know he even laughed in my face once when we were alone and said he could be my "source of communication" from now on? That rat bag little weasel stole my workers from me and then he eventually left. I wish now I had smashed his face in a long time ago.

 

They say I had no right to react the way I did to their lies. Rubbish! I have every God damn right to feel this upset because they did everything to cancel Sara and Joanna out of my life, probably at their beck and call. How could they do this to me? After I bent over backwards trying to reinstate Sara and Joanna to my support team, it turns out they were largely uninterested in giving me a second chance the whole time and clearly had a hand in sending me to prison by logging all my Facebook messages, then dialing the Blue Meanies on me when I stepped over my boundaries. Jesus, some beloved support workers with hearts of gold that they turned out to be. Where are these 'great support workers' now then? They are nowhere.

 

I only ever had the nicest things to say about the workers. The nicest of intentions. The greatest of goals I yearned to achieve, with them by my side. Now look at me. Now I am a shell of a man with no more gladness in my soul. I was nice enough to buy my key worker Christmas gifts last year, in spite of the way she was treating me. Joanna and I had many good conversations about cats and music. But as it turns out, she was uncomfortable with me in her presence all along. They both were. Then they screwed me over, as a unit. Now thanks to them, I am without my money, without my laptop, without my happiness, without my flat and my support is no more.

 

I went into Number 6 yesterday and all this guy did was blame me, then say 'our appointment is over' and what a display of ignorance. This service user was asking me why I was in jail. It was embarrassing.

 

Those sicko apes at the office next door to where I lived before did not even have the decency to come to court last week to defend me. Oh, I draw the lines at this. This is so blatantly wrong and spirit crushing. While it is going to be tricky to verify they put me through all this as I have nothing in written form, I so want to get payback for what they did to my good spirit. And if I cannot have Sara and Joanna back in my life and with us being nice to one another like we used to, I am never going to take my support with that company ever again.

 

I draw my lines here and they are going to get theirs when this advocate gets involved soon. There is no way they should be allowed to get away with this.

 

By the way, I hope you have a good Christmas, M.

Edited December 23, 2014 by Gold MD

[matzoball]

I don't feel that it's healthy to see it as 'us and them'.

 

There's obviously distinct differences, but after all is said and done - we're all human. It's how we choose to deal with those differences.

[Laddo]

^^This. Getting into the 'us and them' mindset is so unhealthy. To me, if an aspie instantly dismisses all neurotypicals as bad then they are no better than an NT being prejudiced against autistics. Neurotypical people are individuals, just like aspies. You get some ######, but also a lot of good ones. Just like you get some ###### aspies as well as good ones. We also can't expect NTs to change if we're so resistant to changing for them. We all have our foibles, but sadly from what I've seen a worrying number of aspies seem incapable of admitting they were wrong and blame everyone else for it. Those who do this should try stepping back and actually trying to think about how their actions affect other people and how they would like it if they treated in the same way.

You know what I would love? An end to all the hatred between NTs and ASD people. That goes both ways.

Edited December 30, 2014 by Laddo

[Mihaela]

^^This. Getting into the 'us and them' mindset is so unhealthy. To me, if an aspie instantly dismisses all neurotypicals as bad then they are no better than an NT being prejudiced against autistics. Neurotypical people are individuals, just like aspies. You get some ######, but also a lot of good ones. Just like you get some ###### aspies as well as good ones.

Very true. Being either neurotypical or neuroätypical doesn't determine our overall personalities. far from it! Many other factors play a role. This is precisely why You get some ###### NTs, but also a lot of good ones. Just like you get some ###### aspies as well as good ones.

We also can't expect NTs to change if we're so resistant to changing for them.

 

We can only change what we're humanly able to change. We need help too - such as CBT. If a particular weakness is due to our AS, then the very process of trying to change it could cause more problems than not trying (stress, anxiety, reduced self-esteem). It may be possible to improve it to a degree; it may not.

We all have our foibles, but sadly from what I've seen a worrying number of aspies seem incapable of admitting they were wrong and blame everyone else for it.

Yes it happens. It happens with all kinds of disabilities (I use that word loosely). We can even imagine that we're more disabled than we really are. We may exploit our disabilities, or use them as an excuse for bad behaviour. Very often, though, the blame lies in the hands of untrained or unsuitable individuals working for public bodies, companies, etc. who are, almost by definition, NTs. This should always be assumed unless it can be proved otherwise. (Disability - which includes autism - has a protected status in human rights and equality law - as it should). It's not the fact that they are NT that's the problem, but the fact that society in dominated by NT thinking patterns and values. Education, as with so many issues, is the only solution.

Those who do this should try stepping back and actually trying to think about how their actions affect other people and how they would like it if they treated in the same way.

 

Yes. "Do unto others..."

 

You know what I would love? An end to all the hatred between NTs and ASD people. That goes both ways.

 

Me too, but sadly it's unrealistic unless genuine efforts are made to change NT thinking generally - that includes all the thinking that leads to greed, violence, war, etc. NT society is dysfunctional - hypocritical, paranoid, deluded, hysterical... in so many ways.

[Lessa]

From my point of view it's just that NTs are not able to understand NDs as hardly any person around is able to understand what is going inside another person generally. One of the criteria for ASD seems to be that we can't put ourselves into other people's shoes, I, however, think that people don't do that very much anyway if I think about it and there we've got something in common all of us humans. That's at least from what I can see living with a lot of NTs on a daily basis at work.

No, I'm not one of them but I live with them and need to compromise. I've done that all my life. I do believe that I had a tough time but I need to point out that I don't think every NT wanted to do me harm deliberately. Perhaps this is being naive, as I think I am anyway. I simply can't accept that the world around us is dark and evil. We're very sensitive, I believe and take a lot very seriously what other people would easily dismiss as normal or simply not important enough. In many cases this is probably callous of them but then, human brain has given us this protective mechanism that blanks out much of what humans can't cope with. Vulnerable people often suffer from lack of such a mechanism.

Human nature is designed for protecting your own against the stranger, the unknown or even the enemy. Let's try to think about how parents protect their children, how they teach them to protect themselves and how they then act later in life; then I must consider that they try to make the most money they can to have a good lifestyle for themselves and their next of kin. Some people are religious and therefore are good to others as they believe they go to heaven if they do, others are nice because they are kind as a person but would always have limits they draw to protect themselves. And others, like me for example, I've had very wide limits and am very vulnerable because of that. And that's when in the past some people used me or did even uglier things. I just didn't see behind the facade of a smile where NTs would have been able to see instinctively behind that mask.

It's true we need to learn to accept our differences and a lot of education on both sides is in order, I guess. The funny ideas NTs have about aspies must change.

That we have a lot of positive things about us is an absolute fact as well. I in many ways have always believe in advantages I have compared with 'the others' and I also think that I have contributed considerably to the environment I live in. Whether people realise? I have not got the faintest. I don't think its that important to think about, it's only important how I feel about it.

That's my rant for today!

[Laddo]

I'd like to do what Mihaela did and list some positive points of my AS, along with some negatives.

 

Positive traits

• Intense loyalty to friends
• Strong desire to help others
• Creativity
• Attention to detail
• Heightened sense of love (This does mean I feel the hurt more if a relationship ends or if I'm rejected but the feeling of love when a relationship works is so worth it!)
• More open-minded - The questioning, analytical nature of my aspie mind makes me consider several different options
• Honesty
• Very quick learner

Negative traits

• Can be naïve - This makes it easier for people to take advantage
• Social anxiety
• Easily stressed - Can make me say things I regret
• Feel uncomfortable around most people
• Emotional pain often manifests as physical pain
• Occasionally atrocious attention span (try saying that after 20 pints)
• Not great at small talk

You win some, you lose some. Must focus on the positives!

[Gold MD]

So how do I go to an advocate about my issues?

 

Happy 2015 everyone.

[felines are superior]

I also have a strong sense of justice and lots of empathy toward both humans and animals. but the bad things are insomnia, stomach aches, ocd, tendency to depression and anxiety, and total inability to be around people and relate to people.

 

the nt world - it's a bit two-faced, and you don't know who to trust. some nts are really nice, and i feel no hostility toward them. but i feel very vulnerable around them because they seem to have strength i dont. they know things i dont. they can hurt me. they have abilities i dont have to use against me. this isnt hatred toward nts at all. my mother and sister are both nts.

[Waterboatman]

I am very open, and trust without question anybody who talks to me, this is good and also bad, as this leaves me open to be deceived and my trust abused. That has happened too often.

 

I give my all when I do anything, that is good and also bad, I have a bad habit of injuring myself, and compound that error by continuing to try to give my all even injured.

 

I rarely break my "word", when I say I will do something, I do it.

 

eBay is impossible for me, so I prefer to give things to my sister, and she can do as she pleases with it, that has happened quite a lot over the years.

Edited January 23, 2015 by Waterboatman

[Confused Traveller]

It's interesting to read the lists of points, as I can identify with a lot of them. I've just been put on the waiting list for an assessment, so have about 10 months to wait to find out if I'm an Aspie. I've spent 59 years not quite fitting in. Until about 10 years ago I think I had adapted fairly well, but since then I've been using my different way of thinking to try to do my bit to change the world, without realising that most people don't really understand it. They love the idea, which has encouraged me to keep going, but don't actually get involved. It's taken me a long time to see that there must be a communication problem, but I'm still trying to make sense of exactly what it is. I thought that after my mid life crisis 10 years ago things had changed, and I could handle things that I couldn't before, but I now realise that nothing has changed, and my different lifestyle was fooling me into thinking it had.

 

I think that thinking differently is great. It's the frustration of not knowing that I do for so long that's the problem. If I'd realised, maybe I could have done things differently, and might not be in such a stressful situation now. After all, it's thought that a lot of the people who have changed the world may have had Aspergers. As Einstein possibly said, "You can't solve a problem with the thinking that created it", and he may have been an Aspie.

 

I don't think we can cut ourselves off from NT people, or anyone who thinks differently. They're the ones running, and screwing up, the world we have to live in, and we've either got to try to survive in their world, or find ways to use our different ways of seeing things to make it a better place for us, and hopefully for them too.

[Waterboatman]

"Confused Traveller" "High functioning ASD's" also take a very major part in ruling the world, several USA presidents quite likely were on the scale, we all differ. Its highly likely especially in the nineteenth and early twentieth century that some of the major players were on the scale. The physical clues seem to indicate this.

At the high end ASD can just be a quirk, and impede very little. And at the low to medium end "NT" can be very boring little people, with absolutely no flare for anything.

 

Thats my opinion, right or wrong. But probabilities seem to me, indicate this.

[Confused Traveller]

I'm sure that's true Waterboatman. One of the times I came across the possibility that I may have Aspergers, was when I was reading up on the relationship between empathetic people and sociopaths, which came out of me trying to understand why politicians and big business leaders operate in the way they do. That led me to the Empathy Spectrum as defined by Simon Baron Cohen, which everyone is located somewhere on. So I presume that we are all on lots of different spectrums, and that Aspies can also be highly empathic (even if they have trouble communicating this), or can also be sociopaths. So we're all a mix of everything.

 

When I did Simon Baron Cohen's empathy test, I came up with a low score that's described as being typical of someone with Aspergers. This was rather surprising, as I'd been starting to think that I am more empathetic than I had realised. It's all very complicated and confusing, so it's fortunate that the possibility of Aspergers was spotted recently by a health professional, rather than just by my self diagnosis.

[Ettina]

When I did Simon Baron Cohen's empathy test, I came up with a low score that's described as being typical of someone with Aspergers. This was rather surprising, as I'd been starting to think that I am more empathetic than I had realised. It's all very complicated and confusing, so it's fortunate that the possibility of Aspergers was spotted recently by a health professional, rather than just by my self diagnosis.

 

This is what I hate about Simon Baron-Cohen. He uses the same word 'empathy' to describe two entirely different characteristics - the ability to understand what another person is likely to be thinking or feeling (which AS people have trouble with), and the ability to experience an emotional reaction more appropriate to the situation of the person you're observing than your own situation (which sociopaths have trouble with).

 

If I don't realize your father has died, I'm not going to feel very sympathetic. But as soon as you tell me, I will feel sad for you and have the urge to comfort you (even if I don't know how).

 

Sociopaths have a bit of trouble reading certain facial expressions (especially fear) but their primary deficit is the fact that they never feel emotions appropriate to the situation of the person they're observing - only their own situation. So if you tell a sociopath your father has died, they won't feel sad, because they haven't lost anyone.

[Mihaela]

So very true, Ettina. Baron-Cohen seems to be sticking to an outmoded agenda. The intense-world theory of autism is far more accurate than the 'extreme-male-brain' theory. You've explained the two types of empathy perfectly.

There's a third type of empathy - compassionate empathy where we both understand and feel - but are also moved to help. These people can be found with the so-called 'female' AS presentation. The intense-world theory allows for high emotional empathic sensitivity, sometimes so high that it appears as mirror-touch synaesthesia.

[Gold MD]

Well, I could go to another group for support and maybe just request to work with men so that the infatuation risk is no longer there. The trouble is, they would probably get to find out about all the nonsense that went on with A.I. and so it would not feel like a fresh start. Like you, M, I have gave up trusting support / social workers altogether.

 

Ain't nothing worse than the baggage one has accumulated coming with them to some new, ideally happier environment, because those in power spread your business around like wildfire. It should be up to the individual what information they divulge to others, but they claim they need to know certain facts.

 

As if.

 

I'd love to get a flat somewhere else now and just chill out for a while. I don't think I'd like it to be a permanent chilling out period. I would get lonely. Just that right now, I feel burned out, tired and angry. You know why. Losing my flat after losing my workers and getting a 5 years non harassment order totally blows.

Edited March 28, 2015 by Gold MD