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sylvia1111

why cant he understand when i need quiet. how can i explain it so he understands it. He understands it as a personal rejection when i need quiet.

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why cant he understand when i need quiet. he fights thinking its a personal rejection


it can be when i'm stressed, sick, tired, concentrating on something eg driving ( i cant drive in peak hour traffic to somewhere new and listen, some people can, but i cant. )


when we go away for the weekend most motels or holiday homes have one tv, sometimes only one room, and i am very noise sensitive and he loves watching documentaries some of which just have endless talking which i find gives me headaches. some peole listen to music or watch other shows but he likes radio and tv that are documentaries with endless talking and the noise is just too much for me. I've had hard life and my health is worn down and i need quiet and i get physically ill,( headaches migraines tight muscles) from too much endless noise.


I bought him the best cordless headphones so he can enjoy tv but i can sleep , rest , read, enjoy quiet even while away and sharing a small motel room, but he said it would take too long to set them up and he stormed out and returned home when i couldnt take the noise anymore after trying with earplugs and then with industrial headphones, and finally i couldnt take it and just turned off the tv as i just needed some quiet already. It was actually my holiday and he ruined it and left me very tense from all that loud noise of a particularly loud and stressful program he was watching.


How can i help him understand when i need quiet. there are times that he needs quiet or feels ill and i do everything to help him. but he doesnt understand when i need quiet and he takes it as a personal rejection and makes such draining fights. how can i explain this so that he understands.

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I'm uncomfortable with background noise when I'm trying to relax, and find TV or radio chatter one of the most unsettling/irritating things out there. My boyfriend is very good, actually, and will turn it down, but he does like to have a TV on most of the time, which I really don't like at all. I find it very tiring after a couple of days.

 

Have you explained to him, just like you have to us here, how badly noise affects you? Maybe he doesn't understand that you actually find the noise distressing, and thinks you're just saying you enjoy peace and quiet. If it's only a problem when you're in a hotel, you could explain that you're only asking him to wear headphones for a couple of days.

 

The only other idea I can think of is if you ask to go out somewhere together, maybe for a drink or dinner, so you spend less time in the hotel room.

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When you tell him you need quiet, how do you approach the subject? Do you fully explain how badly it affects you? He might react better if the subject is approached in a calm and detailed way

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