15 year old son

[etie]

Hi, I have a 15 year old who has just been diagnosed, he has not been to school for nearly 3 years although he now goes into school if I am lucky for an hour a day to be tutored. I am at the end of my tether as i try to keep to a routine on a school morning but he is getting worse and every morning has a reason as to why he can't get up, headache, stomache ache, leg ache and back ache, after a couple of hours shouting he finally showers and is pretty much ok for the rest of the day, apart from when I have to fight to get him to school..

He is 16 in May and I am really worried about what is going to happen to him. Before he dropped out of school with anxiety etc he was an A* pupil and I feel he is wasting his talents. I am in tears most days as I am stuck at home with him and my life is passing by, as he wont go on holidays or anything.

We are lucky enough to be in the position of having the money to do anything we want to but our son is stopping us. I feel so alone as i don't know of anyone in the same situation.

[vondahue]

Hi,

I was going to post when I read yours and had to reply, I have a 12 nearly 13 yr old daughter, her diagnosis was elective mute with social anxiety, although it is believed she has aspergers she is too high functioning so 6 proffessionals diagnosed her by her main symptoms,

At primary although she struggled we managed it with out much support, how ever when the end of yr 6 came, she became instantly depressed and her anxiety and stress flared her eczema up so bad she couldnt wear shoes, that whole summer was very difficult, I couldn't take her n her brother out she wasnt sleeping n just wanted to be alone, .

I had prior to the holidays called her new school to make sure they knew her problems and set up some support, well the senco spoke to me like dirt n said oh send her she'll be fine n that was it.

In oct after may meetings they did a part time plan with her working in a room with la's

still no imput from senco just me and a higher level learning assistant, 6 months I tried to get my daughter in school tried everything but the school were not helping her in fact it was more like they pressured her, she is mute ,diagnosed, they couldn't just except she was there and would smile or wave for hello or goodbye they would tell her she had to talk. By feb I took her out signed off because she was so ill she was on the edge of a breakdown , no then 11yr old should suffer that , between then and this sept I had emense problems with the school n camhs, they all assumed she was naughty I couldnt cope and she had anxiety that they would cure, my daughter was suicidal by last summer but I tried again in sept but school were incompetent n I decided it was best to home school her, after a few months she has improved somewhat, however she will not entertain any support involvement from proffessionals n special needs school home tutor is a no go she refuses to do anything, she does work but as a student who was always a yr above her age she now wants to stay in her room listened to music about pain n death plays with her monster high dolls as they are her friends , we can go to town and walk my son to school but I cant have friends or visit people ive given up on any hopes and dreams because we can't because of her, I tried everything tried just having the normal but if she does want then she does anything to ensure it dont happen, life doesnt function everything is difficult n she ends up ill in some way, even asking her to chose my birthday presents while I walked close behind resulted in her getting so stressed she was zoning out her eczema flared while she ripped at her neck itching .

Our life is school run n home no visitors and im worried too about where this will lead for her later in life, when I know she could achieve so much more and as well my son is losing out and age 7 already feels everything is about her, I wish I had the answers I dont and till now I have always founds ways around her many problems, I feel powerless not wanting to just do nothing but im afraid I may have to because she wont allow change or help.

Anyway I hope u dont feel so alone in what ur are going through,

[lindy2222]

Hi,Our youngest is 15 ..16 in May......has Aspergers hasnt been to Secondary school .....,long story did have statement but we had to home school him ..although we had tutor on and off during this time it didnt work out for different reasons .....hes very good on the pc with IT etc........doesnt go out and we wonder how the future will be but we live in hope it work out ........i know how you feel by the way i used to come on this site in the beginning .........

[Sally44]

Hi and welcome.

My son is 14 today and has an autistic spectrum disorder, dyslexia, dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder, anxiety disorder and more recently a further diagnosis of OCD.

He was out of school for the whole of primary year 5.

He now attends an independent special school [part of the SENAD group].

 

Your son is 15. You need to apply for an Education and Health Care Plan [the new form of Statements]. They go up to age 25 and must detail each and every educational and health need and MUST quantify and specify the provision, support, therapy and specialist teaching needed for each need.

 

Have you looked at the Priory group independent schools for children with Aspergers?

 

Why does your son say he does not want to go to school? Is it bullying. Is the teaching approaches not understandable to him. Are the constant changes of classroom, teachers and peer group overwhelming.

 

If his current placement cannot accommodate him and meet all his needs, then look at somewhere like a Priory school. And ask them which college they feed their students into.

 

Most independent schools are also boarding schools, which can sometimes be helpful with lifeskills and attendance. BUT it has to be in the right placement with the right support etc, otherwise boarding is more like a prison.

 

It is difficult having a child that is out of school for whatever reason. It isolates the family and affects everyone.

 

We are self employed and I cannot get into work because I have to drive him into school every day. My son is currently on a part time timetable from 11.00am onwards.

 

We are trying to get therapy and support for his OCD, which is the main reason he is refusing school. He is simply too anxious and cannot cope with the OCD obsessions and compulsions.

 

But getting a Statement is the first part of the journey.