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Martin Howe

Strange (for me) experience on a train ... comments?

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I went to AutismCon on Saturday; however, I did have a rather unusual (for me) experience on the way.


I was sitting on the right hand side of the train in a window seat and the vestibule facing seat was spare. Three ladies got on board at the next big town. There was a table with two seats forward and left of me and two of them sat there and the other one sat in the seat next to me. She and her companions were drinking wine and eating fancy nibbles. It transpired later that they were going to celebrate a birthday in London.


Now as a person with autism and as a former Londoner I have always been wary of talking to people on public transport; one might get trapped in a stilted conversation or, in the case of London, even be mugged.


I was catching up with Facebook and Twitter and the lady sitting next to me offered me a cheese straw; apparently there are too many in a pack for three people to consume. I politely declined as I didn't know what to make of it and had already eaten well.


But when I had finished, the lady said "Whatever did we do before mobile phones?" I replied politely but she kept trying to keep the conversation going. Since diagnosis and volunteering I have become more adept at polite conversation so I was at least able to continue without much discomfort, but was surprised that she wanted to talk with a stranger on a train.


She kept asking me questions about myself; we talked about unemployment, autism, my new job, the learning centre where I used to volunteer (which she knew about) and so on. She kept repeating praise for my achievements educationally and in recovering from the problems my autism had caused me before it was diagnosed. It was as if she was talking to a child.


She told me a bit about herself; initially for the sake of politeness and later on because I had become bit curious by then, I asked her a few questions. about her job. We also talked about my workplace, where it was, plus the book sales that I run, especially in the context of her son's academic interests and the fact that he is going to University eventually. She went out of her way to be reassured that she had a worthwhile carer despite not going to university herself and I did compliment her in that respect.


I was both pleased at somebody wanting to talk to me, but a bit disconcerted; that sort of thing normally doesn't happen to me. I was pleased at being able to hold an almost normal conversation with a complete stranger. She seemed a bit hesitant or distracted in places and her son has a particular special interest that is somewhat unusual given, as she pointed out, that most boys his age would be playing X-Box or PS than reading serious academic literature.


At London we closed the conversation but for some reason she told me her name and so I told her mine, despite that we would likely never see each other again; she lives in the next town to mine but I rarely go now that I no longer volunteer in that town.


I don't think I was being chatted up; though she's only a few years older, good looking for that age and clearly a nice person so it wouldn't have been a problem if she had been; certainly my overall impression of how she talked and presented herself was typical of divorced/separated single mothers in their late 50s or early 50s that I see on matchmaking websites such as PoF. Of course that's no guarantee that she is single or looking for someone new if she is.


But why give me her name like that, knowing her job role and employer too? What if I had been a stalker? As a man, I don't mind her knowing how to contact me at work (especially if it helps me sell more books!) but for a woman, it's a security risk.


So I don't know what to make of it.

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Alcohol and Tramadol makes me brave, and so as Tramadol is the most potent pain-killer apart from morphine.

(I am waiting for my written formal diagnoses), alcohol on its own makes me chatty and social, mix a pain killer such a Tramadol then the effects of alcohol are magnified. So a person can be socially altered without appearing drunk. This is a possible explanation for the why. It should also work for a more normally wired human.

She may have had practice with communicating with people on the spectrum, maybe at the lower end. Hence the way she talked to you. And maybe she is sufficiently a good judge of character to recognise that you a good person.

 

The above may not be the case, there are people who will freely talk to complete strangers, and you met one of them, I have met this type a few times over the years.

 

Friendly talk is always welcome, though I don't think I would appreciate being talked to as if I was a small child. A person as isolated as I am, can not be choosy on who conversation is made with.

 

If the above is a bit of a ramble, forgive me, I am on Tramadol at the moment, it makes me drunk & whimsical.

Edited by Waterboatman

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