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TomC

Jealousy

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I've only recently being diagnosed with Aspergers so I have many questions. This is my first post on this forum :). I've realised that I get very jealous whenever someone does something better than me. I have a long term girlfriend who I trust very much but I can't stop myself from getting jealous. Whenever she does something without me (even like go out for a meal with her family) or when she achieves well in an exam or when she mentions when she got accepted into a University, I get very jealous and I really wish I didn't because I love her a lot but I always feel like I get jealous when she does something better than me. I get this feeling over anybody but I think because I am closest to her I feel the emotion stronger. Is jealousy like this usual for someone with aspergers and do you have any tips on dealing with it? I'd appreciate it if you could tell me things that you get jealous over so I can put my mind to rest.

 

Thank you.

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Hello and welcome, Tom.

I see jealousy as a form of anxiety; it's unsettling and unwanted. Very likely this feeling is related to you needing to feel in control - and therefore secure, which makes a certain sense. A problem with aspies, but especially people with PDA (often misdiagnosed as having AS), is that feeling in control can become obsessive or even pathological. Clearly your jealously bothers you, and you don't like it. Does it affect your partner or your relationship as a whole? If so, you need help to realise that you really don't need to feel jealous - nobody does, for it does us no good at all; only harm. Aspies are know for their logical thinking, yet jealousy is entirely illogical. Long ago I learnt to see it for what it was, pointless and destructive, and can honestly say that I've not once felt jealous for many years. I feel much better as a result.

Edited by Mihaela

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People on the spectrum tend to feel things a lot more keenly than neurotypicals - we have a lot of issues with emotion management, so this falls very much under that!

 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a great way to deal with it - ask your local GP to refer you :)

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