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normal behaviours for an 8 year old asperger?

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my eldest childs day so far: he began by purposely hiding a calculator so i spent half an hour searching for it, stole and ate his sisters sausage roll (i then told him that sausage rolls have meat in them (he is a vegetarian and knew this fact but didn't think, duh!) his face fell and he cried for ages) he then poured talcum powder on the hallway landing, drew on the bedroom walls (with a pencil luckily) and finished by eating an eraser. also found out he has been playing with matches lately.
he pees in everything except the toilet, irritates his siblings mercilessly, steals constantly, lies constantly, rarely brushes his teeth or washes properly, messes around with dangerous stuff (e.g. toilet cleaner, which is on the highest shelf in the house, but nothing stops him!), he carelessly snuck downstairs today and let the hamsters run around the living room floor-completely forgetting that the cat was on the windowsill, he has killed 2 of our fish, he hurts the cat although we know he does love her, we are due to go on holiday soon but i am terrified as he disappeared in the night last time we went. i have now told him that i must supervise him at all times, which means he has to traipse around the house after me wherever i go.
compared to his brother and sister, he is an absolute nightmare (2 relatively minor naughty behaviours each today). i often feel i will go mad! the things he gets up to are just simply endless! endless! i am emotionally and mentally exhausted with him. is this normal for aspergers? he is diagnosed. i just don't understand why such a clever boy (aged 8) does so many stupid things. anyone???
i don't believe i am overreacting but i do believe that there must be something that can help him control himself better.

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I sympathise with you. It must a nightmare coping with all that, day after day. It certainly doesn't sound like Asperger's syndrome to me. I'm not saying he doesn't have it, but that he has another condition, such as severe ADHD possibly. You must get a proper diagnosis and appropriate support as soon as you can. Obviously it can't go on the way it is. I'm sorry, but I can't help you any more. It's an area I know little about, but maybe somebody else here can help.

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I sympathise with you. It must a nightmare coping with all that, day after day. It certainly doesn't sound like Asperger's syndrome to me. I'm not saying he doesn't have it, but that he has another condition, such as severe ADHD possibly. You must get a proper diagnosis and appropriate support as soon as you can. Obviously it can't go on the way it is. I'm sorry, but I can't help you any more. It's an area I know little about, but maybe somebody else here can help.

thank you very much for your advice- he is diagnosed as aspergers due to his stimming, clumsiness, speech problems and socialisation skills (or lack thereof) among many other things and i am positive that it is the correct diagnosis but i never even thought that maybe he has another condition! i will look into it. tank you again.

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Thinking back to my own childhood, I think I too must have been a bit of a nightmare.

 

From an early age I just walked everywhere, my father was in the army, so these places where around army camps and the family housing near them.

West Germany was fun, I was four to five years old, the army base was across a farmers field, a new building site was not far off, and woods to wonder in, my father got his car stuck in mud looking for me, I was hiding under a table when he came home. I wished I was a deer as they did not have to get dressed.

I too have written on walls, sometime in my early teens I wrote all of my accounts in a code I had invented, and wrote something I thought was important in broad marker pen on my bedroom wall, father not pleased with that effort, it got painted over with gloss paint!

Telling an untruth is rather easy, and very useful when working in technical support, something I did for nearly twenty years.

I loved drawing, design, as a free hand artist I am completely useless, but with drawing aids things can really come to life.

Knowing when one wants to pee is a hard one, I used to use timing, that is twenty minutes to hour after drinking I will need to pee. Sensory information is rather unreliable. Being fit and the simple fact that much of the water is reabsorbed, meant I was able to go long times, without a pee. School toilets especially boys toilets are vile places, a girl took me into the girls toilet, what a difference.

 

I am almost 55, and until early this year diagnoses free. Worked for much of my life, ended caring for my mother for the last five to ten years of her life, post 44 and a nervous collapse I was not in much demand by anybody else. This body gave pretty much its all and a bit more in everything I did.

 

Take heart, your monster may turn into something more useful.

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Thinking back to my own childhood, I think I too must have been a bit of a nightmare.

 

From an early age I just walked everywhere, my father was in the army, so these places where around army camps and the family housing near them.

West Germany was fun, I was four to five years old, the army base was across a farmers field, a new building site was not far off, and woods to wonder in, my father got his car stuck in mud looking for me, I was hiding under a table when he came home. I wished I was a deer as they did not have to get dressed.

I too have written on walls, sometime in my early teens I wrote all of my accounts in a code I had invented, and wrote something I thought was important in broad marker pen on my bedroom wall, father not pleased with that effort, it got painted over with gloss paint!

Telling an untruth is rather easy, and very useful when working in technical support, something I did for nearly twenty years.

I loved drawing, design, as a free hand artist I am completely useless, but with drawing aids things can really come to life.

Knowing when one wants to pee is a hard one, I used to use timing, that is twenty minutes to hour after drinking I will need to pee. Sensory information is rather unreliable. Being fit and the simple fact that much of the water is reabsorbed, meant I was able to go long times, without a pee. School toilets especially boys toilets are vile places, a girl took me into the girls toilet, what a difference.

 

I am almost 55, and until early this year diagnoses free. Worked for much of my life, ended caring for my mother for the last five to ten years of her life, post 44 and a nervous collapse I was not in much demand by anybody else. This body gave pretty much its all and a bit more in everything I did.

 

Take heart, your monster may turn into something more useful.

 

i can't thank you enough for sharing these parts of your life-it has given me real insight. i actually have nothing else to say, i am overwhelmed. just thank you again.

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Asperger's syndrome come in many forms - one reaon why the diagnosis has now been dropped from the ICD & DSM. Stimming and clumsiness (dyspraxia) often accompany AS. Stimming is one very many coping mechanisms. You may fine that some of his strange behaviour, such as writing on walls, are simply bad coping mechanisms, and better ones need to be encouraged. Speech problems may sometimes be linked to AS, but socialisation skills are definitely a big part of AS. Oddly, you mention lying, which goes against the very strong tendency for people with AS to be honest - often 'too' honest. Similarly, cruelty to animals isn't typical AS either, for we tend to bond closely with animals - often more so than with humans.

 

I still feel there's something more going on here. Apart from the sensory and anxiety issues of AS (and associated meltdowns), Aspie children cause little trouble. They're happy in their own world of special interests and keep to themselves.

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I am sorry to read about the issues your child is having and how difficult this must be for you and your family. I had problems as a child but not to this degree although I know every person is different as to how they are effected. I have no practical advice to give unfortunately that may be of help but with this level of distress I wonder if outside help should be sought. I hope it does not happen but he may hurt himself given the issues at the moment.

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we are due to go on holiday soon but i am terrified as he disappeared in the night last time we went. i have now told him that i must supervise him at all times, which means he has to traipse around the house after me wherever i go.

 

Another subsidary of the company I work for have been trialing a number of products, and while these are aimed primarily at people with dementia some are suitable for others, especially those with Aspergers. For example with my daughter we trialed a watch which allows her to call for help. The call first goes to a call center who locate where she is before transferring the call to mum or dad, I should say my daughter is 22. We had it set up so we could not contact the center to find out where she is as I am passionate about her right to live independently as an adult.

 

It gives us confidence, as the staff are all trained and in emergencies will contact relevant help for her. One concern as a parent is what happens if she is caught up in something and doesn't know what to do. It also means if she has to she can press the button and a staff member can pass on information about her aspergers if needed, ie police or ambulance.

 

But this isn't relative to your son. I know they have products which can monitor where the wearer is and notify the responsible grown up of their location. The company which does the watch we trialed also does ones more suitable for younger children, but not sure if we are looking at them. It is something I have advocated for. These do usually come at a cost, the watch we trialed is £200 + £4 per month to be connected.

 

I am meeting the team next week at a meeting where among other things we will be discussing our experiences with the phone. If it is something you might be interested in looking at let me know and I will ask the question.

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Another subsidary of the company I work for have been trialing a number of products, and while these are aimed primarily at people with dementia some are suitable for others, especially those with Aspergers. For example with my daughter we trialed a watch which allows her to call for help. The call first goes to a call center who locate where she is before transferring the call to mum or dad, I should say my daughter is 22. We had it set up so we could not contact the center to find out where she is as I am passionate about her right to live independently as an adult.

 

It gives us confidence, as the staff are all trained and in emergencies will contact relevant help for her. One concern as a parent is what happens if she is caught up in something and doesn't know what to do. It also means if she has to she can press the button and a staff member can pass on information about her aspergers if needed, ie police or ambulance.

 

But this isn't relative to your son. I know they have products which can monitor where the wearer is and notify the responsible grown up of their location. The company which does the watch we trialed also does ones more suitable for younger children, but not sure if we are looking at them. It is something I have advocated for. These do usually come at a cost, the watch we trialed is £200 + £4 per month to be connected.

 

I am meeting the team next week at a meeting where among other things we will be discussing our experiences with the phone. If it is something you might be interested in looking at let me know and I will ask the question.

That does sound like a very beneficial way of s securing the safety of a vulnerable person if they feel threatened or are endangered in any situation. My only concern is the cost, a lot of people in this situation are struggling financially and with the upcoming benefit cuts this is something that is going to get worse over the coming years.

I know things have to be paid for with the cost of design and manufacturing but again only those with money are able to benefit from this very good ideal. Those most at risk the poorest will not be able to have access to this so putting them in possible danger due to their financial status. Nothing really changes there is access to some wonderful aids for all kinds of help but if your poor then it's not going to be for you unfortunately.

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That does sound like a very beneficial way of s securing the safety of a vulnerable person if they feel threatened or are endangered in any situation. My only concern is the cost, a lot of people in this situation are struggling financially and with the upcoming benefit cuts this is something that is going to get worse over the coming years.

I know things have to be paid for with the cost of design and manufacturing but again only those with money are able to benefit from this very good ideal. Those most at risk the poorest will not be able to have access to this so putting them in possible danger due to their financial status. Nothing really changes there is access to some wonderful aids for all kinds of help but if your poor then it's not going to be for you unfortunately.

 

A very good point and one that I have raised with my colleagues. As with any new technology there is a premium to pay until more users helps to bring down the cost. £200 is a considerable amount, especially if you don't have it, but is not impossible to get. There is a lot of technology in these watches, two batteries, gps, telecommunications and a watch,There are charities who may be willing to help, some local fund raising could raise this in a short period. Also in looking at what support a young person needs, especially in the transition from school, there may be scope for arguing this would help in promoting independence.

 

One of the biggest issues I have come across for young people on the spectrum is parents concerns about their children, and as a parent it is one I can easily identify with. But unless we find the courage to let our children take chances and succeed, as well as fail, they will struggle to learn to be independent.

 

It is about more than just giving the young people reassurance and confidence it is about giving parents the tools to help them be more relaxed about giving their children the same opportunities. It won't take away all their worries or anxiety and it may not be suitable for all our kids. But certainly if your child is apt to disappearing being able to find them quickly is a lot less stressful. I know I wish these options had been around while she was growing up, and I would have found a way to pay for them.

 

One thing my daughter likes about the watch is it is not obvious what it is. The neutral colour, white, means she is happy to wear it when away at cosplay, or what ever it is called. Having been fortunate enough to go away to university for three years it is more for her than us. She has proven she is capable of living independently and was too far away for us to know if she was out late or what she was doing. There is little point about us worrying about it now. She works and has her own money so really as parents our main role now is just being there for her when she needs it. Though I do make a point of spending some time with her or she would spend all her time in her bedroom and not bother with us. Even if it is just for five minutes.

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A very good idea. As Livelife says, those without the money are more likely to suffer. Surely, if the state genuinely cared about our welfare, such devices would be prescribed by the NHS. Maybe we should stop getting involved with wars and divert the money to something more productive like this. Perhaps I'm just an idealistic dreamer though.... Anyway, if Aspies ran the world it would be a much happier, fairer place. :)

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A very good point and one that I have raised with my colleagues. As with any new technology there is a premium to pay until more users helps to bring down the cost. £200 is a considerable amount, especially if you don't have it, but is not impossible to get. There is a lot of technology in these watches, two batteries, gps, telecommunications and a watch,There are charities who may be willing to help, some local fund raising could raise this in a short period. Also in looking at what support a young person needs, especially in the transition from school, there may be scope for arguing this would help in promoting independence.

 

One of the biggest issues I have come across for young people on the spectrum is parents concerns about their children, and as a parent it is one I can easily identify with. But unless we find the courage to let our children take chances and succeed, as well as fail, they will struggle to learn to be independent.

 

It is about more than just giving the young people reassurance and confidence it is about giving parents the tools to help them be more relaxed about giving their children the same opportunities. It won't take away all their worries or anxiety and it may not be suitable for all our kids. But certainly if your child is apt to disappearing being able to find them quickly is a lot less stressful. I know I wish these options had been around while she was growing up, and I would have found a way to pay for them.

 

One thing my daughter likes about the watch is it is not obvious what it is. The neutral colour, white, means she is happy to wear it when away at cosplay, or what ever it is called. Having been fortunate enough to go away to university for three years it is more for her than us. She has proven she is capable of living independently and was too far away for us to know if she was out late or what she was doing. There is little point about us worrying about it now. She works and has her own money so really as parents our main role now is just being there for her when she needs it. Though I do make a point of spending some time with her or she would spend all her time in her bedroom and not bother with us. Even if it is just for five minutes.

Like you said its about giving support equally to the parents as well as the child at some point there has to be a point you move away if there is to be any personal independence but that will be difficult to do I understand that.

It may be possible for some people to find the money for such a device but for others who are in debt struggling to pay rent or morgage possibly due to benefit cuts from this government it will not be possible.

Four pounds a month may not be a lot of money but when you can not afford to buy food or pay bills then that is too much to pay when your hungry. It's a sad state of affairs that in one of the richest country's in the world this is happening to the people in this country.

For all the good words and intents there will always be those that can not afford such a safety device and until that is addressed and dealt with those who are in control seeing this happen and do nothing should be ashamed of themselves for their actions.

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A very good idea. As Livelife says, those without the money are more likely to suffer. Surely, if the state genuinely cared about our welfare, such devices would be prescribed by the NHS. Maybe we should stop getting involved with wars and divert the money to something more productive like this. Perhaps I'm just an idealistic dreamer though.... Anyway, if Aspies ran the world it would be a much happier, fairer place. :)

 

That's well said and I support you in everything you're saying here, your not an idealistic dreamer just care it's the others that don't care about these things that are the problems what's wrong with wanting the best for people and stating your opinion. We need more people like this not less.

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