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s.wood1988

6 year old - is it Aspergers?

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Hi,

Totally new to this forum so bare with me whilst I figure out the logistics of it all! I hope Im posting this in the right place!

So, I have 4 children aged 6,3 and twin 11 month olds.

My 3 year old boy Evan has ASD and is currently going through the process of being diagnosed. Now. Lately my focus has been on him and making sure he gets the support he needs in place for school etc, but since reading up on autism in my new founded library for every book ever made on the subject (I went through a denial phase, so bought many books which confirmed my beliefs and helped me come to terms with it) I'm beginning to wonder if my older daughter Bella who's 6 has Aspergers.

The only thing that doesn't fit is she is sociable, but on her own terms. The other thing that doesn't fit is I've read that girls with Aspergers tend to have vivid imaginations, which she most definitely does not. She doesn't play with any toys unless a friend is here to help her.

She also does have friends, or says she does anyway, but not s best friend and never gets asked over anyone's house. Her only good friend is a boy.

I was wondering if I could have any experiences of similar and tell me if I'm being silly? Sometimes I feel like that over anxious Mum, but this time my feelings feel somewhat justified and being worried about her.

Many thanks I'm advance !

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Hello, and welcome to the forum. :)


 

Girls on the spectrum tend to present differently, and are better at learning social cues, so it's not unusual for a girl with AS to appear sociable. Not playing with any toys, unless a friend is present is more unusual. Although girls with AS tend to be more imaginative, it doesn't mean that this applies to them all. What are Bella's interests? Does she enjoy lining things up, or sorting them into groups? The fact that her only good friend is a boy may mean nothing, but it also rings bells with me too, for it's common among aspie girls to have unconventional gender identities. Is she something of a tomboy?

Without more details of her traits, it's not easy to say whether I think she may have AS, but it's possible....and no, you're not being over-anxious. You know your children better than anyone else, and if Evan has been diagnosed with ASD, it's only natural to wonder when you begin to notice similar traits in his sister.

Edited by Mihaela

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This low/mid/high-functioning thing confuses me. When used it tends to refer to IQ, but in real life we can be highly intelligent yet low functioning in the sense of being able to live independently. It's very misleading term. Executive dysfunction is understandably to be expected among those on the spectrum who cannot speak or read, but it's also very common at the other end of the spectrum, and seems least common among those of average IQ. It's common among 'gifted' people generally - think of the stereotypical absent-minded professor! Such people need support over mundane matters of day-to-day life. Often those of us at the 'high' end receive inadequate support which only makes our difficulties worse, while those at the other end have relatively less stressful and more contented lives.

 

I'm just the same as you over social situations, ST123. I always prefer one-to-one than groups. If they're NT's it's harder still. :)

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Hi and thank you for the replies!

So I'll try and explain Bella in a nutshell of what I feel are her oddities (they make her, her, but some are very strange!!)

Her favourite subjects are maths and reading at school (she told me this the other day, and she is doing really well in both)

The only thing she will actively play with is arts and crafts, so play dough, sticking, painting etc

She loves being outside, will play on her swing and slide for ages by herself. Also on the trampoline.

She's still wet in the day and regularly poos herself, she is in pants and has been since she was 2! Still wet at night but I realise that's fairly normal for her age.

She has a tendancy to touch her poo and smear it sometimes on walls or on the toilet seat (if she gets that far!)

She touches EVEYTHING, and will touch something then lick it without knowing what IT is :/

She's very bossy, even with adults and definitely doesn't understand social hierarchy!

She's never played with a doll or Barbie in her life, and every toy I've ever bought her she's not been bothered with and won't use something other than for its original purpose. If I try and explain that a teddy bear could pretend to be a pig she doesn't get it.. When I said I used to make my teddies talk to each other when I was younger she asked me how !! Genuinely confused her.

Her conversations consist of constant questions what we are doing, who with, where, when we will be back, when will we go again, what will be there. She doesn't let up and she can't be wrong in any situation either.

Any thoughts on her ?

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This low/mid/high-functioning thing confuses me. When used it tends to refer to IQ, but in real life we can be highly intelligent yet low functioning in the sense of being able to live independently. It's very misleading term. Executive dysfunction is understandably to be expected among those on the spectrum who cannot speak or read, but it's also very common at the other end of the spectrum, and seems least common among those of average IQ. It's common among 'gifted' people generally - think of the stereotypical absent-minded professor! Such people need support over mundane matters of day-to-day life. Often those of us at the 'high' end receive inadequate support which only makes our difficulties worse, while those at the other end have relatively less stressful and more contented lives.

 

I'm just the same as you over social situations, ST123. I always prefer one-to-one than groups. If they're NT's it's harder still. :)

 

I was diagnosed in the middle scale. I am not aspergers and not at thevery high end. But again im not at the low end, so im right in the middle of the scale i am like males on autistic spectrum, not where i fit with the female end. But I have a lot of issues all together which means i have a moderate learning disability and various other issues. I am not gifted. I am just not allowed to live on my own without support coming in

 

I am not referring to the AQ which is different to the IQ

 

I don't understand what u say most of the time I try but its hard . I am way below my learning for my age which upsets me.

 

But with referring to LOW.MID.HIGH/Aspergers . How someone wants to say what they want should be what they want to say. I was diagnosed in the middle of the autism scale.

Edited by Special_talent123

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Im right in the middle of the scale i am like males on autistic spectrum, not where i fit with the female end. But I have a lot of issues all together which means i have a moderate learning disability and various other issues. I am not gifted. I am just not allowed to live on my own without support coming in

I understand what you mean about where you fit in. Female-type Asperger's is something only recently discovered, because it's not as easy to recognise - and it's not really Asperger's at all, but it doesn't have a proper name of its own, and I think it should. You say you're not allowed to live on your own without support. I only wish that applied to me. Just getting them to accept that I can't manage without support has been a battle :( This is exactly what I meant when I said that often those of us at the 'high' end receive inadequate support which only makes our difficulties worse.

 

How someone wants to say what they want should be what they want to say. I was diagnosed in the middle of the autism scale.

 

Of course, but we all need to understand what mid-functioning means. It means different things to different people. I'm not criticising you at all. I'm criticising the professionals who use these terms in different ways - or don't use them at all. I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's as I 'didn't fit the criteria'. I was diagnosed as simply being 'on the autism spectrum' - nothing more - no mention of functioning level at all.

I don't understand what u say most of the time I try but its hard . I am way below my learning for my age which upsets me.

 

Sorry about that. Don't worry about what stage of learning you have. It's your feelings that really matter, your humanity - not intelligence or learning ability. :) A lot of very intelligent people are really horrible people.

 

The confusion over diagnosis between different psychiatrists is so obvious. Now they've scrapped the Asperger diagnosis altogether - in theory at least. So does that mean that all those people who were diagnosed with it no longer have it? It's a mess because autism is such a difficult thing to measure, and now there's the 'female type' AS to take into account too.

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I understand what you mean about where you fit in. Female-type Asperger's is something only recently discovered, because it's not as easy to recognise - and it's not really Asperger's at all, but it doesn't have a proper name of its own, and I think it should. You say you're not allowed to live on your own without support. I only wish that applied to me. Just getting them to accept that I can't manage without support has been a battle :( This is exactly what I meant when I said that often those of us at the 'high' end receive inadequate support which only makes our difficulties worse.

 

How someone wants to say what they want should be what they want to say. I was diagnosed in the middle of the autism scale.

 

Of course, but we all need to understand what mid-functioning means. It means different things to different people. I'm not criticising you at all. I'm criticising the professionals who use these terms in different ways - or don't use them at all. I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's as I 'didn't fit the criteria'. I was diagnosed as simply being 'on the autism spectrum' - nothing more - no mention of functioning level at all.

I don't understand what u say most of the time I try but its hard . I am way below my learning for my age which upsets me.

 

Sorry about that. Don't worry about what stage of learning you have. It's your feelings that really matter, your humanity - not intelligence or learning ability. :) A lot of very intelligent people are really horrible people.

 

The confusion over diagnosis between different psychiatrists is so obvious. Now they've scrapped the Asperger diagnosis altogether - in theory at least. So does that mean that all those people who were diagnosed with it no longer have it? It's a mess because autism is such a difficult thing to measure, and now there's the 'female type' AS to take into account too.

 

When I was 12 they said I did not fit at all with in the Asperger/high functioning criteria. But when I spoke with an old psychologist who worked with me and was always open with me on the learning disability team told me where on the scale I fit.

 

With living on my own there was no choice. I was with ex carer which fell through, went back to mum but mum could not handle my disabilities especially with her mental health. Then I went into supported living for those with learning disabilities, which was a huge fight to get into when one person was preventing me going in. So I went as my mum was kicking me out again. Then I moved around until I had to live on my own. The council couldn't put me in social housing as mum gave a deadline and they could not get me in time and hostel would not be appropriate. So they loaned me rent and deposit which im paying back that council in another area which they said I had to have people come in otherwise I could not live on my own because I would struggle with my every day things my cleaning, finances etc.

 

So I was referred to home help then social services for help which now they are trying to get me direct payments. Get me into day centre for adults with learning and physical disabilities which also is handy I get a cooked meal which I could not do at home most of the time and they have access to I think 3 sensory rooms as well which is handy.

 

Now I am 25 I am isolated from doing activities. Only do at least 1 thing with other people now but trying to get into the political party and now I have the affect that they want a photo for ID without my glasses on and now last time I did that I still have a headache from the severe light sensitivity issues down to my irlen syndrome.

 

With my learning I get upset because I see a lot of people can get onto courses that I cannot and even though I tried to get the grade to get on the course the only one I could pass was ECDL because its my special interest any way.

 

Basically they now saying I have substantial needs in making decision meaning someone has to do them on my behalf , substantial needs because I have no family that is able to support me, because I am risk of neglect/abuse, and where the council put me with the landlord is not a good area which has made me vulnerable. Not only have I got my parcel stolen, they intimidated me on my windows at night scaring me, and I have even been invited into a flat and was feeling awkward when was trying to track down where my parcel is. and substantial needs in community environment as im socially isolated.

They identified that I need help with people coming in now I got the issue of new people turning up and feeling scared to let them in.

 

I have now a referral to the learning disability psychology team too which is a lot different to the other team

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