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smadams11

eldest has aspergers, have i neglected signs of autism in other son??

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about 4 years ago, i decided i couldnt cope with my 5 years olds behaviour any more and took him to the doctors who suggested he may have autism. of course, i bought a ton of books and researched the whole subject as thoroughly as i could. i highlighted many things in books which stood out for my son-these were not all the usual aspects of autism-they were things like mimicking body language and expressions, rocking, reciting stuff he had heard on the radio/tv back to me out of context, escaping/absconding, clumsiness, not being interested in other kids/friendships etc.

while i was doing this highlighting, i was also noticing many of the more classic signs of autism seemed to fit my younger son who was 3 at the time-such as no eye contact, almost shouting rather than speaking, looking from the corner of his eye sometimes, head banging, 'big tantrums' (i wouldnt quite call them meltdowns), head banging, twirling, hiding strange random objects around the house etc....i didnt think too much of it to be honest as i was rather overwhelmed at the time and i thought maybe my mind was exaggerating these things with the situation with my eldest. also he was only 3 and the odd behaviours that he had didnt impact his life in any way as far as i could tell, whereas my eldests behaviour affected every second of his waking life...so i just concentrated on my eldest really and told myself to stop being paranoid regarding my younger son.

anyway, my eldest was diagnosed with aspergers 2 years ago and is almost 9 now. he is that same as he always has been, but i understand him better now so we cope much better!

my middle child is now 6 and some of those behaviours i worried about in the past have become worse over the years, he has also developed new ones and i am honestly quite scared.

he still head bangs lots, he still rarely makes eye contact (also has this thing where he can look just slightly past my face with one eye, while the other eye is on the opposite side of the room and when i ask him to refocus, his eyes just align again). he has a million things (most toys but some not) that he simply has to stash away, he has a little safe with a key for some of his more precious possessions (the most random objects are special to him!), he has never liked physical closeness and only ever really allowed me close to him although this has improved somewhat and he can stand to be touched at times (on his terms and with his permission and notice of it happening). he has always covered his ears for loud noises (loud to him, not to me), he hates to leave the house and gets very agitated when out, he walks in circles/twirls and spins round and round for hours sometimes, he has begun lately to....well, when i ask him a question, he starts jumping rapidly, flapping his arms up and down and yelling 'yes! yes! yes! yes! yes!'.

now this is the one that is scaring me: his tantrums are getting worse and its scary to see as he clearly isnt in control. now these arent major meltdowns by any standard but they are still horrifying to witness in my usually sweet, quiet little boy. he quite often has claw like hands while in a tantrum that he likes to flea and unflex rather scarily.

he starts out by kind of grabbing one hand tightly by the other and then ripping the gripped arm violently out of the others grasp so his whole body rocks with the violence of the movement, he does this a dozen or so times in very quick succession, then either drops to the floor on his bottom, knees in his face, wraps his hands around his legs and starts rocking while making kind of growling noises or he drops to the floor on his bottom with his legs akimbo/wherever they happen to land and starts kind of ci
rcling his arms back and forth around him and tearing at the ground with his fingers. its so hard to explain, but he clearly has lost control of himself during these tantrums and he is getting bigger now-i know he is only 6, but he is very strong and he gets a little bigger every day.

should i take him to the doctors or am i overreacting? i feel almost guilty taking him to the doctors, as though they wouldnt possibly believe i could have 2 autistic spectrum kids....and i hate myself for ignoring it for so long. if he is autistic, that means i have neglected one of my childs needs other anothers.

sorry for the spelling etc.....he had a tantrum earlier and i am still trying to get past it while typing all this and finally telling someone-i havent even told my partner my fears x

any advice welcome please xx

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Firstly you haven't neglected your children it sounds to me that you have given a lot of attention to them but you have to remember your a parent not a doctor so somethings may seem obvious now but at the time you didn't recognise the importance.

You say you haven't told your partner but equally he hasn't informed you of his concerns so if he never noticed anything it's understandable that you did not notice at the time either.

My parents never noticed about me either I was just a naughty child but your children have the advantage of a mother that does know and understands which is an advantage they already have.

What your saying is because you feel guilty and you have no reason to you can't blame yourself for what you didn't know you do now and doing something about it that's good parenting not bad.

It's known that more than one child can have autism any doctor will know that and if so it's a possibility that either you or your husband could be autistic also and it's in the family.

My brother has it too but much less than me but he won't get a diagnosis as he can function where as I struggle a lot so the differences can be very different so you may have only noticed as he got older and changed with age.

My father also had all the symptoms and traits but until I found out about me none of the family even knew what autism was it took me time to understand about it but even now struggling to cope.

I would say take him to the doctors get the help and assistance he will need, it's too late for us old aspies but for a child they need all the support they can get even though there isn't much help available.

Your doing fine there is no need to be so critical of yourself

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