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Pinebunny

Help for 18 year old

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Hi, I am hoping someone will relate and offer some advice.

My daughter was diagnosed late and has never got much support other than from family.

She dropped out of sixth form last year due to problems with anxiety and now doesn't know what she wants to do.

I feel I have been patient with her, suggesting other courses, voluntary work etc to try to get her confidence back up but we are met with silence or sarcastic comments about how she is expected to know what she is going to do for the rest of her life, when actually planning a first step is all I am hoping for. She is not signing on as doesn't feel there is a setting she can work in and all the jobcentre did was offer to send her on courses she can't cope with.

I'm not sure where we go from here. She rarely comes out of her room, often says she isn't hungry because she feels sick (hunger pangs!) and falls asleep through the day. I tried to speak to the GP about her but I was told because she is over 18, they won't speak to me. She needs to phone herself but she doesn't use the phone and to be honest, I don't think she has the motivation to want to change anything. She can't seem to understand that she can't be financially dependant on me forever.

 

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I'm guessing she's not on dla or pip? If she is you can claim for carers allowance.

 

Sounds to me like shes overloaded with so many choices. I had a breakdown age 18 due to my past catching up with me.

 

You can register as a carer for her with the council or local carers group.

 

Are there any post diagnostic courses available for her to help her cope with her diagnosis?

 

I was diagnosed age 16 and have lived off disability benefits since but I have been running a peer to peer support group and have got my degree and almost post graduate degree.

 

She sounds depressed considering how much she's been sleeping. Would she attend an autism support group in your area if you had one?

 

I decided enough was enough in my life and went off gluten, dairy and benzoates. Then added in supplements such as omega 3s, d3, b 50s and probiotics one at a time. B12 can help with cognition.

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if she feels she cant work then she needs to sign on for getting ESA - support group. To do that she needs to get the doctor onside so she needs to go and see them. Does your doctors have an online booking system as I wouldn't phone but I could make a choice of who to see and when at my own leisure when I can see the appointments available online.

 

Maybe you need to start to be tough with her. She must be getting money for things she likes from somewhere and I am guessing its from you. Perhaps you need to start saying you cant have X because I cant afford it, or I'm not treating you like a child anymore that includes paying for your things, adults get their own money and if that means ESA then you need to fill in the forms and then offer to help fill them in.

 

If you know her NI number you can order ESA and PIP forms over the phone on her behalf.

 

I didn't get a diagnosis until this year aged 36, I struggled to fit in my whole life with school, college etc but to get as far as 18 before diagnosis your daughter must have some skill, its not that easy to hide and imitate people so she must have some skills. Lots of people with ASD work and are very successful, so much so many of them never get a diagnosis as they never have problems in their little world. There are plenty of jobs you can do without engaging with many people. I come across a lot of people with and without ASD who aren't working and think that all jobs should be fun, meaningful etc and don't get that a lot of people just work for money, the reward is luxuries like clothes, holidays, phones etc, the work is just mundane. I packed xmas decorations in the summer and sunglass in the winter for a year as it was the only work I could find but it allowed me to run a car to take myself away from everyone when I wanted to.

 

You probably need to be a little blunt with her, show her this response if you like but she needs to be really careful. If she isn't the far worse diagnosis to ASD would be something like personality disorder which is basically a view of a psycharist who view you are being "hard to handle" this then means that no one medical ever takes you seriously what ever the problem. It will bring into question the ASD diagnosis which a lot of mental health (MH) trusts don't accept anyway. The spiral downwards from there is a social worker and a psychiatric nurse on your case and if you don't conform you end up being sectioned and believe me the last place you want to be if you have ASD is locked up in a MH ward, its noisy, confusing, disruptive, dangerous and there is no personal space, nowhere to escape to when it all gets to much (like your own bedroom). Compared to this, filling in some forms is easy, even initially if you get put into a work group and have to show your face down the job centre every two weeks to collect the money to play the game

 

Hope this helps a little bit

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You used to be able to get dla online not sure if you can apply online with esa or pip?

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The issues described here sound v similar to those we experience with our son, age 21. Forgive me, it's not helpful to you but your post has given me some comfort just by knowing we're not alone.

 

We also have to make some decisions about our sons future. He's been working for his Dad since leaving school and has come a long way but, for many reasons I won't dwell on right now, its time to make some changes. He has no motivation to do anything for himself so I'm looking for alternatives.

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