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Son obsessed with Porn

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I'm really concerned about my 17 year old son's continued interest in male porn, he is saving graphical images to his pc and then emailing them to himself. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem at all what his sexual preference is, but it concerns me that he has had previous inappropriate behaviour toward peers when he was younger and now this has surfaced. I'm worried he will go from one site to another and potentially accidently click on illegal websites without realising he has accessed something illegal and god knows where that will end!

 

I have tried to talk to him about all of this but he just gets seemingly arrogant and every question he replies " I don't know!" and starts to get agitated and verbally nasty, It's like he's on a self destruct journey but just won't admit some help/support would be a good idea, he just shuts down. He's already snarled that he doesn't want my help. I really don't know what I can do to stop this situation, other then change the wifi password so he cannot access the internet at all (to keep him safe).

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At 17 its unlikely you will stop him. It may be useful discussing the reality of what he is seeing.

That some of what he sees may be just models simulating situations and simulating pleasure and not real ....

Reality may be non-consenting abuse... pain...

Think through and discuss reasons why people get involved in the pictures / videos...ie: substance abuse, addiction, alcohol, childhood abuse, prostitution, slavery etc. ...also who is profiting / making money , why its on the internet, police monitoring, viruses etc.

Obscenity laws likely differ from country to country. Try to make it clear what is legal and what is not in this country. Its a big subject with many angles. He's at an experimental stage of life. Try introducing some cold reality to the situation to replace his fantasy. Are there any appropriate sites which may help him understand his sexuality that you could direct him to which you approve of?

People do go through phases in life ... hopefully you can offer safe guidance...

Share you view on adult relationships, love and sex to help him with a balanced perspective

You may try putting the wifi on a timer for a while to restrict use if it seems really bad.

No easy answer really other than doing what you think is best - life is messy sometimes, good luck

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Thanks for taking the time to reply.

 

You're right life is messy sometimes! It's a real difficult situation to know the best way to handle it, but I'll take on board what you have said and suggestions

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I think thats the thing. There is no best way, as a parent with your unique relationship you can only do what you think is best ... and it can be messy. When I saw what my son had been looking at I had the mother of all meltdowns and did all the above .... then a few months later had to do it all again. I believe he has a more balanced view now. Porn today is way too accessible and very disturbing content wise. Anyway, good luck. Hopefully he will understand your natural concern / love for him ...

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Absolutely! It's reasurring to know I'm not the only parent to be faced with this situation, it can be an isolating issue. I've decided for the time being to put child safe on my internet line to stop inappropriate sites being accessed and we'll take things from there rather then stopping Wifi altogether, I know he can still access via mobile hotspots but they are chargeable to his mobile so hopefully it'll help push him to use the secure home internet line which I know will be safe.

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If you have a decent asdl router it can filter out sites, better yet call service provider and ask for adult content block.

Then blame Dave Camergoon for it.

 

Personally porn with two consenting adults is a non issue

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You must understand that it is COMPLETELY normal for your 17 year old to watch porn, whether it be homosexual or heterosexual porn. There is nothing to be worried about in regards to this. It is 100% usual behaviour for an adolescent to start discovering their sexuality in any way they can, especially if they are homosexual as this may be difficult for him to do so in real life. Just because he watches homosexual porn does not mean he has a porn addiction, or has some sort of sexual disorder. To be honest, it is no one's business whether he watches homosexual porn or not. You must also realise that no legal action will take place if he is just viewing porn.

HOWEVER, there may be a problem with the content of the porn. Does it involve illegal activities such as non-consensual sex, or underage actors, etc? Or is it just normal/legal? If so, leave him to it. If not, definitely try to approach a professional about this. If he is unwilling to open up to you, then you must take further action.

 

Just try not to jeopardize your relationship with your son if he is just exploring his own sexuality. Otherwise, this may prove very difficult for him and yourself.

 

Good luck!

Edited by fkfkj

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Note a legal anomaly - people can consent to sex at the age of 16 (unless demonstrated that they are not able to make informed consent at a given point in time), but to buy sex toys and legal porn (rated R18) in the UK people must be aged at least 18 years. I know the view expressed by fkfkj reflects the reality of many 17 year olds and there are no legal consequences and no other adverse outcomes, though the law and child protection regulations do not uphold this.

 

Sorry I'm not offering a solution to the original poster, but felt it was important to outline the key legal aspects - which may be important for other forum members, if not the original poster.

Edited by gmboy

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My son has got into all sorts of trouble over porn, when he was 18 a girl reported him for inapropriate behaviour, the police came and took his lap top, he had images on there which were not legal and he was arrested. He is now 22, it has taken 3 years for the courts to decide he needs treatment, at long last he is now getting the help he should have had when he was in pubity, due to no sex education as he was a school refuser. It is now costing the NHS a fortune to treat him in a residential unit, this could all have been avoided if he had a Statement when he was at school!!!

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