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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
jack schitt

Hello, new to forum

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Hi, should have introduced myself before posting, but anyway, here I am.

Diagnosed with Aspergers just over 3 months ago at 53 yrs old. Bit late, but I am accepting of it and it explains alot.

Been working in social care for around 28 yrs before that.

Diagnosis came as result of problems caused by a company take over.

The new management group were (are) underhand, nasty, self obsessed sociopaths and lied, bullied and harassed me in order to get rid of me.

They did not like my accuracy and confident honesty. Though it resulted in a lot of serious personal problems to overcome and loss of longstanding employment they taught me alot about their techniques of dishonesty and corruption used in social care extending to chief executive level.

Social care is not the industry it used to be. Having a caring nature used to be a vital prerequisite.

Not alot of caring anymore, just cost cutting, misleading the public and tick boxes. The vulnerable have just become a financial commodity / meal ticket for some unscrupulous companies (some masquerading as charities).

The most important thing I learned was that policies and procedures (something I understood very well and adhered to) are there for the benefit of controlling more junior staff and used as spin/public relations. They are just guidelines, not law. Managers and seniors are blatantly and routinely exempt at their own discretion. There is alot of complicity in the industry.

Its also dawning on me that when people used to say 'say it like it is' they were not complimenting my ability to 'hit the nail on the head' but telling me I had been too honest / gone too far.

Anyway, didn't want to mention all that that really as I'm trying to leave it behind / move on, get positive and find employment where forthright honesty is not a problem.

Dipping into the forum over the last couple of weeks I note a lot of negativity. Having lived without diagnosis for so long my aim is to be realistically positive as thats the only thing thats worked well for me historically. Aspegers may provide some behavioural insights but we need building up, not knocking down. Aspergers is maybe an order rather than disorder ...

 

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Aspergers is maybe an order rather than disorder ...

It seems to me that NTs are the disorderly ones. They either create it, or are complicit in it.

 

I haven't been involved with social care, either as work or as a service user, but over the last six years from when I started on something I was confident I could achieve, to now when things are in such a mess that I can't see a way out of it, I can see that most of the problems I've had have been due to the dishonesty of other people, and being taken advantage of. I set out to help people, but the only people who have benefited are those who helped themselves at my expense. I think it's endemic in society, as ordinary people have picked up on the nasty traits of the sociopaths that they've allowed to take control of the world.

 

I'm still waiting for my diagnosis, that could be several more months, and the wait is driving me nuts (if I wasn't already!!!). At 60, there isn't a lot of time left to get the rest of my life sorted, before old age starts to slow me down.

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Well thanks for the welcome confused traveller. Seems an relatively inactive site. Am I right in thinking Aspergers will cease to formally exist May 2016 onwards?

I wouldn't worry / stress about getting a diagnosis .... life goes on with or without. At our ages we have adapted best we can. Asperger info provides insights, personal knowledge and liberation perhaps. Just have to stay positive, try to enjoy things and carry on.

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The site does seem to wander along at a rather slow pace, but if you stick with it some interesting things come up! I don't think Aspergers officially exists now in some places, although it seems that here in Wales it's still covered in the diagnosis.

 

My problem is that life isn't going on. After decades of adapting to be "normal" without realising it, and then thinking I was "cured " of whatever was wrong, I've got into a situation that I can't get out of, and that isn't sustainable. I'm keeping going at a level I can cope with, but it can't last. Learning about Aspergers has certainly provided new insight and personal knowledge, but it hasn't yet produced a solution to the slow motion train wreck that's been happening for years without me realising, and is now getting near the buffers!

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Can you say what the situation is without getting upset ... ie: a sentence or two. Past is gone and can't be changed. I understand if thats not viable. Me and cryptic just don't work ... :)

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I can say without getting upset, but not in a sentence or two. It's long and complicated, and I don't know how to explain it without pretty much writing a book!. I agree that the past has gone and can't be changed, but we can learn from it. I think I can see now how all the things that have led up to this situation were the result of thinking I was like everyone else, and not being aware that my brain works differently. I only became aware of Aspergers, after things had gone wrong. I really can't think of what else to say.

 

Unfortunately me and cryptic do work!

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brooke10   

Jack

 

Most businesses (unfortunately there's always the 5% that don't want to be helped) would appreciate you..your accuracy and honesty would without doubt bring in results.

 

Sounds like they were a bunch of weak b*stards with zero management skills and no conscience. Is this what it's like in government departments nowadays?! Onwards and upwards for you now.

 

Makes me mad that they treated you like that, I would have backed you up and I'm sure most decent human beings would too Aspergers or not.

 

Thanks for your post and all the best.

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Brooke, It was actually a major charity for people with learning disabilities.

The way they blatantly contravened and abused employment and civil law was frankly disgusting ... all documented / evidenced.

The deluded chief exec absolutely complicit as I sent him copies of almost everything. Away from the public eye they liked to rule by threat. Of course, the aspie side didn't yield or be intimidated by their imagined self importance but the way they lied and deliberately stitched me up caused level of stress that were personally very damaging and I couldn't tolerate.

Those b*stards deliberately destroyed me but theres nothing I can do except pick up the pieces, recover and move on. Bitter? hell yes...but 'bitterness only kills its carrier' so I need to let it go and focus on getting very positive to get on my feet again.

The future is now very uncertain but I am very tenacious once I pick a direction so should manage. Its just a shame that I was dependant on the job not just financially but emotionally and socially too. Maybe the heavens have done me a favour in a roundabout way. Thanks for the supportive comment.

Edited by jack schitt

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brooke10   

That's terrible that they managed you out and in such an awful way. Sorry if I'm not quite getting this but not even employment law could protect you because this is clearly harassment and bullying?

 

I was bullied very badly in one particular job and got a doctors note for stress until I had the strength to document everything and then go to the HR director with my complaint from which the outcome was a compromise agreement. Lucky to get out in this way but it was a terrible time and nearly destroyed me. However, in the end just fuelled me to go on to bigger and better things.

 

I am sure you will get through this and as you say this will be a blessing in disguise. You do not need to put up with these awful people who will get their karma for sure.

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I'm sorry you went through something similar Brooke. As you know, its not the sort of thing anyone should ever go through.

They deliberately contravened many aspects of civil and employment law.

I know because I spent almost every waking minute dealing with this for over a year. It was a deliberate tactic from them.

They knew they would make settlement inevitable. Its how they deal.

Its what the HR dept and the higher management group specialise in.

Its a brutal deliberate tactic, but works for them.

 

There response (from more than one source) to my allegations of senior gross misconducts against me was 'its for you to prove it'. I repeatedly did with great accuracy and evidence but it was always ignored and deliberately not acknowledged. It was literally treated as invisible. Very frustrating

Once I started a grievance with enough evidence to hang them they offered lowball settlement as a 1st response. They never did deal with the grievance, their tactics (all evidenced) were disgusting, a judge would have hung them out to dry.

Rather than take the low amount of money (which I did not want) I was fixated on them following their policies which they refused to do. They had already damaged me by then.

3 months later I had to take the settlement or kill myself as I was so damaged by their routine underhand tactics. Not much of a choice. (The £200+ per hr solicitor advised me to burn all my evidence after signing! I had a 3" thick file of evidence and she never even opened the file - and no I did not burn it)

Before signing they even put a militaristic private detective agency on me (owned by a charity director)

After signing another 5 months getting it through to them that I would not accept the numerous gagging clauses nor recognise the threats within that document (which I will never accept and never see as legal or binding).

 

- Actus me invito factus -

 

So much bizarre unbelievabe stuff happened from them it will never all come out.

I'll never have anything good to say of them as their behaviours were at best simply evil. I was way to trusting and in retrospect naive.

Anyway, yes a blessing in disguise...I learned so much. Most importantly not to waste time with people who don't respect you. Through necessity I'm going for optimism. Who knows ...the best times of my life may be ahead ... infact they are damn it! :)

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brooke10   

Sorry I did not respond back. I guess typical Aspie to disappear for a bit.

 

However, just wanted to wish you all the best and hope that you're not letting the b*stards get you down! Definitely a move for the best.

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ajl   

aspergers ceased to exist from publication of the last DSM manual that all psych people use. I got a diagnosis in the middle of last year and it was of ASD but I was told if I wanted to research to look for aspergers. I certainly don't come on the learning difficulties end of the scale unless you count my dyslexia. I hate the way they say 50% of ASD have learning difficulties, that means half will and half wont so its impossible to predict before meeting a person.

 

I too lost full time employment but in 2013. It was a result of a nasty boss and me costing him too much money. I was replaced by someone doing my job for £6k a year (I get more in benefits than they earn, so I wouldn't get out of bed for it). It left a bitter feeling inside me as I did that job well. I then lost my home and was homeless until this week. It also took away all my confidence. I didn't get a diagnosis until the middle of 2015, it came as a relief. I am not much better able to forgive myself for some of the awkward things I do and say as I know its the asd and not intentional.

 

Good luck finding work. Something, the right thing will come along eventually you just have to keep looking

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Hello Jack! I have read your ''hello new to forum'' post and am sorry you experienced hardship at the hands of your managers. I am a service user and have had many grievances with my support provider primarily management but because I have a fantastic care- coordinator from the community learning disability team I have yet to be kicked out which I think the care company desperately wants and I'm vocal about that, they put it down to psychosis so I'm rarely listened too.

 

Most of the front line staff are wonderful and caring no question about that! Its the ###### management, first thing there is a high staff turn over, I've know at least 14 staff come and go in the last 6 years of me living here. Rules have become more stringent. A manager put a safeguarding in on me saying a member of staff had accused me off saying something too her which I never did, and I lost a friendship over it and potently could of got my head smashed in. I can't go into specifics but it was very unprofessional, it later transpires that member of staff didn't accuse me off anything and the manager made it up. Which I could prove! A member of staff is on 'leave 'awaiting court for stealing from a tenant here. The list is endless.

Edited by Charlie C

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Charlie, unfortunately I would say most (but not all) managers are drawn to management posts for the wrong reasons. They are sometimes disingenuous liars. The good ones get corrupted or leave. When it comes to incompetence, lying and all kinds of immoral dishonesty I'd believe anything and have seen enough already. From my previous employment one of my ex-managers is in prison as we speak and there are a few protected in post now who should have been dismissed on gross misconduct grounds.

Its worth bearing in mind its not illegal to discreetly record meetings you may have for first party use (especially with managers). Mobile phone apps work.

Its a shame your care company are using your label against you. If they insist on using it, it should be to help. I've seen alot of label abuse / prejudice and have experienced some myself.

In care, you really do see the best of the best ... and the worst.

But ... success in the face of adversity is the sweetest revenge ... translated means succeed in life anyway and stay positive. Sometimes its the long game rather than the short one. Stay positive and laugh when you have to!

 

Just to add a 'thankyou' to everyone for their understanding and kind comments in this thread. I did eventually secure employment ... the first post I applied for as it happened

Edited by jack schitt

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trekster   

Welcome to the forum.

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