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Hello,

 

 

It is a little time since I have posted here. This is mainly because we have gone through a bit of a family crisis. However, I will try to keep this post short and to the point. Basically, both my sons are experiencing extreme anxiety. My youngest is 14.5 and has not attended school for over a year. He receives 5 hours of home tuition each week at my house (he resides with my husband) but frequently, the first half hour of each session is taken up with me trying to coax him out of the bathroom because he locks himself away when the home tutor comes. He has an extreme health anxiety as well, so if the tutor clears her throat he will run from the room and, again, require coaxing to return. My youngest also, has no friends and will participate in no activities apart from visits to my brother's farm.

 

My eldest is 16.5 and also receives no education or training. His anxiety is more extreme and involves serious panic attacks in which he shakes and screams (and is physically sick) and he experiences auditory and visual hallucinations when he is distressed.

 

Both boys are under CAMHS and my eldest takes a considerable amount of medication for his symptoms. Until recently the boys were subject to Child Protection Plans due to emotional abuse from their father (who is on the autism spectrum). Their father (my husband) has mental ill health as well and sees a psychologist on a weekly basis. (His autism was not the cause of his behaviour).

 

Please can someone tell me how I can encourage the boys to participate in something outside the home? I fear for them as their anxiety grows and they become more depressed and 'dysfunctional' through complete social isolation. I also fear for their future. My eldest has an Education Health and Care plan but the local authority are reluctant to review it until he can meet unfamiliar people without panicking.

Furthermore, when I separated from my husband (due to the child protection issues) I gave up my main job and increased the distance teaching that I do. However, the boys' continuing problems with anxiety may mean that I will not even be able to work from home.

I am becoming pretty desperate.

 

My eldest has a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome and professionals have suggested that my youngest fits the criteria for PDA, but he has refused formal assessments.

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it takes a lot for me to come on here and answer a post.but i read your post and thought" heavens sakes :( "

my son has extreme anxiety to.not made better by the school.hey ho we got there in the end.

he did pass all his exams but only after i home tutored him.i learned the curriculum and pushed him along.(i know this sounds mental i gave up my job to and gave up a lot actually to get my babe a future)

he is now at college( there is not the same pressure there for him as at high school)give you a bit of hope xxx my babe is doing computing(obviously) and he is doing well.he is in a tiny class of 4.

dont give up...look around for things suitable for your boys.go to the college.find out what they can help with.

our gp told us money has been put into the colleges and unis for mental health so hell we might as well try get it for them.

my babe wouldnt leave the house either.

so we started small walking round the block.

walking the dog round the block.

walking to the shop for sweeties :)

going to the supermarket for sweeties :)

then walking the dog himself round the block.

then i bought some mens health mags and he did start to notice hair dos,clothes,watches,shoes,mens bodies :)

then he decided he needed his puny body to look more sexy.....lol so i got him some weights.

he started running :)

then he visited a gym and joined <3

it was a slow process there were setbacks but we got there in the end.

he is now doing drivng lessons.because public transport is a no go.( but he does need to go get things).....lol

i would say lots of reasurance is the way to go.

and encouragement.

and total calm and a sense of humor.

your x hun what can i say.....lots of us might have other halfs who are a holes :( but dont allow yourself to distract you from the kids.they have to be the focus for everyone including father.

im hoping this posts.lol

good luck hun.i know its is ridiculously hard and lonely.but not impossible xxx

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Hello Noogsy,

 

Thank you for your encouragement. You are completely right about the small steps. We have a CIN (Child in Need) meeting on Wednesday and formerly, I would have gone into the with a list of questions to ask the various agencies represented there. However, as you have found, I think there is little they can or will do. I have approached a voluntary organisation and arranged a provisional meeting between my eldest son and a 'buddy' who could mentor him. My eldest seems to be positive about the meeting, but things can change over the course of the week, I have also requested assessment for an Education Health and Care plan for my youngest (if he will participate).

 

However, knowing that you have gone through something similar and your sons have come out so well is a huge ray of hope for me.

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