I don't receive support now!

[Gold MD]

Yeah. I'm not receiving support from social services any more, and I gave up with Blackwood. They gave me two male workers, but their hours were 'fixed' and I didn't find that useful. Social services aren't wanting to put any young female care workers on with me, because they're concerned that I'd become infatuated with them. Now the doctors, etc, try to say I don't even have autism. Well, it's PDD-NOS they "diagnosed" me with way back in 2007 and apparently, that is something like autism.

 

I used to be supported by Autism Initiatives in Edinburgh, but as you may recall, I already posted threads explaining what occurred with the staff, and what the outcome of contacting these two women was. One of them recently tried to get me into trouble again.

 

Anyway, I didn't have support at all for well over a year before this social worker found Blackwood and I had a stint in prison; I no longer wanted help from A.I. because of what happened, and I ended up losing my flat after they had me ending my tenancy, following a fairly long period where I was on bail between hearings and staying with my family, which in turn made my life even more stressful. The court also have me supervised, as they believe I was "stalking" those women, and sentenced me to a CPO, but now I've got three of them. I'd been contacting the ladies to try to make amends, but they don't care, and feel intimidated by me.

 

Life with my family ain't the greatest. Our house is rather cluttered and overcrowded, and there's a lot of drama going on regarding my sister losing her son. I've got an advocacy worker who helps me, but he cannot do a great deal more, as it's not easy getting another flat. In the UK, there are long waiting times for housing, and without support, the social services are inclined to think I don't need a flat that urgently. People have to fill in a form, and put in bids. However, I've lost faith in caregivers, because they aren't trustworthy people. I'm not really unable to do anything physical, as I'm not disabled, but I kind of like having people to blether with, etc.

 

I wanted to do acting related work, whether it's unpaid or contracted work, but it's a hard profession to be involved with. I'd rather just do it as a hobby, but I generally allow anxiety to hold me back. Sometimes, I feel agoraphobic, and I believe I should be receiving support. This feeling could stem from having social anxiety as well, but it makes life awkward, because other people won't know how to react to hearing about my problems, if I confess about my past. They may consider me to be a threat, or cast me out, which has a detrimental effect on how I perceive others.

 

I've missed out on extras work before. Sometimes, you can be credited for doing it. It all counts towards a portfolio for future work, but the more I get cold feet and back out from attending events, the more opportunities I miss out on. However, social services won't grant me support shifts for activities like this, because they consider it to be unimportant, and these companies have a lot more women than guys. Although I took part in a zombie film earlier this week, I had been apprehensive about going by myself.

 

Since I find it hard to go out to do stuff or meet people, I'm more or less a loner. I've got an older male friend, but he only likes doing his own things, and I cannot rely on him. It's very annoying when I want to be in there trying, but nobody helps me. My stress levels just become worse as a result, and unless I get that in check, it may be affecting me for a lifetime.