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#1 capricorn23

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 07:52 PM

Hello people

 

I'm not sure how to start this but I'll do my best.

 

I'm 49 and have been married for almost 4 years. My wife is diabetic and also partially disabled due to a neurological condition which affects the left hand side of her body. She has 16 year old twins (one of each) from a previous marriage and they became young carers and had to look after her when her when her previous husband left a few years ago. As you may already guess all of this can sometimes make things very difficult at home. I've not officially been told I have aspergers but previous to this relationship I lived by myself for years and became a bit of a loner. I developed what I thought at the time was a bit of OCD behaviour around the home, checking doors and windows on numerous occasions before going out.. In public I'm very shy and don't make eye contact easily. When in a crowded room I will not readily join into conversations and tend to sit off to the side and just listen in. If I do try and join in I'm more likely to try and talk about myself than add anything appropriate to the discussion. I can also be quite a clumsy person and can be quitter accident prone sometimes. From what I've read online these are just some of the symptoms typical in a person who has aspergers.

 

A year or so ago our marriage went through a very difficult period when I was texting another woman who I contacted online. I admit it was a stupid thing to do and to try and remedy things we went for counselling.  Through some of the discussions we had it was suggested by the counsellor that I may have aspergers and should seek medical advice.  So I went to my Doctor and talked to him about things and he sent a letter off to the relevant people. Nothing more was ever heard after this and I let things slip. 

 

A couple of weeks ago my wife was having a diabetic hypo and she needed our help, I was slow to react and as a result her daughter stepped in to help, this led to a big fight in our house involving me, my wife and step-daughter which resulted in me having a major meltdown calling her daughter all sorts of bad names and struggling with her. My wife says that I also tried to attack her, but I don't remember it at all, she also says that I started stimming  which is something I've done a lot when I'm under pressure at home. My wife says that most of this happens when she asks for help. 

 

As a result of the latest incident the Social Work Dept got involved and I'm currently living away from home but see my wife on a regular basis. They are aware of my potential medical condition and suggested that I needed to seek more medical advice.. I attended another Doctor and told him my story.  He has also sent a referral off and this time I'm hopeful it will get somewhere. I still love my wife and hate being away from her but until I can sort myself out we may have to resort to living apart. 

 

I hope this all makes sense to everybody. It was quite difficult to piece this all together. Basically what I'm looking for is some advice in how to cope with things until I can get some proper medical advice and a diagnosis on whether I actually have aspergers or not. The bottom line is that most of the problems at home usually end up with me having a meltdown. I hate this and don't want this to happen again.

 



#2 trekster

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 03:19 PM

Hello and welcome. In the past I have been prone to meltdowns now its more of a shutdown. You have been an unpaid carer for your wife for quite a while and naturally this has caused a strain on your relationship with your wife.

Identifying as autistic or aspergers and being on this forum is acceptable. We understand the difficulties people face in getting diagnosed and supported. Is there a local national autistic society branch you could join? There could also be a social group for adults affected by autism to help you feel less isolated.

Keep seeing and engaging with services as best you can. If you feel supported by this doctor make sure you book an appointment with the same one each time.

Feel free to share more information about the area you live in so I can see if there's more specific services to help. We are here for you only a post away.

#3 capricorn23

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 02:22 PM

Thanks for replying to my lengthy post. Since I posted this I have made a bit of progress. I have an assessment with the local community mental health service arranged so hopefully soon we will find out one way or the other. I've been doing some research online to see if there are any groups or societies and it looks like there isn't one in my area but I will keep looking in case I've missed something.  I've found a couple of groups on Facebook and I will try and join them. It looks like they occasionally arrange events so that could be good. Also I've been referred to Social Services and have an appointment with them next week and they should be able to shed some light on what help is available out there for me.

 

By the way I live in Dumfries and Galloway in the South of Scotland.

 



#4 trekster

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 11:27 PM

Have you heard of ELAS? Edinburgh and Lothian aspergers group. They organise meets on a regular basis but I'm not sure whether they operate in your area. However they are very active.

#5 capricorn23

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 03:39 PM

No, that's a different area to me and not easy for me to reach as I don't drive.



#6 trekster

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 03:42 PM

http://www.dumgal.go...ple-with-autismhas some resources that might help you.






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