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The Batcave

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By the way ... there will be NO Jester model because I cannot face the sniggers from the female superheroes when they see that it says on the box "Warning - Small Parts"

 

Sniggering ................

 

Well, my fine bell bedecked friend, it would only be suitable for ages 3+, in case small parts are accidentally swallowed!

 

Frustrated parents everywhere will be scouring the carpets looking for small parts that drop off and get sucked up by hoover!!!

 

Yoda Woman would definitely be Bendy and flexible, rubber arms, legs and body!

 

Pants Woman with removable (marked) pants and wellies that make a squelching noise when pressure applied!

 

Ban Man's shorts would have special air pockets in to give him lift and boyancy, in case he falls in any swollen rivers!

 

Hose.JPG

Edited by CarolJ

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Bwah! Harrumph! {Racking cough} Wazzzat?

 

The Jester again bestirs himself from the depths of his pervasive melacholy (ooh! This is poetry, innit?) and staggers to his grizzled feet in a haze of homeopathic stress relief, spicey food and breath.

 

"In my day" he intones, "In my day... Superheroes didn't fail to post in the Batcave simply because they had better things to do!" He coughs mightily. " They didn't sit at home moping about their bog-rotten miserable lives and how awful everything is .... NO! They jolly well came into the Batcave and tried to make people laugh with their {Frankly deranged} ideas.

 

Harrumph!

 

(Jester is passed a note ...he reads it)

 

Harrumph!

 

"My recent absences, due to being in a Not-Feeling-Very-Funny-State-Of-Mind are in NO way relative to my last announcement.

 

Did I say "Harrumph"??

 

Come Back, Superchums! :pray:

 

Female Inquisitor :wacko: will tell you, when all else fails... I will try to get a laugh from either:

 

A) A really off-colour joke/comment of a nature unsuitable for a family forum

 

or

 

B) The Mick Jagger impression

 

You have been warned!

 

Jester :)

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The Mick Jagger impression

 

Memories of chorus of Jumping Jack Flash reverberating from the walls of the Batcave send ASM Woman screaming towards the automatic revolving batcave door! Suffering SENCOS, Ban Man has fiendishly interferred with the mechanism of the revoling door and has set the door to "Faster than the Speeding Bullet Mode", knowing that ASM Woman is unable to move above the pace of a trot (through fear of losing superpower enhancing byriani!). ASM woman is helplessly caught in the whirling vortex of the revolving door!

 

Flashes of Jester's impression of Mick Jagger and lookign like extra from Chicken Run movie (Mrs Tweedie) seer the superbrain of ASM, along with visions of a sniggering Ban Man, stroking a terrified rabbit!!!

 

ASM is helpless, ........

 

Will ASM even escape the whirling vortex of doom and be able to hold on to lasts night's takeaway?

 

Will The Jester carry out his threat and reenact a Rolling Stones concert?

 

Will Ban Man ever be able to remove those Lycra Shorts without the aid of WD40?

 

the suspense mounts ......

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Ban Man has fiendishly interferred with the mechanism of the revoling door and has set the door to "Faster than the Speeding Bullet Mode",

 

This explains the lack of Spell Checker - Ban Man has recently been seen lurking in the Bat Cave, his dead eyes glowing in the half light, muttering to himself and handling his tools furtively, trying to conceal his darstardly schemes!

 

The fiend !!!!!!!!!

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WKD Breezer Woman did not "fail" to come into the Batcave - she never flippin well left! Still looking for the cache of Alcohol she knows the Jester has secreted somewhere!

 

Harrumph indeed! :ph34r:

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WKD Breezer Woman,

 

I am afraid your search will be in vain! The Jester keeps his "medicinal" brew in place so secret that he himself forgets where he has put it. Hence why he has not been heard of recently, he is on a frantic search to try to remember where he put it!

 

Have you ever seen a grown man/superhero cry? :crying: Its very sad!

 

Unfortunately The Jester Brew has an unfortunate habit of destroying precious brain cells and therefore affect ones memory. In fact, with the pressures of being a mild mannered hobbity educator by day and superhero "The Jester" by night, coupled with over use of the his "Elixier", has taken its toll!

 

Never fear I am sure his faithfully side-kick Samwise Uberthong alis Inquisitor Woman will help The Jester overcome his "withdrawal symptoms" from his brew and offer him some of her Red wine, thereagain, perhaps not!

 

We wait with baited breath!

 

I ASM will go and put the kettle on and open a packet of hobknobs!

 

Do you take sugar?

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Ah well it comes to us all I suppose, even Superheroes!

 

And we thought and believed it was his "Medicine"

 

Maybe I'd better not continue to try to find it, don't want to be any loopier and lacking in memory than I already am.

 

Perhaps he could get some of that Medicinal wine made by monks from somewhere - it sounds like more of a superhero type brew.

 

Get the Hobnobs in and loads of tea

 

WKD Breezer Woman :ph34r:

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There's nothing wrong with the odd bottle of buckie - its cheap and effective and also fits conveniently into the back pocket of joggers!

 

one wonders how many visits to "The Royal" A&E have been apportioned to sitting down heavily, forgetting the bottle is in back pocket :blink: But ahhhh, lets not confuse the innocent reader unnecessarily!

 

Everything in moderation, The Jester would do well to remember this golden rule!

 

I am afraid I myself have momentarily lapsed in the "moderation rule" having gone up a size for my super duds too many hobknobs and have indulged with chocolate hobknobs too - yummy.

 

Will have to start taking low cal sweetners in cuppa and searching to find a low fat alternative to my beloved hobknobs!

 

Sigh, the life of a superhero is not an easy path to tread!

 

But wait, my manners are slipping, along with The Jester's brain cells!

 

Welcome fellow superhero WKD Breezer woman, may I ask how you came by the Breezer portion of your title? Are you in fact influenced by the "winds" of justice?

 

Welcome again ..... Regards ASM Woman, sitting munching hobknobs on pouffee, which is beginning to look decided deflated and saggy! Methinks Inquisitor Woman will need to do another trip to Furniture Village, as the pouffee does not seem to be able to withstand the "weighty might" of us superheros and Uberthong may need to change her choice of soft furnishings to beanbags!

 

Did I mention beans????? Oh dear .....

Edited by CarolJ

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camera pans across the Batcave. Near the pouffe a pile of scatter cushions stirs. A hand appears followed by a head. Even through the mask we can see he is suffering a severe attack of 'face'.

 

"Wazzat? Harrumph!" (Racking cough) "I was just taking a 'medicinal stiffener', when my attention was diverted by a passing Uberthong. I fell heavily amongst the soft furnishings and seem to have lost consciousness there for a while." (Cough, wheeze ...considers unpleasant scratching but remembers superhero status, children look up to us) "Thank all that is good and righteous that ASM woman chose the pouffe to sit on!"

 

"As I lay amidst the scatter cushions and shortly before consciousness fled I saw The Female Inquisitor pass me on the way out of the cave. Clad in full costume (including Uberthong) she looked pretty good from where I was lying :wub: , but something about her face {I eventually noticed} seemed wrong. :tearful: I fear that Dr. Depressor and Melancholy Man may have got to her." :crying:

 

He strikes a pose - hoping to look like John Wayne, actually looking like Wayne Sleep. :oops:

 

"Holy Half Term! Superchums...I shall not rest until she has been saved!"

 

The Jester looks at his crumpled costume, bedraggled bells, slightly too-large tweedy jacket, out-at-the-knees-trousers on out-at-the-knees-legs, slight medicinal spillage slowly eating its way through his hush puppies.

 

"Damn! I'm looking GOOD!" he cries B) and vaults into the Jestmobile. A new quest has renewed his vim and vigour. Female Inquisitor shall not long be held in the grip of evil despair...but in the evil grip of The Jester :devil: Bwahahahaha!

 

Scanning the dashboard of the Jestmobile he flicks on the 'Lingerie Detector' :unsure: and sets it to "Uberthong". With the 'ping' of the knicker-radar and a roar of the mighty 1 litre volkswagen engine he screeches from the Batcave with a terrible smell of burning rubber. (Don't ask ...you DON'T want to know :ph34r: )

 

"Hold on, Female Inquisitor," he cries "Help is at hand." :bat:

 

Jester :)

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when all else fails... I will try to get a laugh from either:

 

A) A really off-colour joke/comment of a nature unsuitable for a family forum

 

or

 

The Mick Jagger impression

 

You have been warned!

 

Uhh Jester,

 

Methinks perhaps Uberthong has in fact fled after your announcment. After all

 

If all else fails - The Famous Jagger Impersonation -� - usually gets her on her feet (if only to run for the door shouting "He's not my husband, he's just some guy who came in the room at the same time as me")

 

Perhaps, my fine bell be-decked friend, your threat of MJ impersonation has finally proved too much and she has in fact left you for good.

 

Although I would not not start taking your brew just yet, as perhaps she may have just popped out for more sequins and hob knobs and will return soon words said in comforting tones ....

 

ASM decides to allow The Jester to wallow in false hope for a while longer, his poor overstretched costume and "medicine" fugged mind could not cope with reality at this time ....ASM decides to allow The Jester a period of futile searching - ASM holds a post-it note along the lines of "Dear John (ne Jester) ......" in her utility belt .... what is a superhero to do?

 

Jester departs the Batcave, his bells sounding very off-key and not their cheerful tinkling self, more like a mournful jangle...... awwwwwww.

 

ASM is left alone with the smell of burning rubber and a loan skid mark on the floor of the batcave, testimony to the futility of The Jester's search

 

Slowly the saddened superhero falls onto the sagging pouffe and opens yet another packet of hobknobs ......

 

as the lonely femme fatal(e) munches her way through pack after pack of the favoured food of superheros all that can be heard is the slightly muffled munching/crunching sound as piles of crumbs fall to the floor of the batcave and start to build up around our hero ....perhaps it is this very scuzziness coupled with the Exlier induced ramblings of the once proud Jester that has finally pushed Inquisitor Woman over the edge .... perhaps ....

 

ASM munches as she continues her vigil .......

 

What will happen next oh faithful reader .... will the batcave ever be the same again?

 

...........patience my friends ..... all will be revealed ....

 

munch ... crunch ... slurp .... sound of biscuit packet rustling (ASM's table manner leaves alot to be desired) .....

Edited by CarolJ

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<<Blue-Rinse woman zooms in on her pension-powered zimmer-frame>>

 

Oh the immodesty of this younger generation of superheroes and villains! In my day young people certainly didn't wear their undergarments OUTSIDE of their costumes.

 

<<hitches her bloomers up to her ears>>

 

One swift Kerpow from my walking stick (a souvenir from Bournemouth I'll have you know) and Ban-Man will be under my power. Priorities first though - I'll have a nice pot of tea and a packet of HobNobs. Cleaning the crumbs from my dentures can be attended to at a later date.....

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Enter the sanction of the Bat Cave Blue-Rinse woman, pull up a pouffee, says the crumb covered ASM.

 

Together we can share the hobknobs to see how the next saga will unfold.

 

Blue-Rinse woman smiles and eases herself onto the soft-furnishings, with as much dignity as her "bloomers" can muster. ASM is amused at the garb of this unlikely but dignifed addition to the ranks. With the aid of her souveneir walking stick (which incidentially does not need AA batteries) we can at last defeat the darstardly plans and schemes of the double-dealing Ban Man.

 

The two superheros sit facing each other musing on important topics such as the weather and the cheapest place to hob knobs (Asda have special offer of buy 1 get 1 free), the clicking of Blue-Rinse woman's dentures can be heard adding a melodic clicking to the munching and slurping of beverages.

 

Sigh, all is quite but peaceful, our two heros recharge their powers and wait for the return of the others.....

 

Wonder how The Jester is doing, hope he does not get a speeding ticket, on his poverty stricken wage as hobbity educator, he will be hard pushed to pay the fine! He cant even afford decent shoes (hush puppies!)/over large tweed jacket (with elbow patches) or trousers with knees in! ASM sighs and opens another packet whilst Blue Rinse Woman sucks on her dentures!

 

......sigh .... these Bank Holidays!

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<<Blue-Rinse woman adjusts her hairnet and sighs at such a manly image of the Jester>>

 

Suffering stims! If only I were 40 years younger he would be the man for me. I never could resist a fine pair of hush puppies....

 

<<Seeing that the cave is empty she reaches in to her tartan shopping trolley and pulls out...

 

THE HEATED CURLERS OF DOOM!

 

She sits back down wondering why anyone should wish their doom to be curly. She would ask at the next cribbage night over at The Three Bells>>

 

Drat! Where was her sworn enemy Ban-Man? And what of that youthful (and maybe useful?) Jester? What did a pensioner have to do to get some service around here?

 

<<Answers on a postcard to.......>>

 

Bank Holidays indeed! Next they'll all be wanting time off to sleep.....

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<<Blue-Rinse woman adjusts her hairnet and sighs at such a manly image of the Jester>>

 

Uhhhhh Blue-Rinse Woman, is it the same Jester we are talking about?

 

Perhaps a trip to Specsavers may be in order for the curly-blue haloed well-meaning superheroine?

 

ASM decides to leave a couple of "special deal Vision Express" leaflets laying conspicuously around the Batcave, perhaps on top of the crochtched dolly thingy loo roll holder - ASM is reluctant to broach subject directly for fear of offending new acquired useful ally in the fight against the evils of the despicable Ban Man!

 

ASM listens patiently as the Blue-Rinse Woman tells tails of infatuation and dates with wearers of Hush Puppies starting with - "When I was younger ...... young men did not wear tight lycra purple shorts, give me a man with a fine pair of brown hush puppies any day", ASM notes pool of drool running down BRW's chin and forming on the floor of the batcave as BRW launches into graphic detail about doors being opened for her ....and ladies not having to go Dutch.. young men giving up their seats on the bus ... not like the young men of today!

 

BRW pulles out her knitting and whilst talking proceeds to knit a matching dolly holder thing for the Batloo toilet brush!

 

Apparently Albert down at the Three Bells wears brown hush puppies and BRW has a bit of a crush on him ...

 

Sitting on the saggy poufee ASM feels a breeze and something seems to be lurking in the shadows, could this be the elusive Ban Man?

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The chances of the Jestmobile receiving a speeding ticket are minimal. At any thing over sixty miles an hour it shakes itself like a dog coming out of a pond and at 70 (downhill with the wind behind it) the dashboard whines like an enraged wasp in a biscuit tin..rendering conversation, concentration and, indeed, coherent thought impossible.

 

Anyway ...ahem...

 

In the sleek, powerful interior of the Jestmobile, the sleek, powerful Jester :) is pondering his options

 

"Hmmm...how best to cheer up The Female Inquisitor :wacko: when I finally catch up with her?" The poor fool, not knowing of the tragic "Dear John note ASM woman :bat: found stuck on her utility belt still thinks there is hope. He slips a Rolling Stones tape into the Jestmobile's player

 

"Shall I try 'The Jagger'?" he muses. "No...too obvious. How about reciting great chunks of 'Blackadder', taking all parts and silly voices? No..hasn't worked since courting days. Maybe the subtle visual comedy of Mr Bean? Errrr...no."

 

He flicks his fingers (slightly straining a thumb ligament) "Of course!! Nothing amuses The Female Inquisitor :wacko: more than The Jester casually maiming himself in some mishap ... preferably involving slamming doors, power tools or heavy objects/childrens' feet in the groin!! :tearful:

 

"Catastrophic Classroom Assistants, Superchums!" he cries (which is sad, in an otherwise empty car) "Back to the Batcave for my trusty "Jest-Drill and Easily- Dropped-on-the-Foot-Length-of-FourbyTwo!" :oops:

 

The Jester executes a handbook 19 point turn and screeches back to the Batcave. He leaps from his trusty vehicle (slight crunch from the ankles on landing) and starts searching for his toolbox. But WAIT...

 

Who is this mysterious creature talking to ASM Woman :bat: ? What a beguiling blue hat ...oops, that's her hair! See the way she seductively dunks her hobnob! The Jester is captivated...he is drawn to the pouffe and - preparing best 'Joey Tribiani' tones tries to say "How YOU doin'?!" :devil:

 

But WAIT again...he realises that this is no flibbertigibbet slip of a superheroine, but a ...er...person of maturer years (who isn't more mature than him?) so - remembering his "Olde Worlde Charme Schoole Lessons" forced on him by his aged mother, The Jester attempts to sweep off his hat and bow low.

 

Alas..he forgot to unfasten said headgear and, sadly, he almost garrottes himself with the chinstrap. Crosseyed with oxygen starvation, his proposed bow leads to a 'headrush' and he blacks out, pitching forwards into the Batfloor where he is left unconscious with a broken nose, two black eyes and chipped front teeth.

 

If only The Female Inquisitor had been here ...oh, how she'd have laughed!

 

Sigh!

 

Jester :)

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Blue-Rinse Woman gazes down at the unconscious form of the Jester. Ooooh! Those elbow patches were just as she had dreamed they would be. Not even Albert at the Three Bells could compare with this...

 

But what's this? Blue-Rinse Woman spots a pile of leaflets which appear to have been deliberately left behind. Unfortunately Blue-Rinse Woman is unable to make out the letters. Never mind. She stuffs them into her tartan trolley in case she needs them later. After all, even superheroes can run out of incontinence pads at the most inconvenient of times......

 

Aha! The unconscious Jester has left his Jest-mobile unlocked. The keys are still inside!

 

Does Blue-Rinse dare to try out the Jest-mobile? Will the knicker-wetting excitement be too much for her king-size incontinence pads to handle? Will this ruin her chance of sharing her denture glass with the Jester?

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ASM returns from the Batloo...

 

and ... oooof.....

 

trips over a wear-worsted saggy pile of soft furnishing, tweed is definitely not in this year!

 

But wait ...... it is in fact the unconscious form of the once proud and mighty Jester....... what could have happened to our mighty hero - has he overindulged on his medicinal brew again????

 

ASM notices that Blue-Rinse is holding the keys to the Jestermobile ..... a faraway look of infatuation in her blood shot eyes ......

 

ASM notes that BRW appears to have changed into her Sunday best bloomers (reserved for special occasions, like Church, Weddings and Funerals and hot dates (Cribbage Night) down the Three Bells with the lovely Albert, where she seductively crosses and uncrosses her legs (reminisant of Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct) so that the favoured Albert gets a tantalising glimpse of elsasticated trim and incontinence pad - causing him to become hot in his hush puppies and reach for his angina pills - the Minx!)

 

BRW tears her eyes from the snoring form of Jester and hobbles over to the Jestermobile (a Yellow Robin Reliant with the words "Trotters Independent Traders", New York, London, Peckham .... showing through the bad attempt to repaint to the standard expected of a superhero of The Jester's status, surely Uberthong would have told him it was a bad idea to use emulsion on a van!), stroking the sleek form of the three wheeled van in a captivated fashion BRW, shuffles round to the drivers side, contemplating the fluffy dice hanging on the rear-view mirror ....

 

She is tempted .....

 

Will she give way to temptation and take the Jestermobile for a spin ..... or will she use the cold tea bags piled up from the many beverages to ease The Jesters black eyes and broken nose, (will this ruin The Jester's boyish good looks?) and provide first aid to our fallen hero ....

 

What's a superhero to do ....

 

ASM decides to go to ASDA because the stash of hobknobs is running dangerously low ..... what will await her on her return to the Batcave ....

Edited by CarolJ

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Suffering Steradent! What is Blue-Rinse Woman to do? Should she stay and administer some pensioner-pamper treatment to her magnificent Jester in all his tweedy glory? Or should she get the fluffy dice of the Jest-Mobile rocking?

 

Now if she only had the strength to lift her hush-puppied superhero perhaps she could do both.......

 

She reached into her hairnet and pulled out a hobnob that she'd been saving for such an emergency and pondered the unponderable....

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The Jester stirs from unconsciousness. He remembers a choking sensation followed by a crushing blow to the face, smashing his nose and front teeth. His eyes are blacked ... did The Female Inquisitor return to the Batcave and see him talking to another woman? :fight:

 

He steps into the Superhero Regenerator (patents pending) and after much whirring and flashing of lights the newly-restored Jester steps forth. His nose is straight, his eyes clear and his teeth as strong and white as Robbie's. Even his leather elbow patches have been buffed to a burnished dazzle and his bells gleam fit to blind his enemies. He smiles ('Ting') Yep...still got it! :devil:

 

Surreptitiously, he looks under his hat at his hairline ... some things, it seems, are beyond even the Regenerator. :tearful:

 

He walks to where the Jestmobile had been parked, but it is gone! (Gasp) In its place is a scrap of card, apparently torn from a box of (he squints) "Duchess Super Incontinence Pants". The note reads "Can't wait for weaklings to wake up at my age...borrowed your wheels to go the the Three Bells for a night of red-hot cribbage action with Albert. Don't wait up!"

 

All that remains of his car is a strange smell, a mix of petrol, lavender water, Dental Fixative and something (mercifully) he cannot quite identify.

 

What to do? A quandry for the Jester! Should he continue to search for his one true love :wacko: whom he fondly believes has been kidnapped (he still hasn't seen the post-it note) or should he try to save BRW .. who does not know that the Lingerie Detector is set to "Uberthong"? Poor woman, should she fiddle with it and change the setting to 'Incontinence Pants' while she is IN the vehicle then the Jestmobile will disappear up its own tailpipe!

 

A terrible fate!

 

Tune in Next Time

 

Jester :)

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Its dark and wet outside!

 

Inside the BAN BOX (a small bungalow, situated just south of the 'Slightly Mucky Side') the Ban Man puts aside his copy of 'Madness - Tales from the BatCave' and stares into the darkness. Robbie, the exploding rabbit is lurking nearby and no doubt eating the carpet.

 

Its very wet outside!

 

Delete Woman is enjoying a well earned break away, fostering superheros. Ban Man is well aware that Delete Woman took the batteries out of the BAN BUTTON before she went - ######!!!!!

 

Did I mention just how wet it was outside? And quite dark too!

 

Suitably refreshed after a half term break he wonders what has been happening in the BatCave. He feels a visit is long overdue.

 

Wish it would stop raining! Dont mind the dark though!

 

BanMan has been working on a new dastardly device ... Maybe its time to put it to use.... but who to choose as the first victim???? Hmmmmmm

 

Must get the roof fixed!

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Ahhh - thank ASDA for late night shopping!

 

ASM laden with Hobknob filled carrier bags decides to walk back to the BatCave, as it is such a lovely evening.

 

The route back to the Batcave takes her past the Three Bells pub. As ASM saunters along she suddenly spots the Jestermobile (huh?) she thinks - perhaps BRW has tempted The Jester to pulse racing game of Cribbage as part of her seduction plan, the blue haired minx - perhaps BRW is trying to beguile him into forgetting the skimpy Uber/Spandex undies of the Female Inquisitor and convert him to the comfort and practicalities of the more dignified bloomer!

 

Approaching the three wheeled Jestermobile ASM notices that it is swaying rhymically and the windows are steamed up! Ahhhhhhhhh, smiles ASM perhaps the Jester has located Uberthong after all and they are renewing their alliance (ahem! :wub: ).

 

ASM stands beside the rocking Robin Reliant (with the bad paint job), wondering whether to alert the occupants to her presence or in fact tactfully continue on to the Batcave.

 

Suddenly ASM sees a gnarled hand against the window (cue scene in Titanic) - the hand writes the words in the condensation "Help me!" - ASM knows this limb does not belong to either The Jester or Uberthong - whose digit is pleading for help?

 

ASM knocks on the window of van. The rocking stops and all is quiet....

 

ASM knocks again - "Errr Jester, is that you?". Suddenly the passenger door swings open and a hush puppy wearing dishevelled older gentlemen with a terrified/haunted look on his face, throws himself onto the pavement he rises to his feet as quick as his rheumatism will allow and hobbles into the sanctuary of the Three Bells for a shot of the strong stuff to steady his nerves!

 

"Albert .... come back ..." comes a gnarled voice from inside the van!

 

ASM peers inside the van to see Blue Rinse Woman - in the process of putting her dentures back in and hitching her bloomers to her chin! - the Jezebel - has she no shame?

 

Does BRW's ferocious appetite for wearers of the favoured brown footwear know no limits!

 

ASM decides to let BRW regain her composure and hopefully her dignity and carries on walking .....muttering and shaking her head at the calibre of superheros these days .... you would think someone of more mature years would serve as an example of virtue to the rest of us superheroines! This influence will bring down the good name of us superheros dragging it to the mucky side!

 

..... ASM continues back to the Batcave....

Edited by CarolJ

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......*squeeeeeaaakk!!!*.......

The door to the hallowed Batcave slowly swings open and a dusty, dishevelled figure lopes inside.....

Wheezing, this person staggers to the table and throws down a tangled snarl of wires and circuitboards, then deposits a piece of tattered fabric beside the rest of the junk now lying there.....This cloth is emblazoned with the motto-" Big Nick's Computer Fix", and is stained with the terrified perspiration of the computer technician whose body it was ripped from....

The figure staggers to the sofa, stopping only to look bemusedly at the pouufe that has appeared in her absence, and to finger the crocheted chair cosy with distaste.......

She sinks into the chair, wearied by her battle with that blasted computer guy....that'll teach him to leave her without access to the Batcave for weeks on end!! She grins hugely in a manic way, remembering how the man had cowered before her, blubbering his promise to actually fix the PC WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD next time!!!...mwah ha ha.....

For THE CAPED CONFUSER (read that in a Roger Ramjet style voice, if you please!!) has returned!!!!

...cue wild cheering and thunderous applause.....

The Caped Confuser rottles around down the back of the sofa, and tears of joy spring to her eyes as she pulls out her trusty light sabre!!! She flicks the switch...and tuts in annoyance as only a feeble glow emits...That bloomin' ASM!! She must have borrowed it again!!!!! Still, the whole Hob-Nob she had found tucked down the side of the sofa more than made up for it!!

The Caped Confuser picks off the worst of the lint and a few rather sorry stray sequins before stuffing the entire biccy in her mouth....

Instantly, the powerful Superguy staple re-energises The Caped Confuser (sorta like a Scooby Snack...)

Just then, ASM staggers in, groaning under the strain of biscuits, elastic, tea bags and pvc repair kits (not to mention the jumbo bottle of talcum powder! How thoughtful ASM is!) and stops stock still....

The shopping bags drop to the floor and split, spilling their contents everywhere as ASM shrieks in joyful recognition....

"Stuttering Statements!!!It's you!! We thought the Dark LEAORD had got you!!"

"Never, fellow superchick!" beams CC, scooping up the scattered sustenance.

Suddenly, the Caped Confuser stops dead in her tracks to the kettle, head cocked, ears pricked in alarm....

"What is it, Confuser?" asks ASM. "The doily's bad, I know, and the loo roll cover defies description, but..."

"Hush! My Cape's picking up something...my built-in fiendish enemy radar, don'cha know.....It's HIM.."she whispers in nervous awe...

ASM's mouth drops open..(ignore the mushy hob-nob that splats to the floor, please, we'll look past her deplorable table manners...) and her hands rise to clutch at her face...

"Not....HIM?" she quavers....

"Yes...BAN-MAN....he's up to something....it's such a WET and DARK night.....something's afoot!" said CC, voice wobbling in fear as she tries not to wet her cossie...PVC is a pain to clean, you know.....

The pair totter off to await the arrival of the other good guys, clicking on the kettle as they go, and sit on the pouffe as they ponder Ban Man's fiendish intentions...

As we laeve them, ASM's voice pipes up....

"A foot, though? What's he going to do to us with a foot?"

The Caped Confuser groans.."Never mind, ASM, never mind..."

What is that Ban Man up to???

Will BRW ever manage to get the Jestermobile's tweed upholstery clean again?

Will she ever manage to remove that stray bell she encountered during her passioate clinch with Albert?

Tune in next time!! :bat:

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The return of Caped Confuser!!!!!!!! Delete Woman can smell the Batcave filling up again! :wacko:

 

Delete Woman reviews the graffitti on the cave wall written by the likes of ASM woman, Ban Man, The Jester, and all their fellow hoodlums. :shame:

 

Pondering, she rifles through her pink jump suit and pulls out,.....the little black book. :ph34r:

 

Flicking through the pages she stops at the letter 'Q',....

 

Delete Woman stares at the name of her old rival,... If only the others new of the dastardly fate DW has in store. With her fingers fumbling around on the batphone (She must take rubber gloves off next time after cleaning u-bends), she dials the number of QUOTE-THEM-OUT-OF-CONTEXT woman. :devil:

 

''Do your worst Q-T-O-O-C!!!! There are four cave walls now covered in this graffitti''.

 

QTOOC looks at the offerings and begins to edit, delete, and ultimately QUOTE THEM OUT OF CONTEXT!!!!!!

 

Delete Woman settles on the pouufe with a satisfied grin on her face. Nibbling the last of the hob-nobs, she wonders whether Caped Confuser will realise the truth behind her recent incarceration. Does it matter whether CC was Banned or Deleted?! For those two superheroes, BanMan and Delete woman work together on the slightly mucky, and now WET and DARK side. They are willing to share the glory!!!!

 

Mwahahahaha,......

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Blue-Rinse Woman climbs out of the Jest-Mobile as delicately as her giant bloomers and wrinkly stockings will allow. Observant viewers may notice that she appears to be somewhat...er...bow-legged. :fight:

 

The Cave appears to be empty. With any luck the scrumptious Jester won't notice his precious vehicle has been borrowed. :ph34r:

 

Drat! He's no longer lying on the floor. Oh well, at least BRW's Cribbage Night was what you might call a howling success. :wub: Even if Albert had run away in terror.

 

BRW stops and sniffs the air. Amid her new lavender scent and fragrant 'old lady odour' there is something else. Robbie-droppings! :devil: Ban-Man must be somewhere nearby. What devilish dastardly doings did he have in mind??? :bat:

 

BRW daydreams for a moment. At her age she wasn't too particular about who was dishing out those devilish dastardly doings, as long as he had snug-fitting superhero tights....... :pray:

 

Time to get back to the BRW commode to recharge her......superpowers! :ninja:

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The Caped Confuser sits up groggily and shakes her head as if to clear it. Had ASM laced their tea with Jester's patented and potent brew? The last she could remember was thinking she had heard someone shuffling into the Bat-Bog, and then....darkness descended. She staggers to her feet and scans the Batcave, and gasps in horror!!!! :o

ASM is lying beside the sagging pouffe, a cooling cuppa spilled on the floor beside her motionless, outstretched hand!!! :unsure:

Jester is sprawled beside the door, having obviously been rendered unconscious immediately upon entering..... :unsure:

Cautiously, The Caped Confuser wobbles over to Jester, who is showing signs of coming round.....he is trying to talk through the stupour....

"mumble wumble..."

CC shrugs...this sort of thing is not uncommon with Jester after a testing day of teaching......

CC deduces that an assailant has entered these hallowed halls, and goes out to check the coast is clear, though only once she has armed herself with a handy LITTLE TYKES transporter (she has heard these make rather fair offensive weapons in the hands of ASD children!!) but all is quiet.

Puzzled, she re-enters the Batcave, when her nose is assaulted by an evil stench!!! The source of her recent befuddlement becomes instantly obvious!!!!

Retching and clamping a hand over her nose, she looks in the direction of the Bat-Bog. A click heralds the unfastening of the bolt and the door opens slowly, spilling an ever widening wedge of light into the gloom.....

A red-faced Blue-Rinse Woman stands sheepishly in the doorway, surrounded in light and a strange, greenish vapour....

"Whoops, call of nature!" she chuckles weakly..."Not really used to that much physical exercise in cramped conditions!!...hem hem..."

At this point, ASM hauls herself to a sitting position and glares at BRW. Not only will her mind be forever tainted by the image of poor Albert's lucky escape, but she feels she'll never rid her nose of this ghastly scent. As long as Ban-Man and DW never think to bottle it as a weapon, they'd be alright!! Before ASM can let fly her rage, quick-thinking BRW speaks up.

"That wascally wabbit has been here! With DW in tow- they're up to something, we need a plan!"

The others, including a now conscious Jester, gasp as one! Satisfied with her superior diversionary tactics, BRW discreetly uncaps a trusty room-freshener, tosses it into the now dangerous bathroom and slams the door shut behind her. The trio rush to the Bat-Phone, intent on alerting the whole gang to the present Red Alert, when the Early Morning newspaper is stuffed through the letterbox. Smoothing out the wrinkles and tears as best he can, Jester scans the paper and curses aloud...

"Curses!" he says..."DW is behind this!!" Shaking with rage he passes the paper around.

"QTOOC Woman! She's at it again!!" howls ASM!

"Right! To the Bat Phone! It's all hands on deck!" bellows The Caped Confuser!

"They've done it this time! This is too much, even from Delete Woman and Ban Man!!" growls Blue Rinse Woman, shaking with rage so profusely that her super strength setting lotion threatens to crumble.......

What will our Super-Chums do?

Will no-one ever invent a poop-scoop for bunnies?

Will the Bat Bog ever be accessible without breathing apparatus again?

And would someone please tell us what's happened to The Female Inquisitor????

DUN-DUN-DERRRRRR!!!!

Edited by pookie170

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(To the tune or Wonder Woman...) :bat:

 

Yes folks, she's back!!

 

It's the Female Inquisitor!! AKA Samwise Uberthong, and (latterly) Jezebel Woman (long story, ask Jester).

 

And this time she's wearing sparkly shoes and 3 chiffon hankies...for she has discovered Salsa classes!!!

 

Now there is no hiding place for Delete Woman, Ban Man and their new sidekick, QTOOC Woman!!

 

With her 'mambos' and her 'suzie-qs' (don't ask), the Female Inquisitor will route the forces of the Dark Leaord in a whirlwind of bottom-wiggling and smouldering Latino looks!!

 

Be afraid, be very afraid... :ph34r:

 

Oooh, where's my new CD of all-time Salsa favourites gone?

 

And what's all this about that trollopy Blue Rinse Woman being after my Jester? She doesn't stand a chance, not with my new diamante stick-ons in interesting places!!

 

This Bat Cave is an absolute disgrace! And who did something obscene to my crocheted lady loo roll cover?!

 

Honestly, I just have to go away for a few days and the whole place ends up looking like Auriel's bedroom... :devil:

 

Sigh, this is like an episode of 'How Clean is Your Bat Cave'...

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The Jester :) rises from his most recent collapse ...rendered unconscious by the noxious vapours from 'The Fume Cupboard' (formerly 'The Batloo'). :blink:

 

Has it all been a ghastly dream a la 'Dallas'? Will he discover that Female Inquisitor has NOT left him after all? Will the disturbing image of BRW's Surgical Support Super-Hero Outfit EVER leave him? :o

 

Alas no ....

 

The Female Inquisitor :wacko: has been dallying with (da da da daaaaaaah) The Slightly Mucky Side. (Gasp)

 

At a recent evening in "DunJestin" (our gracious home - soon to be in "Owdoo Chuck" the Northern version of 'Hello' magazine) we were visited by two little known superchums "Best Mate Man" and "Best Mate Man's Wife Woman" ...they were entertained royally ( with many a tug on the medicinal hip flask) when Best Mate Man foolishly let slip that he had a couple of tickets to an upcoming Corrs Gig.

 

The Female Inquisitor :wacko: was overwhelmed by the Slightly Mucky Side and was observed - at a later stage - to grasp Best Mate Man firmly by the buttocks and to call upon him to exchange his ticket for "a really big snog". :devil::shame::shame::shame::shame::shame::shame:

 

Best Mate Man's Wife Woman and The Jester have subsequently been laid low by consumption of dodgy stilton (not provided by me, but by BMMWW) during which time The Female Inquisitor has compounded her Jezebel-ish tendencies by taking up Salsa Dancing.(Getting extra use out of the sequins, she says)

 

 

All seems forgiven - Best Mate's Wife Woman seeming to hold that the 'grasp' in question removed from her the necessity of partaking of such activity herself later - whilst suffering from Stilton poisoning. The Jester has challenged Best Mate Man to a duel involving drinking pints of 'Hobgoblin' until one or other (preferably both) of us cannot stand.

 

The Jester will be REVENGED! Mid life crisis mode engaged! He can now be seen selecting "sag down right off your ###### jeans", a "No Fear" :ph34r: skateboarding top, reading magazines about sports cars and Avril Lavigne and applying bleach - in streaks - across his bald patch (GOD that hurts!!!)

 

Now all you groovy young chicks ....."How YOU Doin'???"

 

Jester :)

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The Female Inquisitor freely admits to this shameful episode, but she would like the consumption of a bottle of red wine and a third of a bottle of champagne (it was Best Mate Man's birthday) to be taken into consideration. :shame::shame:

 

Furthermore, m'lud, when the Female Inquisitor cried "Way-hey, if I give you a really big snog will you give me a Corrs ticket!!", Best Mate Man was heard to reply "Definitely!!" :devil::devil:

 

The Female Inquisitor :wacko:

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Aha

 

She's posted as me ....so I will post as her!!! Bwahahahaha :blink:

 

(Note to self - Always log out)

 

To be fair - and had I thought of it, I'd have snogged Best Mate Man and Best Mate Man's Wife Woman by that stage in the evening if I could have got a couple of Corrs tickets out of it!!! :devil:

 

I'd managed slightly more wine and champagne than The Female Inquisitor :whistle::whistle::shame::shame:

 

Jester :)

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:P Greetings fellow superheroes

 

As long as The Jester and Friend are not drinking Bishops Finger, Old Speckled Hen, Legover or other similarly oddly named ales,we'll be ok! They'll be here to fight another day!

 

WKD Breezer Woman's husband bemoans the old days of Newquay Steam Beer, when he could drink something that didn't make others snigger.

 

The Batcave? Sounds more like the Strangeways Brewery these days!

 

NOTE TO BAN MAN: I think we need a ratfaced looking smiley (was going to say p****d but such language not fit for the Bre.... I mean the Batcave)

 

Lisa

Edited by Lisajb

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Holy Batkrap, superguys!!!!! :bat:

We have a new mission!!!!!

The Caped Confuser sullied the hallowed hangout of all beings fighting in the battle for ASD rights!!!!!

She howled in distress as she stared disbelievingly at the Bat-Monitor of the Bat-PC!! (Very cool, the wings light up!!! :P )

For she had just read Nellie's post on a change in the Scottish Special Needs Educational Bill and discovered that the Record of Needs is being swapped for a sub-standard poo-yukky replacement thingy!!!!!! ( I forget what they're calling it, blame the Southern Comfort corporation for addling my brains!!)

 

To the Thomasmobile, superfolks!!!! They won't get away with this!!!! :bat:

 

 

P.S. Jester and Female Inquisitor!!!!! :shame: Tut tut! As if Blue Rinse Woman wasn't enough, you two go and get all......flimpified....too!!!! For shame!!!! :lol:

Enough with the Avril Latrine nonsense, Jester! I think BRW prefers you with leather elbows on your tweed coat!!!! :lol:

:D:):P

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"Holy sub-standard statements!" exclaims ASM as she squeezes her way through the batkrap :oops: bat-trap door :( (need to lay off the choccie hob knobs!)

 

ASM hands the Caped Confuser two AAs (Duracell plus) as the Thomasmobile definitely is lacking in omph! and struggles to get above 5mph (going downhill with the wind behind it). This is not a vehicle any self-respecting crime fighter would want to be seen in! :bat: Being overtaken by OAPs on their zimmer frames - who then stop to let us pass! :rolleyes:

 

ASM passes a bottle of The Jester's (Cure for all Ailments) est. 2004 medicinal brew :wacko: to try and rid CC of the fugged brain induced by over indulgence of Southern Comfort. A few more million brain cells bite the dust!

 

Never fear CC has plenty of brain cells to spare - just look at the fine figure of a man that is The Jester (snigger). Well if you dont believe ask BRW - wonder if she took advantage of the Vision Express leaflets left lying cunningly around the Batcave! Incontinent pads indeed!

 

The smell of lavender water and something cant quite identify is lingering around the batloo these days, along with a few flies - its best to remain ignorant in these situations!

 

ASM jumps (well sorta falls) into the Thomasmobile, the suspension groans under the weighty might of the femme fatale - this may cause the Thomasmobile to go round in circles or perhaps travel on two wheels!

 

Off to the off licence for a "carry out" - we need to discuss how to approach this attrocity north of the border! I've seen Braveheart. We shall paint ourselves blue, take off our undies and expose our indignation! :wub:

 

This scene has been classified as unsuitable for viewers under the age of 15 (unless accompanied by an Adult!) You could be scarred for life :tearful: !

 

Ahem - CC - put down the light sabre and hit the gas :whistle: !

 

Up, up and away...........

 

the smell of burning rubber permeates the air as the trusty duo speed with all haste to Oddbins ...... :bat:

Edited by CarolJ

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The Oddbins sales clerk sighs and twiddles with the pen lying beside his cash register. This is not what he had envisioned himself doing at the age of 19....where was all the fun, the parties, the mee-yoo-zik? Disconsolately, he drifted over to the beer shelves, and began the laborious chore of dusting off the less- drank brands....

Task completed (people will drink ANYTHING these days ) he mooched back to the counter, lonely as a cloud. The door hadn't even twitched for an hour, the tedium was setting in and he was BORED, quite frankly. Unwisely, he chose that moment to voice his frustrations..

"WHY is there no excitement in my life?" he wailed, clutching his standard issue, trying to be funky but failing, oddbins logo emblazoned Oddbins Staff Baseball Cap.......

 

*KERTHWAP!!!!!!*

 

The door slammed open and hung sadly by its last remaining hinge as a lycra and sequin festooned pair of women burst through the door.....

Biting the visor of his cap in sheer terror, the clerk scoots backwards until he comes to rest against the tequila......

He notices, as he cowers before the nightmarish vision before him, that one of the harpies has a light sabre in her hand....'My God!' He thought, 'What does she intend to do to me with THAT??!!??' Then he spys the spangly G-Strings that form part of their outfits...he just has time to reflect that these things should only be sold to supermodels before the pair advance towards him, and he curls into a foetal position on the floor from abject terror....

"ASM- what's wrong with him?" he hears one drawl..

"Get up, laddie-o!" squeaks the other..."Damn! I've tumble-dried this G-string too long again, CC!" she goes on. The clerk hears the squealing of overstretched rubber being adjusted..."Ah, that's better!!...Would you PLEASE get up? We are in dire need here!" the voice goes on.

Cowering, the clerk peers out from the duster he had clamped over his head...

They're still there alright, but he sees they have scooped up armfuls of spirits and a few bottles of amusingly-named beers....

"Come on! We're on a mission here!!" bellows the one with the light sabre. Her mascara has run, leaving onlookers with the impression that a giant panda with a taste for dressing like a drag queen has just emerged for a Star Wars convention- that would explain the light sabre anyway!

"A...a...mission?" he manages to whisper....

"Yup, correct, now will you serve us or not?" says G-string.

He looks at the pair of them as he gets to his feet and totters to the till in shock. If he didn't know better, he'd have said they were trying to look like wonder woman or something. He had to suppress a hysterical giggle as he had a vision of Grotbags, the witch he'd watched on telly as a nipper, dressed in a catsuit and cackling off into the night sky,cape fluttering.....that was what this pair reminded him of....(Indeed, he was closer to the truth than he would ever know!)

The clerk was further amazed when Light-Sabre rummages about in her costume muttering about money...(he closed his eyes at that point, his has a weak stomach..) but receives the fright of his life when he opens them, as he is confronted with a close up of one of the 'ladies', puckering up at him.....

(He has a weak bladder too, it turns out....)

Ignoring the now damp polyester uniform, Light Sabre gives him a huge peck on the cheek before the duo gather up their alcoholic purchases and head for the door. Again, a gigantic struggle ensues as they try to get through the complaining doorway as one, but something gives and they spill out to their waiting vehicle.

It appears to be a working Thomas the Tank model, the clerk notices with surprise...

They climb in, doors slam and suddenly, the train fires up like the batmobile, thrusters thrusting, jetpacks jetting, nitous flames....flaming and they rocket off into the night.

The clerk feels faintness wash over him and sinks floorwards as the door gives in and becomes just as unhinged as his last customers.....As consciousness flees, he hears an exclamatory voice in the distance..

"Holy SEN'S! They can tak' oor funding, but they cannae tak' oor FREEDOM!!!...well, alcohol, any road..."

And with that, he passes out as our caped crusaders zoom back to the batcave and a night of oblivion.......

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Singing a cheery song - something about having been a wild rover - two unlikely figures stagger down the road. It is The Jester and Best Mate Man now reuinited in ale and song after a few rousing choruses of 'Donald, where's yer troooosers?'

 

The Jester looks blearily at his chum "Whatchyahad??" he burbles.

 

"A Hobgoblin, A Waggledance, London Pride, Riggwelter and a Latchlifter"

 

There is a delicate eructation. (Belch, to us) :oops:

 

"Par'm me....howboutyou?" slurs Best Mate Man (another stalwart of the Education System: of COURSE your children are safe with us)

 

The Jester wrinkles his brow (no mean feat given A} the alcohol and B} the wrinkles already there)

 

"I've had a Bishop's Finger, a Dog, A Speckled Hen, A Bombadier, a Spitfire and a Burst Of Wind". He grimaces "Oh yeah ... and several beers"

 

Hazily, they move on.

 

"Hey ASM woman and CC ... where's the party?" :dance:

 

Should The Jester look for the party or should he return to the homestead where The Female Inquisitor :wacko: is stood before the full length mirror clad only in three silk hankies, four sequins and hairspray? Can his aged arteries COPE with a smouldering look? Should he seek, instead, the soothing balm of BRW's Lavender Bag of Tricks? If he does, will The Female Inquisitor :wacko: find solace (once more) in the easily grasped buttocks of the (once more) inebriated Best Mate Man?

 

Tune in next week, Superchums...

 

 

 

Jester :)

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Blue-Rinse Woman zooms into the Bat Cave on her revamped Super-Zimmer. The battery is running low but there are still a whole 24 hours until Pension Day. :wallbash:

 

Mmmmm! This Cave was already beginning to smell like home. She made a mental note to crochet a "DO NOT LIGHT MATCHES IN THIS VICINITY" sign for the Bat-Loo. She surreptitiously reached down the back of her bloomers for a hasty scratch. :wub: Someone had been skimping on the Bat-Wipe purchases. A girl needs at least 4-ply for a smooth finish.

 

The Cave was empty again. No doubt the other super-heroes were busy filling their faces with Hobnobs and Olde Peculiar. Sigh.... Youngsters of today just had no self-discipline. Snogs for Corrs tickets indeed. In her day they had lined up politely for a glimpse of handsome Max Bygraves. Later she had felt that same shiver of excitement when listening to Terry "Manly" Wogan crooning "The Floral Dance".... :hypno:

 

Now where were those masculine tights-fillers Ban Man and Jester? She would need a plan to lure them in to her wrinkled clutches..... :bat:

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Methinks that BRW is DEFINITELY on the Slightly Mucky Side-shameless!!!! :shame:

 

At this very moment in time, just as BRW is contemplating her Senior Citizen Smuttiness, ASM Woman, The Jester, Best Mate Man and The Caped Confuser wobble through the door, hiccuping and murdering "Bohemian Rhapsody" as they stagger to the sofa....

Several hissing noises erupt as bottles of "Old Peculiar" are uncapped and CC's rear end softly joins in.

They have not noticed the insatiable Blue Rinse Woman in the shadows....

BRW gave silent thanks that she had run out of her lavender sachet earlier that day, the normal litre or so that she doused herself with would no doubt have alerted the male totty to her presence, and she did not want the scrumptious Jester having time to make good his escape again!

Hopefully, the alcohol had dulled their senses enough so that they wouldn't hear her knitting needles whirr into action.....a rather big net was the order of the day!!!!

 

Will The Jester and new recruit Best Mate Man succumb to the succubus that is Blue Rinse Woman?

Or will BRW's reluctance to use the Vision Express vouchers ASM left for her mean she reels in the ladies instead?

Or will BRW be sidetracked by the 'lovely' Terry Wogan guesting on Top Gear, which is currently flickering on the Bat-Telly??? :hypno:

Tune in next time!!!! :bat:

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Hi SuperChums - stepping out of the phone booth as Everyday Jester, not Superhero "The Jester", I must share the following...

 

In a discussion this evening with good lady wife (in her Bid <pow!> outfit) I described an Autism Professional we are involved with as "A eunuch in a harem" because they have no ASD kids of their own.

 

It transpires (from her look) that this is not the common phrase I believed, but I thought it best to air it here rather than go straight to 'Jargon Buster'!! ;)

 

The Eunuch in the Harem - is surrounded by it; sees it done all day every day, could tell you about every possible way it has been done and could suggest several ways it hasn't been done yet BUT HAS NEVER DONE IT HIMSELF. :devil:

 

'nuff said

 

Jester :)

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In a discussion this evening with good lady wife (in her Bid <pow!> outfit) I described an Autism Professional we are involved with as "A eunuch in a harem" because they have no ASD kids of their own.

 

The Eunuch in the Harem - is surrounded by it; sees it done all day every day, could tell you about every possible way it has been done and could suggest several ways it hasn't been done yet BUT HAS NEVER DONE IT HIMSELF. :devil:

:lol::lol::lol::thumbs:

 

Helen

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Hola Superchums!

 

It has finally happened! The Female Inquisitor :wacko: has had her Salsa lessons and the associated prancing around in but a few silk wisps and a diamante stick-on or two (plus 200 lbs of industrial strength hair spray) has awakened something in The Jester's soul. :unsure:

 

Locked in a darkened room for days, muttering darkly but being force-fed a diet of Doritos, Tabasco and endless re-runs of 'Dirty Dancing', The Jester now believes himself to be a worthy dance partner for (as she is now known) "El Inquisitandra Feminina" :wacko: . If J-Lo is 'La Guitarra' (due to her shapely rear) then I am "El Doublo Basso" :huh:

 

Bursting from the Bat-TV room in slashed silk shirt, high-waisted skin tight Bolero trousers and cuban heels, El Jestro gives the associated Superheroines a furious burst on the castanets :blink: The manly bulge of his medicinal hip flask is clearly outlined for all to see.

 

Caramba!

 

"Let Ban-Man :shame: and his shorts try to compete with THIS!" he cries.

 

He sketches a low and florid bow ...but NO!!! What is that ghastly ripping noise from his rear end?? :oops:

 

For once - NOT a second-hand 'Bombay Bad Boy' Pot Noodle, but the forces of Newtonian Physics at work. No mere trouser can contain that amount of heaving posterior AND cope with the forces exerted by a sudden change in direction of the dissipated beer-gut above. Covered in embarassment (and little else) he retreats with a wan and sickly smile to the darkened safety of the Bat-TV room again. Patrick Swayze never had this bother. :angry:

 

Be glad El Jestro did not opt to 'Go commando' :ph34r:

 

Perhaps he should try a waltz or foxtrot? Or would BRW be even further inflamed?

 

Tune in next time for "Come Dancing - The Pro-Celebrity-Superhero Challenge"

 

Jester :)

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Perhaps we should dub 'El Jestro' with another alias-'La Cucaracha'!! :P

Though I could see the outfit (cockroach...mucho padding senor, but on the up side,cute deely-boppers!!) involved would rather compromise his agility...not a good situation for him with BRW around!!

The entire Bat-Cave, as one, thank you, El Jestro for saving us from the commando stuation, though BRW might not agree, I think!

And thank you for reminding us of another arch-enemy in our battles..

The-Eunuch-In-A-Harem!! Very annoying creature, that one! I shall duly paste TEIAH's name and picture into our growing file of offenders!

If I can find it under the mountain of hob-nob wrappers that is!!

*sigh*

I suppose I'll pull on the Bat-Pinny and marigolds and have a bash at tidying up....

If I could only figure out how to switch the hoover on (Unidentified Domestic Object in my realm!) we'd be cooking with gas!!!

Well, heating up really...cooking's not my strong point either!!! :tearful:

 

x

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