Jericho Report post Posted July 18, 2004 Blue-Rinse Woman sniffs the air. Ahhhh! Burning tights. Yes, it seems that the young whippersnapper Jesty was once more on the trail of his beloved Female Inquisitor. Never mind. This week she had been getting her Horlicks and other ahem 'comforts' from Amorous Arthur. She'd found this hunk of follicly-challenged man at the Knit-A-Thon (which was indeed in honour of the NAS ). Arthur had been lurking with the rest of the Grey Rebels - the gang of non-conformists who had chosen to crochet rather than knit. BRW shuffled over to the kitchen cupboards in search of Hob Nobs, pausing only to hitch up her bloomers from her delicately wrinkled ankles. Instead of her usual nibblies she discovered that SOMEONE had tried to save money by buying inferior biscuits! Even worse, they had tried to stuff them into an empty Hob Nobs packet - presumably in an effort to mask this deception! Who would dare deprive the Bat Cave visitors of the humble HobNob???? BRW needed time to think. Gathering up her copy of the People's Friend she headed for the Bat Loo. At her age she really ought to know better than to eat dodgy curries, but Arthur had been so insistent..... She stuck the "No Naked Flames In This Vicinity" notice on the Bat Loo door and headed inside to ponder........ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 18, 2004 (edited) The Caped Confuser is not responsible for the cheapy biccies this time!!!! ASM taught her well in the ways of the GEDIs ........... Generic Eatables Dismissal Intelligence squad...... Come to think of it, its quite fitting as ASM does rather resemble Yoda.....must be the wrinkles and green complexion from drinking too much of Jester's special mix!!! So the Jester is off once more in hot pursuit of his inamorata, the Female Inquisitor, hey? CC chuckles as she notices he has neglected to don his tweed trews in his rush to find her...He has leapt off into the night wearing only a pair of BRW's spare bloomers, which the rest of the Batcave had jokingly dressed him in while he snoozed!! Will he realise and return to correct the situation?? Or will he carry on regardless, maddened by his quest to find Cinderella Inquisitor and save his marriage?? Edited July 18, 2004 by pookie170 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted July 19, 2004 ASM, having been gone for quite a while is en-route back to the sanctuary of the Batcave laden with carrier bags full of hobknobs to replenish the depleted supply in the batcave (inferior biccies indeed pwah!) - have even stretched to choccie hob-knobs as extra special treat to welcome new additions to the ever bludeoning ranks of the superheros! - by way of celebration. ASM would have gotten back last week except the stupid cheap Asda carrier bags kept splitting and ASM had to stop at various shops along the way to buy odds and ends just to get carrier bag (got some strange looks asking for carrier bag when buying a pack of polos!), so far have Oxfam Bag (1 pair of striped laced trimmed bloomers - Property of BRW written on label), Anne Summers bag (heh heh heh - wont tell u what I bought in there!), Harrods bag (ASM has class - bought air freshner to try to combat the rather nasty niffs that are eminating from the Batloo these days curtesy of BRW - thought about scented candles but decided not to risk any naked flames - any resulting explosion could wipe out everything within a 5 mile radius of the Batcave - would save BM and DW a job though!!), Gadget shop (2 AA batteries - for the Caped Confuser!)! As ASM struggles past a building site she hears a series of wolf whistle, ASM, turns, fixing the beer-bellied sweaty workforce with her most dazzling colgately "ting" smile, (thinking wah hay) - only to realise that in fact the Jester has just passed her wearing a pair of BRW's bloomers! Question: Has The Jester taken to crossing-dressing? Was the tweeded garb of a humble educator by day and the figure hugging revaling spandex of a superhero by night not enough for the once proud Jester? Is he suffering from a mid-life crisis? Or has he been overdoing it The Brew yet again and is having one of his turns? At least he could had offered to help me carry these bags fumed ASM, continuing her way back to the Batcave........ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 20, 2004 (edited) Dishevelled, peching, and sporting unsightly sweat patches under the arms of her cossie, ASM shoulders the door of the Batcave open but is met, to her great puzzlement, by total darkness and silence..... 'Had the rest of the superfolk given up, due to her unusual absence from the Batcave?' she thought..... Reaching out, ASM flicks on the lights..... "SUR-PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!" the various members of the Batcave spring out from behind the sofa, under the table.....and in poor Captain Commando's case, from inside the cupboard, which he had been manhandled into by the voracious BRW!!!! (He looks rather pale, nervous and disorientated, frankly...... ) ASM shrieks loudly!!! (A talent honed through dealing with her children..& hubby!) ASM staggers backwards in her fright, (this obviously has nothing to do with her little visit to The Cosmic Warthog pub, four streets away......obviously....) She stands, startled, clutching her chest and trying to catch her breath..... 'Jester spotted you coming this way and radioed in to tell us of your return, ASM!' trills De-Mystification Woman. 'So we've thrown you a party in celebration...' 'It's a bit slapdash, but there wasn't much time....but we did quite well under the circumstances, don't you think?' chirps the Caped Confuser. 'Chargirl has brewed an urn of super-tea....with some of Jester's special mix thrown in...' 'GitaGal dug out some nibbles, StunMum nipped down the bakery for a cake, the rest of 'em put up the decorations and I...well, I speed-knitted you this steering wheel cosy for the Thomasmobile....' pipes BRW....'Mind you, we've given you such a shock, perhaps this would be more useful!!' she adds, chuckling as she tosses an incontinence pad to the flabbergasted ASM.... ASM allows them to steer her towards the kitchen for a special cuppa, the music goes on and the gaiety commences..... She just hopes the cookies being passed around are NOT the ones she's thinking of.... WELCOME BACK ASM!!!!!!! <'> Edited July 20, 2004 by pookie170 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lisajb Report post Posted July 20, 2004 Ann Summers? Buzz Buzz Buzz - I wonder why she does? Bet you bought a Rampant Robbie! AArrgghhh! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ban Man has finger fiendishly poised over the Ban Button WKD Breezer Woman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted July 21, 2004 BRW lurches through the Bat-Cave, still feeling a little worse for wear after the surprise party. Thankfully the Bat-Bathroom was empty. A quick dab of denture fixative and a spray of lavender water and she was back to her ladylike self. She could hear a faint buzzing noise from one of ASM's bag but didn't like to investigate the matter further. Now that the inferior biscuits had been ejected from the Bat-Cave she had a new mission in mind. Her beloved Jesty still hadn't returned her famous 'pulling-pants'. Was he keeping them as a souvenir of BRW and her wrinkly ways? Were they stuck to the ceiling in some dark corner of the Bat-Cave? Had Ban-Man taken them as a handy marquee for Robbie? She would soon find out..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 21, 2004 (edited) The Caped Confuser, meanwhile, shuffles slowly towards the carrier bags that had lain forgotten since the start of the party......perhaps ASM had kindly purchased some painkillers, and her throbbing headache would soon be a thing of the past... Moving extremely gingerly, she starts to put the provisions away, when suddenly her eyes light up!! "AA BATTERIES!" she crows in delight, morning after syndrome quickly forgotten. "At last, I can power up the old Lightsabre!! I haven't been able to play with it for ages!!...This is gonna be FUN!!" She twirls round and grabs the Lightsabre, and is confronted by the rest of the Batcave... They are standing around, gaping at her, stunned and slack-jawed. "It's for my lightsabre!! Honest!!" she squeaks, reddening swiftly. She starts to move toward the sofa, meaning to get on with her task, and realises the others are still watching her in unnerving silence... Someone sniggers.......... CC is overcome by unaccustomed embarrassment...she dashes to the Batloo and slams the door. The Batcave descends into gales of laughter once more.... (Come back Jester, we need supervision!!!) Edited July 21, 2004 by pookie170 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doubletrouble Report post Posted July 22, 2004 I love it!! This Batcave site is fantatstis!! I can just picture ASM batmans running wild and setting the lives of others straight!! Can I join in this fun? Please, Please, I am very handy at rugby tackles and would look really scary in leotard and tights, people would probasbly charge the opposite way!! And bat lights and handheld Thomas, count me in, except in my case it would have to be handheld army bits!!! You guys sound great keep up the superhero plan!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted July 22, 2004 Blue-Rinse Woman fires up her Super-Zimmer and heads to the entrance of the Bat-Cave. What is this? (She really should have gone to Specsavers). A new visitor to the Bat-Cave! At last! Someone else to join in with the Hob-Nob eating and Horlicks-drinking. Maybe even someone else that BRW could blame for the toxic fumes seeping from the Bat-Loo. BRW extends a wrinkly hand. "Come on in, my dear. What would you like your superhero name to be?" BRW shows the newest Bat-Cave resident where she can change into her brand new leotard and tights, before retiring to the Bat-Loo with a copy of the new Stannah catalogue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 23, 2004 "Come on in, my dear. What would you like your superhero name to be?" Hmm...muses The Caped Confuser, as she greets the beaming newcomer..... 'She says she's good at rugby tackles.....perhaps something in that vein?' 'Let me see...' she ponders......'Scrum-Half Stunner??.....maybe....TRY or Die girl?....definitly not......' The Caped Confuser scratches her head as she thinks hard. (Ignore the falling dandruff and squeaking of cogs turning, please!!) "Scrum....try..." she wonders aloud..."Aha! I know!! Hook-!!....." CC realises what she was about to say, swiftly shuts up and signals for CharGirl to serve a cuppa.... "Ahem...I think we'll leave the name choice to you, pet!!" she says, then buries her embarrassment in a mug of tea!! Welcome to the Batcave!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doubletrouble Report post Posted July 24, 2004 Deep in the steaming, windy cave I took with gratitude my cup of tea, feeling no embarrasment I might add about the reference made to the HOOK**!! sugestion!!! I am sure the lurgy ridden LEA have many a name for me. Slolwly I pondered, then with excitment I lept up. KPOW The cave shudderred and rocked as my secret weapom burst forth Apologies!! slightly overexcited Now fully aware attention had been got although capes had been wrapped around noses I announced Just call me.....Rocket Woman!!! I looked around worried and apprehensive, would this name be acceptable, was it zany enough to join this elite clan of caped warriors?? I disappered into depths of the cave, pulling my leotard on, then off once I realised the pain it had caused was due to trying to fit into it the wrong way!!! I proudly pulled my tights up and then realised they should have gone on first. Eventually with much falling over, squeezing, jumping and breathing in, I was prepared. The mist in the cave appeared to have lifted, I heard magazines being dropped and yes that was definately the bat loo door being opened....oh yes, definately...... Dare I creep forward?? Something I have never yet mastered. Charging in where angels fear to tread is my usual battle plan. But wait from the mists I see something calling me forward? Is it a cape? A banner? No wait, far me important a large jar of horlicks has been brought in!!! Does this mean I will be initiated? Will I be allowed to receive the ASM label across my chest? I wait in bated breath, hoping the rest of me stays silent as well. If Rocketwoman fails, I remember a former nickname when I was younger "Mighty Mouse", hey you have to get through peoples legs somehow!!! I suddenly wondered if this would have been more appropriate? I wait nervously before the council, my cape blowing somewhat noticeably in the cave, as I wait for the verdict!!!!! That horlicks sure looks goood!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Helen Report post Posted July 24, 2004 (edited) I am sure the lurgy ridden LEA have many a name for me. Doubletrouble you'll be accepted alright! - by reading from your above post, you meet the criteria - you sound potty like the rest of us... umm.. errr.. I mean like THEM!! Slightly going away from the batcave for the moment, I had to laugh at the above quote; in one particular private meeting with the senior LEA officer whom I'm presently dealing with, I got on his nerves so much he lost his cool with me, he called me a 'Malicious Mum' That's quite mild in comparision to what I've uttered under my breath about the LEA Back to the batcave.... Helen & Helen Plc. Edited July 24, 2004 by Helen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted July 24, 2004 Blue-Rinse Woman exits the Bat-Loo carefully. "They'll be harpooning that one off the coast of Norway tomorrow," she cackled as the flush finished. She'd run out of paper halfway through the job and so the Stannah catalogue had been sacrificed in the name of clean bloomers. Through the green gases seeping from under the door to the Bat-Loo she could see a shadowy figure. It was Rocketwoman and a mug of Horlicks. As BRW got closer she saw Rocketwoman lift one leg before ejecting a 'rocket' of her own. At last! A kindred spirit prepared to lower the tone with mere bodily functions. This called for a celebratory mug of Horlicks! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 24, 2004 Oh....my.....gawd!!!!! Calling De-Mysification woman!!!! Time to harness these malodourous emissions, and put them to use against that cheeky senior LEA official, currently blighting the life of our Helen!!! The Caped Confuser choked her way through the ghastly guff and managed to make a phone call before the noxious gases obliterated her consciousness.....the man promised the charcoal gas masks would arrive promptly tomorrow morning!!! Harpooned off the coast of Norway indeed!! Well done, BRW!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
doubletrouble Report post Posted July 27, 2004 I wondered what they were harponning off the coast of Norway, Rocket Woman considered thoughtfully, a very rare moment indeed for her as her three brain cells are still uniting, whilst the others have gone on a rather long vaccation- .... Rumor has it that to many veggies had been consummed over one day, causing mass evacuation!!!!.....I remember Greenpeace once getting excited as they thought they had rescued a rare mamal!!! Perhaps....... NO lets not go there!!! Do you think its viable to harpoon various members of the LEA?!!!!! we could wait in hiding, undercover of the batmobile, then charge like the light brigade and discover what green peace make of this endangered species!!! AHAA recalled RW there is many a secret weapon to confuse and bewilder the smarmy, sweaty handed LEA!!! The methods may be a bit beneath the belt.... but hey, the aroma is no worse than the garbled nonsense that comes forth from their bodily areas!!! I would have loved to try their techniques the day my son climbed into one of the stores freezers to re-align their products as they were not straight!!! The poor guy who was just merely trying to get his favourite pie got quite a shock when my sons head appeared out of the top of the freezer!!! Please pass me a hobnob, I need energy the overexplosive gasses emitting forth from here are overcoming me.....HELP!!!!.......... TNT GET THOSE MASKS HERE please...............!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted July 27, 2004 :lol: I can just imagine the shock of finding a boy's face right where the steak & kidney pies are supposed to be! Blue-Rinse Woman was alone once more. Her present to the Bat-Cave visitors was to do her business elsewhere for a few days. Unfortunately for her beau Arthur, his was the convenience of choice. He hadn't exactly ended their fledgling relationship but she supposed it would be at the top of his agenda when he finally awakened from his fume-induced coma. She had sonsoled herself by blowing her pension on a shopping spree. She had found the bargains of a lifetime: - sequinned bloomers for that all-important night out; - a fresh tube of varicose veins concealer; - one of those head-covers for the rain which always looked as though someone had attempted to shove the wearer's head into a polythene bag (an absolute MUST for a blue-rinse gal!) - New batteries for her Super-Zimmer ( and she knew EXACTLY who she would be hiding THOSE from! ) Time for Horlicks and Hob Nobs with RW Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 28, 2004 - New batteries for her Super-Zimmer ( and she knew EXACTLY who she would be hiding THOSE from! ) CC wonders who BRW is talking about?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted July 29, 2004 BRW seems to be having a senile moment and has completely forgotten who she might have been referring to...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted July 31, 2004 The batcave is divided........ On one side, huddled round the Bat-PC and glowering as they read an unfolding post on the AS site, are the heroes of the feminine persuasion..... On the other, huddled round Jester's laptop, are the blokey superdudes....and one very confused Arthur, who has just regained full consciousness, having followed BRW about in a fume-induced state of Nirvana for a few days...... 'Atomic WHaaaaaaaat???!' hisses Rocket Woman, to a round of dainty nods and scowls.... '..mumblehumpf....only jokin!!' mutters Captain Commando...... 'Mums aren't babes??Have they SEEN our cossies??' spits ASM Woman, hands on hips.... 'Can of worms, old man....' harrumphs the Jester..... 'WHUT????' bellows Arthur, feverishly fiddling with his hearing aid...... The superdudlings suddenly realise they are hosts to one very disorientated and extremely hard of hearing, bewildered BRW beau!! Battle of the sexes forgotten, CharGirl wheels out the SuperUrn for a brew, The Caped Confuser dishes out Hob-Nobs and De-Mystification Woman rouses the snoring BRW, so the Jester can finally drive the dumbfounded elderly gent home! Peace reigns once more.....(although a few practical jokes may be played upon Cap'n Commando in revenge!!!Be very afraid!!!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted August 1, 2004 Blue-Rinse Woman returns to the tranquility of the Bat Cave. The Amorous Arthur has been left behind at the Nursing Home for Randy Old Gents. As usual on a Sunday afternoon the Bat Cave appears to be empty. BRW's only 'companions' are half a can of Strongbow (no doubt left behind by one of the errant menfolk) and Captain Commando's forgotten laptop! It was her duty as a responsible Bat Cave visitor to ensure that this expensive piece of equipment was returned to its rightful owner. But what was this? The Captain had left his e-mail account open. In the wrong hands this luxury laptop could be used to send out humourous and embarrassing e-mails in the Captain's name. But who on earth would do such a thing? Would anyone be so cruelly devious as to send out an e-mail to Ban-Man and Delete-Woman announcing that he would be suing them for aggravating his piles by encouraging him to spend many an evening sitting on his 'lower cheeks' and reading the posts on their forum? Perhaps such a person would aske for a tube of anusol and a new piles-cushion by way of recompense? BRW's gnarled old fingers reached for the keyboard....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted August 1, 2004 BRW- Mistress of Subterfuge!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 3, 2004 Pedalling furiously backwards about a month... Spotted in this weeks radio times (pge 21) : Eccentric fact: Julia Darling's 2002 play about the life of the great TV cook is called Doughnuts like Fanny's. Didn't know there was a play about it! Now that's FAME. Ainsley Harriot eat you heart out... Failing that, could you just go away and never come back? What celebrities do the rest of you cave dwellers dislike intensely for no good reason? Shame on you, BRW! She's at it again, everyone! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jester Report post Posted August 3, 2004 It has been a week of holiday. In the corner of a bedroom at a secret location a foetid cocoon of rags that may - once - have been a tweed jacket and rip-resistant trousers, splits asunder to disgorge a mystery man. Patting his Brylcremed hair into a perfect Noel Coward coiffure he shrugs on a silk dressing gown and slips an unfiltered 'Senior Service' into a tortoise-shell cigarette holder. He pauses to look at the verandah, realises they don't have one and moves on. At the computer he is reminded of something his wife told him about a site she visited. It was hardly the Caribbean, Dahling, but he supposed it was time for a look. With a single raised eyebrow he enters 'The Batcave' , where - drawing delicately on his cigarette - he views what are commonly referred to as 'The Postings'. It isn't Oscar Wilde, Dahling, nor even Shaw, but it has a certain rough-hewn charm about it. He sneers condescendingly. This 'Jester' fellow seems to think a lot of himself, but when all is said and done, it's just toilet humour. At the word 'toilet' he suffers a ghastly flashback. There is something ...he cannot quite get it.....something....to do with...(he tugs on the old nicotine)....some Bolero Trousers and a vice-like grip. He has run out of Senior Service. There is naught for it, Dahling, but to avail himself of the secret stash that his good lady wife keeps in her knicker drawer. They're only 'Sobranie' but "Needs Must". Rifling through his good lady's 'Unmentionables' is as revealing as it is enjoyable. But What is This??? He espies, not the delicate lacies and cocktail cigarettes of a Gentlewoman of Good Breedin' and Gracious Livin', but rather a crumpled pack of Marlboro Lights and some form of Lurex Underpinnings whose function to him is unclear. There is a moment of self-doubt...then realisation. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am not a sophisticated man-about-town and occasional educator of gentrified wee-folk. I am THE JESTER { } And -apparently - I'm BACK! Jester Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted August 3, 2004 Yaay!!! Why is CC reminded not of Noel Coward here, but Dale Winton??? (Heh heh!! ) CC shudders as she ponders the likliehood of The Jester and Captain Commando doing a double act......people would likely die from oxygen deprivation through laughing too hard!! The Caped Confuser resists temptation to join in BRW's naughtiness this time. As much fun as enlightening Eminem-Burberry's parents to their progeny's faults was, she has learned her lesson well....... Mind you, a couple of whispered suggestions wouldn't really count, would they??? But alas!! Her chance has passed!! The Jester has just returned from his...sabbatical....BRW spotted him appraoching on the Bat Sonar and has shuffled off to the BatLoo, laptop in hand!! Drats!! Oh, well......CC is positive BRW will be rumbled again, at least she'll get the juicy goss.! Cracking open a jumbo keg of beer (Hobgoblin....yum!) she settles on the sofa in anticipation....... Skaal, everyone!! Esther x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 4, 2004 Why is CC reminded not of Noel Coward here, but Dale Winton??? Ooooohhhhh, below the belt!!! (That said, I don't think "dear old Nolly" would have minded the comparison too much, being somewhat light on the carpet himself.) As my own posts make the Chuckle Brothers look sophisticated, I'll leave the Jester bashing (though I am now keen to know if he has bright orange skin to match those fruits he's juggling) to our scottish contingent. Thinking about it, don't know why i bothered typing this in the first place - It'll probably only get 'accidentally' deleted... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted August 4, 2004 CC chuckles evilly......her slightly mucky side at work is a glorious thing to behold!! Accidentally deleted...it's true, I tell you, it's true!!!! Ooooo....I'm off to hide me face behind a hob nob!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted August 8, 2004 Celebrities I dislike intensely for no good reason? Hmmmm...How long have you got? <<pauses momentarily while someone thinks of a smutty reply>> Craig Charles would have to be somewhere near the top of the list. That voice! That face! (Actually those are two very good reasons! ) Dale Winton. Sorry Dale but you give off 'Hate me!' vibes. Richard Whiteley - I know he means well but I'd better stop now or I could be here all day. Blue Rinse Woman scowled as she returned the Captain's laptop to the table where she had found it. Just as she had prepared to send an e-mail to the local branch of the Knitters Union, inviting its members to the Captain's residence for free tea and buns, the laptop's batteries had died. Either that or it had shut itself down in self-preservation from the Bat-Loo fumes. Never mind. BRW was sure that there would be yet more evil schemes to plot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted August 8, 2004 Craig Charles annoying? Dear old Lister? I must disagree with you on this one, BRW, he's a bit of totty and no mistake!! One of telly's darlings that really annoys me is that June(I think) Sarpong....her voice sounds like a rusty nail being dragged over a cheese grater!! And that little twerp, Patrick Kielty...never have I witnessed a man love himself so much for so few reasons..... But Mr Charles is rather scrummy!! The Caped Confuser apologises about the batteries.....she swopped the laptop ones for her lightsabre's....whoops! She sidles over to Banshee Girl , StunMum and Pantwoman in a bid to hide her guilt! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted August 8, 2004 (edited) CC shudders as she ponders the likliehood of The Jester and Captain Commando doing a double act......people would likely die from oxygen deprivation through laughing too hard!! Methinks a change of undies would be needed as well! Thinking of totty ASM smiles - Legolas in Lord of the Rings (Orlando Bloom) - ASM would definitely not say no -its those pointed elf ears that do it for me!! ASM quite likes the look of Crighton in Red Dwarf - is it the angles in his square head or is it the fact that he mechanical (and does not need AAs) and does the housework! - perfect! Sidling over to Banshee Girl , StunMum and Pantwoman will not cover those blushes CC Edited August 8, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 9, 2004 Now girls, calm down, calm down... This thread was about people you DON'T like, not totty. If us blokes were to do that about, say Kristinna Loken or Abi T. there'd be hell to pay... Sooo back to those we dislike, and I'm going to play my TRUMP CARD!... ADE EDMUNSON... Now i know there's a lot of people out there who have just turned puce, crying "sacrilege" or something very like that only spelled correctly. Sorry, YOU ARE ALL WRONG!!! ADE EDMUNSON is the Harry Worth of 'alternative' comedy - a one trick pony who's one trick wasn't up to much in the first place! The only thing he did get right was marrying JS, the jammy swine!! and (he wrote, anticipating neither!)... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted August 9, 2004 (edited) Legolas, eh? ASM Woman!... The Female Inquisitor slides round the Bat Cave door and brushes down her new Super Dudette costume... She hitches up her new mithril-and-spandex bikini, and throws back her 'Arwen' cloak of grey figured velvet with a flourish! To her mind, all the Rohirrim are extremely easy on the eye!! She starts to whistle the Wonder Woman tune, but still no one notices her, resplendent though she is in her all-new Tolkeiness outfit. With a petulent stamp of her newly hairy(?) foot the Female Inquisitor flounces into the Bat Kitchen for a hob nob or three...although she's not too sure about the stretchy quality of mithril... Unfortunately she disturbs the Jester still struggling into his 'Aragorn' tights...it's not nice. Sometimes she despairs of the Fellowship of the Ring Doughnut! Bid Edited August 9, 2004 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lisajb Report post Posted August 10, 2004 Legolas? (well, hubby thought he was a bit of alright, 4 he realised it was actually a BLOKE!) Aragorn for me, gimme a real man anyday, not a pretty boy! Bid, I agree, the Rohirrim make nice eye candy too! People I hate? Posh and ###### Becks, they're always in the papers, I have heard Posh n Becks ad nauseum. Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jester Report post Posted August 10, 2004 Celebrities not so far mentioned....deep breath... Dick & Dom (in da bungalow) {or, frankly anywhere except in da grave} Graham Norton Anthea Turner Amanda Holden Ant & Dec Any presenters of CBBC or CITV since that nice Michaela Strachan Demi Moore Tara Palmer-Cokeupthenose Jordan Anyone from the last government Anyone from the current government Lord Brockett James Hewitt Bobby Davro The Chuckle Brothers Angus Deyton Anyone formerly or currently married to George Best or Rod Stewart Terry Christian Chris Evans Basil Brush (do puppets count? If so Tony Blair?) Well that'll do to be going on with. I'll let you know if I think of any more. Must go now as these 'Aragorn' tights are giving me gip...do 'real' men wear tights? Jester Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jester Report post Posted August 10, 2004 (edited) oh I forgot Sven Gollum Erikson, Nancy D'ollybird and Miss Ferarri Kiss'n'tell Jester PS And Ulrikakakakaka Johnsonn Edited August 10, 2004 by Jester Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted August 10, 2004 the Rohirrim make nice eye candy too Yes, I have to agree here, I lurve blokes with long hair (something to hold on to - I would definitely "go to war" with these guys! I even thought Gandalf was tasty, (it was the hair - and yes I am not fussy!) I thought Sean Connery was lovely too, especially in Highlander! Give me a real man any day! Guys like Leonardo Di Caprio bring out the mothering instinct in me and I want to to do is give him a pack lunch, remind him to do his homework and send him off to school! Oh and Mel Gibson in Braveheart and Russel Crowe in Gladiator (okay he had short hair but he was still v tasty!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lisajb Report post Posted August 10, 2004 Russell Crowe in Gladiator! Forgot about him! Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pookie170 Report post Posted August 10, 2004 What about Brad Pitt in Troy??? Not normally a fan, but that leather tunic!!!! Grrrr....c'mere, tiger!!! Have to agree with Jester, Dick n Dom should be axed immedietely.... And Michael Winner....if I hear that man say, 'Calm down, dear, it's only a commercial!' ONE MORE TIME.......most annoying!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lisajb Report post Posted August 10, 2004 OOOOh yeah forgot about him too! that first scene when he's in the tent - corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! and his (item deleted not suitable for a family forum) and (item deleted not suitable for a family forum) and the (item deleted not suitable for a family forum) and I could have (item deleted not suitable for a family forum) sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted August 10, 2004 Sorry - I started this thread so YOU'VE GOT TO PLAY BY MY RULES OR I'M TAKING MY BALL HOME (sulk sulk)!! NO MORE EYE-CANDY!!! Jester - agree with absolutely everything you say ESPECIALLY Graham Norton (being gay doesn't make you funny... It doesn't mean you can't be funny, but it doesn't mean you are...), but think you're totally wrong about the Chuckle Brothers. To make c**p like that funny takes talent. personally, i still think one of the funniest jokes EVER is "right, when I nod my head, you hit it". I've been laughing at that since I was three and still wait for it with baited breath at every Panto I take Ben to. We actually went to see the Chuckle's live at easter in "Barry Potty and the Chamber of Horrors" - not a dry eye in the house. Laughter, not tears... PS Michaela Strachen still pops up on the "really wild show", but she's really let herself go! Now THAT will get a reaction!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolJ Report post Posted August 11, 2004 (edited) YOU'VE GOT TO PLAY BY MY RULES OR I'M TAKING MY BALL HOME BD play nicely now! Didnt your mum teach you how to share your playthings. Its selfish to keep your ball(s) to yourself! I have some hidden talents. I used to play two balls when I was a kid! I could do it with one-handed and clap at the same time! In fact I could do four at the same time - 2 in each hand! Used to throw the balls against the wall, singing little ditties and rhymes - sigh those were the days - carefree innocent fun! P.S. - I bet Jesty is good with balls - judging from his avatar! Edited August 11, 2004 by CarolJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
