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Note to Bad re playing with your balls

and your twanger

and playing with your friends (balls)

 

See earlier post on this thread regarding Rainbow script.

 

Hehehehehehehe :lol:

 

Lisa

Edited by Lisajb

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and playing with your friends (balls)

 

Since Jester seems to have three (five in total - ahem :wub: ) - I am sure he would not mind sharing with Bad!

Edited by CarolJ

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Craig Charles is totty????? :shame::shame: :shame:

 

Jeremy Beadle would be on my shortlist for a "Creepy Man of the Year" award. Notice how the powers-that-be only allow him to present programmes which don't involve seeing his face too much? Even in that awful "Beadle's About" (to get a swift kick up the jacksy) he was only allowed out if he was disguised first. :rolleyes:

 

Is this where someone reveals that they think JB is also a bit of totty? :lol:

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Note to Bad re playing with your balls

and your twanger

and playing with your friends (balls)

 

See earlier post on this thread regarding Rainbow script.

 

Hehehehehehehe :lol:

 

Lisa

Now Lisa, I'll openly admit to playing with my balls, but i couldn't get the hang of the twanger at all... try as i might I could only get B Flat. On playing with my friends balls... I did once, but only 'cos mine had got frozen in the garden and wouldn't bounce properly.

 

I spent hours in the kitchen, night after night when I was about 11, tossing them around all over the place. Eventually i got to where i can keep 3 up in the air at once (That really impressed the girls, i can tell you) - my party piece - but I've never managed four...

 

Sadly, it became a bit of a fad in the early nineties - you could buy little kits and instruction books on the subject - and now my little 'ice-breaker' is considered somewhat passe.

 

I also used to open a match box with one hand, strike the match while flicking the box in the air and catch the box in my left hand while lighting my fag with the match in the right... (I can hear the whistles of admiration from here!) :whistle::whistle: I can still do it, but it looks a bit posey since i gave up smoking!!

 

One night i was so p****d, I forgot i had a pint in my left hand! I spent ten minutes looking for the "dropped" box on the dancefloor, only to choke on it when i took a long swig on my pint!

 

God, to be that young, beautiful and stupid again! (well, one out of 3 ain't bad... thought I'd get that one in first!)One day I'll tell you what I was wearing at the time, but you'll have to catch me when I'm drunk (anywhere after 8.30 pm).

 

:wub: 'n' :pray:

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The Jester :) stirs ....(I leave how to your imagination, but remember ...this is a family site.)

 

{Best Leslie Phillips voice}

 

"Hmmm, Caped Confuser....like the new avatar! Ding Dong !"

 

Jester :)

Edited by Jester

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The Caped Confuser blushes at Jester's compliment! :wub:

She's not really used to this sort of thing.......if ever a man should call out to her across the street, it's more likely to go along the lines of...

"Here, Rover, c'mon boy.....woops, sorry....erm,Miss...I think..."

:P

She is likewise impressed by Baddad's ball control skills (heh heh heh...fnar fnar!!) and his girlie-wowing party pieces....but would like to add that her own party trick is just as impressive....She proudly tosses her hair back and demonstrates.....the crowd gasps as she simultaneously flares her nostrils and makes her ears flap!!!! :oB)

As for her ball skills,she'll leave that well enough alone, thankyouverymuch....twangers too!!

As for what Cap'n Commando was wearing that fateful night of the sulphur-spiced ale....well, it can't possibly be any worse than his superhero cossie, can it??

 

She sighs, and absentmindedly flicks through the cable channels on the Bat-Telly....and as several old films appear on the screen, she ponders the words of the Cap'n.......and realises that when it comes to letting oneself 'go'..hrrumph....there are several males out there who also fit the bill ;) ....

George Best, the bartender's dream come true....

Marlon Brando, who singlehandedly kept several pasta firms out of the red...

She's just thankful that Jimmy Dean's early demise means he shall never fall foul of middle age spread and male pattern baldness.......immortally gorgeous!!

Then, suddenly, 'The Mighty Boosh' appears onscreen...her mouth pulls down in a moue of disgust and she hurriedly clicks the telly off.....another one for the 'Horribly Irritating' genre!!....

She slopes off, leaving the male superguys to practising their ball skills.... :lol:

Edited by pookie170

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Blue-Rinse Woman peers into the gloom of the Bat Cave. Had her ears deceived her or was Leslie Phillips in there somewhere? :bat:

 

She was in pensioner paradise. Lots of young men all proudly telling of their ball skills. She hadn't felt hot flushes like this since her menopausal days. :wub: It was almost as good as the dream she'd once had about meeting the entire male cast of "Last of the Summer Wine" :devil: . As this was a family-friendly area she would keep the details to herself for now but that Compo....... :dance:

 

Only 10 minutes to go until she hooked up with her new beau Clarence. Just enough time for tea and Hob Nobs....... :bat:

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ASM wonders if is Clarence (with the squint), she saw eyeing up BRW at the Three Bells last night, of perhaps he was eyeing up the Fruit Machine standing next to her?

Edited by CarolJ

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Keep yer bloomers on BRW? -

 

ASM attempts to pacify BRW, who has hitched her hot date special bloomers [with rear escape hatch for emergency ablutions] - BRW has made some modern concessions in that she done away with poppers and opted modern new fangled velcrose, with a proven track record for fast access induced by byriani's and pints of XXXX!

 

BRW fixes ASM with her most threatening - leave my man alone look or else - her bottom jaw is chewing (in true bovine fashion) and the clicking of her dentures adds to the menancing atmosphere!

 

Clarence fixes ASM and BRW with a stare (considering ASM and BRW are on opposite sides of the Batcave this is quite a feat (ref aka squint)

 

Now Now Ladies - there is no need to fight over me, there is plenty of Clarence to go round [wink wink

 

Arrrraarhhhhhh!

 

ASM fights depearately to ward of visions of this squint eyed, bald head with mandatory 3 long hairs combed around his head to attempt to give a fuller look, slipping false teeth - undressed! ASM is overcome with nausea and runs to the batloo to relieve herself of her sunday roast!

 

BRW stands triumphant on the field of battle. She turns to view her prize. Clarence fixes her a come hither stare with one eye, the other eye on the revolving door.

 

C'mere lover boy! BRW beckons with her wrinkly digit.

 

ASM would indeed be glad that she is in fact safely ensconced in the batloo, one could not witness the scene unfolding on the pouffes and scatter cushions of the batcave floor and still retain ones sanity - let along the rest of her lunch!

 

Hopefully Clarence does not prove to have the staying power of an amphibian, otherwise ASM is in for a long night!

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The Caped Confuser HAD been quite happily trundling along in her mild-mannered Mum mode, dragging two protesting children round her local supermarket, when suddenly her portable Bat-Sonar Distress Monitor started beeping.....she wished fervently she had possessed the foresight to switch the vibrate setting off, she was getting some very strange looks from fellow shoppers....CC rushed to the nearest Nappy-changing station, transformed into her superhero status and whisked the children away to the care of a relative.

Ignoring her elderly Aunt's furious protests, she zoomed straight to the Batcave, intent upon discovering the reason for the distress signal...CC burst through the door and nearly fainted in shock!!

Blue Rinse Woman, Chargirl and The Jester were huddled in a corner, trapped by the nightmare before them....

What had appeared to be a wrinkled octogenarian had trapped them, but was going through a ghastly metamorphosis process. His pruney skin split like a cocoon, but no mere butterfly was inside!! A fanged, drooling creature emerged and advanced upon the quaking superfolk!

"I am A.L.I.E.N.!!" it rasped, spraying the captives with its foul saliva... :devil:

"Alien???" squeaked BRW."Where's my Clarence, you fiend??"

"Mwah haha!! That was merely my brilliant disguise!! I knew BRW could not resist!! Your insatiable appetite for new suitors has been the downfall of your cause, foolish woman!! I am A.L.I.E.N, Arrogant Local Interfering Education Numpty....too long you lot have been a thorn in our side!! Prepare to expire!!!!"

The Caped Confuser blanched.....then espied ASM peeking round the door of the Bat-Loo.....thank God for Makaton!! she thought, as she signalled a plan to ASM.

On a silent count of three, CC leapt into battle, wielding her Lightsabre in a manner that would have made a samurai proud....ASM, had grabbed a full chemical waste cylinder from the Bat-Loo, and had shaken it vigorously...

ASM hurtled forwards, uttering a war cry as she uncapped the container...it showered the now enraged(and slightly singed from lightsabre attack :fight: ) A.L.I.E.N. with its vile contents, coutesy of BRW, and the monster shrieked in its death throes as it began to melt.....

It tried, in it's last few seconds, to retaliate with its wicked red tape lassoe, but Chargirl pelted it with Robbie-Cookies, Jester started quoting Parental Rights during Statementing documents, and BRW unleashed her Special Wepon- The Effluvience of Doom!!! :ph34r:

The overhead gas-masks dropped down and the superguys hurriedly pulled them on as they watched their defeated, melted foe trickle down the drain.....

Flicking on the new Air purifying system, BRW turned to the others...

"Well, looks like Albert's back in with a chance, then!"

"BLUE RINSE WOMAN!!" chorused her Cavemates, Scooby-Doo style.....

Cup of tea, I think.....(all in a day's work!)

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hmmnn have heard you are all a bit bonkers but having read the last few posts re: Caped Crusader I think that this is not a myth but a fact. Good to hear so many people "laugh". Had to chuckle myself. :lol:

 

Can't think of anything better than being rescued by one of you when I have problems with the LEA which no doubt I will.

 

At least I can still laugh! Mind you it has been more tears than laughter recently but hey ho life is a bit of a b***h sometimes.

 

Onwards and upwards I say! :P

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The Jester :) looks up from the many heavy tomes he has been researching on recently....

 

"Time to stop worrying, Superchums," he smiles, "for those of you who scored highly on the 'AQ' test - and 28 means NOTHING, Female Inquisitor - I have worked out that it is HIGHLY unlikely that a Superhero/Superheroine could be a Spectrum Dude, for the following reasons."

 

1) Inability to think up convincing name. EG 'By day I am mild-mannered Peter Porker...but at night I am known and feared by criminals as ... er...Peter Porker..Man".

 

2) Inability to maintain secret identity. EG "Gosh, fellow high-school cheerleading babes, WHO do you think that hunky Aspie-Man REALLY is?"

 

----(Aspie) "It's me! Oh Damn! Forget I said that!"

 

3) Inability to wear Superdude costume due to colour, texture etc.

 

4) Inability actually to LEAVE secret lair because of something fascinating on Batcomputer.

 

and

 

5) Inability to answer Batphone for same reason.

 

However ... since Superheroes appear in public wearing the sort of lycra/spandex/leather outfits only normally seen in specific types of ...er...nightclubs, and show NO sense of embarassment when they do - perhaps you CAN be an Aspie Superdude after all!

 

Jester :)

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It must be my Aspie tendencies then that drove me to wear chin-high bloomers rather than itchy spandex. Of course a score of 34 means nowt either. :lol:

 

Blue-Rinse Woman tiptoed back into the gloom of the Bat-Cave. No buzzing fluorescent lights in THIS particular dwelling. All buzzing tends to emanate from the general direction of the Caped Confuser. :dance:

 

Poor Clarence was alas no more and for the first time in her lengthy life BRW finds herself without a replacement for his significant charms. :wub: What was a girl to do? Should she go trawling for totty in the local nursing homes, or google for geriatric pin-ups on the internet? When Clarence had told her that he had exceedingly large tentacles she had been sure that her hearing-aids were malfunctioning slightly and that he had said something remarkably similar-sounding. :dance:

 

Time for a Hob-Nob and a cuppa while she pondered her manless fate......

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Ooh, dishy new avatar, Jester!!

 

HIDE FROM BRW!!!

If she sees you like that, I think the old girl might experience sensory overload!!

Ding-DONG!!! right back atcha!

 

Meanwhile, the lonesome Blue Rinse Woman employs the skills of recent Batcave Newbie, Supersec.........

She stands over Supersec, hands on hips, grinding her dentures as Supersec trawls the internet at lightning speed for a new beau or three......

BRW, in her frustration, is drinking SuperChar at a like speed, the Urn of Replenishment threatens to run dry!!

Will BRW's quest be successful?

Will Jester ever be able to leave his study again?

 

Tune in next time.......

Edited by pookie170

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Blue-Rinse woman cackles with her trademark dirty laugh at the mention of the word "dong". :whistle:

 

Her Jesty's new look almost set her bloomers on fire. Darn that Female Inquisitor for putting him under her spell! :fight: Still, she would be no match for the denture-clicking, support-tights wearing BRW!! :angry:

 

Ah! But what was this? It seemed as though Supersec had found the perfect place for BRW's quest for a new beau:

 

 

"GERIATRIC GENTS! - FOR THE LADY OF TASTE AND LEISURE!" :dance:

 

There were more wrinkly rogues than you could shake a (walking) stick at. Handsome Horace owned his own teeth, hair and car AND had full bladder and bowel control. What more could BRW possibly ask for??? :devil: She noted from his picture that Horace wasn't wearing Hushpuppies or leather elbow patches but BRW could make some minor adjustments. B)

 

The man hunt was on! :bat:

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(To the tune of 'Wonder Woman'...)

 

The Female Inquisitor :wacko: sashays into the BatCave triumphantly, wobbling slightly on her new Jimmy Choos. Her porcelain complexion has darkened to a delicate rose, and the fire of Victory sparks in her luminous eyes :blink:

 

She swirls her pashmina-######-Super Cape over her shoulder, and places one delicate foot (no longer hairy :ph34r: ) on the Bat Pouffe. The Female Inquisitor :wacko: is fresh from an encounter with The D.O.S.S.E.R.S (The Department of Social Services: Extremely Reliable Section :devil: ).

 

She strikes a pose (she has obviously been married to The Jester for far too long!) and announces...

 

"That's the last time that particular Social Worker will make the mistake of saying he 'knows how I feel'! It will take him weeks to remove my stiletto heel!!! :bat: "

 

The Female Inquisitor :wacko:

Edited by bid

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Whilst BRW cackled at the Female Inquisitor's wit and deftness of stilletto, Supersec saw her chance and escaped, cradling her bruised typing fingers as she fled for a cuppa! She spared a thought for the unsuspecting and keen Handsome Horace.......and shuddered when she recalled the profile photograph of one of BRW's other favourite contenders...'Virile Victor'....

She settled down for a reviving brew with Chargirl, Gita and Pantswoman, as ASM hobbled through the door.

The Caped Confuser helped ASM to the sofa, where she slouched, wincing and clasping her back.

'Bloomin threw me back out changing Scott....where's that Ralgex??' she grimaced.

The Batcave turned, as one, to face The Jester and The Female Inquisitor.

'Erm.....it's all gone...' mumbled F.I.

'Gone? There was almost a whole tin left....why did you need so much of it?' :blink: asked De-Mystification woman, glancing up from her research tomes.

"Err....we had a couple of sprains....y'see...well...erm..'spluttered an unusually flustered Jester....

'How'd you do that, then? Things have been quiet around here for a while...How'd you both mange to hurt yourselves?....' quizzed ASM from the confines of the sofa.

The Jester and Female Inquisitor both reddened :wub: as the other Batcavites clicked..... The Female Inquisitor had certainly upgraded her cossie in the past few days, new stillettos, wondrous uberthong....and Jeter's new image had not gone unnoticed either! And also, F.I. and Jesty had both been seen giggling over ASM's Anne Summers catalogue a few days ago....the pamphlet in question was now, strangely missing...

"SALSA CLASS!" the pair bellowed in confusion, as they fled to the refuge of Jester's office, to the amusement of their fellow superdudes. :P

The Caped Confuser grinned as they disappeared...payback for all the Lightsabre merriment!! :devil:

Edited by pookie170

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Blue-Rinse Woman made her usual Sunday afternoon pilgrimage to the Bat-Cave. It had been a long but productive couple of days. ;) Handsome Horace had been just as manly in real life. She'd even bought herself a new selection of chin-high bloomers. Her favourites were the glittery ones with "Come and get me, tiger!" emblazoned across the front and back. B):rolleyes:

 

Jesty and FI were still looking somewhat creaky as they went about their Bat-Cave business. They reminded here a little of herself before she had her 6th hip replacement. With 6 hip replacements she saw herself as a cross between Barbara Cartland and The Fly. :ph34r:

 

Still, no time to think about her tiring weekend with Horace. There was a Bat-Cave party to plan! :thumbs::thumbs::thumbs:

 

It had been almost a whole year since the virtual doors to the forum had creaked open. Soon Kris and Elefan had lured in that Wise Oracle - the ever-knowledgeable Nellie. More unsuspecting visitors had been tempted by the ever-expanding range of Smilies and tales of Roving Robbie. :P

 

Now, what should they do to mark the occasion?

 

Perhaps BRW should leap out of a birthday cake wearing a set of lycra longjohns? :devil:

 

ASM could hand out some anniversary uberthongs? :whistle:

 

Decisions decisions........ :whistle::devil:

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Two Go Down To Bognor?

 

Hi all cave dwellers-

 

Ben and I have just got back from our summer hols ? a wet, wild and windy week (beautiful alliteration, huh? ? pity I couldn?t work in a wascally wabbit or two, but Billy Butlins at Bognor boasts barely a bunny!) at the Pleasure Dome in Bognor Regis.

Soooo, after a miserable, stormy drive down (and that?s just the driver, haha) we finally arrive, and by the time we?ve hoiked our bags into our room Ben?s snapping at my heels for something to eat, so we make our way into the main hall and Burger King.

� Right, a grilled chicken salad for me, and the biggest chips you?ve got (�King Size, King Size� chants Ben, bobbing up and down like a deranged Zebedee at my side) for him�.

�Does he want nuggets or anything?� asks the girl behind the counter. �No, just chips, and a fruit shoot, and a bag of grapes please ? he?s on a special diet�?

At this point the woman next to me asks about Ben?s diet, and, yes, her son is gluten and dairy free too, and yes, he has an ASD dx!

So, we have our lunch while talking to this lady, say goodbye and walk about 10 feet to the �Toyland� section where Ben gets into the queue for �Noddy?s Cars�, where he stands behind a little boy and girl and says hello. The little boy ignores Ben completely, leans over the fence toward me and says, �I?m five ? how old are you?� �Erm, 35� I say, hoping the light?s working in my favour. �Oh�, he says, hardly seeming to register my response, �I?m Harry. When?s your birthday?�? Yes, when Mum and Dad come along they confirm that Harry has just been diagnosed with �mild Aspergers?�.

 

[incidentally, what is all this ?mild? & ?high functioning? BS? If someone?s autistic enough for it to impact on their lives then they have an autistic spectrum disorder; if it?s not impacting on their lives then they?re not likely to attract a diagnosis. The only way you can apply these sorts of distinctions is by applying non-disabled ?medical models? of ?perfection?, which aren?t relevant in the first place. Grrrrrr!! In many ways, Ben?s problems are more profound than some of his peers who are less able than him, because he has social expectations that they don?t have. Most of Ben?s problems arise because he wants to be part of things and because society wants to ?normalise? him before he is allowed in. If he wasn?t bothered about joining in, half of his problems would disappear overnight! With that said, I have every sympathy for parents who have children who are �happy within themselves�, because redefining your own goalposts is hard as hell as well. I don?t know whether I?ve made sense here, but what I?m trying to say is that autism has a profound impact at all points of the spectrum. The problems aren?t ?more? or ?less?, just ?different?. For parents, I think the hardest part is putting your own expectations aside, and phrases like ?mild? or ?high functioning? can get in the way of this. In simple terms, the goal should be ?happiness? rather than ?normality? (whatever that means!), and the pursuit of the latter can have a profound impact on the former. Sorry, soap box away now, I promise!]

 

Meanwhile, back in Bognor?

So, at this point we?ve met a total of 7 people (Four adults, 3 kids). Of the adults, none have an ASD (or any social communication problem �significant� enough to attract attention or dx, if you want to be pedantic about it!), while we have a �hit rate� of 66.6% among the kids. Include self and Ben, and those ratios get even wider?

[i?m sure Carol J will agree with me completely that there is NO evidence to suggest any increase in autism beyond that which can be adequately explained by improved diagnostics. (Titter ye not!)].

Of course, this ratio wasn?t constant throughout the holiday, but we did see enough ?twitchers? ?stimmers? and ?flappers? to highlight a general trend. If there had been that sort of percentage of undiagnosed ASD?s in the playground when I was at school, I?d remember ?em. If the diagnosis had gone elsewhere (i.e. into the horrible �ESN� criteria) there?d be a comparable drop of in other diagnostic areas. There isn?t?

 

Oh, by way of further digression, later in the week I watched a lovely mum (?) chasing her beautiful ASD son (?) (I think he was called William) through the Toyland climbing area. If she happens to use this forum, I?ll apologise directly for grinning inanely at them both through the fence. I was having one of those ?soppy moments?, after watching her stroke his hair back from his forehead at every opportunity? I do exactly the same thing to Ben. Later, I saw William?s dad (?) doing the same thing: Do many parents of ASD kids develop this ?stim? I wonder, and do they know they do it? Additionally, I was dying to look through William's Pecs book, but thought it too intrusive to ask.

 

I?ve just realised how long this post?s getting, so will attempt to summarise>

 

Things That Were Good and Bad:

 

Good: Ben went on the smaller rides.

Bad: I got annoyed ?cos he was ?scared? of the bigger rides. Bad Dad, baddad, you bully?

 

Good: Ben pulled at the disco ? a beautiful nineteen-year-old called Jilly, who works in Bar Rosso. Anyone going to Bognor later in the season say hello to her from Ben. She promised a post card ? His first holiday romance!!

Bad: The only thing I pulled was a muscle?

 

Good: Ben was beautiful and brilliant on the �dancing stage� machine.

Bad: It was boring queuing to get on it. God! Some of those teenage girls dance faster than I can think. They make Michael Flatley look like Michael Winner (He?s an actoooor, Pookie, just like Craig Charles isn?t!), Fred Astaire like Fred Flintstone, Ginger Rogers (but doesn?t everyone?) like Ginger Biscuits (or Ginger Spice ? neither much cop at the terpsichoreals, I think!) etc etc etc?

 

Good: Guinness

Bad: Hangovers?

(Incidentally, dads, have you noticed you can?t get a decent pint of bitter these days? All b****y ?smoothflow? ? like drinking a milkshake. At least Guinness still tastes like Guinness.)

 

Good: Redcoats

Bad: Redcoats (Mostly they come out at night?Mostly?)?

 

Good: swimming pool

Bad: queues for the raft ride?

 

Good: Times

Bad: Times/You know I?ve had my share (Come on, sing along ? it?s �Stairway to Heaven� next!)?

 

Good: Ben dancing the Macarena/Casper Slide/Cheeky Dance etc.

Bad: wanting to go home to bed before your seven year old (makes you feel OLD!)?

 

Good: Going swimming without having to worry about forgetting dry shorts (?cos your rooms right next to the pool).

Bad: Forgetting your keys and having to hang around �customer services� in dripping wet, freezing cold shorts (�Is anything worn under the kilt?� �Can?t tell ? I?ve not got a magnifying glass!�) while they find a spare. And yes, Carol, they were vinyl seats!

 

Good: Grief/Gravy

Bad: Luck?

 

 

One other thing that struck me was the �comedians� they have on. Now I haven?t had a decent night out in years, and have the social life of a Leper. With this in mind, how come I knew every single punchline to every single joke they told? Blimey, they probably get paid around a ton a show, and Ben gets it for free every day; the lucky little beggar!

 

Finally ? for anyone who?s bothered reading this far ? SPECIAL DIET>>>

 

When booking I checked out provision for special diets, was told they could provide for and I phoned about two weeks before going and spoke to the head chef. They don?t actually cater for special diets, but on the nights there was nothing Ben could eat on the menu they did him �specials� of chicken portions, gammon steaks and stuff like that. I was also able to buy stuff from the nearby superstore and keep it in their kitchens, so Ben had his gf/df milk and butter and bread/rolls to hand, along with his favourite desserts and shakes and stuff. If doing this, you?re better off in the �waited� restaurant rather than the �self-service� one. We didn?t specify, and started out in the latter, but the chef was really helpful in getting us transferred over and it was fine after that.

 

All things considered, we had a brilliant holiday, and what with food and entertainment included and the �just the two of us� discount, a very cheap one too.

If we go again, I?ll probably book two four day breaks at either end of the summer hols rather than a straight week, though, cos it can be heavy going. Anyone in the same boat (i.e. just the two of you) could do a lot worse than this for their money.

 

A closing prayer:

 

What with all the ?Dancestage? antics on the holiday Ben came home with renewed enthusiasm for his PS2 version. Alas, after just a couple of ?numbers? his dance mat passed away. It had been rather sluggish on the backstep for some time, but finally slipped away quietly during the �peacock song� on Friday night.

I would ask you all to join me in two minutes silence; the first minute for the old dance mat, and the second minute for the thirty b****y quid I?ve had to spend at Argos to replace it, along with the �mega mix� version of the game he had been promised for ?being good? (haha)?

 

Incidentally, the �peacock song� is actually called �keep on movin?� ? When he first got the game Ben misheard the lyrics, believing that the girl sang �peacock, peacock, peacock, peacock moving�? Bless his cottons?

 

:wub: 'n' :pray:

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WOW!!!!!!!!!! Baddad you must have broken the record for the longest posting!...........and boy what a posting.....magical B)

 

So glad you both had a great time. :thumbs: My son went there a couple of years ago and I joined him for the last day. He was in love with ALL the redcoats! No, just the femail ones. :P

 

I shall be printing out the part about diagnosis, might even frame it!! I thought it was brilliant!!! :thumbs:

 

Must stop......this is beginning to sound like the Baddad fanclub....and no, I won't adopt you, I've just found out your 35!!!!

 

Nellie x

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Rest in Pieces, Dance Mat! :pray::lol:

 

Glad you guys had such a great time, Bad, and I think perhaps you should have a chinwag with Auriel, so the two of you could write a book about ASD's together! Brilliant 'sermon' on dignosis, well done that man! B)

It dows worry me that so many kids are on the spectrum, the amount of DX'd kids one meets in the park, on days out etc is beyond belief....down to improved diagnostic processes my rear end!!!!

Incidentally, I do the hair stroking thing with Caghal and Elijah too.....must come with the territory!! :D

What is a Pecs book? I'm intrigued....I'm assuming, of course, this was not young William's body-building programme........

Most impressed at the lengths the chef went to in accomodating Ben's dietary needs, great to hear of such consideration! I actually tried soya milk the other day, and to my surprise it was fine. I was expecting it to taste vile, but there you go! I also sampled my first tequila-laced coffee, but that's another story.... ;)

Chuffed you had such a great time with your lad, hope he's enjoying his new, improved dance mat.....

Esther x

 

P.S.- Leave Craig Charles ALOOOOOONE!!! :P

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Well, fellow Super Dudes... :bat:

 

 

Have you seen the Female Inquisitor :wacko: starring in the new TV advert for 'Thomson Local'?? :devil:

 

She is modelling her new Super-dudette outfit (meow!), and is being hotly pursued by the Jester :) on the BatMo-ped!! :lol::lol:

 

Bid :wacko:

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Hi pooks -

believe me, I'll leave Craig Charles well alone, thankyou!!

 

Pecs book - velcro picture/symbol book, communication for the use of!

 

Tequila laced coffee? I'd never of guessed... by the way, what's "dignosis" :lol::lol::lol:

 

Soya milk... you should see the teeny tiny buckets they use when milking.

 

Wouldn't dream of sullying Auriels masterwork with my inane ramblings - shame on you!

 

:wub: 'n' :pray:

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DIGNOSIS- the correct term for my son's obsession with nostril excavation!

 

Blame the tequila-coffee for my typo's.....or rather the sore head that followed the consumption of it!

:D

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Delete Woman tip-toes into the Batcave. It's been a while! She looks around her and wails in dismay at the state of the place. No self-respecting bat-dood would visit such a place. Quite obviously, squatters have moved in! :(

 

The smell,...the debris,... How on earth was the cave going to be fit for the Elton John style Party in less than a week?!! :tearful:

 

DW places hands firmly on both hips and spins on her heels to stomp back out through the cave entrance. There are people who need deleting!!!! :angry:

 

She causes a draft behind her as she exits speedily. The Jesters hair-piece wafts to the floor from where it had been discarded on the candle holder.

 

Robbie senses the all clear and moves gingerly towards this new furry friend,....... :ph34r:

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The Caped Confuser gingerly peeks out from under the sofa as Delete-Woman exits......perhaps she'll be granted safety from deletion if she dons a pinny once more?

Pulling on her Marigolds with an efficient <SNAP>! she presses the button to signal the other bat-folks to the cave for some serious cleaning up.....although, she reflects, they'd better give up purifying ASM's mind as a bad job, ot they'd be here 'till Christmas (2054!!!)

Enjoy gnawing the hairpiece, Robster..........

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(Picture the scene if you will...at St Hillbilly's Academy for the Results of Serial Parenting a new term has started. The Jester :) in his 'secret' identity of a normal, every day ho-hum teacher {no - honestly, no-one's clocked me for a nutter yet} is facing his new class.

 

"Okay, Let's get started. Welcome to 'Pondlife' Class I am Mr. [Name deleted for security reasons] and I will be your teacher for the next year. Most of you already know me and you know my expectations ... you play fair by me and ...er...I won't be forced to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti...ok?"

 

There is a terrible silence. Odd...because that one normally gets a nervous, if sycophantic, laugh from the wee folk. {Yes, actually, not only do they watch video nasties...some of them appear in them. The lifelike evil dolls, for example.... I've taught three of them - AND the stunt doubles}

 

Anyway - there is a terrible silence. They are staring fixedly at a point just above The Jester's :) eyebrows. He points at a child, and with a terrible menace asks "And WHAT, pray :pray: , are you finding so captivating about my hairline, Duane-Wayne? Hmmm?"

 

The trembling {I wish!} child points.

 

Please Mr. [Name deleted for security reasons] why is your hair moving like that?

 

The Jester :) gropes northwards to the "Mail on Sunday Special Offer one-size-fits-all 'Bruce Forsythe' hairpiece". His trembling hand encounters what can only be described as a rabbit with LURVE on his mind.

 

"ROBBIE" cries The Jester :) "Stop, before you suffer terminal carpet burns!" :blink:

 

Mercifully, Pondlife class scan the room for (they believe) a classmate called 'Robbie'. During which time the offending, offensive love-struck creature is bundled into my desk drawer, where he ..er..terminates his contract with the aformentioned 'undetectable' "Syrup".

 

Quiet returns. A small girl points.

 

"BLIMEY! Mr [Name deleted for security reasons] ...all your 'airs fallen aaaht!" opines Porsche-Carrera.

 

'Goodbye, Mr Chips' was never like this. :tearful:

 

Jester :)

Edited by Jester

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After a period of hibernation (it's a state of being you know!) the BANMAN surveys the Batcave via digital remote BANcam.

 

As the static clears and the picture comes into focus the BANMAN can clearly see the scene of utter carnage that the superheros have left behind.

 

"DW isnt going to like this methinks heh heh heh"

 

Scanning around he notices a poster on the wall

 

FANCY DRESS PARTY

8th September from 8pm

Bring a bottle, crate, vat and a packet of hobnobs

Costumes NOT optional

p.s. Dont tell the BANMAN

 

Hmmm, so the superheros are planning a party which means they'll all be in the same place at the same time! Perfect!!!!

 

"Robbie, put that furry thing down and fetch me the phone. I must ring DW and discuss this party. It seems an opportunity too good to miss and I feel a plan coming on! Mwa hah ha, mwahahaha, mwhahahahaha"

 

Cackling insanely the BANMAN switches off the BANcam with a flick of his claw and begins to wonder whether cutting the grass really is the best used of his time this afternoon.

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Gnawing the hairpiece??

 

Oh no!

 

A vague distant memory stirs - Spitting Image and "The Presidents Brain is Missing"

 

I'm thinking of the scene with the tortoise and the brain - tortoise on top! Nuff Said!

 

Can't wait for the party :dance:

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But espionage and sabotage are in the air, in the form of one of BanMan's fiendish plans......what CAN he of the lurid lilac lederhosen be up to???? :ph34r:

Don't make the Caped Confuser use the carrot essence again! (There's not much left....Female Inquisitor was asked to use some for a Robbie oriented Carrot Cake....all in the name of a cease-fire!)

While CC ponders this, she deftly assists F.I. in drilling a few air holes in the giant cake, wherein resides FI's beloved...........she's not sure there'll be enough cake left to go around as the Jester is eating his temporary domicile for sustenance!

"Oi, Jesty, can you hear me in there?" she bellows at the confection, tapping on the icing.

"...mmmph.....wumfle....!!!..." she hears.

"Oh, good......go easy on the bakery, pal, or you'll never fit into your cossie again!!" :bat:

As CC departs, she wonders if BRW's idea of using her latest beau, Horace's ceremonial samurai sword (presented for services rendered during the Boer War..) to cut the cake is really such a wise one..........

Edited by pookie170

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Blue Rinse Woman zooms into the Bat Cave on her Super-Dooper-Zimmer. She surveys the scene. Hmmmm. It's clean enough for the party shenannigans already. It looks as though she's missed out on having to scrub the festering Bat-Loo and sweeping the HobNobs crumbs off the floor. :dance:B):dance:

 

On the subject of the follicly-challenged, Danny was most surprised to have a birds-eye view of a gentleman with very little hair. We were up on the first floor of the local shopping centre and watching passers-by. Danny shouted out in surprise:

 

"Mum! That man's got no HEAD!"

 

:o:wub::wub::devil:

 

Will somebody please remind me why I was so keen to take my son to Speech Therapy........ :whistle::hypno:

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:lol: !!!!

Perhaps Banman went a bit trigger-happy with his lawnmower and gave the gent in question a trim too.......

 

Got no head!!.... :lol:

>:D<<'> Bless 'im!

Esther x

 

PS: Caghal bellows loudly every time we see an afro-carribbean gent who has opted to shave his head- "Mum!! There's an Egg-Face Man!!" :blink::wub:

I have no idea where he came up with that one, but it started with the Truman family on Eastenders, when both the sons sported that particular haircut......

the mind boggles, really!

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The Female Inquisitor :wacko: flounces into the BatCave :bat: ...as she had thought, NOTHING had been done for tomorrow's Party!

 

Typical...everything left up to her, as per usual :angry:

 

But wait! What is that muffled noise?

 

BRW isn't in the BatCave :bat: , so it can't be her bloomers! :devil:

 

Using her Super Dudette powers :ph34r: , the Female Inquisitor :wacko: homed in on a rather dilapidated, king-size, celebration cake standing in the corner.

 

Leaning close to the out-size, novelty bosoms that adorn the top of the cake (sigh...how aesthetically displeasing...) she recognises the partly suffocated tones of The Jester!!

 

Suddenly, his recent disappearence is explained.

 

"You utter fool!", shrieks the Female Inquisitor :wacko:

 

"I told you to get the cake in, not get in the cake!!"

 

Sometimes she wonders whether it is all really worth it...

 

Bid :wacko:

Edited by bid

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The decorations have been put up..........

 

There are balloons wherever you look................

 

The party food has been prepared and nicely laid out on a table covered in the obligatory HAPPY BIRTHDAY paper table cloth...........

 

The band arrives at 8.................

 

Robbie is having a cut and blow dry as we speak...................

 

Tescos will be delivering a lorry load of hobnobs at 7................

 

Roll on 8pm :)

 

Kris & Elefan

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