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#41 CarolJ

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 04:17 PM

QUOTE
Helen Posted on May 9 2004, 03:49 PM -? BAN MAN arrives back on scene from a weekend away, purple lycra shorts gleaming in the sun! .... Purple lycra shorts............ gleaming in the sun, humm???? Oh Kris, I don't know what to say


oops.gif Helen I trust you have not forgotten the Sven ne Robbie ne Spring cleaning episode, you should know the effect that your rantings have on Ban Man.

His finger is poised and itching dance.gif - perhaps that finger would be better put to use in adjusting his dignity in those shorts!!! whistle.gif - that is not sunshine (its raining outside) its Helen's face wub.gif radiating at the sight of Ban Man in those purple lycra shorts!!!!

You have been warned Ban Man - I suggest going up a couple of sizes and dont leave them in the tumble dryer for too long!! shame.gif

ASM Woman [location] 20 miles south of Milton Keynes, and approaching Hogwarts. praying.gif

Edited by CarolJ, 09 May 2004 - 04:28 PM.


#42 CarolJ

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 05:00 PM

QUOTE
Ever ready ...
duracell are better Caped Confuser- you of all people should know this!!!!

Duracell will keep your light sabre Every Ready when you have need amigo wub.gif !!

Have just spotted the two enemys lurking in shadows of County Hall - their evil eyes glowing in the darkness and shadows

QUOTE
Don't- play- with -that -boy'Plaground Mum
and the worst arch nemesis of all...
QUOTE
'He's-absolutely-fine-Health-Visitor!!!!


what evil plots are afoot!

Caped ConfuserI need your help - bring the lightsabre!

I'm going in ..... [KERPOWW!!!!] [DOOOFFFF] [EEEEKKKKKKK!] [RIPPPPPPPP] oops.gif need more velcrose .......

ASM woman standing etc. etc.

Edited by CarolJ, 09 May 2004 - 08:55 PM.


#43 pookie170

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 05:56 PM

Caped Confuser to the Rescue!!!!!
With light sabre poised for action, she joins the fray, hauling ASM Woman to her feet by the back of her spangly g-string......
She passes the trusty shoehorn to the now agonised ASM Woman, and then leaps into battle, brandishing the Light Sabre with a mad gleam in her eye...(Oh no, whoops, that's just the glare from Ban Man's exotic shorts!!!) The SuperGirls are GO!!!(Cue 'Battle of the Valkyries' soundtrack...)
{Whoosh!!} HafHV flies southwards from the blast of the Caped Confuser's weapon.....
ASM Woman leaps into action....well, gingerly hobbles, the G-String was not kind....
and disposes of the villainous Playground Mum with a superb uppercut....
(Cue victorious music...)
ASM Woman and the Caped Confuser dance exuberantly in the road....this might explain any rises in Road Tax... wub.gif
Suddenly, ASM Woman stops and screams...
"Astronomical ASD's, Confuser!!! Look out!!Behind you!!!"
The Caped Confuser whirls, and is met by the terrifying sight of the Dark LEOord in her path!!!!!
Lightning fast, (a feat Ban Man can only dream of....) she draws the light sabre and flicks the 'on' switch.....But this produces only a faint glow before giving up completely!!!!!!
"HOLY BATCAKES, ASM!!!I'M OUT OF AMMO!!" she shrieks, as the Dark LEOord advances, drooling and chuckling maniacally.....
Will ASM WOMAN and The Caped Confuser escape???
Tune in next time for the exciting Finale, Same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel!!!
DUN DUN DURRRRRR!!!!!!

Edited by pookie170, 09 May 2004 - 06:03 PM.


#44 CarolJ

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 06:27 PM

QUOTE
.... hauling ASM Woman to her feet by the back of her spangly g-string.......... now agonised ASM Woman .... the G-String was not kind...
.

HOLY SENCO CAPED CONFUSEER!!!![ASM woman squeeks in a voice now 5 octaves higher and reminiscent of Minnie Mouse] Quickly ASM woman spots enormous pot hole which had appeared during premature exuberant cavorting capering earlier.

[tense music playing in background ....]

Quickly she grabs the Caped Confuser, who is still brandishing her light exhausted sabre and they both jump down the pothole and into an underground sewer where amongst the floaters and other general raw sewage they battle their way to safety.

ASM woman turns to Caped Confuser [bits of toilet paper stuck in teeth] and says "When will you Ever Ready learn when you want things to go on and on and on and on - you need Duracell - stop going down the sunday market to buy your batteries!"

The two sewage soaked heros make their way up the nearest manhole and out into the street above. The Thomamobile is waiting and ready so into the sunset, followed by the flys they go ..... the two trustee heros live to fight another day.

The Dark LEAord stands shaking his fist - and our two superheros head for the safety of the Batcave - the Ring Binder Wraiths in hot pursuit!

Will the Caped Confuser learn her lesson and change her batteries? Will a toothbrush and toothpaste ever remove the remenants of the toilet paper from the crooked teeth of ASM woman - anyway even if she did who would want to kiss her????? so does it even matter - would you share your hob knob with this woman?
Tune in next time for the exciting Finale, Same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel!!!
DUN NER NER NER NER NER NER .......!!!!!!

Edited by CarolJ, 09 May 2004 - 06:38 PM.


#45 pookie170

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 07:06 PM

Darn, ASM Woman!!!!
I forgot to tell you before our cunning getaway....it's not just own brand batteries I buy!!!
I'm afraid to say, I bought own brand soap powder for the Bat-Cyclone Washer!!!
Never mind your teeth, woman, how will we extricate the loo roll from our sequins???
We're like Pig-Pen from the Peanuts strip!!!
If we don't purchase some industrial strength detergents, we may well have to change our names to.....
Stink-Girl and Pig-Pong!!!!! blink.gif
Not quite the same ring, huh?
Will we ever be clean again?
The things we do in the fight for justice!!! tsk........
The Caped Confuser....
Memo:Remember to get the Thomasmobile valeted!!! tongue.gif

#46 niki

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 08:05 PM

you lot are BONKERS!!!! thanx for supplying the best laugh i have had in AGES!
respect to you all
x laughing.gif

#47 bid

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 08:51 PM

Holy DLA!!

Has someone been rifling through my spangly G-string drawer...I seem to be missing a couple of pairs! Do you know how long it takes to sew on all those sequins by hand??

And the shoe-horn!

Luckily you didn't find my lurex uber-thong (the one I keep for best)!! blink.gif

But enough of such things...I shall hoik up my chain-mail Wonder-bra and prepare to do battle with the Ring Binder Wraiths. They won't know what's hit them when they have to face my Cross-Referencing, Colour-Coding and Double-Underlining in Red!!

To Learning Support and Beyond!!

(Put the kettle on - I may be some time...)

Female Inquisitor wacko.gif

PS...You'll find some inter-galactic dental floss in my bottom drawer.

#48 Jester

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 09:19 PM

Mighty Middle-Rate for Mobility, superchums!

{Strikes pose, bells jingling....mask slips slightly)

There are two more foes we must guard against that I forgot to mention:

Well-Meaning-but-Misinformed-Professional-Man/Woman (frequently known as EWO-Twit)

and

Classroom-Assistant-Who-Thinks-She-Has-A-Special-Rapport-With-The-Wee-Ones-But-Won't-Take-No-Nonsense-From-The-Difficult-Kids-Mind-You-Woman


They are often to be found in schools.
Be Vigilant, Be Brave, but most of all .... Be Comfortably Dressed. Underwear that bunches painfully is no way to fight crime. (Gestures to "Captain Webb", Victorian Longjohns peeking coquettishly from waistband of tweedy trousers)

Jester smile.gif

#49 CarolJ

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 09:25 PM

QUOTE
PS...You'll find some inter-galactic dental floss in my bottom drawer.


Holy Budget Blaster Inquisitor Woman - I hope this is not the same drawer where the spangly G-string are kept in?????

If so, its possible may get IG dental floss and G string mixed up - both have string like appearance!

Have you checked between The Jester's teeth to see if there spangly G-strings lurking. You know what his eye sight is like since he was blasted by General bloke-from-County-Hall-whose-function-is-not-entirely-clear Twit!

As for the shoe horn, well have not seen that since last encounter with Dark LEAord, last thing I remember bending over and attempting to use shoe horn to prise spandex G String out of said cheesewire position and I was hit from behind - that was the last I saw of it! Will let you know if it turns up whistle.gif

By the way can I borrow your lurex uber-thong (the one you keep for best)! I suspect it may have excellent catapault qualities, very useful to crashing through window of LEN SENCO lurid meeting and surprising LEA SENCO nasties.

QUOTE
... I bought own brand soap powder for the Bat-Cyclone Washer!!!
Caped Confuser have you learnt nothing from all of this. Here we are battling with SMEGOL who lurkes in the dark recesses of county hall jelously guarding his precioussss bugetteessssses and trying to stop ussssss nasty parenttessssesss from getting our hands on his preciousssssss resourcessesssss - and you cut costs on "own brand" washing detergent! Shame on you - bugets are a dirty word in the world of crime fighting.

No expense shall be spared, will rush to Wilkos and buy Daz or Persil (and some fabric conditioner to cover pong!) The flies will buzz round us no longer!

PS, I will buy a tree shaped pine air freshner for the Thomsmobile! Also saw they have fluffy dice on special offer. Perhaps will treat us and we can speed to the rescue in stylelee!

... , must grab purse and get to Wilkos before all special offers are snapped up! [sorry memories of close encounters of the cheeswire kind are brought flooding back when the word snap! is mentioned [shudders uncontrollably]]

ASM woman, grabs purse, looks flumoxed as she reliases she does not have pockets, stuffs purse into utlity belt and away she toddles! Flies still buzzing around as she wobbles into the sunset - harnesses power of tooth pick picking out remanents of Andrex!

ASM woman signing off .....

Edited by CarolJ, 10 May 2004 - 03:13 AM.


#50 pookie170

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Posted 09 May 2004 - 11:25 PM

*weeping in shame*
I'm SOOOORRRRYYYY!!!!
That last encounter with SMEAGOL must have affected me worse than I thought!!!
crying.gif
At least I wasn't zapped badly enough to stoop to the lowest depths...OWN BRAND BICCIES!!!!!
*shudders in horror at the thought*!!!!!
That's it! I'm off to the bat cave for a reviving brew.......just need to get this darned g-string out of my teeth.....
hmmm.....strawberry flavour??????
Female Inquisitor, I'm speechless!!
Talk about dark horses, and Jester a teacher by day too!!
It's always the quiet ones!!!........
Pass me the mouthwash, ASM Woman!
Holy Super Cossies, I DEFINITELY need a bath now!!!
........
Yurk......I thought the loo roll was bad- I now have a sequin lodged in my molars!!!
I may require superhero assistance to remove it!!!
That's it- we're all getting boxers!!!!!
The Caped Confuser!!!!

#51 kirstie

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:08 AM

ph34r.gif holy I.E.P 's ....I've returned just in the nick of time!!!
I have donned long johns (very nippy up here in scotland!!) and large y-fronts, worn back to front (i too indulge in beans for supper!) a neccesity to cover 2 full moons,(too many beans and hobnobs) have supper-hero total eclipse capabilities, very handy when foiling the evils that lurk everywhere Mwahmwahmwahmwah!
Bra on head, a very useful thing to keep ears warm when flying with anti gravity cape also doubles as protective eye wear to guard against laser beam stares!
the stilletos have been banished to a darkened corner of the Batcave and replaced with DUN DUN DUN green wellies!
utility belt fully packed and rambo style ammo belt slung over shoulder, ( all bullets replaced with AA batteries, could be a long day don't you think ASM woman and needs must wub.gif !!) light saber at the ready...Now we can take on the evil tormentors of the day...
But first must run to Batcave ( will walk or could cause tidal waves all over the world!!) for much needed brew and hobnobs
KAPOW!! have just fallen over ASM womans ' light saber' ahem!
Now we are ready to fight another day...
To the thomas-mobile supper-heroes!
Have just spotted 'he's-absoloutley-fine-health-visitor' and 'special-needs-nonsense-just-needs-a-good-hiding-OAP! together we must cpture these beasts and bind them with the re-cycled red tape....
Are they related?
Will ASM woman ever stop eating curry?!!

till the next time fellow supper-heroes..............PANTWOMAN!!!! thumbup.gif

#52 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:24 AM

QUOTE
That last encounter with SMEAGOL must have affected me worse than I thought!!! ...... At least I wasn't zapped badly enough to stoop to the lowest depths...OWN BRAND BICCIES!!!!! .....*shudders in horror at the thought*!!!!!


Fear not Caped Confuser - although you seem to have suffered from your close proximity to that foul creature, SMEGOL, you have redeemed yourself in your choice of own brand biccies cool.gif
QUOTE
....shall have to buy chocolate digestives from M&S to celebrate!!!!!


- your super hero trainiing has won the day!

To SENCO and Beyond [arms outstretched built in batflaps wobbly underam bits lifting, providing extra boyancy etc. etc. ASM Woman sets her sights to the heavens .....]

By day a mild mannered AS mum, quiet unassuming complete with acne, standing in playground of mainstream school - by night a crime fighting superhero - off to save the day. Have invested in own phone box outside front door unfortunately was vandalised by LEA SENCO moles and upon opening the door I was buried in avalanche of business cards advertising some rather dubious services For a good time call Sven - speciality spring cleaning whilst wearing purple lycra shorts and bunnies - satisfaction guaranteed!!!!! Ban Man's moonlighting again! Upon closer inspection of one of these cards in the small print it seems they were produced by a company called Helen & Helen plc

The calibre of crime fighters is certainly going down hill - you just cant get the staff these days!

ASM woman signing off - going to console myself with hob knobs and cuppa!

Edited by CarolJ, 10 May 2004 - 09:49 AM.


#53 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:45 AM

Holy Y Fronts fellow SENCO crimefighter, what r those marks - r you too using Own Brand washing powder .....??????????

QUOTE
and large y-fronts, worn back to front (i too indulge in beans


I hereby welcome thee Pantswoman, thy Y fronts and Green Wellies are most welcome in the fight against the Fiends of LEA SENCO.

I suspect we have been infiltrated ......just where do Ban Man's loyalties lie?

QUOTE
.... have just fallen over ASM womans ' light saber' ahem! ....
I must put my dinner lady arms up to this one, the Caped Confuser jealously guards this weapon of mass satisfaction oops.gif I mean destruction wub.gif and your utility belt stuffed full of AAs will be most welcome!

In answer to the question
QUOTE
Will ASM woman ever stop eating curry?!!
Alas - its the Madras that gives me my superpowers - Popeye eats spinach and I eat curry! Without it I would be drained of my superpowers and the balance of good v evil would be seriously affected and the world as we know it could cease to exist.

Curried Beans are a particular favourite of mine and if ever you are in need of a "pick me up" please feel free to indulge.

ASM woman stands proudly, hands of hips etc - sound of kettle boiling so must dash ......Leaving PantsWoman to save the day!

#54 nellie

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 10:31 AM

I just hope there are some talent spotters out there reading this! biggrin.gif

You lot would make great script writers, no jesting (no pun intended). You could have successful TV programmes - I am thinking along the lines of Monty Python, The Goons, Black Adder or Sooty. rolleyes.gif

Keep up the good work. I am secretly sending it off and making a fortune!!! thumbup.gif


Your De-Mystification Woman

Nellie, who wears her pants on the inside.

#55 Kris

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 11:53 AM

New Emoticons for all you cave dwellers biggrin.gif

The Devil: devilred.gif

The Superhero: batman.gif

The Ninja: donatello.gif

Laughing: laughing.gif

BAN MAN

#56 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 12:38 PM

QUOTE
New Emoticons for all you cave dwellers


Ban Man, as impressed I am about the New Emoticons - please note that us superhero types batman.gif are not easily bribed!

It would take at least 2 packets of hob nobs and a cuppa to sway my loyalty!

Not that I am easily tempted devilred.gif

ASM woman batman.gif off to fight evil devilred.gif protecting the innocent AS Parents against all the odds - phoaw!!!! frantically fanning herself with takeaway menu from local Balti House - as having hot flush is it the memories of last night's chicken phal (volcano strength) or could it be the explicit pictures of Sven's purple lycra clad particulars printed on the said dubious calling cards courtesy of Helen & Helen plc! whistle.gif

Tune in next time to see if ASM Woman's resolve has crumbled for the Hob Knobs offered by the double-crossing Sven alias Ban Man ne Kris! whistle.gif

ASM Woman signing off .....

#57 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 12:50 PM

QUOTE
Nellie, who wears her pants on the inside.


So De-Mystification woman, do you also indulge in use of Own Brand washing powder, by wearing your pants on the inside, just what is it you are trying to hide???????

Remember us superheros batman.gif are possessed of X-ray vision and a keen sense of super bionic smell! Inside or not, I can detect dirty undies a mile off!

Will leave some samples of Daz, whiter than white, on top of Bat Computer batman.gif and you too can brandish your undies proudly on the outside without the embarrassment of any "stubborn staines" Ahem wub.gif

With the help of us superheros you can avoid ending up on skid row!

ASM woman standing etc. .... self-elected representative of the East Staines Massive!

oops.gif Apologises for the puns in this posting, any similarity to anyone alive or dead is a mere coincidence and is not intended to cause offence shame.gif Thereby ASM Woman accepts no responsibility for the content of this post! It was not me it was my medication induced halucinagenic brain!! thumbup.gif

Edited by CarolJ, 10 May 2004 - 12:51 PM.


#58 bid

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 12:51 PM

Greetings, Fellow Uber-Dudes!! batman.gif

ASM Woman - you will never find my lurex uber thong for I have cunningly hidden it!!!

Pants Woman - Welcome! but hands off my spangly G-string collection. We have already had one unfortunate dental floss-confusion incident! blink.gif

Now I am off to fight the Dark forces of LEAord, fetchingly clad in my teflon-coated Baby-Doll jim-jam combo!! beatup.gif

Until next time...to Learning Support and Beyond!!

Female Inquisitor wacko.gif

#59 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 01:18 PM

Inquisitor Woman, in answer to
QUOTE
... you will never find my lurex uber thong for I have cunningly hidden it!!!


QUOTE
Remember us superheros  batman.gif  are possessed of X-ray vision and a keen sense of super bionic smell!  .... I can detect!
said lurex uber thong! biggrin.gif laughing.gif

BAAA HAAAA HAWWWWWWW! devilred.gif

Nowhere is safe Inquisitor Woman!!!

ASM woman employing super sensory superpowers .....

#60 Jester

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 04:12 PM

Shuddering Statements, Superchums!


I've been called a few things in my time, Caped Confuser, but "quiet one"...I think not.

In this Batcave we have spandex g-strings, day-glo lycra shorts and an Uber-thong, and you think we need to keep an eye on the "quiet ones???"

Jester leaps onto the Bat-Table (there is a crack like a pistol shot from his left knee but he struggles manfully against the pain) bells jangling (yes..that's "bells") he tosses his head in 'heroic' fashion and pouts..

"Never, I tell you, NEVER will I be a 'quiet one' - I've fought too hard, I've struggled too long, I've humiliated myself and sundry loved ones at too many social gatherings with my so-called dancing and oh-so-hilarious-impression-of-Mick-Jagger to be considered a'quiet one'....

retract this slur or I shall be drawn to the Dark Side, and who knows what hideous excesses of male undergarment I will be forced to reveal in my new role as Supervillain. devilred.gif Bwaahahahaha!"


Climbs down from table (gingerly) mops brow, sprays Ralgex on knee and settles down for a quiet cuppa and a Custard Cream from his secret stash.

Damn! Not a quiet cuppa!

Jester smile.gif

#61 bid

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 04:38 PM

ASM Woman, is there no privacy in this Bat Cave?!

Sigh...maybe I should revert to my M&S magic tummy-control pants. Although it would take a heck of a lot of sequins to cover a pair of them!! blink.gif

My main concern though, is that there has been no mention of my super-hero sustenance of choice, viz...RED WINE AND CHOCOLATE!! Never mind tea and biccies, without my staple foods of Super Strength I can feel my powers beginning to fade...

Save me , fellow super chums...

Female Inquisitor sinks gracefully to the floor, inadvertently revealing the hiding place of her lurex Uber Thong!!

Will the other Super Dudes save Female Inquisitor?
Will ASM Woman take advantage of her colleague's indisposition to pinch the mighty Uber Thong to use as a catapult??

Tune in for the next exciting episode of The Bat Cave...
(the series that replaces Friends and Sex and the City!!!)

#62 Elefan

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 05:18 PM

<Delete Woman pops her head around the corner of the Batcave to see if she can find the elusive genius, Hope!! praying.gif De-mystifying Woman had assured her Hope would be there. Delete woman glances at the floor,...the sequined trail leads out of the batcave and into the SEN maze. Where is her super-bud Ban-man, when she needs him?!! crying.gif >

#63 Jester

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 05:24 PM

With a fearsome jingling, The Jester (I've decided superheroes need a two word name so I've added a 'The') surges to his feet. So THAT is what an Uberthong looks like wub.gif ...hmmm...guess I'll stay on the side of the Forces of Good after all.

Female Inquisitor requires wine and/or chocolate but The Jester is never without a Bounty Bar in his Utility Bag (disguised as battered teacher's shoulder bag for carrying round unmarked books and notes from parents explaining that "Duane was off yesterday because I am under the doctor and cannot get around much" etc) blink.gif

Should he try his own "Super-Sustainer"? A hip flask of medicinal spirit, to be drunk and or rubbed into the knees as necessary.

It also aids paranormal powers ... The Jester has frequently been in contact with the Spirit of Captain Morgan.

If all else fails - The Famous Jagger Impersonation - dance.gif - usually gets her on her feet (if only to run for the door shouting "He's not my husband, he's just some guy who came in the room at the same time as me")

Jester smile.gif

#64 Auriel

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 05:27 PM

robot.gif Fear my ninja uber bot skills! ph34r.gif

mauahhahahahh hah hahah ahah... ahah

#65 Jester

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 05:31 PM

That's ma Boy! batman.gif donatello.gif

(figuratively speaking!)

Jester smile.gif

#66 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 06:21 PM

Suffering SENCOs, whats going on????????????

ASM Woman is jolted from her badly needed beauty sleep to what sounded like a ....

QUOTE
....crack like a pistol shot from .... a knee and bells jangling (yes..that's "bells")
are you sure that was bells jangling, sounded more like a something else "dangling" to me?????? to find The Jester aloft on the Bat Table with a grimice on his face. It could have been a smile but there again he probably had wind!

ASM woman catches a reflection of light out of the corner of her eye! Inquisitor Woman has inadvertently revealed the hiding place of her lurex Uber Thong!!
ASM woman smiles to herself noting said hiding place heh heh heh heh heh

But what is this??????

Ninja Uber Bot son of Uber Thong ne Female Inquisitor and The Jester is sitting at Bat Table spraying Raljex on painful knee joint!

All three superhero family are ensconced round the Bat Table which has ample supplies of Red Wine and Chocolate goodies! The Jester is holding a seance trying to contact the Spirit of Captain Morgan, he leans forwards and catches his jester headgear on a candle and "Great Bells of Fire!, the smoke alarms start bleeping, the sound echoing off the cave walls!

ASM woman leaps to the rescue and throws half a cold cuppa over the poor unfortunate Jester - [I]Inquisitor Woman not wanting to waste her red wine looks on bemusedly
!!

What is happening to the calibre of superheros these days?

Note to self: keep The Jester away from naked flames!

Further note to self: Hide all Rolling Stones CDs and tapes so preventing any rendition of Mick Jagger ne Jumping Jack Flash even with protection of superpowers and medication I still feel this would push me over the edge and would cost me a fortune in extra counselling sessions!!

Will the quest to cover both pairs of
QUOTE
M&S magic tummy-control pants
lead to a world wide shortage of sequins??????

Will the doctor up ASM's woman's dosage of medication????

Tune into the next episode bat fans batman.gif where all will hopefully praying.gif, not be revealed!!!

ASM woman, wanders to first aid box to search for burns cream and neurofen!....

Edited by CarolJ, 10 May 2004 - 07:05 PM.


#67 ksasnic

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 07:20 PM

batman.gif Holy jiminy crickets.. thought morris dancer bell jingler was taken captive.... red alert red alert..

donatello.gif Woah false alarm Jester is no morris dancer....... kerpow


He ....lp he...lp its the wooloff ph34r.gif

whistle.gif

#68 Jester

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 07:35 PM

The Jester suddenly bestirs from his chair with a judder and a jingle. He has been communing with Capt. Morgan and musing on the Uberthong when a thought strikes him...

"Inadequate IEPs, Superchums! A new colleague has joined us and I've not extended a Bat-welcome."

He looks approvingly at Kirstie's Costume choices and intones "Welcome Pant-Woman...The Uberthong may have super-distraction powers, the sequined G-String may defeat lasers and day-glo lycra shorts ...er, excellent choice Ban-Man, now hands away from that button... but SENSIBLE Pants (gestures to Capt. Webb 'Victorian' longjohns) are best."

According to the Manual of Saving the World:
"You can't pack SuperHero punches,
In Underwear that bunches." blink.gif

Jester smile.gif

#69 Jester

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 07:53 PM

A new scene unfolds....
It is a school, like many others but, at this particular moment, not directly under the dreadful scrutiny of the Dark LEAord and his Ringbinder Wraiths.

A small, insignificant and apparently harmless creature in a homespun jacket and without shoes on his big hairy feet (I wish they would pay us teachers enough to afford shoes) is creeping into their Lair of the SENCO.

He has heard that within its terrifying depths lies The One Ringbinder...The Ringbinder into which the Dark LEAord has put much of his powers. It is sometimes known as The Code of Practice and the Hobbity teacher hopes that, with it, he may turn the Dark LEAord's powers against the Black Tower of County Hall and rid the world of SMEAGOLs and Ringbinder Wraiths.

Alas, the poor fool does not realise that, along with his knowledge and power, the Dark Lord also poured into The One Ringbinder his malice, his procrastination, his self-righteous ignorance and his truly excruciating command of the English Language. What should be a thing of beauty is a masterpiece of confusion and double-dealing that twist the user to the will of the Dark LEAord until he or she comes under his sway and is just another Ringbinder Wraith.

How many SENCOs have hoped to use the weapons of the Enemy against himself only to find, too late, that they have become a Minion...caring only for 'the good name of the school', 'the other children in the class who have rights too', the SATs results and (of course) 'my threshold payment as it relates to the proper use of budget and resources'? Alas!

The hobbity creature knows not his peril and as he reaches forth his hand towards The One Ringbinder, unable to hear the Dark LEAord chuckling quietly on his iron throne.

Time for my medication now
Jester smile.gif

#70 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 08:29 PM

Holy Ed Psyc! - LOL laughing.gif ASM woman rolls eyes rolleyes.gif (still blood shoot from lack of sleep!)

As impressed as I am at your attempt at poetry Jester, I beg to differ re sensible underwear option!

Uberthong possesses rubberlike properties which can in a tights situation provide elastication of bungee jumping qualities, thereby avoiding need to climb down sides of County Hall. Also being able to catapault wearer into the midst of LEA SENCO meetings thereby providing element of surprise!!! batman.gif

The long john/Y front cotton mixtures do not possess the expansion qualities needed for a job this this nature. Methinks however that said purple lycra shorts may have possibilities, will need to test this theory next time Ban Man manages to get get away from his other [Sven] commitments whistle.gif and shows face in the Batcave!

What say you? thumbup.gif

#71 ksasnic

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 08:38 PM

Ah but isn't that the difference between mens wear and girly wear ???? full "compo" special -longjohns etc Calvin Compo and then super woman sexy kit Ann Senco special not to be confused with the Ann Widecombe special for those unsure of their super-person status...

kerpow- girt wastervilles.

Safety tips remember double gussets provide safety net for beginners... only super super super women status requires Uberthongs... ph34r.gif

#72 CarolJ

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 08:39 PM

laughing.gif batman.gif laughing.gif laughing.gif laughing.gif PMSL
QUOTE
The hobbity creature knows not his peril and as he reaches forth his hand towards The One Ringbinder, unable to hear the Dark LEAord chuckling quietly on his iron throne.


I, ASM Woman, am rendered speechless!

Well done that man, Jester - once again your have surpassed the realms of the superhero into the complete ridiculous, when Ive recovered laughing and changed my G-string I will join you!

Well done, the medication is certainly working!

ASM Woman etc. etc. etc.

#73 ksasnic

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 08:55 PM

PS.. I WRITE IN CAPS LOCKS TO EMPHASIZE THIS...

BALLY GOOD SHOW PEEPS, THIS THREAD IS MAJOR DIVERSION FROM STRAINS AND BATTLES... KEEP UP THE GOOD UBER WOTSITS.....

WE SHALL FIGHT THEM IN THE LYCRA
WE SHALL FIGHT THEM AT TOWN HALL
WE SHALL FIGHT THEM IN THE STATEMENTS
WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER-BECAUSE WE WEAR BETTER KIT THAN THEM AND DESPITE EVERYTHING WE KEEP OUR SENSE OF HUMOUR EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE A BUNCH OF RULE ABIDING DUNCES WHO KNOW LITTLE ABOUT NOTHING AND SHOP AT MARKS AND CROSSES WHILST LISTENING TO THE ARCHERS DRINKING METHS IN A DISUSED TOILET WITH THEIR PET MONGREL SENCO AWARE WHO REALLY ONLY ANSWERS TO THE NAME INTOLERANCE, BUT I DIGRESS....

In reality I mean

we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old and our kids get what they need and deserve an education in hopes and dreams which is theirs for the asking..

devilred.gif

#74 Kris

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:09 PM

Ban Man peeks his head around the corner of the Bat Cave and surveys the pile of hob-nob crumbs, abandoned thongs and remains of LEA officers littering the floor.

He quietly reaches into his pocket (which, in these shorts, is no mean feat!) and produces the BAN BUTTON!!! Dun Dun Duuuuuuuun!!!!!!!

Ban Man chuckles quietly to himself as he spots ASM Woman and without warning hits the BAN BUTTON. Quick as a flash........... nothing happens!!!!! sad.gif (He has a feeling that this could be the work of Super Bunny!!)

Down but not out, BAN MAN sets off to find a fresh set of AA batteries.

But next time............ Oh yes! Next time!!!!!!!!!!!

ha, ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha , ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

#75 bid

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:13 PM

ksanic,

Greetings, Mystery Superdude!! batman.gif

Will you reveal your true Super hero identity?! (I've already bagsed the spangly G-strings...)

Enter name, costume choices and chosen super power...

To date, Superchums include:

The Jester smile.gif
ASM Woman beatup.gif
The Caped Confuser wink.gif
Pants Woman blink.gif
Delete Woman ph34r.gif
Ban Man shame.gif
The Female Inquisitor wacko.gif
De-Mystification Woman wallbash.gif

er...I think that's everyone...apologies if I have missed anyone out!!

Nice speech, by the way!!!

The Female Inquisitor wacko.gif

#76 bid

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:16 PM

oops.gif

Sorry...I missed out Super Bunny!!

(Who are you??!!)

Come in Super Bunny, Come in Super Bunny!!!

The Female Inquisitor wacko.gif

#77 Kris

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:19 PM

BAN MAN

Purple Lyrca Shorts, Red Spandex t-shirt, black knee length boots
SuperPower - The BAN BUTTON containing the ability to make people disappear!!

#78 Elefan

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:23 PM

Um,...Bid,.....You missed out your own son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! robot.gif donatello.gif laughing.gif


D.W
laughing.gif

#79 kaz

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:32 PM

you all MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#80 Elefan

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Posted 10 May 2004 - 09:35 PM

Oh Kazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,......once you've entered the batcave, leading to the SEN maze,..you're done for!!! laughing.gif batman.gif Of course, I could 'delete' you and then no-one need ever know!!!! Mwahahahaha,...


D.M




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