Mumble Report post Posted September 19, 2007 Nooooo, I think you will find that the mad jaffa cake eater is me, bd Are you actually the woman in the advert?: Repeat after me children: Full moon Half moon Total eclipse One more time ... Full moon . . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted September 19, 2007 Are you actually the woman in the advert?: Repeat after me children: Full moon Half moon Total eclipse One more time ... Full moon . . . No, but she is definitely a role model... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted September 19, 2007 Oh! Pleased it's not just me who has that advert running around in her (tiny ) brain everytime someone mentions Jaffa cakes! *slopes off before someone points out to Smiley the advert-y thread* I have NO idea where Mikey gets it from............ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted September 19, 2007 (edited) Bads - Laminators also lie Waterproof - pah! I have stacks of soggy visual prompts to prove it. They do make great boats for 'ickle toy sharks though Edited September 19, 2007 by smiley Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 1, 2007 Everyone knows a guy like Mickey...... ...and hates him Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted October 1, 2007 whose mickey? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 2, 2007 (edited) Edited October 2, 2007 by smiley Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Ahhh.... you can tell 'Big Brother' has finished - nobody's watching adverts aimed at the BB demographic/timeslot anymore! Keep watching... You'll hate it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathrynh Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Is that the one with the bloke with the stupid hair? If so I definitely hate it/him!! If I've got the right ad then I'm watching too much TV. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 2, 2007 YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!! Just finished watching Charlie Brooker's screenwipe and MICKEY has been voted 'the biggest (idiot )' in advertising Remember - you heard it here first! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel Report post Posted October 17, 2007 Blimey, what happened in here??? antiquated music on the stereo, cobwebs on the hobnobs, various types of underwear draped ornately on the walls........and what's this? who on earth owns the huge kecks draped over the loo door? daisies? cant belong to one of our beloved angels surely? time to crank up the meatloaf and dig vishnu-nu out of the batcupboard. now which cupboard was it in?? mel wanders off into the distance- "like a bat out of hell etc" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 25, 2007 It,s been pointed out to me that I,m getting older ..........big birthday is next year , so I,m gonna have me some fun before its TOO...............late .The Cave is a tranquil haven away from lifes ups and downs where you can escape the day to day pump and grind , (no reference to Baddad there at all )Many member, s have come and gone(pookie where are you) in its pages of super hero action but one member is donning her lycra again.Suze needs some fun so she,s delved to the back of the cupboard found the ostrich feathers, push-up bra ,and she,s gonna have herself some fun. Spitting purple feathers out of her parched mouth and rubbing away the diamante false eyelashes from her eyes ..Suze yawns and survey,s the chaos of the cave .In typical Judge Thredd fashion (baddads alter ego ).........he,s left his take away dishes out and the place stinks like a lea officers breath.Crawling over the sleeping bodies of the Batcave Posse she makes it to the bathroom,looking in the mirror it,s not a pretty sight.................the frothy coffee,s, hob nobs and late night twiglet and pinot grigio "fests" have taken their toll.Things ain,t lookin good............................ .....................................Later that afternoon the bat cave bell rings.........Suze leaps to the door, a special delivery awaits her ,...........ripping open her packages s she pulls out a lycra confection.Yipee!..........she squeals it,s arrived............it,s arrived.......................she quickly rips off her old and rather bobbly looking purple lycra super- suit ..............leaving in place her knickers of course , and her huge humungous brasserie .She steps gingerly into the nude piece of elastic that has winged it,s way to her via cosmic delivery wrapped in bubble wrap. Now my fine learned readers imagine ........a bandage big enough for the body .........nude in colour(of course)...........with the appropriate holes .....................for legs and arms.................. Suze pulls her legs and then her bumpy botty into the lycra ....................arms next .............till the sausage of lycra has encased her body...............every area is pulled and bound into perfect shape ..........not a hillock, bump, or roll in sight.The only area (apart from my head of course...der!)left uncovered was the chest region ................cos they are not getting squashed for anything ............what little that is there needs to be free.........the rest of the body is another matter. ............Suze is now well on her way to the new woman she yearns to be ..........................a quick gargle of mouth wash and some" Sillit Cif " on the face and she,s ready for action ..........................only problem is ....there,s that much lycra involved in this whole debacle that if she bends down too quick she twangs herself up the whatsit......... and performs a rather death defying back flip .........................Still.............. ...........I,ve heard Take That need a stand in for Jason Satsuma on their new world tour (he,s pulled his groin again )...........and this lycra body suit enables me to execute mind blowing body popping action......................................Awesome!!.............I can twang and twing and spin on my head ...........bring it on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 25, 2007 At 10 o'clock in the morning... shame on you you hussy! Hideous timing as i've had four hours kip and a have day of Ben's schoolchums lined up, but I'm sure JT will be back later to check if the partayyyyyyyyyyy is underway... if i get time between rock climbing and cinema I might even polish the old fellas helmet for him - along with his six inch platforms and all the patent leather bits... you and your lycra... had the car resprayed in the stuff, she did... Nissan Lycra special edition... sunroof for the ooomalatas (careful though, you know how you freckle!) I wonder if tatters will totter in for a titter now she's back online? Who knows? Just for you: L&P the big one next year? you don't look anywhere near 30... I had you pegged for maybe 18, 19... Now where are my glasses............ BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Flozza flounces into the batcave ballerina style and check?s out suze?s ensemble . ?wow suze you look luverrrrly? she says whilst thinking the lycra makes her botty look rather huge but she is too kind to say so . She looks around the shambles that was once the luxurious dwelling of the angels , the female inquisitor and Judge Thredd ?. ?pooooh it bloomin? stinks in here? ?it?s Judgies curry remains, he never does the washing up? Suddenly from the recesses of the cave , it was hard to tell where ?cos of the fugg there was a wailing demanding voice which sounded very similar to Judgies ?I want me pudding, where?s me pudding?? Suze and flozza look at each other in exasperation ?well at least some things haven?t changed? Let?s get this place ship shape and then we?ll pop to sainsways for supplies Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 25, 2007 there was a wailing demanding voice which sounded very similar to Judgies ?I want me pudding, where?s me pudding?? Oooooh, you cheeky minky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 25, 2007 far too Port Out Starboard Home for that and if i did it would undoubtedly seem like an air-freshener of the highest quality had been released into the room L&P BD fart oo portly ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Don't start mit zer punning (we don't want a pun fight) I am FARRRRRRRRRRRRR too busy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted October 25, 2007 :thumbs: "God I've missed this place, didn't even know it still existed under the rockfall," says Tatters as she scrambles her way through the remains of the front entrance. She was unaware that Suze had already cleared the side entrance so she could take delivery of the lycra supersuit. "I wonder if anyone still lives here?" Tatters had been away from the Batcave for a while spending much of her time holed up in a place called Ebay and filling her home with tents, toasters and land rover parts. When she wasn't bagging bargains she was adding to her little brood and trying to teach them to spread their own little wings and leave her in peace. Now she dusted down her superhero outfit once more, sprinkled the glitter on her wings, struggled into those ###### high heeled boots and prepared to meet the party "One step forward, three steps back....that's the way to see a bat," muttered Tatters as she rehearsed the old password based on the joys of applying for DLA, statements and other Batcave heroics "Helllllooooooooo!" she shouted down the tunnels, not the first time she'd done that over the years. "Suze, Flora, Mel, Judgey, Kathryn, Smiley.....anyone?......are you still here? I can smell something and it don't smell like Friday's curry." From various orifices of the cave crept the heroes as they heard Tatters little voice chiming around the echoing walls. "Hi" said Tatters. "Have I missed anything?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted October 25, 2007 (edited) There is a disturbance in the universe at a sub-atomic level... The air shimmers and a finely sculpted leg encased in a silver fishnet stocking and fabby stack-heel, silver sparkley thigh-length boot appears The BatCave holds its collective breath in excited anticipation, heightened to a positive frenzy as the opening bars of 'Ooh La La' bounce off the walls Just as the anticipation is getting unbearable, the universe hiccups and belches forth the owner of the finely sculpted leg in an undignified heap on the floor As Goldfrapp belts out, the figure rises unsteadily and attempts to readjust her silver ensemble...that dratted Uber-Thong again, knickers-up-bum-bum or wot!! With a toss of her newly high-lighted hair and a slight time-delay as her false eyelashes stick almost impercetibly together, she turns and faces the shambles that was the BatCave... 'Well hello, fellow Superdudes,' she drawls 'have you missed me? For it is I... The Female Inquisitor!! I'm back, and this time, I'm GROOVIN'' To be continued... Edited October 25, 2007 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Just when I thouught it was safe to be on the forum, the Batcave awakens from it's slumber. It reminds me of that bit in the The Lord of the Rings when the army of the dead arise to fulfil their pledge..... Think I'll run away and hide until it's safe to come out. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 25, 2007 She's movin' she's groovin' the batcave floor is ravin' cos she's movin' and a groovin' and we can all start misbehavin' although we might have to borrow the uber thong until we can get a new belt for vishnoo noo. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Suddenly there was a piercing scream from the back of the cave: 'Agggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - i'm blind, i'm blind' JT staggered into the crowded room, trousers at half mast and rubbing his eyes furiosly (I said "eyes!") he went, then 'Yeah gods' said the female inquisitor 'he's found the new glitter loo seat I bought from poundspinners' To a man, woman and small tatty batlike thing the bethonged throng rolled their eyes heavenward 'Right' said JT, slipping out of his lycra (whit whooooo ) and back into jeans and tea-shirt (awwwwwwwwwwwwww ), 'I must away - i've some parenting to attend to'... l8rs t8rs BT (very confused now with all these quick changes) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 25, 2007 TWANG.........................TWING................TWING TWANGY..............Super -hero Suze bounces back onto stage ................"relight my fire..........your love is me only desire.........relight my fire cos I need ..........need ........YOUR........................LOVE ..........." This lycra really is amazing .........completely smoothed out all the lumps and bumps,I have such a smooth outline now , but alas the outfit leaves a very bad taste in the mouth..........YEUCH!!.............far too many chilli sauce stains down the front , and it smells like last weeks kebab(ooh I could just eat one of them ). So Tatters lets ave a look on E-bay for a suitable ensemble ........................??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted October 25, 2007 (edited) Found some lovely ones but I think the security setting is too high on this forum! :devil: :lol: Instead you may imagine a sexy all in one glittery blue number - catsuit in style with front opening zipper which will go lovely with Tatters skintight boots. Edited October 25, 2007 by DaisyProudfoot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Flipping Gorgeous.............shade of purple that suit Suze ....sighs a rather jealous Lozza (he he my bum is not big..........just squashy)...........Suze gives a twirl............now imagine a fairy princess.........with the body of Pammy Anderson (well I can dream can,t I)..........encased in a nude body bandage.................THEN............dreamly decorated in purple fishnets (like that idea Bids ,cheers).......statuesque of course in lilac glitter platform ankle boots (imagine that lead singer from that 70,s band Sweet he had a pair similar ...Baddad bet you,ve still got yours ).........wearing a pair of big french knickers (cos my bums still a bit squashy).......in a lovely yellow shade.......and topped of with a really big sized Basque............oh and a purple shiny satin cape.................long lilac gloves................protective helmet of course........Bat cave issue ............newly quoifffed barnet ............tried the straightners again but me blinkin hair just was,nt having any of it . And of course a yellow mask to disguise me (like batman has ...but mine,s yellow)..........because if the LEA ever found out who I really was there,d be trouble........ ......... Now I,m begining to feel like a new woman.........well nearly............could actually do with a sit down and a cupppa .................. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Flozza stamps her pink sparkly platform flip-flops 'jealous? moi ? shame on you suze, what could possibly give you that idea???... you're not telepathetic are you??? With a jaunty flick of her pink feather boa flozza pirouettes accross to the table where all the sainsways bags are still waiting to be emptied... lordy...doesn't anyone bother to put anything away in this place??? several bottles of bubbly vino (pink of course), instant coffee for the peasants amongst us mentioning no names , several bumper budget packets of herb nerbs for bootilicious botty development (well it's the only exercise we get ) a kilo of twiglets, lavender scented candles, and a new ladle Home sweet home .....ooooh suze and look at that... my pink fishnets match your purple ones.... what a bloomin' copy cat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah they SAY they're purple fishnets, but I reckon they're just varicose veins OUCH! Put that down... And as for Laurens pink 'uns... who left a red sock in with the whites again? Pink fishnets, pink school uniforms for the boys, pink bedding, pink.... it's amazing the amount of red dye you can get from one sock! Now, if you're gonna be real supaheroes you've gotta have a feem toon (write the feem toon, sing the feem toon) so: Oh, the batcave girls are strong and tough And only the best is good enough The purplest knicks with glitter stars The goodness that's in Wonderbras Batcave wonderbras or Dinner dinner dinner dinner Dinner dinner dinner dinner Hob Nobs (and pinot Grigio) Dinner dinner dinner dinner Dinner dinner dinner dinner Hob Nobs (and pinot Grigio) Dinner dinner dinner dinner Dinner dinner dinner dinner Hob Nobs! Hob Nobs! Hob Nobs! or Batcave girls, Batcave girls Friendly neighbourhood batcave girls Can they swing, On a rope? Climb a fence? Not a hope Watch out, here come the Batcave girls Glitter and cultured pearls Watch out for batcave girrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllss Gosh i'm tired...... L&P JT/BD/CC (father, son and Rolly Host) Portly Moi? - How very dare you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 25, 2007 <'> <'> ................... .................. ........ ...................................now telepathy was always my bestest subject at school........and I definitely feel in me water that Flozza lozza wants a pink basque just like my purple one ..........ya do don,t cha..............a top tip from Suze.......try an Ultimatic-o bra with it ............ker-pow!!!!.... one quick swivel of me shoulders and I can floor any evil senco wanting to reduce funding . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 25, 2007 oooooh, baddad's writing songs.... I luuuurve them Suze.... you know I've said it before and I'll say it again..... YOU IS ONE SPOOKY MAMA You could be on the telly... You'd give that Derek Anorak blokey a run for his money..... Here's a little song I wrote If you'd like a lycra bra which will help you run quite far and make people sing in the bar then you can wish upon a star If you'd like an uber thong then just sing this silly song just watchout for the Judgie's pong If you'd like an uber thong If you'd like a sparkly basque then you only need to ask though it might be a bit of a task twanging all that elast(ic) If you want to play in the cave and join in the angels' rave then just learn how to misbehave If you wanna play in the cave Oooooh, I feel a bit faint... think it's the tightness of me stays Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Meanwhile, somewhere in the dank dark recesses of the batcave mel is still wandering around... "Vishy? (toneless whistle), Here vishy vishy" where the heck is it? Listening for the drips falling from the damp ceiling "hang on a mo, our ceiling doesnt drip" Mel turns yet another corner. "whats this?, statues?" gently poking at one mel realises they are human, frozen in time ...... "well, either someone is kidnapping various LEA officials, or its THE FEMALE INQUISITOR'S fanclub, frozen until needed once again. Time to go find the flame thrower, and vishnu-nu. Oh yeah, and a wonderbra so i can at least try and compete! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 25, 2007 Flora - you are without a doubt the batcave's very own Tim Andrew-Lloyd-Riceicle-Twicicle-As-Niceicle Webber and nah mistake! Wot next? A musical tweetment of the life of Fanny Craddock... Title: May all your doughnuts come out looking like Craddock's 'Oh, show me your pig in a blanket I'll show you my savoury crepe Do ya think if we put them together We could make a new kind of canape? We'd serve them to Kings and to Barons Who'd admire our style and flare Then they'd buckle and swoon for your sweet macaroon And my party-size fancy eclaire... and then that classic ballad "If you were the last mixed grill in the world, and I was the only pie"... (God i'm tired.......) The one thing about being tired is anything seems funny... i really enjoyed Russell Brand tonight... L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 26, 2007 (edited) Jimminy wimminy ............spooky .........not halloween yet is it??????........................cos I.... ....CAN,T believe you mentioned Russell Brand..........................cos only last night tucked up in bed with my winter jammies on .............sipping warm vimto...I actually watched Russell , perform for the first time .... ..............................and I think I fancy him a little..........not sure why though.........cos I think if you got close to him when he,s delivering all that very fast turbo-injected nonsense he speaks ..he,d probably speckle you with spit ............even so it could be the tight jeans........(a reference perhaps to the guy in upper 6th who was in a band who I had a crush on )...or the messy hair (empathy- love ,cos mine,s the same).......or the grufty looking chin and dirty look in his eyes............or most likely I,m turning into a dirty leacherous old Woman who squeals and rub hers thighs in delight at the sight of a half decent bloke younger than her ......... Talking of younger blokes has anyone else noticed that guy and his Aero bubbly chocolate bar.........think he,s semi naked (ie just got out of the shower with damp hair........oooooohhhhh!!)...........then he tells you about the joys of chocolate melting in the mouth (I already new all about that though so nothing new there ).............but goodness he,s a lovely example of a young man ................... Also like the man who climbs through the ceiling in that cute harness .............. .................you know the one with the fizzy drink........... .........and you can bet your bottom dollar if I ever got stuck in a lift ....................at the mesery shopping centre ..........the bloke who rescued me would be Rab C Nesbitts twin .............gosh I,m a saddo are,nt I.................. Edited October 26, 2007 by Suze Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel Report post Posted October 26, 2007 No comment! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted October 26, 2007 ............or most likely I,m turning into a dirty leacherous old Woman who squeals and rub hers thighs in delight at the sight of a half decent bloke younger than her ......... On reflection, I have decided to say nothing at all. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 26, 2007 Hi All - Suze, I'm getting a wee bit worried, hen: now imagine a fairy princess......... Jimminy wimminy ............spooky .........not halloween yet is it??????........................cos I.... but goodness he,s a lovely example of a young man ................... Also like the man who climbs through the ceiling in that cute harness .............. Is it just me, or are you turning into Shirley Temple? Oh my goodness - wouldn't that be wierd? You'd finish up at five foot nothing with masses of blonde curly hair! On the goooood ship... Lully pup! Hmmmmmmm - lullipop.... brings me back to that food theme and the Fanny Craddock musical... Lets think, we could have some new original numbers (If your fairy cakes taste like rubber/They must be Johnny's, not mine), but then go for a whole batcave/glitter/retro/'70's theme with new 'foody' lyrics to classic glam rock faves: Telegram Spam (T Rex) My Coo Cashew (Alvin Stardust) Knowing me, knowing choux (Abba) how about the Sweet's "Block Buster" You better beware You better take care You'd better watch out for my candied pear It comes up from behind You go out of your mind You'd better not look - you never know what you'll find Does anyone know the way? Did we hear someone say: We just haven't got a clue - what to chew Does anyone know the way? There's gotta be a way To Nut Cluster.... ----------------- Or Suzie Quatro's "Can The Can" Put your flan in the pan, man, try a tart-tartin... ------------- Then for the central ensemble piece we could try david bowie: SPICE ODDITY: Browned a sole for major Tom Commencing croutons, gas jets on Check you petit pois and put the carrots on... ------------------- And The Big Finish... FANNY C SUPERSTAR WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SHOW SO FAR? ----------------------- How very rude L&P Rab C Nesbits' brother BD. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted October 26, 2007 Legs Akimbo awakens to hear the sound of singing. Slowly, she unravels her false eyelashes so that she can actually see where she is. All around her is darkness, thank goodness she thinks as her head thumps. I need water she mumbles to herself. I don't know how long I've been asleep, but I've got a massive headache . As Legs flicks on the lightswitch, she suddenly remembers............the batcave . Did I have had one Pinot Grigio too many? , Nah, it must have been a dodgy batch of hob nobs. That evil Head of SEN has been up to his old tricks again, trying to rid the world of the batcave's superheroes. He will not succeed . A waft of freshly brewed coffee makes its way under the door . Yummmmy, thinks Legs. Slowly opening the door to the bat cupboard, she sees them ..........The Angels ..........The Female Inquisitor ..........JT .......The superheroes are reunited!!! Let the fun begin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 26, 2007 the bloke who rescued me would be Rab C Nesbitts twin Aaaaaah, but Rab's twin is a keep fit enthusioso with a 4 pack, bunns of steel, (rock buns!!!) and is megga loaded with loadsa dosh (not that I'm suggesting you're shallow and would only go for guys with big buldges in their pockets.... and I'm talking about their WALLETS ooooooh Legs.... welcome home!!!!!!!!! 'ugh, what's that gooey stuff sticking to your eye lashes???, did you fall asleep in the Judge's left over curry? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 26, 2007 Batcaves Back! Can't remember me superdude name?? And can't be ar*sed to trawl through the pages... Suze help! Sure it was you that named me?? I'll be the superdude snuggled up in oh-so-attractive jimmy jams, tissues at the ready, playing mum and pouring the drinks. Mine'll be a lemsip spritzer with nurofen on the side - shaken, not stirred.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 26, 2007 smiley... it was MAB - Most Awsome Babe (there were other variations but this was the preferred choice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted October 26, 2007 Hi All - Suze, I'm getting a wee bit worried, hen: Oh, I think you're QUITE safe BD! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
